alwaysinmyroom's Journal
A Long Road Well TraveledJul 17 2009 08:47
My younger sister called me and said she had cried when she read my original blog entry from 2007 when I had made the decision to lose weight and change my life...I had forgotten about it and went back to read it. It was hard to read because I was in so much pain at that time...I had lost control of my own body and was feeling so low that I had no idea that it had impacted my marriage, my activities, my friends, my creativity, etc. For me, being so fat made me a non-person--a blob--a total failure--yes, my self-esteem was at its lowest point and life had quit being joyous for me. I weighed the most I had ever weighed, 243 pounds, and I felt ashamed that I weighed more than most men of average weight!
Contrast that entry to today: This past weekend I attended a wedding of the daughter of a couple that we have known for over 30 years. I wore my new dress, even wore panty hose (regular sized!) and high heels, and I felt terrific and confident with my appearance. For the first time in a long time, I realized that I felt happy and comfortable in this new phase of my life...what a wonderful place to be! I realized that I had accepted that taking care of myself is indeed a long, lifetime task...that each day had to be devoted to taking care of myself so that I could take care of those I love...and that taking care of myself did not only mean losing weight, but losing the negativity that I associated with the weight...of being the person I enjoy being...of living life to the fullest each day...re-kindling passion for my husband, my art, my friends...ahhhh
I had not seen the ex-wife for over 25 years, and when she saw me, she told my husband that I looked beautiful and the same as when we got married...I know he beamed with that compliment and he told me that he was proud of me for working so hard and for continuing to work hard at making myself the best that I can be...while the validation from others was wonderful, I felt like I validated myself...emotions that I have not felt for a while overwhelmed me: pride, dedication, courage, joy, determination, peace, completeness...
It is days like this that keep me going--the road is still long, but well-travled and some of the pit stops, like this one, are fabulous! I know there are some bumps ahead, but for now, I am going to enjoy the smooth highway--and that means shopping for another new outfit! ha ha
Wow. I finally got the meaning of your name. You probably always felt like being in your room. Now, you can go out and do or be anything you want. I'm very inspired by your story. Yes, it's a lifetime journey. For me, it's somethings like alcoholism except it is eating too much. I will have to renew my vows each day as I eat within the limits of height, weight, and exercise level. But, it is so much better than the alternative. Tonight, one of DH's students from thirty years ago ran into him on the street. DH invited me out to a tavern where he was having a bite to eat with the 48-year-old man. The former student mentioned that the last time we had met was about twenty-some years ago, and that I hadn't changed at all. If he had seen me a year or two years ago, he definitely wouldn't have said that. I am heavier than when he last saw me, but not enough that one would notice. YAY!!! I think we can get out and conquer the world with our new-found feelings of self-worth. Great going!!! I knowyou will find just the dress you want. |
Yes--I was alwaysinmyroom, hiding away from the world...when people meet me, they are surprised at how shy I really am because my online personality is much more strong since it is "safe"... I am working to make the me I feel inside my head match to my exterior--that is the hardest part of losing weight-- I have never really thought about my weight issues as being like an alcoholic, but it truly is! Especially when you think about the highs and lows of eating and of losing weight, the cravings, the depression, the numbness..oh wow---having people like you supporting me is worth much more than the eating--thank you so much You know the feeling is mutual--I love reading your journal of ideas, motivation, hope, and even of setbacks and challenges--it is life, isn't it! BTW--not sure if you knew this or not, but I am half Japanese with my mother being from Tokyo! I was born in Yokohama. |
You are indeed inspirational. To take control of your life and not let life take control of you are truly words of change. You may not have heard of Overeaters Anonymous but it is an organization based on the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. Every time an emotional eater/overeater decides to put food in their mouth it is the exact same decision an alcoholic makes about taking a drink. You are a success story. You deserve all the compliments and happiness you have worked to have. Enjoy every compliment and strut your stuff in every new outfit you get. |
I thoroughly enjoyed reading your success story! I rarely find such inspiration when reading friends journals...so Thank You! Now I feel like the long time it will take me to get where I want to be is something that really can be accomplished! Enjoy getting to know the New You! |
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