blueyedblonde1956's Journal

Pulling out my hair!!
Mar 30 2008 20:17

I am getting very mad at myself, why am i not losing weight, i thought it was because i wasn't eating enough, now it must be what i am eating, i'm confused, i try and keep not only calories down, but salt too...so what the heck is it???  I ride my stationary a few hundred calories every day enough to be able to eat 1200+ calories and still have a decent deficit of 500-1000.  2x a week i lift dumbbells for 40 minutes the upper body, situps and ladies pushups........  This is why i quit diets!!!  I wish someone would simplify my life and tell me what to eat so i can lose weight...wha........frustrated as hell and i am not going to take it anymore!!

How do i figure my % lost and while i am losing weight and lifting weights for upper body and biking for lower body is it even possible to lose muscle mass??????

time doesn't stand still!!
Mar 28 2008 23:25

One day your young, vibrant, slim, look in the mirror and are proud of whos looking back.  Then one day you look in the mirror and wonder why didn't i wear sunscreen last year, there is a wrinkle you didn't see before.  The only good thing is people are still telling you you don't look your age.  Being 52 and looking in my 40's is what makes me feel younger and this is one big reason i wear my hair long still, i don't want to do the traditional and cut it just because i'm in my 50's now.  I think that would add age..at least in my case.  I don't want anyone with short hair to take any offense i am only speaking for myself well i wrote alot in the over 40's journal earlier and now my bacvk is sore so i am going to rest soon.  I am hooked on this new recipe i made up today it's imitation crab meat, with a green pepper, red pepper, celery, light mayo and lemon juice, it tastes wonderful and is low in calories...so i am going to munch on that or put it on crackers....i have been craving it all night...but i am trying to stop night eating....my medication is kicking in and i think i took by accident 2 doses instead of 1 so now i have 80mg of oxycontin flowing through my system...i am getting a little light headed so i better drink some water and lie down for a while....i have to be more careful....i take 2 blood pressure pills, 2-4 oxycocet daily and 2 40mg oxycontins daily i can't be making this mistake again...god....have to think of a better way of dispersing them to myself...instead of just sitting in bottles on my fridge....look into this tomorrow..i wonder if any of the girls may have a suggestion for this???????????

Kyles Free..!!!!!!
Mar 25 2008 17:36

Well i thank all of you who prayed for kyle, they threw out all the charges, and any confession, ??, anyway he just has his be of good behaviour probation, but that's all he's home.....i am so happy..**********************hehehehehehhehehhehehehhehehheh ehehh...

He's home, Angel and I are extactic.!!!!!!!!!!!!!now back to living,...and breathing and dieting.....i am so happy...

Dyputrens disease
Mar 21 2008 16:03

Yea it's similar to carpo tunnel in the hands except its cords not joints....i finally found a specialist in T/O that can do the surgery....i have it in both hands...the hands start to curl as the cords tighten..the weird thing is it's a northern european disease afflicking usually men....well my mom was English so i quess that's where i got it from....there is no cure but they can releave the tension by cutting with "lazer" the cords....only to have them tighten up again in time..i had one surgery 6 years ago the old style procedure in the right hand and was laid up for 10 weeks now they have this new French procedure....found this out thank-you to the net.  I just bought this acer in July/07 or i never would have known this being my first home computer...boy between auntbonna and me when it rains it pours..........

bla bla bla!
Mar 21 2008 09:39

I hope i get out of whatever this is.....i feel like i've lost my drive...motivation...wonder what the horoscope says for this little pisces.  These entries do help keep me a little focused, maybe i'll go check out mollymouser she usually lifts my spirits with those comments and pics and sometimes an occasional laugh......bla...bla...bla...!

back to dieting!!
Mar 20 2008 14:05

Well got some groceries today..snacks that won't make me gain.....veggies, strawberries, and nuts lots of nuts....no salt, low cals, anyway been thinking alot about my son on this first day of spring....wish this hadn't happened to the poor little boy, spring is here...i miss him terribly today.....he should be home with mommy where i can hug and kiss him .......i haven't heard anything from anyone, but i still think help is the answer and then maybe a program to keep him off the streets and busy....which is what i have tried to get him to do all along.....anyway i got to get back to my health and diet plan today...

Happy easter....oh no chocolate easter bunnies for my baby.....going to see Kyle on Saturday but they won't let me give him any chocolates....have to give them to him when he gets home....in alot of ways he still is my little baby boy.......lol......boy i sure miss him, now i feel what mothers must go through whos children have died.......i know he'll be home soon....but the waiting....

easter without munchkin...
Mar 19 2008 14:36

well i have run out of veg....and calorie low snacks..can't go out till tomorrow...no car..no cash..tomorrow got get some lettuce, alfalfa, veggies etc....oh yea and nuts.....but the one thing that will be a little sad is when i go shopping and see all the easter eggs etc....talk about CONSTANT reminders that my baby isn't here...it so sad "Angel" our kitty has been sleeping up by Kyles pillow on his bed part of the night.....and walking around he misses him very much too.  My kitty loves Lassie.....every morning i put it on at 10:00am and do my housework and Angel sits on the livingroom table with his eyes glued to the tv set...how cute is that...Nancy

I sure told them!!
Mar 18 2008 09:33

Well i left a message to that lieing officer this morning.....wait till he listens to his voice mail....i wasn't mean or mad just opinionated....he says one thing and does something totally different, well my lawyer called last night and he will be there for Kyle in court this morning....i have to be strong, don't feel it today, in fact i feel drained....hope i don't eat.....to much.....i've got to remember my goal....health...blood pressure....stress......breath.........this is a journal for thoughts....so ..

why do police try to make it harder??
Mar 17 2008 21:56

I talked to the police about Kyles problems and ADHD or (FAS, I did a little computer checking today on these), I did a little drinking when i was pregnant i don't know if this hurt Kyle it wasn't excessive but maybe a few twice a week IN THE DART LEAGUE....anyway god i hope it wasn't me the guilt i wouldn't be able to deal with if i though this is my fault and not just ADHD....i'll be getting Kyle retested so i will test for that too, i could have had ADHD too as a younster, as i was extremely hyper as a child...but Kyle has trouble with math and reading way behind in grades is on special (IEP) plan at school,.....anyway the police SEEMED sincere and caring now they have completely changed their story and the charges.  Now it's 1 count of mischief under ($5000.00), 1 count of weapons(long hunting pocket knife) (and i had only told Kyle on Sunday before he went out) what could happen if he was to carry knives even just in your pocket and 1 count of breach of probation.  My god, well it was a busssy day on the telephone, thank god for Mr. Bell anyway i talked to The (home) that Kyle will stay in till i decide whether to bring him home again under house arrest, and a very nice man came over and picked up some clothes and pills for Kyle.  Talked with Kyle today and boy the poor little guy was crying......he hated the jail, cement pillows gave him a backache last nite, he tore me up inside to hear him crying it's not something either of us do very often at all.  Then they are able to fill out the legal aid forms and get them off for me, as i have a back disability this sure saves me running all around the place.  Then my ex called and told me to tell Kyle how disappointed he is in Kyle (he doesn't understand either) that Kyle can't help himself....he just can't.  Now my lawyer called and although shocked at how soon Kyle is in trouble again said he would once again represent him....phew......now the school is going to give me a letter for Kyles behavioural issues, the suspensions, and not following rules,  for talking back to the teachers etc...next Friday i have to go the doctor....i was hoping a happy trip with news of lower blood pressure and to see if she sees my dropped weight but instead it will be to talk about Kyles, meds and a letter for court and to obtain a shrink for "Munchkin" (Kyles nickname), or at least a letter to give to the Probation officer to get the ball rolling for a councellor...phew....what a day....out of all this 2 things stick in my mind, 1 being why did the police tell me one thing on the phone and now it seems they don't understand at all and are simply trying to stick it to my son....and 2 my son crying on the phone...i think it really has hit home..or is he playing me just trying to get out of following rules at the home with the other kids...having to do chores etc...although he does them around here without question....and the 3rd thing is our poor Kitty Angel misses his daddy...been sleeping on his bed and by the door to come in....he knows something is amiss....well i am going to have another busy day tomorrow....for all those that have sent there support............THANK-YOU EVER SO MUCH, FOR CARING!!!!

ahhhhh...if there is one time i wish i had a shoulder here to cry on it would be now.....but there's just my Kitty.....come here Angel...

Don't know what i would do without your support, i don't mean to burden anyone though....i wish i was a little more legally educated...i guess that's why i have a good lawyer....

One last thing i haven't done anything weak, haven't reached for a drink, don't drink except at xmas or something, never had a problem with it but when i had a problem sometimes i use to drink....years ago....am not eating to deal with this stress....what i am doing is writing in my journal.....Nancy

Tears are not enough!!
Mar 16 2008 14:09

My ADHD son got arrested this morning again this time for 2 counts of mischief, and tresspassing on private property.  I have had nothing but trouble with him since he could walk.  I don't know what to do anymore, i have had enough, the police should just put up a cot they have been here so often.  I don't know what to do anymore he's a good natured boy but he just can't stay out of trouble.  I want to cry but what good would this do, i have the stress factor, i want to go out and have a few drinks to forget....but my diet...i quit smoking last feb1st/07, don't drink, salt and now i am on a diet to lose 57lbs all together....my son....i have no more answers..i just don't get it....he's well loved, i take good care of him, he has everything he could want....i tell him everyday "i love you", hugs and kisses....i constantly teach and guide him....he doesn't listen, he has an attitude about everything....caught him with cig. smoke on his breath the other day....i know he's 15 mentality more like 12 though, i know he's not doing drugs.....i don't know what to do anymore......it's not that he has a bad home life, in fact quite the opposite, i am an honesty, caring, upstanding, and intelligent mother who has spent endless hours giving my son quality time, teaching him right from wrong, it's like he can't control his actions.  Knowing ADHD as well as i do i know that impulsivenss is part of it.....but i just don't know anymore.......maybe a head doctor....