I-used-to-be-anorexic-but-now-I'm-a BINGER Support Group!

Any others in this situation? I was a binger even about a year or so before I became anorexic. Then, I was anorexic for 10 months and about 4 months after I began recovery, I went back into the binging routing. At this point I have not gone a single day without binging in about a month. Stress seems to make it worse (and lack of sleep).
So... this is the place where we can support each other and share our tips and tricks for not binging.

So I feel totally disgusting.  I just binged....ALOT... meaning i basically look like I could be a couple months pregnant right now.

I'm not sure if I was exactly anorexic, but like many of you I was obsessed with what I ate and exercising.  Now I've gained all that I lost back and MORE.  I feel huge.  I weigh 145, the most I've ever weighed in my life and that is saying a lot because I was a competitive gymnast my whole life and had a lot of muscle mass. I'm 5'8''.  My lowest weight was 115 about a year and a half ago.  I got back up to 122 for about 9 months and i was really happy with it.  Then I went back to school this past September and I started the bingeing and it started to happen more and more often.  Now I can rarely go a day without binging.  It makes me so unhappy.  

I'm depressed, not just from the bingeing, but from other things.  Sometimes I wonder if the anti-depressants that I'm taking are effecting my motivation to stay on track with my diet....anyone else wonder this?

I always tell myself "tomorrow, tomorrow I will get back on track and lose the weight."  It just never seems to work...I have no motivation.  I even stopped going to the gym as much...

Basically, I just can identify with all of you guys...it's crazy...and like all of you i just wish it would go away.

Not so easy....

Hi vicious cycle,

I've been struggling with a mild eating disorder for about a year now. I controlled my calories profusely for approx 8-9 months until I moved outta home and started seeing a new guy. This new guy would bring over things like ice creams and cook me meals with lots of carbs etc. At first I felt uncomfortable about it, but ate them anyway, until I started not caring and then just mowing the food back. I've since broken up with him but now I really struggle around food. I've gone from having such strict control to no control at all.

I've gained about 5kg (about 11 pounds over there i think) and I really really want to loose it again. It's difficult knowing that I was much lighter and looked so much better. I'm really struggling to get that control back. I'm trying the same calorie controlled diet but it just goes out the window. I'll loose a kg, then gain it straight back again. Some days i'll be great and stick to it, and its like as soon as I break it, I just completely let loose and loose all control.

Like you, I keep saying "tomorrow, tomorrow" and i'll plan the next days meals etc. and like you, it never seems to work. I'll start the day off real well sticking to my plan but by the end of the day I just can't stick to it. Once i've broken it, even if its just something small its like I say to myself "oh well, broken it now, might as well have some more food and get back on track tomorrow".

It's interesting what you said about the anti-depressants. I've heard somewhere that they can cause weight gain, I wonder if its what they do to your mind as opposed to the pills themselves causing weight gain. I have been considering weining myself off mine but don't want to in fear that I will be mega depressed again.

I want help to stop this. I want to loose the weight again and I want to stop my out of control feelings around food. It's like something takes me over and just forces me to eat, even when i'm not hungry. Any one got any tips? Has anyone else found going off anti-depressants made it easier to gain control back?

Hiya.

I never considered myself as anorexic but i was diagnosed with it. Looking back i had alot of the symptoms. I did eat but only "safe" foods and i did alot of exercise. I weighed and recorded everything and lay awake thinking about food and how to avoid eating with my parents.

Now i have no idea how i had that much self controll! I need to find myself a midway point between self controll and common sense!

My nutrutuinalist is working with me to controll my blood sugar levels which contribute to binge eating. Maybe this could help you guys?

xXx

hi all,

i am a recovering anorexic/bulemic as well.  i was about 86 pounds at my lowest and have gained some since then.  dont really know how much since i dont weigh myself but im sure im up to at least 100, probably more.  but yes, with the restricting came the binging..and of course it happens at night.  i am very strict with my eating during the day and im sure that has something to do with my binges at night.  i hate it too, and really wish i could kick this in the butt.  i really think i would be on the road to full recovery if i could do this.  I eat well and healthy during the day, with veggies and salads..graze on healthy snacks, eat a good dinner, but as soon as dinner is over, im already thinking about what i can munch on.  i try and not keep anything in the house that i can fuel the binge with but sometimes, im weak and will either find something or go out and get something.  i usually eat whatever veggies are in the fridge, hummus if its there..and heaven forbid, if there are any  tortilla chips, bread, pita chips or popcorn.  the carbs get me...i feel so bloated after and guilty and depressed.  it really hits me emotionally the next day when i think about what i did the night before.  i really want and need to stop this, or i will gain too much weight and be uncomfortable with my weight again.  im so appreciative of everyones advice..ill keep trying.  im not ready to give up! 

Oh my. This thread hit home for me big time. I definitely thought I was the only one who went from one extreme (anorexia) to the other (binge eating)...I feel like I will never be normal. My depression that comes from overeating makes me miss being underweight-- which is obviously not good :( But I am gaining weight no matter what I do/eat.

I can completely relate to the person that said, "I find it hard to stop when I'm full. In fact, feeling full is a TRIGGER for me to start binging. I'd make the conscious effort to stop eating low-cal, volumous things" --- ugh! that is SO me.

Has anyone reached a middle ground?

I would love to know how to break this cycle! I know it's not from restricting anymore, or that my body needs nutrients because I've been eating close to 4000 calories a day for a long time now. I've gained back probably about 8 lbs and other than anxiety and stress I'm fairly healthy.

but I can't stop bingeing! And it always happens at night even though by that point I'm already over 3000 calories. I think I do my best to eat really well during the day. I make sure I have a huge breakfast (usually 700-1000 calories) space out my meals and snacks and make sure I get in a lot of calories and all my nutrition but also start to resemble some normalcy in my eating habits. Then at night I start to freak out that I still do need to gain weight so I try to stuff in as much as possible. 

I think it's the anxiety caused by knowing I still have to gain and/or I have become really accustomed to eating before bed, so even when I have a big dinner and I'm still full, I feel the need to eat another snack. My trigger foods are oatmeal and PEANUT BUTTER (so good and so bad :|) Once I start with the peanut butter I just keep going back for more and more and more...

i don't want to cut it out though because it's such a good source of essential fat and calories for me right now. Any ideas?

gibbit i totally understand with the fear at the end of the day that you somehow "didn't eat enough". I have that too. I have gained a bit (not sure how much exactly; i don't weigh and haven't noticed much "fat" gain, but definitely some muscle), but my bloodwork is still really messed up and probably have a ways to go before i am truly healthy again.

I don't necessarily binge at night, but I pick around at random things, usually nuts and soy crisps. Even after i've had my after dinner snack. I don't count calories, but I don't go crazy and scarf down everything in sight. I also don't think it is really a binge because I feel completely in control, even though I'm not hungry. Why does this fear randomly kick in at the end of the day? What the heck causes it? Do you have any ideas?

hey gibbit -

 

 I have the same problem with you.  Peanut butter is a major trigger for me. especially nuts and raisins. Why? I wonder if its because of nutrients or why why why?! i just want it to go away i dont wanna gain any more weight

age:16  - weight 9/1/07: 96 lbs  - weight 6/1/08: 148lbs -

current weight: 142lbs - end of summer weight 110ish lbs!!!

i binged every week for nine months and gained 50 lbs. slowly im getting my life back on track!

*new diet*: I try to stick to a 1500 cal diet with morning and afternoon excerise periods. i eat 700 cals morning-afternoon then a 800 cal dinner cause i don't like to go to bed hungry. so far this has really begun to make a positive impact on my weight and motivation, because i feel that im not deprieveing myself (today i emotionally binged. but no more i promise you the people whom i tying to help. i promise i won't be a hypocite and go back on my word!)

tips to *wean* off binging:  patience - one day at a time. like doing a 1000000 piece puzzle, the dream seems impossible at first and you want to give up, but if you perservere, the dream slowly becomes a reality (corny huh?) 

contemplation/meditaion (or prayer) - keep in mind your goals

don't get excited about food or your next meal - look to something else ie. reading, talking on the phone - but avoid watching too much tv, cause sitting idley makes me hungry - try to stay active - or if you want to watch tv keep a low cal drink beside you!

look to others for help - your friends and family want to help you! they don't want to watch you suffer! so don't be ashamed!

keep a positive outlook on the world!!! - find the beauty of a rainy day, a child playing outside, or flowers growong in a pot!

DONT RATIONALIZE!!! - THIS IS THE WORST THING WE CAN DO! this is way most of us developed the habit in the first place! we were too thin and society (which ironically led us to become thin in the first place) told us too thin was ANOREXIC and STUPID and SELF DESTRUCTIVE and we didn't like all this negative attention, because all we wanted to to was to be liked, so we needed a quick fix. bingeing! and it became addicting and now were feelin the reprecussions of it. think before you eat!!!

ill come up with more ideas then post them, but im so proud of all of you. You all want something better for yourselves. yah. you fell, you messed up. but we're human and that's what humans do. but they also have a habit of getting back up and that is what i believe is one of the most beautiful things about our race. that we have hope! ok  i hope this helped! bye!

I am presently recovering from anorexia, but I was the other way around - I used to stress-eat (emotional eater?) before I got into my 'health kick' and began to restrict. I have never been large - my highest weight was 145lb at 6'0 (I'm now 6'1 and 110) - but I was... how do you say, "skinny fat"? Bad asthma, broke a sweat walking half a mile, bad spot problems, teeth, lack of muscle - you get the idea! My diet was not the ideal one at all. It didn't help that I was overly bullied and would eat such rubbish to comfort the feelings I came away with from school. In the short time I stopped my stress-eating, I was helped a lot by eating wholegrain and wholewheat food. Anything low GI. I think there's been connections with low GI food and blood sugar, and blood sugar and binging, so all I can think of suggesting personally (because I'm probably not in a place to suggest) is to eat a healthy diet that'll level out blood sugar (:

I've been making sure to eat lots of wholegrain carbs, beans and such in my recovery because I don't want to go back to stress-eating, lol. I'm quite worried I will, and stay away from my trigger foods - nuts, pick-n-mix (like when you get a mixture of sweets at the cinema, for those who won't know what that is), chocolate spread, milk chocolate and honey in large amounts just to name a few! I also have a weakness for pickles. D: So salty, but so good.

Original Post by joanne811:

Binging in the case of anorexia is usually a survival mechanism from the body.

It's not the only case of binging mind you (such as emotional eating) but it's often a huge factor for recovering anorexics.

You hit the nail on the head, joanne. I have had anorexia for 10 years. But binging came in for me as a survival mechanism, then I would panic and purge. Everyone is like "oh that's bulimia"...NO! No it is not!

Oh my gosh...I thought I was the only one, and now I read responses from other people who thought they were the only ones!

Binging for me didn't show up until I actually made a genuine attempt at recovery from anorexia (go figure, huh?).  I was sticking to my meal plan, making sure I got everything in, and eventually started going over.  For awhile I'd binge and throw up, and then I threw up less and less but kept binging.

Now it's so hard to restrict, because I've had that "taste" of bulimia and COE (no pun intended).  I've relapsed a bit with anorexia, but binging is still a temptation on the weekends.  I've lost weight, but I'm still in the healthy range.  I know my period must be coming up because the cravings have been HORRIBLE these past few days, and once I give in, I just want more and more and more.

I'm back on track so far today, but my back on track isn't healthy at this point (read: restricting).  I know it's counter-intuitive, but it's the way my mind is right now, and I'm not feeling up to being all rational and whatnot.

My period finally came--It's about time! But as long as I still didn't have my period, the binging has been necessary and healthy... Now what? Now it is just a disease. If I do "get things under control".. well, we all know what that means.  I thought I'd be overjoyed, by the way, but I just feel like a sausage. At 96 or 126, ho hum, what's new.

I keep telling myself that as long as I'm still considered underweight that binging once or twice a week is OK.  Its how I rationalize what I'm doing.  The problem is that I'm not restricting before or after so it isn't a survival thing for me.  3 months of eating enough and I'm still underweight but still binging.  I hate this.  Its a really horrible cycle. 

I truly wish I had never stumbled upon this website.  I was a healthy eater before I started counting calories and was able to eat in moderation.  Now my whole perspective on foods and calories and health is all whacked.

This is a great forum! I weighed about 110 my highschool years and I would eat whatever I wanted and never gained a pound. Then university came and i went up to 118. I know its not a lot but im only 5'2 so it was noticable. This summer i calorie restriced to 1200, then in the past 2 months about 800. I was doing great on my low cal diet and then my friends birthday weekend came where I told myslef that it will be a free weekend so eat whatever you want. I gained about 2 pounds from it and now its been a starve/binge cylcle ever since. I dont know whats wrong with me, it was so easy before to stick to my diet. Im at about 102 pounds now and i dont want to gain weight. My BMI is on the boarder of healthy/underweight so I think its ok to maintain this weight. But it seems that if i eat anymore than 1500 cal i gain weight, so i cant get into maitenence :(. If i binge then ill eat 800 cal for the next few days to try and get back to where i was b4 the binge. Is there any relef?

Nevermind =)

Original Post by no_audience:

Original Post by joanne811:

Binging in the case of anorexia is usually a survival mechanism from the body.

It's not the only case of binging mind you (such as emotional eating) but it's often a huge factor for recovering anorexics.

You hit the nail on the head, joanne. I have had anorexia for 10 years. But binging came in for me as a survival mechanism, then I would panic and purge. Everyone is like "oh that's bulimia"...NO! No it is not!

 

no_audience, I am going through the same thing myself at the moment, and I hate it.  I try so hard not to give in and purge--tell myself I need to gain etc--but I always panic that I'll gain too much weight at once. 

Sigh, I still have to gain at least about 5 kg, and I would prefer to do it by normalising my eating habits.  Stupid eating disorders! 

Don't give up, everyone--we can all beat our demons.  :-)

 

i guess ill just share my story too.

im 5'4" my lowest weight was 103. that doesnt sound so bad.. but i guess my body just isnt meant to be a size 0.. then i became anemic, viciously constipated (like couldn't go for 2 weeks at a time, no lie), started having heart palpitations, insomnia, was (and still am) constantly freezing, hair started falling out - although i never lost my period. i don't know if i was anorexic, but that's how i see it. i was messed up in the head. in a lot of ways i still am. even though i decided i needed to value my health above impossible dreams of thinness, i still can't get around my food issues and i feel like an incredibly fat failure.

i started working out to balance the calories i was adding and at first everything was going great, i was adding muscle and hadn't gained more than about 4 pounds for the first month or two, i was feeling invincible.. but somewhere i lost control of my eating. like when i was eating only 900 calories, i didnt seem to feel hungry, but now i'm trying to eat 1500-1600 daily and it seems like its never enough. i cant stop thinking about food.. and the fuller i am, the more i want. im so tempted to just let go and eat EVERYTHING. even though i mostly still eat healthy stuff, i still sometimes go over my planned calories and right now i'm weighing in at about 110. and i know that's okay, and it's not overweight, but i feel enormous and more importantly i just feel crazy, scared and out of control. people who know what they're talking about have told me that this is a normal part of recovering from restrictive eating.. i hope thats true.. and that it will balance out in time. i just don't want to keep gaining... i'm okay with where i am now but just scared. my brain hasn't caught up with my body which is healthy now except for when i binge and i'm bloated and hurting...

you are all very inspriring and i feel for you and i know we'll get through this! we just have to stay positive and put our health above all else for now- and try to trust our bodies. good luck all.

I know how you feel about eatting a normal amount, feel full, but when you get to that point you just want to keep going. You think you can control it but you really cant, its almost impossible to stop yourself. The only thing that seems to stop me is that im so full im in a lot of pain. Sometimes to the point where its uncomfortable to even walk. Then the next day it feels like my muscles and digestive system are bruised or something, its horrible. I find i always binge on weekends. If everyone else is eatting i want to eat too, but then i cant stop.

gabby103,

 I have such a similar story.  I am getting over it too.  Right now I've gone 1 week without binging and it feels like forever since I've been binging a lot before that.  But after doing a lot of thinking and meditating...i think you must realize that  you must not live in FEAR of the binging because that FEAR triggers you to binge even more.  Don't be afraid of food.  If you look at it from outside of the box do you see how rediculous it is to be afraid of food? i know that it takes me a while to hop outside the box sometimes but when I do i sigh a big sigh of relief and realize how silly it all is and sometimes laugh at myself. But, yeah...i was like you, then i started not being restrictive, and even though i feel guilty sometimes when i eat certain things i don't let it define who i am.  I was also scared it would never stop but my after  about a year of binging and pain i still weight within 100-110 and i'm 5'3".  People still say i'm thin even though I'm "normal" in my eyes.  Not thin.  But whatever they can say what they want.  Anywho, thats not the point. The point is that 

you must highlight the important key not to live in fear...if you live in fear you will never enjoy life and get anywhere. 

We're in the same confused stage ...lets fight through it!