brownsug's Journal
Falling way off the wagon...Oct 03 2008 08:06
I got on the scale this morning and my f*cking weight is up 9 lbs from my lowest this year. I can't be mad at anyone but myself but I am still so disappointed. I tried on a pair of pants that used to be pretty loose on me and they fit perfectly, a little snug at the stomach area even. Why couldn't I accept my weight loss and keep it up instead of going into celebration mode and ruining all my progress?! I feel like a phony...when I'm around others I "seem" to be eating healthy with my snacks and continuous water bottles and bringing my gym clothes but as soon as I get by myself I binge. I feel like I have a problem and I know exactly how to fix it but I won't do anything to change. As always, today is a new day. But even more, I feel like it's my wake up call. I might as well say I've gained 10 lbs back from the 15 I lost and that is not acceptable. The holidays are coming up and I have a trip planned and I refuse to feel uncomfortable the whole time because I've let myself go. So I am vowing to get back on the wagon. I'm purchasing a refill pack of Alli today...it seems pretty extreme when you think about it but if disciplining myself to prevent a nasty side effect will keep me in check then damnit that's what I'm going to do. I have all these ideas and plans in my head and on paper but I need to hold myself accountable and do what I know I can and have done before. I'm tired of struggling but I realize that I'm going to have to stay at it every single day because I'm not blessed to eat whatever I want and not have consequences. So today is Day 1 and I really pray that I'm strong enough to fight temptation and find another way to deal with my emotions rather than eating...
I understand how you feel. I am in the same boat. Almost a year ago i lost 10-15 and felt great. I have been through a rough patch in my life and have gained 10lbs. I feel like sh*t, i don't look over weight and no one has really commented onmy gaining more weight, but i feel it and see it everyday. I ahve done the yo-yo dieting and the exercise but as like you, i am not blessed with eating whatever i want and not gaining weight. I live in canada and have heard of Alli...is it really worth it? I can control most of my cravings but there are always those days that you want to binge!!! I just want to say don't give up, your not alone and soon we will look in the mirror and smile at what we see. |
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