brownsug's Journal

I so wish someone could figure this out for me...
Jan 20 2009 16:01

It would be so simple to just follow what someone told me. But then again it "is" really simple now. I just complicate things by not practicing will power and not telling my cravings to be quiet. I really would like to have a complete 7 day week where I eat healthy and balanced, do at least 30 mins of Taebo, and drink at least 2 liters of water each day. And actually continue it into the next week. I always tell myself to buy healthy things that I know I actually like so that it will be a surefire way that I will eat it. I just don't know about me right now. I don't want to take drastic measures (diet pills), I want to believe that I'm strong enough to do it on my own but I really don't feel that I am. I need an extra something to help make sure I stick to what I'm supposed to. I don't know if this sounds crazy but I would buy those Alli pills again and risk the side effects. At least I know what will happen to me if I don't follow the plan. I know, I know, it shouldn't take me going to that extreme level but it worked for me before. This shit is really not hard and I wish I would stop making it out be more than what it is but the truth is I need help with control. I wish I could afford a live in life coach/personal trainer/nutritionist. My behind would definately stay in gear instead of sitting at my desk right now comtemplating if I want to take 27 mins out of my life to do some Taebo that will easily burn over 500 cals instead of sit on my couch and watch my favorite shows until Family Guy comes on and I get ready to go to bed, lol. I'm just gonna do it...I will become the master of my abilities and get the 27 mins over with. At least I know what to look forward to. It's kinda funny my mom sent me an email telling me that she noticed how i've gained some weight since being with my boyfriend and although he has not problem with my weight I shouldn't let myself go and then she went on to say that I was an inspiration to her and my sisters. I was really offended and I felt like I shouldn't be placed on a pedestal like that. I promptly deleted the email and later she asked why I didn't respond and I told her because you already told me that. I felt kinda embarrased at that email but then again who are they to judge me, it's not like any of us are skinny but it still didn't make me feel better. I know what I am capable of and I let myself go once again and all I can say each day is to get into and get better. I got to work at this like I have a huge event coming up and it's life or death if I don't meet the expectations (that's how I lost before only that was real), lol. So once again today I will become the master of my abilities and stop putting things off. I have nothing but time once 4:30 comes so might as well do something to make me feel good at the end and plus I've already logged the calories burned and I don't want to have to delete that or be a liar! lol