angel_going_home's Journal

I'm just returning after beening gone for almost a year. Starting over is not easy. This as almost more of a struggle for me this time then the first time. There's just too much food that I REALLY REALLY want, that I can't have. Sometimes I think I'll just give up and remain 'fat'. But I HATE this fat so very much. I cry when I think about how I use to look. I know I'll never get down to that weight again, and I really don't want to be that thin. 98 lbs was way too small, but 198 is WAY to big! I just can't seem to catch on to all the rules and regulations. Why does this have to be so hard???? At 51 it is really hard to change everything I eat and don't eat. Exercising is even harder. I have to many muscles that just refuse to move. I read about everything that everyone is doing and I just get depressed. I wish I could do these things, but my body won't let me. So far I have torn my rotary cuff and pulled a ham string, and I wasn't even working out hard!
Last week I ate very well and stayed with-in the A to B range and stayed 500 or more calories below my activity level, ate lightly about 5 to 6 times a day and I was SURE I was losing weight. This week when I weighted I had GAINED 2.6 pounds!!! WHAT AM I DOING WRONG??? I want so badly just to give up.
SOMEBODY HELP ME! I just wish I had a buddy to work with me. Someone to hold me up and motivate me at times like these. :*(