So upset - up 10lbs!

I know this can't be cookies from the past 2 days....

You guys, I have been eating well and feeling pretty energetic.  Exercise is even getting easier for me.  But this morning, I weighed myself for the first time in about a month and I am 10 lbs heavier than I thought I would weigh!  I bursted out in tears and cried until my eyes were bulging!  I have been walking around the house thinking mean things about myself and actually calling myself ugly names! 

I just don't get it!  21 years old, always had a way with being able to manage my weight with exercise and good eating, doctor puts me on crazy diet, and now I've officially gained 50 lbs in one year!  That's ludacris!  What is wrong with me?  My grandma couldn't gain that much in one year!  My metabolism is shot and I am terrified to eat anything but that crazy diet now!  What should I do?  He shouldn't be putting anyone on this diet if this is what happens to them a year later.  I have never in my life heard of anyone gaining so easily.  I've always had a weight problem, but it was nothing a good jog and lots of water couldn't fix. 

I was 136 this time last year.  I have gained steadily since then.  I weighed 180 last month (and sad because of it).  Started eating better, and weighed in at 186 this morning!  My life isn't going to be a good one if I'm young and having this massive problem already!  I cried til my face was swollen huge.  My poor husband had to calm my hysterical behind down.

It can't be muscle from exercise because I have always exercised and haven't changed anything in my routine lately.  To lose weight, I focus on my eating because my exercise is already mandatory (I can easily put on fat while working out).  I know it's not muscle.  I am just jogging/walking the way I always do.

It's official, I am not leaving my house ever for any reason.

What am I going to do?  I don't have money to be spending on a dietician.  I will just have to do the diet til I can afford to fix my metabolism.  I am totally drenched in self-loathing right now.  I don't think I've ever hated myself this much.  50 lbs, one year, 21 years old, exercising.

Too bad I didn't allow myself to endulge in ice cream!  At least that way, I could say I had fun gaining it!  This way, I watched my diet and put tons of weight on fast.  It is so far from being muscle weight.

Sorry this is long a long and depressing post.  I need some way to destress myself before I have a panic attack!  I've totally been crying while typing this.  I am such an unhappy person!

Are you sure the scale is right... things just dont add up.
Maybe you should somehow find the cash to go see a dieticien. Im not sure what else to say {{hugs}}

don't cry...I know how it feels. I've gained 20 lbs in two months due to the stress and binging in my life. My case is a lot worst than yours. I gained from binging!!

You said you gained weight? What have you been eating on you diet?

I wish I could say I gained from binging!  I don't think I can fix it this time.  I'm totally convinced that I will hold on to these 50 lbs forever now. 

I've been eating eggs for breakfast, and turkey meat with veggies for lunch and supper.

My snack between lunch and supper has been an apple with non-fat, plain yogurt.

I'm not adding salt or sugar to anything either!

We are so in debt right now, I won't ever see a dietician :(  We've got some major bills and $4000 to come up with in a year to pay off a necessary purchase.  I haven't even bought new clothes to fix my expanding arse.  I'm not a frivolous spender.  It seems like all I ever do is deprive myself, deprive myself of nice things and good food.  In return, I get to be broke and obese!

*still crying after reading your replies*

Thank you for trying to cheer me up :(

Yes the scale is right too,  I bought the same one my doc has in his office.  It's always been right on the money, down to the ounce (because if you weight yourself before and after using the bathroom, it actually shows an accurate loss of about the same a full bladder weighs).

Whew..  why did the doctor put you on this diet ?  are you healthy ?  can you give some more detail as to what this diet is about.  How tall are you? More info please..  maybe we can help.

PS..  I put on 35 lbs in 6 months so I know how awful you feel.  Dont panic.  We'll figure this out and beat it. 

Neversay, I was on the pill a long time ago, and I gained on it.  I was too impatient to wait for the affects to go away, so I ran to the doc for help.  He put me on this radical diet that allowed about 600 cals a day, along with phentermine.  I lost 45 lbs in 3 months, and as soon as I got off of it, this stuff started happening.

I've always been healthy.  Besides a suspected high testoserone level in my body.  Other than that, I was like a muscle bound machine only 2 years ago!

I am between 5'7" and 5'8".  I was naturally muscular until that diet ate my muscles and strength.  I was very boney at 136.  My individual vertebra protruded all the way down my back, along with my shoulder blades, ribs (ribs in front and in back where they connect to the spine), and hips.  My rounded arm muscles went flat as pancakes.  My legs, which have always been very big and muscular even without exercise as a kid (muscle-legs on both sides of the family), became small. 

I have a wide shoulder spread too, just to give an idea of my build.

I am supposed to be around 145.  I look good at 155.  186?  No way.

I can't say thanks enough for the support.  I am starting to dry it up finally.

I put on 35 lbs in 9 mos (Aug 2005-May 2006), the vast majority of which was in about 2 months (Oct-Dec).  I weighed 175 in August, 195 in December. 

There are so many things to take into account.  I know that gaining weight so fast is scary -- it's why I'm on CC in the first place -- but how do your clothes fit?  What's your BMI?  What's a healthy weight range for someone of your gender and height?  How many calories should you be taking in to maintain at your weight and activity level?

I don't mean for you to answer those questions here, only for yourself.  If you're getting enough calories (1200+ per day) and not more than you need to maintain your weight at your current activity level, then you may want to talk to your doctor about the diet.  There might be something going on that's not being addressed.

Thanks for the additional info Whew.. it makes sense now...   that doctor and that diet have screwed up your metabolism..   not to mention cost you that wonderful muscle..  You are a walking talking demonstration of everything this site is designed to help people avoid.  The 600 cals a day put your body into starvation mode and the drug supressed your appetite.  You see what happened when you tried to go back to normal.  You gained a lot of weight.

Thats the bad...  the good...  at your age and height and history of healthy eating and exercise you can totally get this under control.

Rule number 1 - Do not panick.  You are not a horrible undisciplined person...  after what your body has been thru, this weight gain is totally normal.  Your body is doing what it is supposed to do.

Rule number 2 - Do not panick. and go back on that stupid starvation eating level.  Its tempting, but you will only make yourself even more loss resistant.  As someone who started normal and dieted herself to obese I know what I am talking about.

Rule number 3 - Do not panick (seeing the pattern here :-)   I assume you have used the tools on this site and are eating within the recommended guidelines.  if you are eating at least 1200 calories a day and making sure your deficit is no more than about 750, drinking your water, and keeping your grade up, YOU WILL LOSE WEIGHT.

Please do not think you are at fault.  I have been doggedly digging away at this program for 6 months.  I have not lost weight but the gain has stopped.   I have a lifetime of anorexic/binge eating to defeat but I know I will get there.  You will too.

Just dont defeat yourself.   There are wonderful people on this site who can tell you more.  I hope they see this post.  If you need any support or help, or have more questions, Post again.   and remember sweetie..   Dont Panic...

Love

Kaisu

Heh, posted at the same time as you.  Sorry about that. :)

I think I get it now.

The VLCD you were on... wouldn't that induce starvation mode? (and why would the doctor put you on that?  Were you dangerously overweight before or something?)

If your body's not getting 1200 calories, it thinks you're starving -- and packs on fat to keep you from actually starving.  Not sure of all the ins and outs there, but that's what I understand.

So basically, you're coming back from starving yourself.  I mean, the muscle mass going away, etc. sounds like it.

As to what to do:  My instincts (not professional AT ALL) is to say: focus on your health, not your weight.  Maybe even try maintaining, eating what you need to maintain the weight you are at.  If you know what you need to eat to maintain, then you can gradually cut back (I like a 500 daily calorie deficit, so I lose slowly) until you lose. 

In my experience, drastic measures just get me in trouble.  Small, incremental lifestyle changes last longer, and are easier to correct if I'm wrong.

--

BTW, I'm 5'9" and 206 lbs. right now.  I'm not as small as I once was, but I'm not scary either.  I had to accept myself at 212 before I could start making healthy, loving choices for myself.

p.s. I am *still* trying to figure out what insane thought made your doctor put you on that diet.  I've heard that's pretty much reserved for the morbidly obese (people who need to lose 100+ pounds, and it doesn't sound like you were anywhere near that!).

p.p.s.  I would seriously consider finding another doctor, at least for a second opinion.  Yikes.

Thanks, Kaisu.  I'm glad to know I wasn't completely off.

I agree:  Don't panic.  *hugs* 

What I was talking about with the healthy loving choices for myself:  it's loving to take care of our bodies so that they're healthy.  It's not loving to condemn myself for being fat and doing drastic things until I'm not fat.

Keep us updated, dear.  And feel free to PM or comment to my journal anytime.  I don't know if I can provide any comfort, but I'll certainly listen. *hugs*

And Kai's right.  We *can* do it.

Durnit, I'm going to cry now too...

My clothes got super tight.

Usually, when I would gain muscle, I could put on 20 lbs and still wear the same clothes, looking good in them!  That's how muscular I once was. 

I can tell this is all disgusting fat.  I went from a 10 to a tight 14!  Pure, unadulterated fat.  Zero muscle gain there.  Boy, am I ever dwelling on my unusual lack of muscle and strength!

I'm not sure of my BMI.  I chose long ago not to check it, because the last time I did check it, I was very fit and healthy, but the machine said my BMI was 26 and the trainer who took the BMI told me it was too high and basically cut me to the bone, saying that I basically was wasting my time jogging 6 miles a day!  I thought he was the biggest idiot on earth for calling me chubby when I was beyond toned and only weighing 155! 

I'm so sorry to hear that some of you have experienced what I am going through!  I don't like to hear about anyone having to deal with this.  Thank goodness you guys have found a way to deal with it.  Can you give me some advice?

About this doc and his diet plan.  He's an old guy (close to his 80s).  A lot of his perception of weight reminds me of the 70s.  His office is still decorated like it's in the 70s.  He told me that my body doesn't need more than 600 cals a day.  I think he likes people to look anorexic, honestly.

He's hurt my feelings about my body too.  Once, when he asked how my husband likes my weight loss, I told him that he likes me either way (and he does, because he thinks a little meat on a woman is just as sexy as a lean woman).  But my doc was like, "oh yeah right, it doesn't matter what he's telling you.  He definitely likes you this way and not the other way".

Truely, a shocking thing to come from a doctor's mouth.  When I go to a doc again, it won't be to him!

to jochan  *  high five sister !!!

to whew * at 80 yrs old.. you can go after that senile old b-------'s retirement fund.....

Trainers/Machines:  I don't trust that so much.  26 BMI is just over healthy weight for a normal woman, and only a little high for athletes! 

If the machine was comparing weight to height, and not taking measurements of body fat, then that's bupkiss.  If you're muscular and know it, trust your weight and your pants size.  :-(

This doc is *nuts*.  End of story.  He was probably Twiggy's M.D.  Talk about being out of touch with reality!

// rant deleted -- too long. ;)

Yay for your husband being accepting of you, no matter what!  I have one of those, and he's wonderful.  Thinks I'm sexy at 206. ;)

As for advice, I've given plenty. ;)  I think Kaisu's plan is wonderful.  I think being healthy is more important than being thin.  I think I'd love to see 186 again. ;)

I think you can do this.  Be good to yourself, and take small steps.

Sorry, we all posted at the same time.

I was 170 when he put me on the diet (notice I am now 16 lbs heavier).  All I really needed to lose was about 20 lbs.  I guess I should have been more patient, but I trusted that he knew what he was doing!

*hugs to everyone*

What if I walked/jogged 2 hours a day (about 8 miles)?  Would that be a safe routine to whip myself into shape again?  That and dumbells?  I really just want my natural body back!

I'm about to go shopping.  I guess I should just stick with meats and veggies for now. 

How do you portion your meals?  I've gotten so used to weighing 3 1/2 oz in my little kitchen scale that I don't even know how much I really should be eating without going overboard. 

I read your first post and it made me really sad... becuase I know what its like to think mean things about yourself, or even say them outloud to your self.  I used to do that all the time too, telling the reflection in the mirror that I was fat or stupid or ugly or worse.

I just wanted to share something I read somewhere - that we wouldnt hang out with a friend if they said these horrible things to us.  So we shouldnt put up with saying it to ourselves.

Try not to beat yourself up and instead stay positive and concentrate on getting healthy.

"at 80 yrs old.. you can go after that senile old b-------'s retirement fund....."

LOL!  Needed a good laugh!

When I was getting into shape, I gradually added activities.  I started out with water aerobics, 1 hour per day 2x a week.  I'm up to 6x per week and walking home from work sometimes (I take the bus there; it's about a mile).

I don't know what your condition is like now, with muscle mass lost.  I'm definitely a believer in "slow but steady wins the race" as you can probably tell ;) so I'd think start off small and add as you feel able.  2 hours a day sounds like a lot to me, but if it's easy for you, do it.  If it's not, don't panic! ;)  Just do what you can and add something when it gets too easy. :)

I also noticed that when I gained weight quickly, my joints really took a beating.  That's why I did water aerobics, because my knees didn't like even walking up stairs!  You may want to watch out for that, and try a lower-impact activity to prevent injury.

Swimming is the best workout, I've heard.  I'm working up to that. ;)

I would add some whole grains to that shopping list.  Fiber is good for keeping your system cleaned out, and the grains help me feel full.  Rolled oats (not instant oatmeal), brown or wild rice, and whole wheat bread are good options for me.

Getting enough calcium is important to me too.  I buy fat free organic milk -- the texture is so much better than non-organic!

As to portioning meals, I try to divide my calories relatively evenly throughout the day.  I need protein at breakfast, but just a little:  I put pecans in my oatmeal (1-2 T.) and drink about 12 oz. of milk (1.5 cups).

I also find a variety of foods keeps me interested in eating, and eating well.  Here's a link to the University of Michigan's Healing Food Pyramid, which has some wonderful suggestions for enjoyable, healthful eating. :)

EDIT: UMich also has info on healthy fats, protein sources, daily/weekly intake recommendations for all foods, and the base of the pyramid is water.  I think it makes good sense.

There is also information on portion sizes there too -- it varies from food to food.

Also:  If I'm still "hungry" at the end of a meal, I drink a glass of water and wait a few minutes, to see if I'm actually hungry. ;)  Proper hydration keeps the water weight away.

Wow, that's a lot.  Stopping now to see what you have posted while I wrote. ;)

Mirrors... that reminds me...

On my bathroom mirror (the only one I look in) I have a little post-it note that reads:

"Just for today I will accept myself for who and how I am, and know that I am exactly who, where, and how I need to be."

At a workshop this summer (when I wrote this note) I wrote a note before this one, stating the negative thoughts about myself that I wanted to let go of.  Then everyone burned their negative opinions and wrote out more positive thoughts.  Mine was the affirmation that's now on my mirror.

A little cheesy maybe, but really very effective.

So:  find something nice that makes you feel good, and put it somewhere you can see it, where it will make you feel good when you need it.  It just might help. :)

EDIT:  Whew and Kaisu, I added you both as friends, if it's okay.  If it's not, just PM me and I'll take you off. :)

Something from hkellick in another forum (the 2468 diet one):

An article about women trying to beat this game of low metabolism after starvation.

So far, good stuff.

EDIT: and it explains the sudden weight gain you've experienced since going off that diet.  Read this!

(edit: added link to 2468 topic)

oh my gosh that doctor should be FIRED. I say, sue him. :D