Update *** ex-boyfriend asked me out on a date...I'm confused about what to do. Advice?

Ok, so let me break it down for you.  It's long, but as with any relationship, there was alot that went down.

We dated for 1.5 yrs & been apart for 2 years.  When we were together he asked me to move in with him after only 4 months.  I told him on the first date when he asked about co-habitation that I would never live with a boyfriend.  You know, the whole "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free" concept?  Well I didn't want to be the cow, per say.  Anyway, things started to go down hill from there.  He basically felt that I didn't trust him, or love him enough to move in with him, even though he knew my stance on it had nothing to do with him personally. 

Throughout the rest of our relationship he would tell me that I wasn't involved enough with what he loved (horses, riding competitions, rodeos).  I do like horses and riding, but since he seemed to like alot of space, I just assumed it was his thing, so I never interjected myself into that part of his life.  On his cue, I started to come to horse shows, become a better rider, & even compete a little.  Well, then he started to say I was TOO involved.  We went back and forth about this, and I basically said "make up your mind, already.  either you want me there or you don't!". 

Another point of contention was the whole "space" thing.  He never actually told me he needed space, but I'm not an idiot.  When you haven't seen your boyfriend all week because he works the 2 pm- 2 am shift M-T & you only get to see him on the weekends, then he tells you on Friday night that he wants the weekend to himself, it's dissappointing.  It was not unusual for us to see eachother 1 weekend then skip 1, then spend 2 together, then skip 1.  When you haven't seen your man for 2 weeks, it can be hard!  Now, I know he wasn't cheating because I am close to his family, & he lives in a small town where everybody knows your name.

When I finally put my foot down on this behavior &told him we needed to rethink what we wanted out of this relationship, we took a break for about a month.  Upon reuniting, things were GREAT for about 3 months, then he started going out with the boys on Fri. and Sat. nights.   I finally said that I couldn't do it anymore and he broke down and confessed to several addictions he had been hiding from me.  He was addicted to pornography and would spend hours on "pleasing himself" everyday.  He was also addicted to gambling on a minor level due to being laid off at work, and he also was binge-eating and had gained about 30 lbs over the winter.  I was willing to help him, but he said he didn't want to change.  He just wanted me to deal with it, treat me the same and still be with me.  This didn't fly with me so we broke up. 

We remained friends, he got his crap together, and about 4 months ago, we started a physical relationship.  I eventually told him I couldn't continue to be physical like that outside of a relationship and told him he needed to leave me alone until he figured out if that was something he wanted.  Hence, the reality that now he is asking me on a real date.

So...what to do, what to do.  I AM still in love with him.

*** So, last Saturday night we were both tired, so we just rented a movie and ordered a pizza.  Had a very nice time.  Afterwards, we cuddled (nothing more) in bed and fell asleep.  It was very very nice.   Until yesterday I hadn't heard from him, and that was fine since I live a relatively frenetic life.  But last night he starts texting me asking what kind of weekend lies ahead.  I explained that I don't have any time until Sunday evening and he asked if he could see me.  He then went on to ask me if I'd like to be in a threesome that night.  I responded with "NO.  Let's just forget about it.  Good night." 

I'm done.  It sucks to care about someone, and have them not appreciate you. But, now I'm gonna go fishing.  Here fishy, fishy!!!

Thanks for all the advice ya'll.  I should have listened to the nay-sayers!

i agree with rebecca. also, you might not really be in love but just be really... attached. i was that way with a guy for almost 6 years and just couldn't end it because of all the history and stuff we'd been through. if i were you, i'd look elsewhere, find real happiness, and then see how you feel. chances are you might feel differently.

Letting go is hard, but if he's not good for you or you're not good for him or you're not good together then you're just tying yourself up in a bad relationship.  Do you love him enough and love yourself enough just to be friends if that's what's best for either one of you?

Every ex that I've gotten back together with it hasn't worked out.  We missed each other, we loved each other still, we weren't seeing anyone else so why not?  I can tell you why not, we never sat down and analyzed the reasons why we broke up and resolved them to both of our satisfaction.  You end up getting a few months of the honeymoon stage again and it goes back into the same problems.  If he really wants to get back together and you do too, seriously consider getting couples counseling.

As far as seeing him again and keeping your options open with other people...icky!  Who would want to be a part of the mess that you're describing except as a **** buddy?  Do you really want to have guys around that are only after one thing from you?

Original Post by gingerkabureck:

he's an ex for a reason.  men don't change.  good luck.

 Thats what I say too, men or women.  You have a better chance to change with somebody new, not with the same person.

Just edited post to update.  Thanks!!!

Wow, he even exceeded MY expectations. Good job on ending it.

Original Post by lippygal:

Wow, he even exceeded MY expectations. Good job on ending it.

 Yes, indeed.  There was a small glimmer of hope....but that star has fallen and I'm on to my next wish, LP.  I'm not even upset about it as I honestly wasn't sure what my expectations were.  I think I'm a little shocked, which is a bit stupid really considering the history.  I guess the optimist in me always has hopes for everyone.  Oh well, life goes on. 

good job in ending it. He seems like kind of a jerk :/

The next time you're tempted by an ex, rember the credo:

An ex is an ex for a reason.

Good luck to you.

I'm glad to hear he screwed up fast enough so that you knew (for sure) not to get involved.  It's sucks that people can be so awful.

I wish you the best of luck!