bree9643's Journal

Getting back on the horse
May 22 2009 11:59

Have basically stopped the diet for the past few weeks, and guilty about it. I didn't go crazy, but I still gained 2lbs back. But now that I have some time and some breathing room, I'm getting back with the program. Maybe my body needed a break, anyway.

Otherwise is my life things are kinda great. I was having trouble with the job search and I hate interviews with a passion, but I just landed a summer job with the government that pays well and is only one bus away. Apartment in London is found and paid for, and we are slowly getting ready for the move.  Spent a lot of time with my best girlfriend this week, which was something I needed. And just found out I won the university's Gold Medal in Rhetoric and Communications, which means I have the highest GPA of my graduating class. Convocation on June 5th and I feel both accomplished and nostalgic.

Boyfriend and I still struggle sometimes. I have less patience with him than everyone else in my life, and I feel guilty about that. And he's always anxious or sad around me. It really does feel like it should be easier to just relax and having some fun, especially since we're both about to graduate and have our Master's stuff all lined up, have the apartment sorted and now both have jobs. We're both stable elsewhere, maybe soon that will bleed over into our relationship?

Week 19 LOLz
Mar 10 2009 00:49

Healthy BMI as of this week. 2.5 lbs from initial goal weight. Still have work to do after, somehow switching fat for muscle, but pretty happy.

Still bad at keeping journals though.

PS - GOT IN TO GRAD SCHOOL YAY.

Week 7 etc.
Dec 15 2008 11:40

So pace is still good. Nothing much new to report.

I loosened up a bit on Sat night because my friend was having a Christmas party. I thought I managed portions pretty well but the next morning I was up 1.2 lbs. LOL. It was pretty disconcerting and I sort of panicked and had to start reciting all the possible explanations I read on CC. It was the first time I've seen a gain since I started watching.

Turns out it was the salt making me retain water because I drank a lot of it yesterday and ate normally again and am back to where I should be this morning. Relief.

Week 6
Dec 07 2008 16:22

Ok so I take back what I said about things slowing to a halt that week. They didn't. My weight seems to stick at the same number until I finally get a good night's sleep, when it suddenly drops. So still on track.

Paper is in, only one exam to go! Joy!

Sometimes nothing is a goal
Dec 03 2008 12:36

Am doing tons of studying and paper writing and generally stressful stuff so am just really grateful that I'm not overeating. I'm not really losing but I don't really care - right now no change is an accomplishment. :)

A little bit of exercise daily does relieve my stress though, which is nice.

Blarrrgg
Dec 01 2008 14:27

Tons of school work to do today and can't focus! Arg!

On the bright side, love Leslie Sasone's "Walk & Firm" video. It's a really nice mix of cardio and easy strength training. My thighs and arms ache in a satisfying sort of way today. Considering getting some of her other videos and/or "boosters" but she's church-y and I hate that.

Week 5
Nov 29 2008 10:29

Wow, it's hard to believe I've been at this for 5 weeks already. Down just over a pound and a half again this week, so making consistent, healthy progress. I am on track to reach my goal by the end of Jan., provided I don't hit a plateau or something. Next week should be the halfway point.

I've never been able to stick to a diet this long or this well before.  I think the difference this time is that I can really see my progress (thanks Calorie Count!) and that pushes me to keep going. This makes me a little nervous about when that plateau does come; will I be able to maintain motivation? I'm trying to prepare myself ahead of time.

The funny thing is that food-wise I don't even feel deprived. I'm not hungry, I don't miss crappy food very much (except I do miss cheese terribly). The only work has really been to stop and think before I eat as opposed to just doing. But that process of considering what I'm putting in my body and what it's doing has really helped me appreciate food more.

The exercise has been a bit more of a challenge, as my body and I don't really understand each other very well. But I'm on my elliptical 3 times a week and yesterday I tried an exercise video I really like.

But I am bothered by the fact that I can't really see any change. At this rate I might have to re-consider my goal once I reach it, or at least continue intensifying the exercise, even if I increase calories to maintenance.

But overall happy. :)

Grey Cup
Nov 24 2008 12:07

You know what sucks? Sitting in a basement filled with pizza, and people eating pizza, and not being able to have any. I brought my veggies and oranges and drank flavored water not pop but I may have oversnacked on other stuff. It was not great but not tragic, at least. But I think it says something that I, because I'm on a diet, was the only one who brought anything resembling nutritional value. If you're not always thinking ahead like that it can be really hard to be social and eat well. And when I'm in social situations, especially when there's just a lot of sitting around talking/watching/video games, I tend to want to eat.

Week 4
Nov 22 2008 14:36

Down 1.8 this week, which would be great if I didn't suspect it was due to the fact that I've been sick and have essentially stopped eating. When I can't breath and my throat kills and I just want to sleep, read or watch TV all the time I just tend to forget all about food (cept for orange juice popsicles). Not to mention all the essay writing and editing. So I'm feeling quite a bit better now and am trying to start eating again. After 3 days of nothing I'm fighting the urge to binge.

Ranty rant rant
Nov 15 2008 17:14

Bah Week 3 is much slower but at least the number is still going down.

Loaded all my fave music onto my iPod today so elliptical will now be much more fun. :)

My mom is being freakishly supportive and I have mixed feelings about it. On one hand it feels really good to have someone congratulate me and she's being great about asking me what foods she should buy for me and giving me healthy meal suggestions. On the other hand, I don't want her to think that it was OK to say the hurtful things she said, or that it was worth it. She was out of line to attack me like that, and making me hate myself is not cool. If I was losing because of what she said I'd simply stop eating. Instead I'm doing it my way.

I'm also a bit fed up with how Chad is dealing with this. He says he wants to be supportive but he's absolutely not. He tells everyone he knows that I'm losing weight, and even how much I'm losing (which is personal!) and in a "isn't my girlfriend crazy?" tone of voice. He constantly harrasses me to eat crappy food. Yesterday he actually held a glass of Coke under my nose (which is weird, gross and unsupportive!) and he and Dylan would not stop bugging me about the popcorn twists. Not to mention the incredibly unhealthy relationship he has with food, that he thinks I should share. I'm sorry you would rather die than eat a salad, and seem to live entirely off ice cream and fat - I happen to think vegetables and fruits can be quite delicious. I'm sorry you shovel everything into your mouth as fast as possible "to get it over with" - I will actually sit down to eat, and chew my food. I'm sorry you have horrible eating habits and maintan your weight by fasting and over-exercising after your binges - I'm not gonna do it too. And I know you justify your diet by getting other people to eat crappy things with you so that, by comparison, you're not so bad. It's why you eat out all the time. But no longer are you gonna be "at least not as bad as Breanne." I'm sorry if my new, thoughtful relationship with food makes you feel guilty but that's something you need to change about yourself, not a problem with me. And I'd be happy to help you, as long as you don't try to drag me down.

The concern about my boobs I understand though. ;)

End of rant.