brownsug's Journal

yet another revelation...
Nov 12 2008 15:21

only you can decide when you've had enough...enough of the behind closed doors over eating, enough gaining weight, enough of feeling depressed and sorry for yourself. no one can trigger that defining moment a second sooner than you really, really want it to happen.

i've just beening thinking of the way i've been doing the last few months. got down to 184, not my goal weight but i was definately looking/feeling confident/cocky, passed my pt test and felt wonderful because it had definitely been a struggle, got in celebration mode, took a dramatic break from exercising and sensible eating, broke up with bf, got a new car, got a check from the insurance company, planned a trip to England, got a new man, got comfortable, and still not as consistent with the working out/eating sensibly.

i guess my defining moment was having a pregnancy scare and being terrified of blowing up (like 250lbs) because of my pregnancy and not being able to get back down to a comfortable weight. i would hate to be the big girl with the pretty face and have my man (who is slim and toned and loves me the way i am regardless) be stuck with a fat ass girlfriend. not just about him but i want to get back to feel confident all the time, not saying i have self esteem issues cause i don't but lately i've been definately feeling frumpy when it time to go out somewhere and i feel limited because some clothes are not fitting the way i want or the stuff i really want to wear i can't because it's literally too tight. i am back to bordering a size 14/16 and it can't be like that at all. i want to attempt to be fit, and even if i'm stuck being a 14 the rest of my life i want to be the flyest size 14 i can be. so today i start again, and all i'm gonna say is i'm going to attempt to be proud of something that i did better than the previous day...wish me luck