blueyedblonde1956's Journal

i made it to 160lbs!!
Feb 27 2009 20:18

Well i moved that scale around 4 times this morning but i got that thing to think my way...hehehe 160lbs yeah....now if i only start eating 100 calories extra every few days hopefully i won't put it back on .  Now after what starving i had to do to loose it...Boy it was really hard on me to get that few lbs off i was stuck at 163 so many times up and down....grr but i did it!  So my promise (my word) is good, phew!  Was suppose to go out tonight but had such a busy day and everyone else is pooped too so maybe tomorrow i hope, don't want to celebrate alone that's for sure!  Got my hair cut today!  YES CUT, well nothing drastic, trimmed 2 inches off and she evened out my layers and did that point cut i like...around my face too.....she said my hair was soft and healthy and i would look good with a full layer job front sides AND back!  I told her maybe in the summer when it's hot and i am slimmer as a reward, she was nice (Devon) nice name, she's been doing hair for 14 years so she has experience!  She kept telling me to Breathe?!!!!  I guess because i am so leary of hairdressers and there damaging ways i was nervous,and held my breathe  but after 15 minutes with HER i felt her confidence, and i was able to relax, all that hair on the floor though..were does it come from..lol

So i put on my track pants, and curling up TO WATCH tv.....

CHRIS LEAVE THAT COCONUT PIE ALONE~~...OR I'LL BRING OVER THE WHIPPED CREAM!!

Tomorrow want to go out celebrate!!

tomorrow!Did i make it deadline!! to 160lbs
Feb 26 2009 19:13

Tomorrow i will be busy most of early day really don't feel like going out, pictures , license renewal and pic, new health card and pic and errands..be out most of morning and part of afternoon  .5 to go to meet tomorrows scale deadline for my promise of picture taking....so close i may make it to 160, please lord!!!  Of course i may have to move the scale around the bathroom floor six times till i get that reading!!....hehehe

Well my medications are adjusted to this now

2.5 Indapamide for B.Pressure.

Atenol now to 50mg use to be 25mg Beta blocker B.P. doc uped this pressure was 150/95 could be why dizzy spells...this is the highest its been in a while....when i delivered Kle it went to 175/110  that was scary well heck i am lying there with an unknown fractured back...still don't know how they could NOT have known, with the pain i was in, did they think i was faking...or looking for sympathy...tha's not my nature...i usually silently grin and bear it, but taking over 15 minutes to roll  from my back to my side should have been an indiction....NO??

These are my pills now!

325x5 x 2 each time i take them every 4 hours usually or as needed i usually take 4 daily depending on how active i have to be..on any particular day for back in the summer 6-8 pills is the norm.

Oxycontin 40mg twice daily for back

*****Will find out what exercise i can do after therapist and doc check xrays and files again!  Please pray for me everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *****

Kyle is interested in a girl in grade 8 almost 14 i don't know if this is wise? he's in grade 10 , will he be teased by his peers??  hummm he has only had one girlfriend from highschool, it's hard for the little guy cuz he hasn't learned how to talk to a girl with respect, the way he talks to me i tell him this is wrong, i hope i can teach him that to hold a girl you have to be gentle, kind, considerate, and honest, generous, respectful and caring, show interest in them not just yourself..i know he has to learn...why do boys always have to learn the hard way....but a grade 8er that's a bit young but mentally they are probably on the same playing field, girls mature faster then boys so maybe it's harmless...i mean i don't believe there is any hanky panky but he sure puts the "do not disturb" sign on the door lately...hm hm...lol...my mom use to say with me it was "holly hobby day"..lol TMI naaaa!!

Kyle asked me a ??? Does male pubic hair stop growing in length, or like us do they need to trim?? Caught him with the scizzors....! wooow boy!!

Lost another inch on my stomach!

Can hardly wait to go out tomorrow with my new earrings, hopefully dance off a few hundred calories to the new music scene! and some old too!!Will not have much to drink, did to much last night with Glenn...5 glasses or more..tiss tiss don't want to go down that road! Once i start i don't stop....!

Anyway I will not be wearing a dress, (really hate dresses) will wear them occasionally though, so i will wear my nice dress pants suit, cowboy polished boots and new makeup, earrings, etc..hopefully get a pic too!

Doctor pleased and not pleased??..The good..the bad..and the ugly!
Feb 25 2009 13:01

My poor back is really barking up a storm every since i tried to be Julia Childs last weekend!.....i try but i can't keep up to these woman on here...the cooking recipes..i feel bad when i can't keep up to it!!  i use too..grr..man it's hot in here or i am having one heck of a Hot Flash...? or my blood pressure hasn't gone down oh doc says that's up again...grrr...it's only says 69  degrees in here so must be me!!! Talk about Robbies "moments of personal summer" i get a kick everytime i say that..lol

I was on my way to the doctor this AM, after Pegs wise advice to see her, (thank-you) was bobbing, sprinting, walking and dancing along in my ususal sunny outdoor jovial self to my newly downloaded mp3 player songs (thanks for getting me to broaden my horizons girls!)  (it wasn't my intent but glad you're all into it!) so i get there and talk about an about face in the mood dept. she had a few stern things to say to me (talk about a sarge!..lol) and well there's good and bad news for me i'm afraid, waa...?....the good: she was very pleased at my "Intestinal Fortitude and Tenacity") (her words) in pushing, disipline, weight loss, knowledge of and looks but ..........the bad:  she is not happy at all with my approach  to it (i dare not tell her how many cals. i am eating?)(or the perks i have had to pop to cope)...i really respect her and authoritative positions (always have) it seems that the pills might be disguising any underlined trouble  or her words (damage?) i may be doing to my back!  Well when you're always in pain (and keep it to yourself) it's really hard to remember when your up to your axx in alligators, to drain the pool?!!  nevermind?!...She had me bend over, lie down, stretch this way and that again and lie in different positions and was pushing and proding and listening ??? for what i don't know?, i really hate it when they write alot and sigh it's never a good sign...anyway with the sit ups and weight lifting (added pressure), it seems it would be like carrying these weights around on my back, all day!, and the jolting, bending of the L1-5 issues  Uggh...so bottom line.....i am a bottom line girl (wouldn't know it by how i write) either pop alot of pills and ruin my liver down the road, grin and bear it, which is what i do around others!! hold my feelings in wall up!... or ..cut back or do something different and feel like an old woman that Saturday will remind me all by itself?  and stay stuck at this fat weight, not have any fun and generally feel completely useless...either choice i hate, i am as my mom would say "completely beside myself" , i just don't know what to do?  What a frigging choice, i am shocked, angry, hurt, frustrated, feel useless...feel like an old horse put out to pasture that noone can ride anymore....even for stud is painful..grrr...unless i come up with a back friendlier plan, for weights and situps...and the like? I have looked... (maybe you guys could help me there??) or something? friendly sit ups and weights routine where i could do more by doing  less?? is that even possible Peg?..i may have to cut them out all together......now i am ready to cry...!!...because i was always the top athlete my whole life in my family (i know I had alot to live up too) and without it now i feel useless and for someone to say "I can"t do Something", just isn't in my grrr  vocabulary "i guess i show my hurt with internal self sabotage and external anger" ........i have always been a "Sarge" like Peg said in pushing...pushing!...but that's how I get things done!!  Or so i thought...I realize we are not in boot camp (or are we?) but although i may appear harsh or seargently truly I am a "fragile lamb in disguise"!!  Pretty good act though i hide my pain well!  My bark (groal) is just a protective shield!  Now i let the cat out of the bag!   Like Helenes analogy of Dummy on the corners of the door i see garfield or sylvester doing that ...lol well that's me when someone says i can't do something..scratching and clawing to hang on to my integrity, pride...DIGNITY!!..i am proud.!!  Where is this road heading: and the UGLY:  seems pretty dismal, scary, and i am leary of what ? "wheelchair, cane, uselessness....i would rather be dead then live like a vegetable for the rest of my life...sorry but that's how i feel! oh i have heard it all but not for me!...same if i were to go blind (mom had glucoma) too..i saw my mom in a wheelchair, oxygen tank, 88lbs, doctors ruined her beautiful eyes with botched eye surgeries she went downhill within a year from a vibrant full of life woman to this frail, helpless, pathetic excuse of my adoring mom, i couldn't stand to look at her but was there for her completely it "killed me" to watch her deteriate like that ( was staying with her then to help) and this is all while i am 4 months pregnant, broken up from my lazy abusive husband....no i am not feeling sorry for myself i am facing reality...who wants a broken down woman.!..i care for Rick, afraid to say "love" and i haven't been happy in along time, he treats me well and i know we both care for each other but how would he respond being 6 years younger to taking care of me one day cuz i can't....he's a good man with a lot of outdoor interests...i am on a fixed tight income, no car, money to speak of, my looks are going, my back is a right off, what's makes him so endeared to me?? i don't see it?? i really don't??, yes maybe i have some nice qualities but is it enough to hold a man?? I would worry if everything is his, being out in a snowbank one day, again!

I worry about Kyle more then anything else........and the example i can't set for him, he seems really lazy!, won't shower half the time, skipping classes again, argues with me talks back, and when i say i will ground him he just doesn't bother to come home, take away priviledge is a joke to him cuz he is testing my authority, the only way i can effectively reach him is by being "the drill sargeant", he doesn't listen  at all unless i am firm toned....at least there hasn't being any cop buddies at my door since Mar08, so he's at least not in legal trouble now...he's close minded and i can't go out there everyday and show him what life is like as a "working person"anymore that really bothers me, cuz i was good at what i did...highschool and right to work..no college well i took some accounting courses .  I believe in showing them by example, some example i can't even lift weights...every time we have a argument (lately) he throws in my face (like his father) get out and get a job then...he says?!! or your a wimp, or your ugly or old..or loose weight fatty??.great son eh?, i tell him how much this reminds me of his father and how much it hurts....deeply!, as i am deep!, but after a little contemplation (which he does not do often!) he does appolize he has to learn when i am trying to explain how money "does not grow on trees"!!he needs to listen and i am wisely trying to give and teach him the benefit of my wisdom, experience etc..and to learn the value of a dollar, making one not just spending one!, a good day of hard work (still doing his community service) with out being informed he "has attitide"!! 

I am cooking the "brat" Prince Kyle lol ..my "rote du boeuf" with whipped and roasted potatoes i love roasted...my moms altered yorkshire pudding, cinnamon squash for me and gravy..then i don't know what i am going to do??....may have a drink and listen to music and try to unwind from this disturbing day!!  I'm in a kind of  shock !i don't think it is sinking in what i have to give up, and how to be happy without myself??!!!!

Fat - 2.9% (2 grams)
Protein - 2.6% (5 grams)
Carbohydrates - 47.8% (86 grams)
Alcohol - 46.7% (48 grams)
Other - 0.0%

Daily Sodium Intake - 394 mg
Daily Sugar Intake - 46 grams
Daily Cholesterol Intake - 2 mg
Daily Saturated Fat Intake - 1 grams
Daily Fiber Intake - 4 grams
Nutrition Grade

Haven't eaten much yet,  just a little, isn't this horrifiyng?Hve to be 160 by Friday at 161.5lbs

The little victories is what to cherish! My dream with the CC girls!
Feb 24 2009 12:51

The new friend!

The kind words!

The quick glance in the long mirror in the mall store thinking it is some slim chick only to realize it's yourself, height has its advantages! 5'8"!!lol

What gives? with those mirrors in the walmart change rooms though, gosh..........yuk...i think they give us the absolute worst perception of ourselves if that is humanly possible! It's like looking in the mirror and seeing someone else..what acid trip are you on!?

I was showering and lathering shampoo into my scalp as usual when i happened to notice my underarm triceps weren't jiggling anymore, yahoo!!!  All the weight lifting of the triceps to firm them up has finally paid off....oh i am so happy i still have a little weight to lose in my arms but not much at all, bionic woman here i come!  I have lost weight so gradually i never really noticed this before so i will have to do a pose and take a pic...at the same time!...hehehe

The Dream:  I had a dream a few nights back that Robbie, Bonny, Chris and Snow were sitting at the beach with me we had parked a large umbrella on it and were relaxing in lawnchairs to tunes and a picnic really enjoying each others company...when 4 officers advanced on us aggressively that i apparently knew from the 70's training course and wanted to take us all in for being on this beach (apparently private) they were grabbing my chest and butt they wanted all of us and we had to offer them (a quicky) well i was defensively startled and dumbstruck, Robbie wanted their badge #'s , Bonny was looking for her 9 iron, Chris was quoting chapters from the police manul etiquette and Snow was throwing subway sandwiches at them!..we'll needless to say being claustrophobic and seeing bars and small spaces as our new permanent residence (mental picture), i stupidly started running (which normally i wouldn't do, i would stand my ground, and challenge this authority ruling) but started running....Robbie, Bonny Chris and Snow quickly bailed and started running with me.....>.....>......>.....>...it must have seemed like a hundred miles because when i looked over we were now jogging, with headphones and running shoes, we apparently ran along time too cuz we were all as slim as we could be!.....and the beach that was there was now the ocean!  Which parked no doubt on it was a ship named the "Sea-Hag", had to be mine!...with that name....lol...loaded with wines and cheeses, and fruits and of course you guessed it those 4 officers again....wearing robes...wanting there payment!!  oh god, now what??....I didn't know what to do so looked to my friends for some sort of visual clue as to what to say or do!  I was shaking, so much i could feel anything but numb...When out of the blue comes barreling Bex with a big bat from behind the bush, from one side Carol and Alice with bigger bats from yet another bush..from another side of the beach came Peg roaring in on a horse and polo club, ohio had some attack eagles flocking down and finally a whole herd of New York friends of  Phox's with bats, chains, whips, quetto blasters...etc.......i passed out!....time passed by.............. and now awake i see....this had turned into a party...?.funny thing was the ship was sitting in some sort of "reservoir" now not the ocean..strange but anyway the threat somehow dissipated in the dream and everyone was dancing, drinking having a fabulous time on the ship! I was just about to dance with Sam Elliot when .............i got woken up....grrr...dam!! The end

Well there you have it one of Lee's funny, intense, vivid dreams!!, places all seemed familiar except for the reservoir none around here...?  Boy i'll tell u if i ever win the lottery this will be the reality without the cops of course!!  I had a close encounter with rape when i was 17 ah never mind....to completed submit in sxx...unable to lose control , maybe that's why i am a control freak now....humm ....note to self*

Anyway have a good chuckle girls!!!!!!!!!!

I will be very busy Friday have a lot of running around town errands and shopping to do!  Then Friday night going with Glenn and some others to "55 special" it's 3 blocks from here where i went on halloween it's 60's-now music with a DJ large indoors and outdoor patio with in the summer a water fountain...so cool love the bar!!...great music, atmosphere, probably have regrets the next day but it's only 1 day a year, last year went to the legion and won all the door prizes, floor prizes equalling $75.00 + a box of chocolates...they thought it was fixed being the 28th and my bd....it was leap year though...that day..hehehe

Went and bought some new style black mascara from cover girl...what's the difference between black and very black?...and moisturizer tinted foundation and of course those neat earrings have to take the others back, they weren't amythyst..rats..lol florescent lighting!! Well have to go havethe rest of my 600 calories....2lbs to go..woohoo!..phew

Nightmare on elm street? story! ..lol
Feb 23 2009 10:48

Well remember i was saying how on last Halloween someone tromped on my right foot while dancing with friends and i was having toenail crush issues well a week ago the nail had falling off.....anyway last night i was dancing to music around the home, talking on the IM and CC and of course being my jovial self, (hope i never overstepped my bounds with any of you by the way...?sorry!!) anyhow i went to bed, last night i was dreaming that a big pit bow was biting my axx, when i woke up this morning guess what was sticking out of my butt....yes you guessed it my toenail!!..lol....hehehehe...now that's funny!...well i started laughing hysterically on that one.!  How the heck it worked it's way all the way up the bed is beyond me?...hehehe, i must be a real exuberant sleeper !!...lol  In any case it seems to be growing out better there is still a bump at the end but i think that wil grown out too...phew  Take about a nightmare i am so glad pitbows are illegal now..the last thing we need are dogs eating people!

Well i thought i gained 2 lbs i DIDN'T..phew..after my bathroom duties and a nice shower this am i feel good got to get a scale move on again...and the sun is shining so i think i will dry my hair, get dressed and head to the store for potatoes, i have been informed by Prince Kyle that he wants my roast beef, roasted or whipped potatoes, yorkshire pudding and  gravy this week, maybe on thurs as Friday i have been invited out to celebrate my BD which actually is Sat but everyone is busy elsewhere..np..this Queen of England doesn't mind a day early and i get my cheque too.......have to watch the calories for the rest of this week friday i have to get my pics done...phew i quess he is finally tired of living on junk food...yeah there's hope for him yet..god he's so skinny....was i really that slim when i was 16?.....yes, i was! He's around 110 and i was 118....man i must have been a scarecrow....lol well i have to get going just wanted to share that humour this am.....talk later haven't even time to read the thread yet.....oh i am still 5'8" haven't shrunk yet..lol hehehe

Being honest!!
Feb 22 2009 21:29

I drank  the 750ml bottle of champayne with O.J the "Bucks Fuz" or Malmosa Bon refers to....during which i danced off several hundred calories, i hope.

Bonna IM buzzed me crying!!  Her father passed away last Friday, so spent more time comforting then dancing!!.....This is what it should be though.....caring for humanity over self indulgence ................

Down 1lb in the last 2 days Today i was 163 as i started this trip at 164 on Friday the 20th i am losing .5 daily and tomorrow i better not have any scale regrets or i will be mad at myself...again...grrr

1242 calories and Kyle MADE me eat...a ch. chip cookie...gr

Fat - 22.3% (31 grams)
Protein - 10.0% (31 grams)
Carbohydrates - 31.7% (99 grams)
Alcohol - 0.0%
Other - 35.9%

Daily Sodium Intake - 1,008 mg
Daily Sugar Intake - 58 grams
Daily Cholesterol Intake - 107 mg
Daily Saturated Fat Intake - 11 grams
Daily Fiber Intake - 6 grams
Nutrition Grade

whaqt can i say i am feeling so dam guilty eating this 1242...............grrrrrrrr

This is music and domestic mother day!!lol
Feb 22 2009 16:47

What would my son do if i didn't know how to sew, every other day he says "mom CAN YOU FIX THIS RIP" he must find his way on top of every fence or tree branch in the neighbourhood...lol  Gotta love emGod i may need to get glasses soon...whafor close UP..??

The snow is falling so slowly and is pretty!!  I am listening to music today, having a drink and dancing...yahoo..."for once in my life"  Spiral staircase..remember that..boy i love music haven't listened to it much this winter but today i am working overtime...lol  I have a romantic nature alot of my songs are about love and friendship, Lobo..Bread..Bee Gees or when depressed pain.....carol king "You've got a friend" use to cry listening to that sometimes....not now..Rough Boy By ZZtop, and Legs, "You sang to me" by Marc Anthony...and and and..lol.......Best invention the "memory stick" little 8gb and i save all my music the cool thing is i can go to anyones home and stick it on their computer...yeahaw!!!!Now there's a gift for friends on CC!!

Any ANY... ANY song with guitar since that was me in the late 60'70's don't mean to brag but....3rd Nationally for the Royal Conservatory of Music in competition in 1972, boy was i nervous in those days...phew i use to shake looking at the  hundreds of people in the audience......now i oddly rairly play...humm have to put that on my to do list and pull out my guitars have downloaded 1418 songs so far woohoo!!!!!Boy am i glad i bought this laptop speaker system...wow what quality!!..hoot hoot!!Of course i have over 450 albums and..tapes and..45's and cassettes...i'll be at this a life time...now that's funny!!

I am down another .5 i think i am going to daily .5 myself to.......xx!

can't post stats haven't eaten today, oh well!  Will get to it, of course i don't want to spoil my buzz at the moment..lol

Did a heavier weight workout last night for my left shoulder , may have been a mistake, but i will survive...lol...doesn't do any good to complain..lol no one listens anyway...lolwell off to dance!!!!!!!!!!!

Edit: now i know why i don't drink...listening to music when drinking sometimes i play that sad stuff and then i go get depressed..John Denver always does me in!!!.....Oh i am not depressed i said sometimes i could get that way...."If your going to san fransico"..flowers in your hair...........humm

As the world turns!!!!!!!!! So does a notch on my scale!
Feb 21 2009 22:23

Fleetwood mac is coming to T/O on Mar17th bummer i can't go..rats loved that group Stevie Nicks....175 for a ticket boy have things gone up!!

My stats for 670 cals today .5 drop on scale, this am this is what i am after and i am not hungry....i was always an emotional eater i think.....have to keep busy...reading all the journals and posts on the thread surely keep me hopping...i am emotionally invested....did 80 situps man this is great from 45 a month ago!!  woohoo!!

Fat - 20.1% (15 grams)
Protein - 19.0% (32 grams)
Carbohydrates - 45.2% (76 grams)
Alcohol - 0.0%
Other - 15.6%

Daily Sodium Intake - 249 mg
Daily Sugar Intake - 21 grams
Daily Cholesterol Intake - 109 mg
Daily Saturated Fat Intake - 5 grams
Daily Fiber Intake - 9 grams
Bonnas father died (78) she IMed me from facebook crying !...and as always i would be i was there for her!!.....to say the right thing, to guide her out of the dark hole she is in!, without her knowing this is what i am doing!...but i will help her with the 5 stages of recovery..shock...denial...anger...grief...acceptance...alth ough sometimes i think knowingly we all grieve differently i don't think though we are to far off the beaten path....oddly though i find the acceptance and grieving could be reversed.....you have to accept to truly grieve and you have to grieve to truly accept....CATCH22

I was told i should have been a grief councellor the other day by Willa in the building..lol because of my high sincere emotions (she hears my love music) compassion and understanding abilities and uncanny perceptions of people to see before they see and know what they are feeling before they themselves know!!...i suppose i am humbled by the fact that this is probably my strong suit my "intuition", sorry don't mean to sound like i am bragging...she is doing so much better since the surgery and she wouldn't stop appeasing me of my weight loss and kindness during her convelescense my mom was right i should have been a nurse.....lol...i just can't help it i was raised to be considerate and i do try to treat people with kindness......of course as long as i can keep a lid on Neptunes disillusionment and escapism of disappointments!  Although it does have my creative writing, appreciation for the all the arts and spiritual love to be thankful for..lol

Well enough said, today my love to care for others has lifted me higher!! 

well i am having a drink and relaxing for a bit tonight, Kyle is playing his game cube games....and theres Shannon Tweed in a discent kick axx movie...what ever happened to Lindsay Wagner?.....god i loved her!  Well off to relax and pour this drink down the drain, i always think i want one, pour it, let it sit on the table then end up pouring it out....GOOD...don't want to go there, anyway.......i remember a time that sad songs, bad times and alcohol DIDN'T mix!

Please don't judge me harshly! And stats!
Feb 20 2009 21:45

This journal is good therapy for me, i need someone to talk to!  Even if it's only myself, i miss having a friend to talk to that will open up their heart to me, and me to them.  I miss being needed by someone, Kyle my 16 year old son needs me but it's different i need someone my own age to talk to who cares enough to truly listen, a friend!  sigh!! ...

 I have to do this i am fad up with sitting at this weight, i have to do this!! 163 to 167 to 165-164..to 167 i'm sich of this!  Maybe if i write down what i eat i can see where i am screwing up, i know my carbs were to high, my sodium and sugar lately was off the chart and to high, now yesterday i ate like 2300 cals (cheesecake puddings and little chocolates too) so today i feel very guilty eating so much like a darn greedy piglet last night...so today i went the other way i have to do this punishment (boy i want a drink) to forget this...tomorrow i will try to eat more i have lost my desire to eat i don't know if it's fear or frustration, tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow  as usual will exercise, mix it up, not just biking but some madeup HR raising areobics or something i don't know what, to go along with weights, situps and fartleking my biking, i need a dvd but noone mentioned any ideas for me?, i think they skim my long entries and miss when i ask for help!! .......so i guess i'm alone on this venture!!.  I REALLY hate myself today for sabotaging myself again, why do i lose control like that, it's me that i am hurting especially when i am such a control freak, perfectionist, my whole life i HAD to be perfect, slim, attractive, best at my job, the hardest working, top athlete, good cook, great mom, best at everything i did....go go go..everything i do i have to do to perfection!  I'm surprised i am not dead.  Sometimes i drive myself nuts straightening doyleys, knickknacks and pillows around the house, making my bed it has to be just a particular way, i'm like that nut in that movie "sleeping with the enemy" if my can labels are crooked in the cupboards, or the towels in the bathroom or the hall rug is not centred i have to fix it, if there is dust on the table or lint on a shirt or something not where it should be i have to clean it my mom was so very fastidious ohhh she would nag me to tears and very negative contemplations and dad and brother David well querulous in every respect which would best describe them, then there's me, Wayne was very neat but he handled his hyperness and unhappiness with his life by drinking and smoking pot to excess.  I know what's bugging me my 53rd birthday is coming up next week and Wayne died self sabotagingly at 53!  It's almost an obsession with me, god.  This need to be perfect is a draining feeling, and i'm not perfect, i don't even have any friends to speak of, who wants to be my friend anyway..I love helping people it's the pisces in me this need to be helpful and save the world so to speak!..I don't know why i am having these dizzy spells again. ...sigh...I am hard on myself!!   Anyway i can't stand it anymore looking at this belly it may only be 25lbs but it is bothering me so much now...i want to cut it off......grr  I am not going to eat alot of calories anymore...that's it! 

This is an "A", Had for breakfast- 1 slice of bakery cheese bread with peanut butter ..210cals

Lunch- Had  a small mixed lettuce salad with 2 egg whites, tomato, alfalfa sprouts and 2 Tbsps balsamic low fat dressing...118cals

Dinner-300g of baked squash with cinnamon, and 4 tiny meatballs -200 cals

snack - 1 gala apple -80 cals

Total cals. = 608 cals.

Grade AAAAAA

Fat - 21.2% (19 grams)

Protein - 15.4% (30 grams)
Carbohydrates - 63.4% (125 grams)
Alcohol - 0.0%
Other - 0.0%

Daily Sodium Intake - 997 mg
Daily Sugar Intake - 45 grams
Daily Cholesterol Intake - 20 mg
Daily Saturated Fat Intake - 5 grams
Daily Fiber Intake - 11 grams
Well if i don't see any inprovement i won't post stats here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nutrition Grade

Yahoo!
Feb 20 2009 12:20

This is a good day, i didn't gain anything because i changed what i have been eating and had a low sodium day yesterday, maybe this is what has been holding my weight drop back??  Anyway everyone is doing so well on here, i am so proud it's like we are all  sisters and we are cheering for each other in a marathon...Peg can officiate...lol  So i am off to workout...today is a high deficit day cause i was a baddddd girl yesterday....lol...back and at em!!!Keep positive.....and keep motivated......lean and strong...........lean and strong!!!!..

BIKINI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!BEACH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!PRIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!SEXY