unwanted advice?
I have had it with people people trying to cut my 3 yr old son's hair! Is it so wrong for me to like his hair long? I think its cute (pic in my gallery BTW
). Its not even that long IMO its like a "bowl-cut." One of his fathers friends almost took him to get his hair cut telling him that he would look like a boy then and not a little girl. I wanted to scream! How can people be so blind as to what you should and should not say to a child? Now my 3 year old is trying to cut his hair with his "safe" scissors saying he wants to be a big boy. Have you ever had somebody say something to(or in front of) your child that you just wanted to slap them for?
I doubt that there is a parent alive who has not had to deal with unsolicited parenting advice from family, friends, people in stores, etc. It is just a part of it, as is learning to tune them out and not be too awfully snarky if you reply to them
That being said, anyone who told my son he looked like a girl and almost took him to get a haircut would no longer be allowed to be around my son. What a revolting thing to say an do!
I did check your gallery, and he is not only adorable, he in no way appears girlish.
I also read your story, and frankly, it sounds as if his father and his father's friends are probably not good role models for him. His father seems to share his friend's nasty-spirited commenting.
I understand that he needs to see his father, but unless the man got counseling for his verbal abuse, I would limit and supervise the time he spends around him and his loutish friends. JMHO.
Original Post by butterfly69870:
Have you ever had somebody say something to(or in front of) your child that you just wanted to slap them for?
More times than I can count. While my hubby and MIL don't agree with it at all, the majority of my hubby's family is rather racist. I didn't slap them, but I have had to request that they don't say blatantly racist comments around my children.
And my FIL has a habit of calling his other son, the black sheep in the family, a "dodo boy", and consequently my 8 year old son thinks its okay to refer to people this way. It's taken us a lot of time to rid him of that habit.
And FWIW, I think your little boy's hair is wonderful, and does not make him look girlish at all. I hope you're able to talk with him and let him know he's wonderful just the way he is. If his father and father's friends can't be more responsible, I agree that time around him and his friends should be supervised. Good luck!
People can say the most awful things without thinking a thing about how nasty it is!
I'm so sorry you had to bear that! He's a cutie!!
The thing I think is most important is for you to let your son see you standing up for him. It doesn't have to be in a rude way. It can be a simple comment that you adore his hair that it's so soft, shiney, etc. . . Then later talk to him about people who make nasty comments and explain that if everyone agreed on everything the world would be a very plain, boring world.
I have been known to ask someone who made an insulting comment to me if they realize how hurtful their statement was. I don't think it hurts to point out what they've said is ugly. It's HOW you point it out that counts.
Good luck to you!!!
Thank you and I have already taken the step to get him away from bad influences but the damage was done. Im sure he will get over it but I never knew people could be that dumb and the guy had a 4 year old son himself! I cant imagine what he says to that poor boy. I have always overlooked advice because everybody has different opinions and I repsect that but this is the first time it has affected my little boy! I guess its just because he is older now and understands things better. This is my only child and I know I will experience this again probably but here's to hoping people think before they speak.
Oh and about his father he is not even around anymore, he moved 1000 miles away by choice. His loss IMO.
Original Post by santonacci:
Original Post by butterfly69870:
Have you ever had somebody say something to(or in front of) your child that you just wanted to slap them for?
More times than I can count. While my hubby and MIL don't agree with it at all, the majority of my hubby's family is rather racist. I didn't slap them, but I have had to request that they don't say blatantly racist comments around my children.
And my FIL has a habit of calling his other son, the black sheep in the family, a "dodo boy", and consequently my 8 year old son thinks its okay to refer to people this way. It's taken us a lot of time to rid him of that habit.
And FWIW, I think your little boy's hair is wonderful, and does not make him look girlish at all. I hope you're able to talk with him and let him know he's wonderful just the way he is. If his father and father's friends can't be more responsible, I agree that time around him and his friends should be supervised. Good luck!
Wow, that would be hard. Some of my family is like that too but they have yet to say anything around him yet. I would hope they never do but they always did around me when I was growing up so who knows.
When the guy said it I explained as I usually do that I love his hair. I have heard from a few people that I need to cut his hair but they were talking to me and not to a 3 yr old "sponge". I didnt realize that it had much of an effect on my son until later on when he was trying to cut his hair and told me he didnt want to look like a girl.
Original Post by stripedtiger:
People can say the most awful things without thinking a thing about how nasty it is!
I'm so sorry you had to bear that! He's a cutie!!
The thing I think is most important is for you to let your son see you standing up for him. It doesn't have to be in a rude way. It can be a simple comment that you adore his hair that it's so soft, shiney, etc. . . Then later talk to him about people who make nasty comments and explain that if everyone agreed on everything the world would be a very plain, boring world.
I have been known to ask someone who made an insulting comment to me if they realize how hurtful their statement was. I don't think it hurts to point out what they've said is ugly. It's HOW you point it out that counts.
Good luck to you!!!
Thank you :) he's just at that stage where he wants to be a "big boy" I cant even call him baby anymore or he gets me about it and says "Im not a baby mommy! Im a big boy!"
for the record, i think his hair looks awesome. so cute!
omg you son is so cute! I just wanted to add my support in here and say the comment about him trying to cut his own hair so he could be a "big boy" almost made me cry. People can be so dense. Do they honestly think children aren't listening??
just wanted to say that his hair is soooo cute! do what you want or what he wants! it is cute but if he's getting upset then maybe let him decide.. it'll grow back anyhow! good luck!
Thanks everybody. I actually felt a little silly right after posting this. I started to think you guys would think im crazy. Things really do change with a kid. You want to do everything to protect them especially their little feelings. I was never this sensitive before he was born now Im fighting back tears when he says his ABC's.
Well at least I dont feel so crazy anymore. Thank you all!
Just in case you needed MORE advice on the subject :)
I like to tell people that if they don't like the way I am raising my son, that they should have their own children to worry about, because what we do with our child is working for the 3 of us!
If a boy can be mistaken for a girl from behind, his hair is too long.
I think he's gorgeous, and doesn't look girly at all! My friend didn't cut her son's hair 'til he was about 2.5, by which time it was past his shoulders. 'Cos it was all long, not styled at all, he still looked like a little boy, just a little surf-kid boy! She eventually had it cut and his dad cried when they were at the hairdressers 'cos he'd got so attached to the long hair... It was still pretty long after the cut though, longer than your son's, and he still looks like a boy
My son's hair is curly like mine, so we keep it quite short 'cos it gets really knotty otherwise, but it's still long enough to curl nicely - maybe 1.5-2 inches long if we pull it straight.
I felt so sad for you when you said he was trying to cut his own hair, nobody should be allowed to make a child think like that. I hope you've been able to reassure him that he's a gorgeous little boy just as he is, with lovely soft, shiny hair, and there really is no need to cut it.
I love his hair. Most boys dont have such shiney hair! I sure wish I did b/c I dont know where he got it from. I have naturally curly fluffy hair. My whole family loves his hair, its just the outsiders. I know they dont matter too much but it did to him. When he gets older and wants it cut I will be happy to....well not really but I wont stop him. I just dont him to be a kid that care what others think, if I can help it. If I cut it now he may think that the man was right and mommy was wrong.
Your husbands friend must be blind ( and stupid) to think your son looks girlie.
As for unwanted comments, or in my case, actions, my mother in law cut my son's bangs without my knowledge. Not only did she do it without asking, it was his very first hair cut. People can be so rude.
At least hair is one of the easiest things to change! My hubby was told by a grandparent that he had "big girl legs" when he was little, right around the age when they want to be "big" but also "all boy" - and it always made him cry. He didn't wear shorts for years after (although his legs are fantastic) and he still remembers it, and he's in his 50s!
About the hair - when my sister was 2, she had just wispy light-colored hair that didn't grow. So one of my dad's relatives took it upon themselves to SHAVE HER HEAD! I can imagine how livid that made my mom - especially as it was her first girl! People are just strange in what they feel entitled to do to others.
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