"You USED to be so skinny but now you have gained SO much weight!"

This was said to me by a girl at school that I am not that close to....   I wanted to put my foot in her skinny anerexic butt!  I was so upset...  I am so sorry that I gained 10 pounds, but I had knee surgery not 5 months ago and it is coming off! 

 

Has anyone ever said something THIS inappropriate to you before?

I can relate. People are so clueless.

Before I went on my diet I was also told this by a woman I had worked with 10 years ago who I am now working with again. She said "... but you used to be so thin ...". I was mortified and I don't even think she realized what she was saying.

Then the custodian at my old company - who is like an institution all onto himself as he has worked there for 20 years - said "Girrrrl, you are getting FAT!". Now that really hurt.

It was all true though.

I had a friend not even recognize me once. After coming back from college one year this girl was talking to my dad, with me standing right next to him, she asked, "where's your daughter?" What was worse was the look on her face when she realized it was me. Wake up call :)

HAHA...i can totally relate..im currently in Bangkok with work and to them i am massive! The people here are so thin and petite. I started with my personal trainer and he said to me yeah u have a pretty face but ur fat! and the girls at the hotel said to me..yeah ur a bit fat! In their defence its the thai way..they dont realise to a western person that this can be offensive and they didnt mean any harm so i havent taken it too much to heart! Also im still a uk size 12 i have about 10 pounds to lose...im  slightly overweight but to them i am huge!!

I wouldn take what people say to heart the main thing is u are trying...keep it up!! x

My childhood best friend moved away several years ago and I was very close to her parents as well. Well a few years later I ran into her mother and the very first thing she said to me was "Gosh you gained alot of weight what happened to you?" I wanted to say "Gosh you sure do look old!"

I have always been a bigger girl. And unfortunately for me - I seem to carry all my weight in my stomach. I was in an elevator at work one time and this lady got in the elevator with me and asked, "So, when are you due?"

I was furious, so I just looked at her with my 'if looks could kill' looks. She knew right away her error. I don't know which one of us was more anxious to get out of that elevator!!!

I hate it when people ask me that!! Geeze, if you don't know for sure then mind your own damned business!

I haven't had that issue so much but I have a gripe along similar lines. I've gone from 285 to 201 and now I get this all the time. "You look so good" "You look so much better" "You don't even look like yourself" and so on... it might seem good on the surface and I know they mean well but i'm thinking, HOW FRIGGEN FAT AND HORRIBLE DID I LOOK BEFORE? *sigh* I know it's a compliment, but it still makes me feel weird and now I feel that if I don't agree that ya i'm great now and was horrible before i'll make them feel bad.

 

Come to think of it... my dad was really the only one who gave me crap for gaining weight the last 15 years... doesn't care so much now that i'm losing it. Go figure...

some people are "clods" , plain and simple.  Rude, insensitive clods.

Unfortunately I've experienced inappropriate comments too.  At 9 years old I was in an elevator with my brother and this stranger (an adult), out of the blue, turns to me and says he's surprised the elevator will move b/c of my weight.  I was chunky but not obese at that age.  Had it been a different time and place (my bro was in hospital) he would've knocked the guy out.  People can be so rude!!!   

she's such a b*tch...I'd punch her.

I second Nina's thought ^^

I second archer531. At first when people started telling me how great I looked I was happy. But now constantly people compliment me and all I can think of is how much everyone seems to judge my value based on my weight.

The most hurtful thing I can remember someone saying was summer 2006, at my highest weight. A guy was trying to flirt with me and his way of giving me a compliment was "wow, you're a really smart and funny girl and if you lost a bunch of weight you'd be perfect!" I was sure ready to slap him!

Archer, I know what you mean. But I've just tried to train my brain to hear a compliment as I look good, not wow you were really huge before. I haven't really had complete strangers say anything, it's most likely family growing up when your grandma gives you a weight loss book for Christmas when you're 15 and you just want to throw it at her. Haha.

Along archer531 lines, my mom was the one who was constantly on me saying "you gained so much weight and you got so fat" bla bla bla. It would overtake almost every conversation we had when I would visit. It didn't motivate me at all and it's one of the major reasons I stopped wanting to see her and ended up not going to her house anymore. Well,  I just started out and havn't gotten to the point of loosing the weight but if I get there, I'm sure the conversations will be along the lines of "how fat and horible you used to look", probally won't make me feel any better than the "you are" conversations.

I´m in a string quartet and the other 3 girls in it are as skinny as rakes.  I´m losing weight now but I was a bit chunky (still not medically overweight) a few months ago and my mum said after an important concert "The other girls are so thin, even Rachael who´s also over 30.  They´ll be calling you the chubby one."

I guess she was trying to be helpful but I can´t help feeling she gets some enjoyment out of criticising me.

Basically, when people say poisonous things it shows that THEY´VE got a problem.  If you´re smart, you won´t make that your problem.  If it makes you angry, anger can be very motivating and can give you the energy you need to work on losing weight.

As for the backhanded compliments . . . sticks and stones and all that.

 

>>I guess she was trying to be helpful but I can´t help feeling she gets some enjoyment out of criticising me.<<

That's what I suspect and have throughout this whole thread. I'm not sure it's just that people are insensitive clods. I think some of these people are either sadistic or so insecure they want to bring others down a peg so they can feel better about themselves.

What really sends me over the edge is when people are cruel and then try to turn it into a compliment to themselves with this gem: "I can't help it, I'm just too honest!"

Take comfort in the fact that a weight problem is not as hard to cure as the personality defect some people have.

 

I can SO relate to all of this! 

I started working for my old boss again after a couple of years and quite a few gained pounds.  I had also been with my boyfriend for about a year or so and my boss's way of asking about him and what he was like was, "So is he a heavy guy as well?" thereby imply that I'd gotten nice and plump. 

I was enraged as well as humiliated - I don't think I realized at the time just quite how much weight I've gained!  I certainly do now, and it will come off!!!

>>"So is he a heavy guy as well?"<<

Geez! You might try a variation on the old Winston Churchill comeback.

Bessie Braddock (to Winston Churchill): Winston, you're drunk. Churchill: Yes, Bessie, and you're ugly. But tomorrow I shall be sober.

Him: "So is he a heavy guy as well?"

You: "I have put on some weight and you are an insensitive clod. At least my problem can be corrected. "

(Then look for another job.) :-)  

 

I have the same problem with my dad. When I went away to college I got depressed and gained 40lbs. All I got from him was, "Go put on a different shirt that hides the lard that is hanging over your belt." I wanted to kill him. he has stopped saying that stuff now but he hasn't said anything about my weight loss. Oh well, I guess I should be glad he is off my back now.

Ha ha - I like the come back to my boss!  It gets tempting at times to say something back when I hear him say things like, "what are you eating? It better be healthy!" when I'm at my desk at work.  I just don't think he can help himself!!!

Every time he says something I get flashbacks to being a kid and my mother always harping on me about my weight and how "I didn't want to end up fat and ugly".  I had one of those kid conditions, too, that when you told me not to do something enough, it annoyed me to the point where I did the opposite of whatever my parents said - so I got fat to spite her.  It certainly back fired however since I'm the one that ended up in Jenny Craig and dealing with this for what seems like a life time. 

I was thinner when I was a smoker...It's been 3 years since I quit, but believe me there are time when I'm tempted to go back to that!  I'm determined to do this the healthy way though - diet and exercise...they're age-old solutions, right? 

 "Put the fork down!!!"

I have gotten-"so when are you due"-from a friend "Are you sure you aren't pregnant"-from my mother in law "You won't ever lose that weight, just get over it, you are bigger now, deal with it"-my husband "Do you really think you need dessert", "Why is your belly so big" "I think you got shorter and fatter since last week"-from my brother, "doesn't she have a great body, dam, you could never look like that"-from my husband (and he wonders why I am dieting)

People are jerks and don't realize what they say effects you. We just gotta stay strong. Soon we will all have lost the weight we are trying to lose and we will look better and feel better than any of the jerks saying things to us.