I-used-to-be-anorexic-but-now-I'm-a BINGER Support Group!

Any others in this situation? I was a binger even about a year or so before I became anorexic. Then, I was anorexic for 10 months and about 4 months after I began recovery, I went back into the binging routing. At this point I have not gone a single day without binging in about a month. Stress seems to make it worse (and lack of sleep).
So... this is the place where we can support each other and share our tips and tricks for not binging.

Man you guys can relate so well.

 

My story in brief, I'm 5'2, 16 and in January of 2008 I weighed 141lbs (my heighest).

 

I then embarked on what initially began as a healthy weight loss diet combined with about 30 minutes of cardio 4-5 x a week. As I lost more and more weight (my lowest being barely 100lbs) I was exercising for about 1hr 30 min a day and eating max 800 kcal. Then I began college.

Lost all my control. My weight has crept up to 111lbs which at 5'2 I know doesn't SOUND awful, but because I've gained it through bingeing on literally thousands and thousands of calories a day, it IS bad. I already look very different in regards to body shape, i look pregnant, ass has gotten fatter, arms have gotten fatter, face looks puffy etc. I look absolutely DISGUSTING. I just want to get rid of my bingeing habits and get my weight back down again, but I have zero motivation.

 :(

hello to all the newbies here! I just wanted to post and update on myself :) I hardly ever binge anymore and am doing quite well. I do feel like I lose a bit of control sometimes and eat a ton, especially at night, but its not all out crazy like I used to be. I think this is because my body is no longer terrified i'm going to starve it anymore, and here's the big one....I don't have anything or any amoutn of food that is off limits anymore. I think just knowing that sometimes I'll eat more and that's ok, really keeps me from feeling like I'll lose control, or feeling guilty thinking that I have lost control. So keeping this in mind I don't start to feel all nervous and panicky and eat everything in sight just because I overdo it a little.

As i've said on other boards, I''ve accepted that sometimes i'm going to feel like standing in front of the pantry with an open jar of pb, I like it, it tastes good and having a few (or 10 lol) extra spoonfuls will not kill me or make me obese overnight. For now I think this is also still ok because I have a few extra lbs to gain anyways. There are still nights where I go to bed sickly full and I'd like to end this, but I htink it's because I get the most motivation to gain at night and don't put any limitations as to the types of foods or how much I eat.

So this may be getting repetitive, but I want everyone to know this does get better as your relationship with food improves. Keep eating enough and at regular intervals during the day. Don't restrict on anything and don't be so hard on yourself if you have eaten  "bad food" or think you've eaten too much, sometimes something just tastes good and you want more even if you're not hungry and that's fantastic and perfectly healthy!

Congratulations!

The posts above seem to mirror my situation almost exactly. I was once pretty underweight, dropping to under 40kg (=90lb, roughly). I thought I was happy but I was miserable. Yet at least I did have control. Now, I'm not quite sure how, I have lost all of that discipline and find myself stuffing my face with food I don't even like. I'm at my first term of university and I have made basically no friends. Sometimes I can concentrate on my work which is great, but I am spending at least two evenings a week alone in my room with family-size chocolate bars and packs of biscuits and doing nothing productive. I really really hate this. I am going to need to buy new trousers soon. I really, really hate this; I don't recognise myself any more. I don't know what to do.

I know I shouldn't want to be the person I was not so long ago, and fundamentally I don't. I just want to be able to eat normally again, and not even think about it.

Ultimate respect to everyone who has rediscovered a way to do that. It is such an achievement.

Sorry if this was boring. I've never discussed any of this with anyone before.

Bye-bye. xxx

GIBBIT makes an excellent point - if you accept that you will over eat occasionally and that it is a normally healthy part of life then you won’t feel like you have blown it and then binge

It is fine to eat something just because it taste good too, I totally hear you with the eating a peanut butter with a spoon thing, nothing beats it!

Having a few spoons of peanut butter when you are not hungry occasionally is fine, the hardest part is to stop being a perfectionist and making yourself eat a certain way, and to just go with the flow some times and allow yourself to break your routine.

This helped me over come binge eating too

Iateihate - if you gain some weight and if you give your body the amount of calories/carbohydrates/protein/fats your body needs then you will eliminate the physical urges to binge, which means you can tackle the emotional non physical triggers with no distractions!

If you are very underweight, which it sound like you are, then your body actually needs the food and you will feel like binging so if you satisfy your body with the food then it will be less taxing to deal with the emotional and mental issues

It is much harder to stop binge eating when you are fighting against your body and mind at the same time.

Over coming the mental anguish is hard enough!

Hey i only discovered this forum today and i'm so happy i did!Im so happy Im not the only person this has happened to!...just had my first binge in 8 weeks and needless to say i dont feel great:-(

It sounds as though most of you here are in the same boat as me,as in-felt overweight(or were overweight),lost weight,lost too much weight,gained weight and then because of binging gained more weight than you felt comfortable with.I understand now that 98lbs was far too low for my height(5'4) but i really dont feel comfortable at 121lbs!I want to loose about 10lbs or so but because im recovering from an ed everyone around me shows no support!just wondering does anybody else have this problem?

Iv recently figured out that my binging started out as emotional and then became pysical...like at first I had it in my head that I had to gain weight and I loved not measuring or worrying about what I ate(I would eat entire boxes of granola and chocolate for breakfast!) but when i realised I had gained so much weight I started retricting which led to more binging!It was like once Id let my body know that it didnt have to survive on 800cals a day, it refused to go back to that way of eating.Binging and restricting got me up to 126lbs but after 8 weeks binge free i lost 5lbs but im now scared to weigh myself after that HUGE binge yesterday...I feel so sick this morning:-(To everyone whose having the same problem I think you just need to find the reason why your binging and then it'll be easier to deal with...its obvious everyone here has issues with food but,believe me, if I can go 8 weeks without a binge, anyone can!:-P

If anyone needs advice or help feel free to send me a message...Id really like to here from anyone in the same situation as me:-)Good luck!

 

Ok, trust me - you do not want to tell yourself you have to lose a specific number - by telling yourself an actual number, you will mentally rebel against your desire

On the other hand - if your aim is to just stop binging, and learn to eat when you are hungry, and to learn to eat enough for your body, then your weight will naturally fall to its natural and optimal level.

Basically, if you want to stop binging and lead the healthiest life possible, you should naturally be at your ideal weight. So if you try to do all the healthiest things, weigh loss is just a by product.

Well done for going 8 weeks without binging - that is a great achievement! I went a long time without binging, and then I had binged so it does suck but it does NOT mean you are any less capable of going another 8 weeks - or even more! Without binging….

My advice to you would be to totally forget about any numbers - thinking about ANY number of pounds you wish to lose will most likely lead to you being spiteful about the fact you “ have to” lose that weight, and therefore binge.

Binge eating can some times be a reaction to something that you feel is strict or unpleasant - telling yourself you want/need to lose at least 10 lbs could make you feel annoyed at the fact you have to go to the effort to lose weight - why not just aim to live your healthiest life, and reach your natural healthiest weight as a result?

personaltrainer87-Thanks a mil for the advice!and now that you mention it I didnt weigh myself for those 8 binge free weeks so I think your on to something there!:-P

I dont know if youve ever had anorexia or been underweight but its hard to totally forget numbers when numbers practically ruled my life for a long time...like i said,I ignored the scales for a while and it worked but its just so difficult especially because Im now in such a bad mood from that big disguisting binge yesterday!I know its going to take time but thank you soooooo much for your opinion and advice and I will definately give it a try!:-) btw well done yourself for going so long without binging!...if you need to talk anytime Im here:-)

Thanks for your offer - and the same goes for you - if you ever feel bad and want to talk about it please PM me!

What I did with another girl, is she would PM me when she felt like she was going to binge. So, you are more then welcome to do that! I would rather you get away from the food and make yourself stay in front of the computer until the urge to binge passes. Once you start writing down how you are feeling and how much you hate that dreaded urge to binge, the urge will likely pass and you will have written about it in the meantime- which could provide insight about the issues you need to address to stop binges.

I have had anorexia briefly, and I have been very underweight after the anorexia too, and I have also had a bad binge eating disorder that even caused me to lose my job last year.

I would binge, and then have to go and work at a gym - the LAST place I wanted to set foot in when I wanted to literally vomit from all that food. And it gave me insomnia so I just could not focus.

I am also ruled by numbers to some extent - I have no unhealthy desire to maintain a low weight that is not natural for my body. However, after everything I have been through, I know my body very well and I know what my optimal weight range is - therefore if I ever reached over a certain number, I would feel awful. 52 kilograms is my max weight, because I am very curvy/womanly/ and function well there, and I also get away with eating extra at times! And a decent amount the rest of the time- therefore there is no point being heavier; I also know the weight at which I start to get too thin, and start to get cold sores and other health issues that come from being too thin.

If I ever hit the 53 kilogram mark, then I would feel awful. This is because I have always been healthy from about 49 - 52 max therefore if this ever changes in my life, such as when I age and if hormones cause my body to thicken up, then I would have trouble accepting it at first but I would rather accept the higher weight then restrict to maintain an artificial and unnatural weight.

Hopefully by then I will be so busy with a career and life and family and etc that my weight will not have the same impact as it does now.

So for now I am trying my best to focus on what is important - which is exercising and keeping active in the way that suits me, and eating for optimal health.

I know that as long as I commit to regular toning and strength training exercises, that my body will always be toned and therefore if I ever gain weight, I will still feel comfortable with my body, as it will remain just as toned.

Weight gain does not make much of a difference if you start off toned and remain toned - in fact, if I gained a pound, I would increase my strength training a little, and try to increase my muscle mass; this would make my body appear the same size or even SMALLER (as muscle is small and dense, where as fat is light and takes up more space!)

So if you did gain a pound or even 3 more than you would have liked, then you can actually make your body the exact same size as if you were 3 pounds lighter - if you increase your muscle mass, so you are heavier yet your body can remain the same size (in measurements) as when you were pounds lighter.

So: NO MORE thinking about numbers - and lets both try to only concentrate on toning/ abdominal work, and the good stuff that will keep us feeling comfortable!

　

I have found that when I do good things for my body, I feel less like binging because consistently doing abdominal and strength work each week builds motivation - if you do the right things and are able to repeat them, then you will feel more capable and less hopeless - I find that I want to binge more when I have been lazy, because one day of doing the right exercise and NOT binging seams so SMALL compared to all the lazy days - where as binging once you HAVE been doing the right thing will make more of a difference to your consistent/healthy routine.

I finally "recovered" from anorexia or severe dieting (I never stopped eating) around four months ago.  Now, I binge eat like crazy, not only have I gained back my weight before plus a few more pounds...but I am beginning to feel the negative health effects that come with that sudden weight gain.  I have extreme OCD and tend towards perfectionism, I know that I should lose at least 10 lbs or so to remain healthy...but I don't want to go calorie-counting-crazy...does anyone have any suggestions for a pathetic loser like myself?

Original Post by icecream18:

I finally "recovered" from anorexia or severe dieting (I never stopped eating) around four months ago.  Now, I binge eat like crazy, not only have I gained back my weight before plus a few more pounds...but I am beginning to feel the negative health effects that come with that sudden weight gain.  I have extreme OCD and tend towards perfectionism, I know that I should lose at least 10 lbs or so to remain healthy...but I don't want to go calorie-counting-crazy...does anyone have any suggestions for a pathetic loser like myself?

 

i can relate.

dieting/calorie counting is the worst thing a girl can do

wow, I love you guys :]

I am currently anorexic (5' 1" and 81 lbs.), and my mom has been threatening me with therapy. I DON'T want to deal with that... and since she has been pushing the whole gaining-weight thing, I can not stop eating!!! I'll do decently throughout the day, but after dinner I'll stay in the kitchen for over an hour just eating (I also have recently developed an obsession with cake baking.. gahhhhh!). Then after I do this, I freak out and start obsessively counting and re-counting all the calories I've eaten that day to see if the binging made a big difference.

I feel so disgusting after I binge on ice cream/cake/etc. I feel like the only weight I'm going to gain is going to be icky fat; I am constantly bloated, and I always feel sick. Is there no happy medium?! It seems to be all-or-nothing for us, doesn't it?

I am so tired of this love-hate relationship with food. Ya feel me? haha :D

I am so glad I found this support group! Over and over, I go back and forth between bingeing cycles and anorexic cycles. I really would like to find some middle ground. Both undereating and overeating make me mentally and emotionally sick.  This needs to stop, but I have no idea where to even begin. I have gotten to the point where I become anxious having any food at all in my apartment which makes it very hard to eat normally. At the same time, when I have food in my apartment, I tend to eat it all at once. How do I even begin to stop these behaviors?

haha I definitely feel ya shelbyrs

i have the exact same problem,

i need your help!

i am 19 years old, iwas around 105 pounds 5.3 and looked good, now since i moved away to go to college all i do is binge.

and my binges are disucusting and i cannot believe that i do them.

there at at average 3000 cals, but there off cookies and chocolate bars :(

i want to stop so badly

all i am hearing is that i have to eat more during the day to stop me from my binges

today im going to try that,

lets get through this together

i just want to be healthy

suzysmith1, I'm with you.

I know that it should help if I eat more during the day, but I'm always afraid to because, deep down, I'm scared that I'm going to binge later on in the day. I feel that if I do end up binging, then it'll only hurt me worse if I've eaten "normal" meals prior to it. It's a vicious cycle!

I'm going to try writing down what I'm going to eat the day before- a little obsessive, but hey- if it works, I'm all for it!

Good luck :)

Hi I just found this site, and I'm in the same situation as everyone else! 4 years ago I started exercising and restricting my diet and became anorexic for a time.  I weighed around 78 lbs. and I was 5' 1". My parents made me start eating again, and after 5 months or so, I began to binge eat, which horrified me! I'm now 5'2" and weigh 114 lb, and i'm absolutely miserable.  I've been consistently gaining weight for the last four years, and it's because I can't stop eating. It's soo embarrassing, and so I always eat when my family isn't home, so they think I eat a regular amount.  Sometimes I'll eat soo much after school, that by dinner I'm not hungry at all, and then my mom just thinks that I'm trying to starve again.  It's such a vicious cycle and I've been swearing to myself for over three years now that I would stop doing this, but I always find myself binging again.  My parents thought I was depressed over the summer so they are making me see a therapist, but I'm too embarrassed to tell her what is really going on with me.  I need help soo badly! I don't know about you guys, but at this point, I just wish food didn't exist, since it is the root of all of my issues! Sorry that sounds so depressing, but I really feel so trapped, and I have no one to tell! :(

silvia2692, I know the feeling. I'm also 5'2", and it's soooo hard to see yourself gaining weight at that height because EVERY pound shows! My parents are forcing me to gain weight right now, and it's causing me to binge. I justify it by telling myself that they would want me to eat this much, but I'm worried I won't be able to quit... ever! I just can't even control myself when there are sweets in the house; it makes me feel soooooo gross when I eat it, and I pretty much wish food didn't exist :/

Hey shelbyrs, Yea it all started for me when my parents forced me to gain weight, because they would make me eat alllll the time.  It was ok at first, until I realized I was gaining weight quickly.  I've been trying to lose the weight ever since then, but I have only gotten fatter because I can't stop eating! It makes me feel disgusting too, and I wish I had the will power I used to when I was anorexic because I can't control me eating at all now! It causes me so much anxiety because all I think about is food, and what I can eat, and I have to try to act happy around my friends and family.  I'm going to wake up before school and exercise tomorrow, that usually helps to prevent me from binging for the rest of the day. 

i used to be anorexic, and then i started to binge. bingeing also helped me gain weight when i was severely underweight -- probs the first 10 lbs of weight gain and then any weight after that has been due to bingeing. it's been over a year now, of me bingeing and purging everyday. sometimes multiple times a day. i honestly can't stop this terrible and unhealthy behaviour. struggling with depression and loneliness as well doesn't help -- i don't really have any friends anymore (probably bc of the ED) and my parents/family offer no support. man, this really sucks, and bingeing makes me feel so much worse in the end. this sounds really sick, but i wish i could be anorexic again...i just liked it a lot better and i didn't feel so terrible about myself.

what do you guys find helps you avoid bingeing?