amazingashley's Journal
Well, ya gotta start somewhere. Nov 04 2009 13:09
I have yet to even post a journal on here because I haven't found a need to. I'm about two weeks into my (hopefully) lifelong journey, and as far as I'm concerned, I'm doing very well for myself. I encountered my favorite holiday, and was able to enjoy myself without a flinch. Yes, I didn't record the food I ate. No, I don't regret it. Yes, I got in trouble by my nurse practitioner I'm seeing for not logging, but no, I don't care.
But getting into trouble and getting scolded by my NP really put a damper on my day yesterday, and it proceeded to go downhill from there. I explained to her that I took on Halloween to enjoy myself, but I still did better than I ever would have in the past. At Nick's party, I had only one piece of pizza, about five wings, and I munched on a bunch of snack foods for about half of the night, and then I let myself be (and I fell asleep... haha). At Sarah's party, I enjoyed myself with good friends and food, and I ate a lot more candy than I should have, but hey, it was Halloween. And I went in on Tuesday for my weekly weigh in, and I never expected miracles. I ate junk all weekend, I didn't expect the pounds to fly off. But instead, I got scolded.
I was told that I need to be held accountable for all of the calories that I eat, and that's half of the battle. Most of the people who don't log everything and don't hold themselves accountable aren't successful. That I understand, but I did better than I ever have been before, and I was proud of myself. (Isn't that all that should matter?) I even rejected bringing home the halloween candy my Mom offered me. I also told my NP that I had a goal to change my goal for this month as far as exercise goes. Rather than doing a weekly sort of thing, I wanted to do a monthly goal. Each day that I exercise, I put a smiley face on my white-board calendar. And rather than having a weekly goal, I wanted to have a month-long goal to have 15 smiley-faces. Apparently that's not good enough. I also got reprimanded for that. But that wasn't the last of my worries for the day.
I had gone home to get my combat boots, and I decided to eat lunch at home. And I also discovered just how calorie dense one of my FAVORITE meals are. I expelled 930 calories on two wraps filled with rice pilaf and sour cream, something I love and love to devour. Fortunately, I learned from my mistake, and I opted to eat a candy bar too while I was home, just a small one, one of the Kit Kats. So I was okay with this, it left me more than enough calories for dinner. But the biggest mistake I made was on my way back to Geneseo. I had to stop at Wal-Mart to get some soy milk. I had a ton of cereal in my room, but I was running low, so I figured, why not stop? I also did some searching in the microwave meal area, to find out that some of those microwaveable meals are better than others. And something that I hope to get into, the Smart Ones would make great meal alternatives for me say when I go to Travis's. Unfortunately, I ran into my worst enemy - chocolate. The big bags of Halloween candy were on sale, half price. And I couldn't restrain myself. I thought, "okay, I'll buy them as a snack for myself, as a prize, something to treat myself with. I have other candy in my dorm room I haven't savagely eaten, so I can handle this."
But boy was I wrong. I got upset last night while I was talking to Liz, and I just ate, and ate, and ate, and ate candy. I had probably 6 Heath bars, 6 mini-boxes of milk duds, and probably 8 pay days. The woppers were untouched, but I just chowed down on candy. And then I got mad at myself. And then I sat and wondered, and contemplated, do I just sit here and bitch at myself? Or do I move on? Do I keep going, and do better the next day? And as Liz and I talked, I decided I move on, and I do better the next day. And to keep me in check, I made sticky notes that said "KEEP" and "MOVING" on them. I took a picture of them, and made it my computer background.
After putting that as my computer background, I took the sticky notes and posted them to the top shelf of my computer desk in my room that I sit at every day. (And I tried to post it on here, but it's retarded and will now probably show up four times!) But then I also did something else, to keep myself thinking about it. I looked up another quote for my (th)inspriation board. It was from Rocky Balboa, "It ain't about how hard you hit, it's about how hard you can get hit and keep getting back up." Or something like that :) I'm too lazy to look it back up, but that's the gist of it. And I've been hit pretty hard, but I'mma get back up. 'Cause that's what Stallone would do *drool*
But on a side note, I've realized today that I have a fairly decent long-term goal. I want to lose about 27 pounds by next May, May 2010. And I can reach my goal if I keep going as I'm going. But I don't have anything short term. Maybe a goal by Christmas? :) I'll think about it.
