Unsupportive Husband!
I just have to vent a little. It's so annoying to have my husband make comments about what I should be doing for weight loss when he's never had a problem with his weight, doesn't have a clue what I'm doing on this site and thinks he knows everything. I was in bed reading a book and eating the two York mint patty minis that fit into my daily calories (and keep me from going nuts for sweets), and he starts shaking his head and saying that I'll never drop the weight if I keep eating sweets like that. I told him it might take me 6 months to drop my weight and that cutting out ALL sweets is completely unrealistic. Then I pointed out that he likes a bite or two of something sweet after his meal as well, and he says, yes but I don't have 60 pounds to lose. I DON'T HAVE 60 LBS TO LOSE EITHER!!!!!!!!!!! 35 IS MORE LIKE IT. Anyway, I just went back to my book and my chocolate and tried not to bean him in the head with my book. It just makes me really appreciate this website and the support we get here.
Reason: Moved to motivation forum, PMed OP
Original Post by youhearttme:first of all, as insensitive as dm84's reply was, i have to say i do agree with him, it is not in face unrealistic to cut sweets out completely. but thatis besides the point.
second of all, WHY didnt you smack him with the book?
third, i really hope you didnt sleep with him after that. next time tell him if he's going to be such an insensitive jerk, he doesnt get sex. straight up.
your post made me really angry, but im not sure who im angrier at. him for being an **** or you for not defending yourself better.
I don't have to defend myself to him, I don't have to justify my actions. I simply didn't feel it was worth my energy explaining something that he probably still wouldn't get. And no, that kind of exchange doens't count as foreplay but thanks for your concern! LOL!
mangomomma:
Net time, please do clout him in the head with whatever book you are reading and sternly inform him that he can sleep on the couch in the living room or out in the doghouse with the family four-legged pet.
Sounds to me like he needs help, too. As a man, I'm ashamed of guys who act like neanderthals toward their wives or girlfriends, especially in the area of weight loss.
I know it's hard because I've been there. In 1992, I weighed just under 300 pounds when I began to assess my calorie intake. Remembering what I learned in a Principles of Human Nutrition class in college, I took account of what I was eating. Then, I cut out the big Cs -- chips and chocolate, along with the large amount of fried food I was eating late at night for supper.
Not long after that lifestyle change, I got a dog to motivate me to walk. IF I missed our daily walk, she would get mad at me and give me heck -- "bark..bark, bark, bark, bark, BARK!" Until I took her for a walk, she'd continue to scold me. She needed the walk, too.
Well, it took 18 months, but I lost 125 pounds of that weight. This year, I lost another 15 pounds and hope to drop the remaining 20 pounds to get to 140 by the spring of 2008. I believe slow weight loss through behavior modification is best.
Anyway, I haven't given up having a few sweets during the week, but in very small doses. The key is total calories.
You go girl, you don't need a louse like that man to bring you down. It's your battle, not his.
Mu girlfriend is also overweight and I try to encourage her whether she is having a good week or a bad week.
Good luck and just KNOW THAT YOU CAN DO IT!!
Yes, GP, that's just you.
Mango, some men are so incredibly clueless that they don't understand when or why certain things they say or do hurt. Telling him and letting him know you expect better from him isn't just defending your feelings, it's educating him in an important way and protecting your marriage, in the long run. Too often we stay silent because it seems easier, and we keep taking the hits and keep hurting until we decide not to take it anymore, and then he feels blindsided. Let him know. You deserve as much support in your home as you get here.
Having a sweet here and there won't kill you, won't even make a difference in your diet, unless you eat it all day long. Every one deserves a break from now and then. The question is why are men such pig headed jerks? My husband says I was making too much noise exercising and waking everyone up... it's after 8 am.. . time to wake up.
A NEW YORK PATTY! That is like one of the best if not the best sweets a dieter could eat.
I heard someone say once, "If there were no men in the world, all we will have is a bunch of fat happy women." I don't know if the fat part would be right, but I am sure the happy part would be right.
You are not alone at there when it comes to husbands. Hang in there! I am cheering for you.
Original Post by trekkie_79:Having a sweet here and there won't kill you, won't even make a difference in your diet, unless you eat it all day long. Every one deserves a break from now and then. The question is why are men such pig headed jerks? My husband says I was making too much noise exercising and waking everyone up... it's after 8 am.. . time to wake up.
A NEW YORK PATTY! That is like one of the best if not the best sweets a dieter could eat.
I heard someone say once, "If there were no men in the world, all we will have is a bunch of fat happy women." I don't know if the fat part would be right, but I am sure the happy part would be right.
You are not alone at there when it comes to husbands. Hang in there! I am cheering for you.
Please for future reference don't vent on Men as a whole because you aren't happy with your own life choices. Lots of us appreciate our girlfriends/wives more than you can imagine. As much as a rotten husband like the topic creator is referencing, you to are a rotten person. If you choose to judge, judge individuals, not everyone through your own insecurities.
You hang in there girl. I started a similar thread about unsupportive friends and family members. I love the support here at C.C.
Remember, this isn't about your husband, or your kids, etc. This is about you. You are the only one that has control over your body. You get to do this for yourself. I am sorry that your husband was and is being insensitive to you. I know it hurts. My ex-husband used to do the same thing to me. It was his way of trying to control me. When I was succeeding in losing weight after the second baby, he would make comments like, "Why are you trying to lose so much weight? Who are you trying to look hot for?" I had to realize that these were his issues, not mine.
You do what you need to do for yourself. You are trying to be healthy. That is what all of us are trying to do here. We are being supportive of each other. When someone is negative, that is a trigger. And we all know that when we get those negative triggers, often times we turn to food. You are doing the right thing by starting a forum. That is a step in the positve direction. And you are right, we ALL need to live. You have those peppermint patties and you enjoy EVERY SINGLE BITE! You earned them!
Thanks everyone! Great comments! From losing 165 lbs (ex husband) to kicking his behind to better communication. Thanks for the men speaking up too! Don't worry, although it would be nice to get that kind of support from him it doesn't stop me from doing my thing. I'm proud of the fact that I've been doing this since 10/23 with hardly a mess up. I'm proud that I've worked out nearly everyday. I'm proud that I've lost 6 lbs. Wish it were more but I know I've added muscle too. I know that I'm going to get to my goal. I'm just taking it one week at a time. 
P.S. I just weighed myself and am down another lb!!!! I'm 170 today, almost into the 160's!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Whoohooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!
Original Post by mangomomma:Thanks everyone! Great comments! From losing 165 lbs (ex husband) to kicking his behind to better communication. Thanks for the men speaking up too! Don't worry, although it would be nice to get that kind of support from him it doesn't stop me from doing my thing. I'm proud of the fact that I've been doing this since 10/23 with hardly a mess up. I'm proud that I've worked out nearly everyday. I'm proud that I've lost 6 lbs. Wish it were more but I know I've added muscle too. I know that I'm going to get to my goal. I'm just taking it one week at a time.
P.S. I just weighed myself and am down another lb!!!! I'm 170 today, almost into the 160's!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Whoohooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!
WOO HOOO! You go, girl!
=^..^= MOLLY
Original Post by shipalum1986:mangomomma:
Net time, please do clout him in the head with whatever book you are reading and sternly inform him that he can sleep on the couch in the living room or out in the doghouse with the family four-legged pet.
Sounds to me like he needs help, too. As a man, I'm ashamed of guys who act like neanderthals toward their wives or girlfriends, especially in the area of weight loss.
I know it's hard because I've been there. In 1992, I weighed just under 300 pounds when I began to assess my calorie intake. Remembering what I learned in a Principles of Human Nutrition class in college, I took account of what I was eating. Then, I cut out the big Cs -- chips and chocolate, along with the large amount of fried food I was eating late at night for supper.
Not long after that lifestyle change, I got a dog to motivate me to walk. IF I missed our daily walk, she would get mad at me and give me heck -- "bark..bark, bark, bark, bark, BARK!" Until I took her for a walk, she'd continue to scold me. She needed the walk, too.
Well, it took 18 months, but I lost 125 pounds of that weight. This year, I lost another 15 pounds and hope to drop the remaining 20 pounds to get to 140 by the spring of 2008. I believe slow weight loss through behavior modification is best.
Anyway, I haven't given up having a few sweets during the week, but in very small doses. The key is total calories.
You go girl, you don't need a louse like that man to bring you down. It's your battle, not his.
Mu girlfriend is also overweight and I try to encourage her whether she is having a good week or a bad week.
Good luck and just KNOW THAT YOU CAN DO IT!!
Good job, that's a huge loss! At least you can encourage your girlfriend since you've been through it!
We all have our off days. A diet with an off day does not make the diet worthless. A man or a woman with a poor comment from time to time does not make the person worthless.
Just keep going and when you need good advice or support, post here and while you'll get the occasional off topic post you'll mostly find that the overall commentary is useful.
I've walked in your shoes too. Since you've already explained the whole deal to him and he still would make that kind of comment, I'd reccommend leaving him out of it entirely. Do your thing and don't even talk about it. The results will speak for themselves. He may not even have much nice to say after you've reached your goal so try not to anticipate his reaction. I hope I'm wrong about that because that REALLY hurts. I got complements from every one except my ex -- the one person I really wanted to please (at the time).
Kosher Status: OUD
Serving Size 1 piece (39 g) Amount Per Serving Total Calories 140 Calories from Fat 25 Total Fat 2.5 g Saturated Fat 1.5 g Sodium 10 mg Total Carbohydrate 31 g Dietary Fiber less than 1 g Sugars 25 g Protein less than 1 g Vitamin C 0% Calcium 0% Iron 2% That's what I found for the York patties. So we have two pieces of candy that add up to about 280 calories. It's around 62 grams of carborhydrate for both.
My problem is I love fried stuff like CHICKEN WINGS!
2 patties equals about 3 fried Chicken wings give or take a little.
My guess is while he doesn't know exactly how to say it your hubby wants to succeed at your weight lose. Rather than listen or talk about the issue, he started with a solution, which is to tell you in so many words, "Hey don't eat stuff like that cause it's bad for you and will prevent you from getting what you want."
I think your got annoyed because you weren't listened too more than any other issue in this case.
As for the patties as a one time thing, it's not an issue. If your eating candy like that everyday, it will probably be tempting to over do it one day if your stressed. My mom would do exactly the sort of thing your doing, then one day just sit down and eat a dozen or so instead of the two. Then her whole diet would collapse shortly and she'd get even fatter than before. It drove my dad crazy. He'd be like JUST DON'T eat that!!! Sometimes weaning away from stuff we like helps us develop the will power for the long run. I think what you did is OK as long as it is very moderate.
Every few weeks I have a couple of fried chicken wings which is my version of the sweets issue. I've noticed the less fried stuff I eat the less i want. I don't eat sweets and and I sure don't want them. Part of it is retraining it's not just counting the calories.
I'll wager everything will taste sweeter in the long run if you avoid the refined sugar for a while. Fruit will have a bigger sugar kick if one chills out on the candy, pies, cake etc.
Good Luck with your quest.
Original Post by trainwreck:
I don't like sweets. I have no idea why any one ever wants to eat any sort of nasty sugary candy.
Kosher Status: OUD
Serving Size 1 piece (39 g) Amount Per Serving Total Calories 140 Calories from Fat 25 Total Fat 2.5 g Saturated Fat 1.5 g Sodium 10 mg Total Carbohydrate 31 g Dietary Fiber less than 1 g Sugars 25 g Protein less than 1 g Vitamin C 0% Calcium 0% Iron 2% That's what I found for the York patties. So we have two pieces of candy that add up to about 280 calories. It's around 62 grams of carborhydrate for both.
My problem is I love fried stuff like CHICKEN WINGS!
2 patties equals about 3 fried Chicken wings give or take a little.
My guess is while he doesn't know exactly how to say it your hubby wants to succeed at your weight lose. Rather than listen or talk about the issue, he started with a solution, which is to tell you in so many words, "Hey don't eat stuff like that cause it's bad for you and will prevent you from getting what you want."
I think your got annoyed because you weren't listened too more than any other issue in this case.
As for the patties as a one time thing, it's not an issue. If your eating candy like that everyday, it will probably be tempting to over do it one day if your stressed. My mom would do exactly the sort of thing your doing, then one day just sit down and eat a dozen or so instead of the two. Then her whole diet would collapse shortly and she'd get even fatter than before. It drove my dad crazy. He'd be like JUST DON'T eat that!!! Sometimes weaning away from stuff we like helps us develop the will power for the long run. I think what you did is OK as long as it is very moderate.
Every few weeks I have a couple of fried chicken wings which is my version of the sweets issue. I've noticed the less fried stuff I eat the less i want. I don't eat sweets and and I sure don't want them. Part of it is retraining it's not just counting the calories.
I'll wager everything will taste sweeter in the long run if you avoid the refined sugar for a while. Fruit will have a bigger sugar kick if one chills out on the candy, pies, cake etc.
Good Luck with your quest.
Actually, to clarify the way I wrote my orginal post, I don't eat sweets everyday. What I meant was that those calories fit into my daily total.For that day! 3 mint patties (mini's) total 160 calories. Sometimes I eat organic dark chocolate w/ cherries and almonds instead. 1/6th of a bar is 80 cals. Sometimes I have fruit. You would rather have chicken wings. Someone else would rather have Doritos. Everyone is different. The results will show for themselves. I've gone only down, not up since joining this site. I don't binge on candy, cakes and pies. Fruit does taste better than ever, but I'm not that into winter fruits. I miss my fresh strawberries!!!!!!! Support by a loved one is not really too much to ask for.
Original Post by smwhipple:We all have our off days. A diet with an off day does not make the diet worthless. A man or a woman with a poor comment from time to time does not make the person worthless.
Just keep going and when you need good advice or support, post here and while you'll get the occasional off topic post you'll mostly find that the overall commentary is useful.
Thanks! You're right, just as with my husband, some comments are more helpful than others.
