baggeth's Journal

Hmm funny how things change...

Jun 09 2009 23:21

...and yet remain exactly the same. Life update. Mark and I through. Well in my head anyways, I'm gonna be making sure that he knows it soon enough - probably tomorrow night. Then there's the overreating thing. Admittedly did it again tonight. However, not planning on eating breakfast tomorrow - well I will if I have time. Still very full from immediately after I got home.

Apartment still going swimmingly and I am still absolutely in love with it. I guess back to the boy issue. Mark may be over but the possibility of something happening with a guy named Willie is just around the corner. Although the problem with something happening with Willie is that while I know for a fact that he is ready and willing well I'm hesitant (for the immediate future because technically I still feel as though I need to remind faithful to Mark, even if we were never officially a thing) but then again there's the whole friend issue. If we do that thing and things go sour then what about the friendship???

The relentless mockery and teasing in the shop wouldn't help much either but whatd'ya expect???

Oooh boys. Planning on running tomorrow morning. We'll see if it happens. Me waking up at 6am to go running...hahahaha fat chance. Oh wait I am kinda fat. Well I guess there's your proof it may happen :) Beyond the possibility of running tomorrow morning I have no other specfific goals that I want to work on, besides running to get every customer pick-up car and possibily starting to run to get the rest of them...I dunno though I feel weird running around the shop partialy because it's not quite ladylike and I'm a bit paranoid about boob/ass bouncing. It tends to draw attention and in this case definitely wouldn't be in the good way. Blarg.

No more thinking! Just doing. It's the plan I used to follow and I should really get back to it. Life was simpler the people in my life were happier and I was happier. Yup yup. Nike Baby! just. do. it.

:P Wish me luck!

Soo it's been a while.

May 17 2009 09:21

All righty since the last time I wrote, I am employed (just qualified for my benefits this week - meaning i've been here for 3 months now), I have moved out of my apartment, I am more or less dating the guy I was crushing on beforehand, and yet here I am again searching for that something that will help me not binge eat for days at a time.

First of all I work at Land Rover - the hippie in me isn't too happy but the capitalist in me is ecstatic (great benefits for cheap!). Not gonna lie my job is pretty awesome too. Not only am I not a secretary that sits on her ass all day being bored and daydreaming of other things I literally run around all day. Unfortunately the last time I 'ran around all day' for work was when I worked on groundscrew and gained 20 lbs. While at the very moment I have been beinge eating pretty much the entire time I've been home- which is a lot recently is all the time. Well I'm still a bit smaller than I was when I got the job so I consider that to be comforting.

Mark. The vegan with whom I worked with at Santaland is the guy I'm with (while I've had other 'offers' he's the one I want). Either way according to him we aren't necessarily together. I dunno if it barks and wags its tail like a dog it probably is. I think we're together. Everyone I've talked to about it thinks we're a couple.

Whatever. Onto the health and diet thing. So when I started working at Land Rover I discovered that within reason I could eat whatever I wanted and not worry about it. Unfortunately, somewhere in the last three months I have totally disregarded the idea of 'within reason' and am obviously gaining weight. Right now I should be PMSing so maybe that helps? Hell if I know.

Soo here are my goals... Everyday that it's nice I want to go running. (good thing we're coming into summer where everyday is nice - shit.) Hmm how should I do this? Because I know that as it actually gets hot around here well running after work may not be the best idea unless it's around 8pm or something. Maybe I should do that anyway...since 5pm is the hottest part of the day and I'm usually starving when I get home from work 6pm ain't gonna work. That means I definitely have to run on both days of the weekend. Ain't no rest for the wicked. I didn't run yesterday but once my stomach digests from breakfast I'll be running today. It's gonna be hard and proabably painful in the end but I'm looking forward to it.

Here's to yet another new beginning! Perhaps this one will stick now that life is pretty much going to be stable for a while....god i hope so.

Have an issue? Here's a tissue.

Feb 04 2009 23:20

Just a brief bitch about room mates, I swear! They suck and now that I fully realize that I have a valid reason for feeling like I live in their apartment well I suddenly feel better about it and can live with it without too much anger.

Other brief bitching...all of my electronics are dying at the same time. It's official the iPod is dead...gym? SHIT. Bose speaker sound dock. Dead. I use a computer speaker from 1990 or my laptop...sad face. Computer. Major issues. A few trojans here and there, just hasn't been the same since it died a month ago, keys still popping off the keyboard of course. I'm ready to be done with all of it.

Get me a pen some paper and a candle. This is how I will communicate from now on. Well aside from t my compulsive texting...at least the phone still works!

Oookay now that everything else is out of the way onto health and eating. Neither have been good recently. I've been sick since last friday but today I can finally consistantly breathe out of my nose - which is nice. I probably have about 75-80% of my lungs again and the head cold is really getting old. Eating habits. As my health deteriorates my desire or I guess willpower goes right out with it. The need for convenience and lack of desire to shop for real things comes into play and so basically I am living off of various types of wraps and/or bar food - beer (think superbowl). The wraps are really good though. For example the last one I made is from a 'tortilla' that is made of sprouts and grains and contains a complete protein and while it's really big only 150 cals. Compared to the 200 from a comparable size. I'm also totally in love with tofutti - better than cream cheese. Okay so maybe not the best for you but I'm trying dairy alternatives...oh then there was spinach and tomato with some salt and pepper. yum yum. This morning for breakfast it was the 'tortilla' 2 eggs - admittedly I should only eat one but the tortilla's so big! kale, tomato, onion and tofu mixed in and a single slice of real turkey. Whole foods...while muy delicioso is muy carro tambien! If I remember my spanish correctly that last sentence will make sense but there's a good chance I don't. I'm gonna take my chances either way.

All right well I'm off to write cover letters and send in applications...i do it religiously now and I finally heard back from one of them!! Yay I like fridays.

very full again...

Jan 26 2009 20:56

I feel like i need to be living with somone to help entertain me and basically keep me ashamed from always going into the fridge. This is a bit of an issue for me. Not sure what to do about it for the next few days until the mates come back.

Whatever I guess. Today I did the elliptical for an hour. I know it's overkill but I felt like I had to considering how much i've been eating the last four day (including today)...soo yah know it's kinda punishment.

On another note I am soo tired of sending out resumes. I am also tired of trying not to think about that guy I like and whether or not he likes me. And with every commericial I see for "He's just not that into you" I am more convinced that he doesn't see me that way and the sooner I get that through my head the sooner I can move on and find someone else that I can like. You know how there are serial daters...well I'm a serial crusher. My life works best when I have someone that I can crush on. Dating is one thing, but really I am most productive when there is someone that I am trying to impress. Don't ask me why i think it's just some sort of approval complex I have in regards to the male figures in my life. I like approval I need it. Otherwise I'm just not good enough.

This is probably why I'm soo lazy too. If I don't try then I can't really fail...and then that way i can pretend that I'm actually better at things than I really am. Messed up isn't it? Sadly it's taken me a long time to figure these little nuggets of internal insight. Either way knowing them is only half the battle now I actually have to do shit about it. Blarg.

So I have taken a slight break from the diet...

Jan 25 2009 01:37

As the title suggests I took a little hiatus from the healthy eating. We're going on two days now. However, I think I'm done and am ready to jump back on the wagon. While it's been tasting good, I need my veggies back. At least I did some belly dance today. If only that really counted.

Meh, oh well. Today I also got to run around the house in my underwear too. It was great. Actually I was wearing a short silk nighty underneath a tick flannel shirt. Not the best outfit I've ever picked out but comfy and warm enough while still being scandelous. Sort of anyways. Tomorrow I will actually go out and do something. For one thing I need groceries and going to the gym would be a good idea...so would going to the camera store to get some flters and going to the art school to practice using illustrator. But really who's keng track?

Hmm I wonder if that guy I like will call? I dunno but it would be nice :) Especially since I have the place to myself this week...and before your thoughts so there I don't necessary mean that! it's more we could just hang out here without me having to worry about being awkward because my roommates are around. That's all :P

Night ya'll!

About last night -

Jan 23 2009 10:56

So I did some rrough figures in my head i did up to 1,200 in damage. 4 beers and a slight hangover later I strangely feel better. Perhapss just the coincidence that I really needed to get away from Kirk (guy roommate) for a while and it turns out they are going to vermont for the next week. I have until saturday to be by myself. This morning I had a terrible feeling that I would wake up and Kirk would be sitting there smoking a spliff and for some reason their trip was cancelled. It is important to note that I'm being overly dramatic but really I'm just tired of this bullshit. It can get to you after 10 months...

Food wise...well I was hung over so I made pasta with garlic, onion, and 2 slices of tofu cooked in EVOO. It was delicious. Need more water though, especially since today is an erg day meaning hard workout! Oh yah new gym plan for me.

Til recently it's been elliptical mon-thursday and erg on fri (not exactly balanced I know) with abs every other day.

New Plan:

Mon - elliptical and abs

Tues - weights

Wed - bike and abs

Thurs - weights

Friday - erg

Yesterday I finally go around to using the weight machines since the place was fairly empty and I had time to figure out how to use each one. Hav done that I've now realized how much I've let myself fall out of shape. My muscles are weak. I'm now in training mode: next time I meet up with Noah I am so gonna kick his ass (we play wrestle and I ALWAYS lose). One's gotta have goals right?

Emotional eater....um yah could say that!

Jan 22 2009 19:49

today i don't even want to think about the damage i've done tonight. blech. I hate boys! Not even the one I'm crushing on the one I'm forced to live with...ew. What a penis.

It's like having your first day of school all over again!

Jan 21 2009 14:40

Okay so for me this is actually true because I just found out that I got into a class yesterday and tonight is the first day. I was always nervous about the first day of school after the summer. It definitely feels like that all over again. I am now entering the school of life (bad i know but it still applies)...anywho the crush called again...I missed it, called him back and missed him...ce la vie eh? So the class is good news, the potential guy is a very good thing, and I dunno about the job thing but something's gotta give god damn it!! Then there's the weight thing which is definitely going well. Weighed myself yesterday down another 1.5 lbs. I weighed myself again just to be sure yup down 1.5 since last week. I have a feeling my gravy boat on the diet river is about to come to a halt. I've been kinda hungry lately. Ate a big lunch today. Think like a 1,000 or so. Really good though, it was a chicken breast over pasta with tomato, onion, garlic, and cauliflower cooked in EVOO topped off wiith 1/2 an avocado and balsalmic vinegar. Yum yum. But then I decided "what the hell" and ate the other half of avocado. So now I am suficiently stuffed and out of calories for the day. I am going to eat something for dinner I just don't know what yet. Or maybe I won't...probably should I did use the elliptical today - it claims I burned 422 cals (in 40 minutes). I guess I've got some wiggle room in there.

Turns out my skinny roommate is now starting to get into the idea of working out and what not. I swear that girl drops weight like its hot. I'm not sure I can keep up with her. If only I didn't have twice as much to lose as her. She'll be done in about a week and I've got another month or two to go. Poo. Oh well. Hopefully I'll just be more toned than her in the end I've gotta have something she has and always will have bigger boobs than me and way smaller hips. No fair man.

Besides the new competition (I make it competition because i'm slightly unbalanced like that), I think I may have fucked things up when it comes to ever being friends with her boyfriend/my other roommate. He's too moody, defensive and doesn't listen. I don't want to deal with it anymore but since shit got brought up a bit yesterday I feel like I should really just open it wide open just to get out there and no longer have it bottled up inside me. Not that the buggar will listen. At least I will have tried...time to look up my route to class tonight!! :)

"he's just not that into you" ...but he could be, right?

Jan 19 2009 16:09

After last week's weigh in I relaxed a bit on my detox rules and my calorie intake limits. I'm more at 1400 than 1300 and I have been having a glass of red wine everynight (so far). So far I've been doing my 5 workouts a week well during the week and then leaving the weekend open for whatever...unfortunately it makes it really hard to motivate myself on mondays when I have to go back after my break. I think I might change that so that I have a day off during the week and go in on the weekend. Not sure. If I did I think it would have to be on a thursday. wednesdays are weigh ins and friday is my erg day (it's hardest and I feel better about going into the weekend having done the erg - it's also happ hour day).

In other good news the guy that I have been crushing on is interested...I think. I worked up the nerve to ask him to the batting cages...it was literally painful - I bruised my palms and well neither of us did all that well. He gave me a hug as he dropped me of (well two actually) and we tentatively made plans for during the week - yup still unemployed - so I dunno we'll see.

I'm excited by the possibility that he is intereste but on the other hand I read that book "he's just not that into you and according to that book I'm getting kinda mixed signals = not that into me. Sucky. But hey maybe I'll just let myself be excited about it anyway. That's what I used to do and it actually usually worked out...or was it that I just had someone else to distract me when it didn't? I dunno we'll see how it goes!

Cheers Y'all :P

Holy F*ckin' Frijoles!

Jan 14 2009 16:35

I didn't believe it even when it was staring me in the face today... I was standing on the scale and as I watched the little thingie move up and down until it steadied I held my breath. Could it be true? Then it finally stopped and it was true I am back down to 159!!! 5 lbs in a week though...I'm a bit skeptical about it though. There could be factors that helped me out like the fact that I'm not longer on my period so I may not longer be retaining water weight or whatever (cuz I usually am bloated while riding the crimson wave). But still 5 lbs!! I can hardly believe it. I knew I was excited about my weigh in today. Redonculous! Who woulda thunk??

Anyways now the trick is to keep going and to not preemptively celebrate my efforts - this is what usually happens with me and then I just gain it all back :( Not this time, this time I'm gonna make it. So I think I'll keep doing what I've been doing - a glass of wine or two over the weekend (seemed to be okay last weekend) and just keep going with the veggies!

I wonder if I will be able to lose any weight by next wednesday? It'd be okay if I didn't I mean 5 lbs one week, I'm sure to stall or plateau or something, either way it's okay because I'm ahead of the game anyways. Although soon I should start lifting weights again...my arms are not exactly in top shape anymore.

Here's to next week! :D