beforesunrise's Journal

been away for a while!

Jul 23 2009 20:21

boy, this last month of summer is going to be sooo busy :) the equivalent of four classes + 10 hrs research/week...isn't it ironic that it's my last "light" quarter before 2011 ends? haha...then no break as i go straight into MCAT classes during september after summer school ends.

school's been sooo good. i just had my round of midterms, and have weekly quizzes and hw - i am 4.0-ing both accounting and business stats - and hopefully will end up with a 4.0 in english too!! it's a B-term class, which means it just started today and is going to be 10 hrs/week for 5 credits.

workouts have been soo good. mom and i finished the hot yoga promotional series at kirkland and we decided to try woodinville out. the bikram series is the same, but the instructors are way more detailed - and call out individuals to praise or correct! i don't know if i like that, but it's way less crowded and instead of 105-110 is consistently only 105 degrees. phew!

the teacher after last class asked if i danced, because my flexibility and control during poses has gotten so much better with the lessons. i laughed and said i wish i could dance >< but that was a nice piece of encouragement because sally - one of the instructors - is also the owner of that particular studio! woohoo.

i ran twice this past week too, 6+ miles each morning...too bad i killed my foot yesterday morning and now it's purple and painful just below the ankle. my right right foot's worse, but both are pretty bruised...don't think it's bone, maybe tendon or ligament. it's right one the knife edge and hurts like a butt - especially when i walk.

shouldn't have pushed it. oh well, i will have to stay off it a few days and see how it goes. eating has been good too, i don't think i've been eating enough because i can feel my body retaining water...i haven't hit 2000 cals in more than three weeks, so today i ate a little more. hopefully tomorrow i'll wake up happier!

i also have had my period twice in less than a month. speak of the devil - i don't get it for 7 months and then BAM...i don't know if it's the 2% milk i've been drinking to get more calcium...can't rely 100% on tofu, love it as i may =) and i hate taking pills (i'm 19, c'mon) and honestly believe in getting nutrients as organically as possible.

on another note, there has been a guy of interest lately. he visited my church on june 28th and i talked to him the following wednesday for the first time. i don't want to write a book here, but we've been getting along really well - there is plenty to talk about, and i can't describe how hearing him speak chinese with a northern accent makes me feel so at home. it's an other-country thing, i guess...anyway he's getting his MBA here (bachelors in computer science..weird haha) and hopefully will get to stay here to find a job after grad school!

we talk quite a bit, but i really like how none of our conversations involve gossip about mutual acquaintances or friends - nor are they too serious and heavy. it's quite a good balance, and nice and slow...i don't like getting into things too fast, and at the same time take these things quite seriously. i wouldn't put so much time into talking to him if i didn't think there was a chance....

BUT...he's 27. he's 7 years and 9 1/2 months older than me. is that too much? i don't know how to feel. before meeting him, in theory, in my head, my limit was ~5 years. but honestly i don't know anymore. i guess we'll just wait and see. whether or not my parents like him and approve is a whole other can of worms, but a can of worms i care about because their opinion matters. i'm not that independent yet =)

wow, enough journaling about myself. i'm beginning to feel quite conceited haha. i hope i don't sound it though =/ hope everyone's getting lots of R&R, and is doing well. goodness knows i need loads more of the former!

haircut yo! and new pics :)

Jul 09 2009 21:10

i cut it meself...the length was just getting ridiculous..i measured - in total i cut off 7 inches from the longest part, AND i layered it because i had mad amounts of hair.

feels so much lighter haha!! ^^ and during hot yoga it won't feel like an anvil on my head anymore haha.

i've been doing quite well recently, research is vamping up and i'm starting work on two projects soon - one affiliated with the Autism Center of Excellency near UW, looking for a genetic link between two huge families' pedigrees - if we can link these two potentially related people there'll be a greater chance of success of finding a gene linked to autistic spectrum disorders!

the second one has to do with sequencing/genotyping genes on the short arm of chromosome 6P that contribute to this lady's (she's missing the short arm of that chromosome) diseases -poor gal =/- eye troubles [cataracts, etc], type I diabetes (onset in her early 30's, very strange], and absence of dyslexia [this one's more complicated..i'll leave the explanation out] to name a few.

whew! and eating's been good - i haven't been hungry in the last week. i keep waking up at 5:50 every morning too, an hour and ten before my alarm clock. yesterday i ate 1200 and did the elliptical for an hour in the morning. today i didn't work out, save the walking around campus, and ate ~1500.

i love summer quarter. i have 100% in my stats class (three quizzes, three homeworks, and lecture exercises so far) and have gotten max points on both my accounting quizzes so far (i.e. i'm setting the curve!!)

okay that was NOT meant to be a cocky remark, i'm just hooting with joy and thankfulness at my potential good marks this quarter...God knows i need 'em! :D

<3 ya'll, take care!

oh Canada!

Jul 03 2009 12:55

haha i know...going to canada on our independence day...but my family's going to visit my grandma, baby cousins, and aunt and uncle this weekend (vancouver b.c.). we'll be heading up in a few hours, so it should be fun - albeit cramped!! 9 ppl in a 2 bedroom apartment.

we better eat some dimsum to make it all worth it. vancouver has some of the worlds GREATEST DIM SUM. and even though i'm northern chinese i can still appreciate it ^^

i got up at 7 to study today, ended up reading some harry potter haha -.- mom and i had hot yoga at 9:30 so we couldn't eat before...i had breakfast at 11:30 in the car afterwards, boy was i hungry!

eats have been fine in the last few days, and workouts every other day or so - but once school vamps up i hope i can keep the eating under control! it's nice to commute because i pack my lunch and don't give myself any snacks so the meals are well spaced out and i'm always hungry for dinner :) yesterday i got back from research at 7! so it was a long day.

anyway, not much is up - there is a new guy who visited my church last sunday and he's from Beijing and very cute (skinny tho, like the rest of 'em). he's 27 and doing his Master's at UW - he asked for my number and gmail so we've been chatting a little bit; he's only been here 5 days! so we'll see if it's just friendship or if he also finds me attractive *sheepish laugh*

loving the weather! hope everyone has a good 4th of July :)

pensive

Jun 29 2009 17:41

random collection of thoughts:

yesterday i saw linda at church. i can say that i am right with everyone in my life except for her - we've had the most complicated relationship that ended when she left our church three years ago. i was dealing with bf issues and an eating disorder, and she [i am quite certain] has an eating disorder that started before mine. members of our church are very nosey, and gossip-y. she couldn't stand being talked about, and perhaps blames me for a good part of the things that were being said about her. even though i didn't spread rumors about her, i still felt like an apology was in order.

so i delivered one, and it felt liberating. she, at 19, is now off to Umichigan for med school. [she did a fast track through college, skipping high school]. i felt like it was a 'now or never' type of thing, and i wanted to not just talk small talk for a half hour before i'd say goodbye for another year or so.

but every time i see her the most complicated feelings well up. she is still obviously very small and disordered in her eating [5'5" or 5'6", ~100 lbs] and i am not. i don't like the word 'trigger' because it makes me think of a gun, but it was - and always will be? - uncomfortable for me to see her because of so many other parallels in our lives. her parents (i am biased) have always compared us, my mom occasionally makes references to her with respect to me when she's mad (i.e. to tell me i am chubby), we have the same med school/doctor/Harvard dream, and have shared church friends, we are 6 months apart in age...i don't know. it's just weird to be around her because it shatters my self-confidence in a way being around another person couldn't quite do the same way.

green is for comfort. i guess i should take comfort in my average-ness. it's a safe place to be. but sometimes i wish i were stellar in at least one aspect of my life. i always border on stellar ..intellectually, art-wise, health, appearance [not even borderline here]

i'm not sure what i'm trying to say. but as long as i'm okay with being average, run-of-the-mill, i know i won't go do something stupid like lose 30 lbs to feel 'special.' but i can't lie and say i don't think back to when i was a lot smaller almost every day. and most times wistfully.

and, though it is just fine by me, i worry that only having my period every 6 months or so will have repercussions when i am older. in fact, i know it can be good for fertility. but i refuse to go on birth control. doctors in the US overmedicate for a whole host of issues, and i just like to keep pills out of my body if i can help it- as a general personal preference. but as enjoyable as it is, i'm not sure why i don't get my period. i am at a more than healthy weight, and have been for two years now. i think about this occasionally, and wonder if i should be scared.

i did hot yoga again yesterday. i am definitely feeling the challenge, no matter how fit you are each pose in each type of yoga can still challenge you - if you put in the effort to perfect the intended posture, and concentrate, and use your body's beautifully created natural resistance, there is much to be gained in the way of strength and flexibility. yesterday after completely the first half of the floor series, laying on the ground with my ear to my mat, i heard my heart beat at cardiovascular exercise level. tell me that is not a workout...

i am sick and tired of school. if i want to graduate with my two degrees in Neurobio and Business Admin in time to start med school in fall '11 (given that i get in...) i am going to have to take 20+ credits every single quarter through summer '11 nonstop. and that is on top of the 18 and occasional 20 i've been taking these first two years of college.

all i can think is, this better be what i'm supposed to be doing. otherwise, if i cannot get into a top-notch med school, i'm just wasting my time (and the state's money :) they paid in full for my undergrad. thank-you Washington).

and lastly, i am leaving my negativity here. i know it's not good to be so bummed out so often, so hopefully this journal entry can act as a vaccuum cleaner and leave me with more room for smiling inside.

mount si

Jun 28 2009 09:02

yesterday i climbed mount si with two friends - it was their first time. the climb: 4,167 feet (1,270 meters)

distance: 4 miles from the parking lot to the summit plateau.

vertical elevation change is about 3700 feet and starts at about 700 feet [info swiped from the website =P]

anyway, we made it up and down, with a break of 40 minutes for lunch and water, in 3.5 hours! not bad, i'd say. on the way we got passed by the man i dub 'the famous mt. si runner' ... i think he runs the mountain many times a week, and two-three times on saturday. we got lapped three times, twice on our way up and once down. he has many many tattoos and recently seems to have a woman who's joined his running ranks. she looks amazing, but he's just a little too thin-looking ... still, to be able to run up and down and up and down, in less than three hours. phew!

eating wasn't bad yesterday, i did indulge in some 1/2 fat rocky road ice cream after dinner, but totalled at less than 2000. i didn't drink or eat anything til the summit, and got a pretty bad sunburn on my right upper back only. :) forgot to sunblock there, and wore a racerback tank - it's so weird looking ...

today i'm at about 500 cals for bfast before church (9:30); i'd gotten up at 7 to study. in the afternoon i'm going running with another friend, and if my mom makes it back in time from yakima (sister's swim meet) we're going to hot yoga. but probably another day.

that's about it! i really appreciated the hike yesterday; the view was a-mazing. we could see the surrounding peaks and I-90, and the sky had not a cloud in sight. i really love western washington =)

have a good sunday everybody!

brownies and cinnamon swirl cake!

Jun 25 2009 15:17

i didn't have research today because my PI took the day off, so tomorrow i'll go in for the torture... :)

yesterday night a bunch of friends drove out to UVillage for Molly Moon's ice cream - homemade flavors and lovely-smelling waffle cones that're made fresh too.

even though i'd done the elliptical [6 am yoga was power, not hot], i didn't splurge!! i didn't even have one bite, especially because it was 10:30 at night already.

but tonight i'm going to a hot yoga session with my mom at 6:30, so that'll make up for yesterday morning. i should get my butt outside and run; the elliptical is too limited a range of motion, i feel like. but it's a good break for the joints i guess.

plus recently it's been sort of drab and not-too-sunny...when the sun comes out and warms the earth a bit i might replace the elliptical with outdoor running.

anyway, today i had cheerios and soymilk for breakfast at 7:40, then bussed to school (it was really smooth today and i got there 50 minutes early), did reading and hw on the bus, then sat through my 2 and a half hour managerial accounting class.

i managed to get back home by 1:15 and had lunch with my sister, whole wheat spaghetti and tomato sauce, with other leftover stirfry.

THEN we baked brownies and cake [no frosting] out of a box. i refused to add all the oil and added only 1/3 the portion the box said to both the brownies and cake, replacing the other 2/3 with milk. oh man, she got so mad when she found out how they turned out!! haha..the brownies are a bit fluffy, like cake, and the cake is a bit hard, like brownies.

i also can't follow directions on a box to save my life, so i added the cimmamon swirl too early and as a result there is no swirl. i also forgot to add the fudge (extra, really) to the brownie mix so i squirted it onto the top in the middle of baking. the brownies taste just fine though :) :) i enjoy the smell more than anything else.

it's funny, when i see full-fat store bought desserts i rarely want any (unless they are brownies), and i'm totally satisfied with the 1/2 fat ice creams and lowfat homemade stuff (never use sugar substitute though, as a matter of principal...i get enough aspartame out of gum :D) but don't necessarily feel like overdoing it just cuz i know it's "better" for me.

that is a good recent trend - not compensating for a healthier recipe by eating 2x as much - can't say i've always been able to do that. still, if i haven't had added sugar in a week or two, i can't deny myself a piece of chocolately goodness! so i ate a piece. and some crumbs ;) and it was deeeelicious.

now i can do hw for a bit with the house smelly oh-so-good and yummy. cheers! <3

feel like the new kid in school...

Jun 23 2009 18:30

now that i'm commuting, it's really quite different -- well i commuted last summer too but i knew i'd be on campus in the fall. this time, i feel much more like a commuter...i don't mind it, bus times are good times to read my textbooks and study, and i expect to be way more efficient this way.

today was my first day working at my neurology lab. the studies are focused on the PKC-gamma gene and how it correlates to the neurodegenerative disease ataxia. i'm going to be transfecting roundworms - C. elegans is the genus and species, model organisms, really :) - and perhaps looking at the protein expression in rat brain neurons (the brain and spinal cord are the only place this mutation in the PKC-gamma gene are expressed).

BUT before i can do any of that i have to learn how to read and understand the protocol my PI (primary investigator) has for me, know where everything is, how to be safe, how to work the equipment, etc. i feel like such a newbie. oh well, everyone starts somewhere!

i also had my managerial accounting class today (stats was yesterday). i think both should be just fine; my advanced expository writing class doesn't start til one month into the term, but that means 10 hours for that class alone in the last five weeks. plus 10-15 hrs of lab, 10 hours of commuting each week, and 10 hours combined for my other two classes, that's a full load! better get ahead in the first half.

eating's been fine, i have eaten very little today because i was running late in the morning and am too frugal to spend money on campus when i can pack my lunch for 'free.' i had two slices of whole grain toast and 2% milk for bfast, yellow zucchini, green beans, and tofu stirfry leftovers for lunch (just grabbed a little tupperware of leftovers from the fridge) and a peach just now when i got home. can't wait for dinner!

yesterday i got up and did 1.25 hrs on the elliptical and some core and arms before heading off to class, but i was a teensy bit late so i'll have to rework my bus schedule. *sigh* i should be appreciative of seattle's bus system but i wish some buses ran more often! anyways, no time to work out today but i walk around campus a ton so that's some physical activity..

tomorrow morning i'm getting up at 5:10 to take a 6 am hot yoga class with Mom!! :) it'll finish at 7:30 so that should be plenty of time to shower and commute to my 10:50 class. first quiz tomorrow!! already...sheesh...having lunch with a friend, better pack something more portable and less hazardous (had a mini-spill today haha...) might run in the afternoon if i feel like it cuz MW are my good days!

anyways, better get to hw-ing a little before dinner. i can smell itttt soooo goooood...wish i had more time to cook for my parents instead of them always cooking, but there'll be time later in life i guess...haha.

oh and i'm finally reading books for PLEASURE again. i miss doing that. i'm in the middle of a hilarity titled Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris (not sure if half the things are 100% true but omgah he can make a person laugh!) and also toward the end of Compulsion by Meyer Levins, i think...that book is GOOD. it was written in the 50's and is based on a real murder and murder trial that happened, but it's fictitious. it's not really about the murder itself; rather the author focuses on digging into the murderers' psyches...two rich upperclass teenagers who killed a young boy just cuz they could...

well it's more than that, i do a horrible job at advertising, but for real now, it's time to stop writing.

hope everyone has had a good day!!! cheers :)

slow motion

Jun 18 2009 14:37

i guess i'm glad summer school is starting soon - need me some intellectual stimulation! no science classes this quarter, all business school requirements!! i'm officially done with all my intro science series: biology + lab, physics + lab (yuck), organic chem + lab, and inorganic chem + lab. well, i still have my biochemistry classes this fall and winter, but then i get into my major requirements, NEUROBIO here i come!

grades were a sham though, i can really do better. i think my classes didn't get harder, but people dropped out and the competition gets stiff every spring. better kick butt this summer, and on the MCATs and research so my med school apps will be stellar?

i'm slightly worried that my dual degree will work against me when it comes time to apply for med school though; a friend who graduated this year--let me say his credentials are amazinggg (42 MCAT, 3 years undergrad research, president of alpha delta epsilon [premed honor society], high cum gpa, leader of an on-campus fellowship, etc)--got rejected from ALL med schools he applied to because he, too, pursued the dual degree thing.

becoming a doctor has always been his dream but each med school was worried that it wasn't his only dream. they scheduled interviews in order to reject him, how sad is that? anyway, i'm not too worried for him because i know he'll get to do fabulous things wherever he goes, but dang, who knew taking on more would count against you? one school told him they were afraid he'd go into healthcare policy, how hilarious is that?

well pish posh, when all's said and done i still have a ways ahead of me, and my credentials are still being built as i type. better not get ahead of myself...just been thinking about the future a bit.

today has been good, woke up at 6:30 (so much for sleeping in during breaks, no sir) and walked my mom too work, then ran the 5 miles back. i only had a banana and some PB before i left so i was quite shaky from hunger by the time i got back - ate lunch while watching The View hahaa...man i love Whoopi, she is quite the reconciling force on that show. Joy and Elisabeth are a little aggravating, especially when they talk over each other and everything becomes just noise...

anyway i had green soybeans, tilapia, and cucumber stir fried with eggs for lunch, with watermelon and strawberries..mm, and half a granola bar because i felt like it :) i've barely had any sugar these past days, i miss it! but maybe it's better this way...

gonna study for MCATs a little tonight, but first have to make dinner and send my sister to swim lessons..woohoo haha. time is passing is slooow motionnn. maybe i'll read my managerial accounting textbook a little before classes start. ha! as if...

love being on break!

Jun 17 2009 12:08

i've walked 30 miles and run 8 in the last four days, and had another hot yoga class yesterday - i wish i could have three to four hours EVERYDAY to work out like this. i'm not getting too much sleep, just under enough..gotta work on that. mom and i get up at 7 and leave by 7:30 -- i walk her to work and walk right back, sometimes running.

during yesterday's class i set up our mats "late" - i.e. 10 minutes before class started instead of 20 or 30. as a result of that, and of the high turnout, we were stuck on the hotter side of the room. it HAD to be 100+, maybe 105 on that side of the room...there are two heaters going together and through the class i could feel waves of heat rolling out of them every 5-10 minutes. phew!

classes are an hour and a half long and though i am a "beginner" at this type of yoga i'm proud to say i didn't rest once throughout both classes, and definitely gave it my all with the poses.

it's intimidating going in, with all the people stretching and bouncing around, some look like gymnasts and hardcore yoga-ers. but i think nearly everyone took breaks in between, this one lady was horizontal throughout the entire class almost! i prefer to just chill before class and give everything during class. i feel like if i stop i won't get up again.

who knows? after the 10 classes are done we might move on to hot power yoga, or another class :) i don't know how detoxifying it really is, but i can say that working up such a sweat, building quiet strength and learning how to breath more deeply can't do a body bad!

eating is good too, around 1800 everyday, yesterday was only 1600 and i walked 9.5 miles and did the class. i'm getting most my calories in in the a.m. and having light dinners. i've also not had coffee in a week, what with being back at home and away from the dozens of coffee shops around campus.

dunno what i weigh, i'm probably around where i was in the fall, but i'm working on whittling it down toward my goal! as long as i keep up with the eating well numbers don't matter...funny how that works; only when i overeat and have a bad day do i all of a sudden want to know how much i weigh. how counterintuitive.

anyway, i know it's pretty much like i'm writing this to hear myself talk, but if anyone reads hope you have a great day today and get in a good workout and eat well! cheers =)

...running, hot yoga, and break!...

Jun 15 2009 12:04

spring quarter has come and gone, and it's been a while since i've journaled. but maybe i should get back on it...

i have one week's worth of break before summer quarter begins, bringing full-time classes, research in a neurology lab, MCAT classes, and business school application (undergrad).

phew! also, my leg is almost 100%, so i've been running every other day or so...yesterday i ran 6.5 miles in just under an hour before going to church, then took a hot yoga lesson for 1.5 hrs with my mom right before dinner.

a local yoga place is having a 10 lessons for $10 promotional offer, and of course afterwards it gets more and more expensive. there's another place that has a similar promotional offer, so we might go there after we use up our first 10 ;)

this week every morning i'm going to walk my mom to work and back, totalling 9 miles both ways. feels good to see people walking and biking and running on the trail in the early morning; even though they are strangers i feel an odd camaraderie with them...i walked this morning, and might visit my old high school in two hours or so. then tonight we're going back for more sweating and yoga-ing! :) it was a rewarding experience and i am happy we have time to go together and improve our strength and flexibility.

...hmm...what else? eating is good, balanced. i'm working on not being exclusive with my foods - yes i don't drink anything save soymilk and water - i don't really eat pre-packaged food save the occasional granola bar, but i think a relaxed attitude and practicing a wholesome attitude toward food will be good for me.

why have such a strict regimen that cuts out many foods that have their unique merit - that furthermore isn't necessarily sustainable in a social setting - instead of just learning how to eat from what's in front of you? i do cook very (my dad says too) healthily if it's just for my family or myself, but yesterday, for example, at church, i ate what the rest of the church ate: fried rice and noodles. i wasn't going to get home until 3, and ate at 8, so i just had enough to keep my from getting too hungry.

why turn up my nose at their food? why be a food snob and bring my own when NO ONE else does that? i think, among other things, that some cc-ers i've come across have a very exclusive look on food. i may not write much on forums, but i've read opinions that often tout (what i think are) extreme ways of eating - such as 100% raw - or cutting out everything, effectively, except vegetables and lean lean protein.

what's the point? do you really feel better than other people eating a fraction of all the wonderful foods available naturally out there? what's wrong with starch? with milk? with fruit? [unless you're allergic or just find the food's taste unappealing], i think it's a lot more admirable to have and practice a moderate view.

my opinion doesn't extend to include junk food or other it's-better-to-just-say-no foods [doughnuts and soda, anyone?] but i guess i just find it discouraging to read journals describing a schedule of eating 100 g of protein and 80 g of carbs and call it a day. no thank you. it's not within my means, nor do i wish, to be like that. and yet i wish to be lean and strong and reduce my body fat...just don't want to have to do it that way.

well that was a bit of a rant. i hope i've expressed my opinions tactfully, if anyone does come across my journal entry, but at the end of a day every cc-er has a place and a right to express his/her opinion(s). these are mine, and i guess i'll just stop reading things that aggravate me ...

until next time! take care everybody.