agruskin's Journal

hey there!

i'm glad to see you're sticking with the higher intake.  i really, really, really think you need to eat more to gain (as your experience suggests.   adding the extra cals is not hard...just another yummy scoop of pb!!  your appetite WILL fluctuate, because that's what appetites do.  think about thirst...it works the same way.  some days you're just more thirsty!  it happens.  just try your best to work with your experience, whatever it is, and assume that it's exactly as things should be.  i don't know if it's possible to ever be free of difficult thoughts.  i think the best bet is just to try to find a new way to relate to them so that they don't dictate how you live your life.  you can think of the difficult thoughts like baggage that you take with you as you move through life.  right now, you're riding with them on your lap.  they're all up on top of you...so much so that sometimes they make it really hard to see where you're going and you may even miss turns that you want to take.  the move to make here is to put the bags down on the seat next to you.  they'll still be there, on the ride with you.  but they won't be obscuring your vision or weighing you down.  just let them sit there, with you.  don't pick them up every time you notice them.  because doing that DEFINITELY doesn't make them go away.

i bought a HUGE bag of candy last night for $3.  it normally costs $11.  i thought of you!  i don't think there are any paydays in my bag, but snickers and all that stuff for sure.  how sad that the kids are so hungry.  if only healthy food motivated them too. does the school offer free lunches, etc?  i can't imagine being hungry in that way.  god it's heart breaking.

all of the places i applied to work at are academic medical centers, either hospitals that are attached to a medical school or veterans affairs hospitals (VA's).  i prefer to do empirically-supported treatments (things like CBT, DBT, etc.) and academic medical centers, especially those that are known for their research, are the most loyal to those types of therapy.  i've worked in hospital settings and community clinics...kind of the whole range.  i like both, but it's just really hard to find community clinics that have the kind of structure that i like.   i'm hoping first to get interviews and second that my interviews are in january so at least i won't have to book last minute flights.  it's going to be INSANE trying to run my studies while traveling, but i'll manage.  speaking of traveling, i just heard back from one of my best friends who lives in nyc and she told me she made reservations for us to eat at one of the best seafood restaurants in the city (when i go there for the conference in two weeks)!!  i'm so excited for good food!  she's a real foodie, too, so i'm sure it's really really good. 

i'm glad to hear you have a rec for another doctor.  i didn't realize the constipation issue runs in your family, though it's much more common among older people so your great aunt's issues may be more a function of age.  i don't blame you for losing steam.  you deserve better care than what you're getting.  you need a doctor who is an ACTIVE advocate for you...not someone who is satisfied with writing you prescriptions for more laxatives.  prevention.  that's the key.  i hope you can find time to make finding a new doc a priority soon. 

i'm working from home today and think i'm going to sneak out in a few hours to go shopping for a new coat.  i'm also going to peak at dresses because i'm going to a wedding on sat and (feel like) i have nothing to wear. 

one more day of work for you????

laura.