becky_j's Journal

So I'm feeling guilty today.  It's my cousin's baby's baptism today and I didn't go.  I really feel like I only have so much energy right now and I need it for my weight loss.  I have a very physical job and at work I try to set the pace so I'm not just keeping up, I'm trying to do more, go faster, than everyone else.  Then when I get home I go workout.  I am not doing what I can, I am doing more then I can.  The truth is, is that I have an extra 100 lbs of weight on me and even with the most sedentary lifestyle that can wear you out!  I am tired!  My knees hurt, my ankles hurt, I have plantar faciitis on my right foot and it hurts.  I am just going to have to learn how to function and keep going until I get this weight off me.  It is the only way that I will have the energy I need for my life.  Also, I have really protected myself from food.  I eat certain foods at the same time of the day every day.  It is hard for me to be around lots of food at parties, certain restaurants, even the grocery store can be hard for me.  I know what my limitations are right now and I have to be careful!  I am less than 1 month into this.  I have not built up the willpower to put myself in situations that I can't handle yet.  It isn't forever, it's just for now.  So, like I said, I'm missing a big family event today and my aunt is calling me, "Where in the heck are you" everyone is wondering where I am.  To miss something like this in my family is not allowed.  And my "excuse" sounds lame to anyone else.