agruskin's Journal
3000 Calories-WHAT is the matter w me??Nov 02 2009 18:38
wtf, WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF i cant be around trail mix
AND NO SHIT
B:cereal+trail mix w/milk, greek yogurt~400
S:ounce of brown cinimmon sugar almods,1 prune! lol~200
L: chicken salad on a roll, trail mix, grapes~400
S:cereal+golden raisins+chocolate chips w/milk, peach, giant apple, at least 1 cup TRAIL MIX~900
D: loaded veg salad, fruit, corn~370
S: PB, apple, yogurt, pudding, grapes~ 550
TOTAL-2850 ahhh
hi laura- ugh, im sorry, im feeling low+confused rt now. im not in starvation mode, why the hell am i eating like this? after my "snack" i did feel very energized, very healthy, i know there is some sort of connection but wtf, its disgusting. i didnt WO to compensate, i was heading there already, i jogged again-35 mins w/cool down, about 3.5 miles. that is SO great that ur done, what a relief!!! how long til u hear? my mail? internet? OMG, houses???? that is SOOOO cool!! do u ever watch house hunters on the home channel? well they show massive houses in like tenessee or something that around here would be millions, there theyre like $400,000, its crazy! i dont measure so i have no clue how much i eat, except milk or cereal which i heard isnt even accurate bc i use a cup and u should weigh it, idk. i start w a spon of trail mix and then grab like 4 handfuls more, and only coint the spoon? im such a fuck up!!?? today and sat i ate like 1/2 the container so i figure ill be kind and call it 1 cup, it was probly more both times. and like the thing is, i could still eat more, more trail mix and more PB. i dont know how im supposed to proceed when i do this, when its only 6:45 pm?? u can do tons of things w challah, other than just have it plain or w/butter, challah french toast is like sin! ive had it chocolate too and its like, well yea, sin! i dont get sick of foods, i could eat the same stuff all the time and be fine. im so glad u liked the chili tho! whatd u have it w if anything? the store closed so i go food shopping 1/wk now. i had scrambled egg(w oil) on a buttered bagel, and my normal loaded salad, it was great + hit the spot, proud i had what i WANTED, but again, im so backed up feeling from eating tons esp, and i had stayed clear of eggs bc i heard they were binding and experienced it too. ur bf sounds awesome! im so ealous that u have a normal+smart guy! so my mother said to my father that she hopes were NOT doing anything 4 her. it was her sister's idea to do it and we thought itd be a bad idea, but no going back now! yea, big break from routine but thats life, i need to face life! ur rt, have the thoughts AND do what i want, or know that i should want at least! balance is key. jeez, it sure is, i need balance! yup, i know the SNL skit! i went to CVS and bought like 12 bags of candy bc they were 1/2 off, well i got 4 and my father also went and got 10. so i kept some and brought the rest to work to like bribe the kids w when i need them to do work! ever have a Pay Day candy bar, omg, theyre amazing! ok lady! good luck with the start of your short week and with sorry it was like all about me, ugh, idk, alrty, enejoy ur extra free time!! amy |
amy, i really liked hedgren's response to your posts today about eating more. read those again. i'm sorry you're having a tough time with having a larger-than-normal appetite. i know it feels out of control and scary to be so hungry and brings up fears about what the future will hold if your appetite never subsides. i hear that. and it's within this context of hearing how hard this is for you and also of wanting to support you that i'm going to be a bit blunt here. you've been dancing around the idea of gaining for a while now without making much movement. i know part of you wants to, but it's clear that a large part of you is really having a hard time with it. eating 2500 hasn't been enough to gain. and you know this. you're dragging your feet. your goal to gain was based on an honest analysis of what you really want for yourself: a life that isn't hooked into eating concerns. if you want that, you're going to have to give up some control here. you're going to have to sit through more nights like tonight where you feel badly about eating a lot. you can't only feel GOOD and recover at the same time. this feeling bad is part of the process. and if you really want this, you're going to have to actively step into more situations like this. there's NOTHING easy about it. if it were easy, you would have done it a long time ago. this will be hard. AND you can do it. you need to be eating more. your body is telling you that. you're not gaining. the part of you that's angry and scared right now is not the part you want to hang out with anymore, right? how much have those voices helped you? where have they taken you? if you don't like their path, you have to choose a different one and it will be HARD. you can't do things the same way and suddenly get different results. you can do this. :) i hear back about interviews around mid-december and then interviews are held at the end of december through january. it's an expensive process, because i have to fly myself out to the places for interviews, pay for hotels, etc. they say you can do phone interviews with no penalty, but i think that's a load of shit. i am pretty sure they will notify by email. love technology! i've never seen househunters, but i've heard of it. if we get serious about buying a house, i'll probably start watching!! a house would be so nice AND so much responsibility! my bf is quite a bit older than i am, so i think he's really eager to settle down and have some serious investments. i would just like to have some nicer things...like nicer cooking ware and servingware. i joke about wanting to have a fake bridal shower so that people will buy those things for me! i'm going to a wedding this weekend and will be so jealous when i look at the registry. i TOTALLY stock up on halloween candy at discount! i give it to my students too....it's so nice to have it on hand! it's crazy how well it works to motivate, eh? your dinner last night with the eggs and bagel sounds yummy and good for you for using OIL!!! i hope it wasn't the eggs that backed you up. it sounds like you may be in need of a more serious intervention now. i want to say again that i think you should seriously consider a second opinion. i don' t think there's any good reason why you should have to suffer through so much discomfort so often. i bet your mother will love the surprise even if she's saying now that she doesn't want to do anything. i think you should engage her in it in order to help fool her about saturday. try to convince her to do something small...maybe next weekend. three years ago i threw my roommate the BEST surprise party ever by first planning a fake party the weekend after her party that she assumed we were having and got involved in planning. then i planned a second, fake housewarming party that some other friends were going to have the weekend of her bday and made plans with her to go to the party. on our way there, we stopped by the grocery store to get beer and, when we did, 20 of her closest friends were in the beer aisle waiting for her. it was great. 2 fake parties!! she had NO idea. it was so much fun to plan. on the other end, though, i HATE surprise parties for myself. :) please don't apologize for venting about your night. i know it was hard for you and i value being able to offer some support. i realize i was kind of tough on you in this note. i want to be clear that i know how hard you are working...i don't want to suggest that i think you're not working hard. i just think you need to refocus. you're doing great AND there's more work to do. laura. |
I just thought of something. I was at the store buying my cashews and I saw that the price has gone up. (6.97$/500g instead of 5.97$/500g) Sucks, right? :( |
vanilla-i just buy the bulk fruit+nut mix, its like a huge tub but i cant remember the price, nothing fancy at all tho |
14
