bsh0611's Journal
Little Babies watching DiegoNov 11 2009 19:27
My daughters, runny noses and all, are adorable. My husband is wonderful. He got home from work early tonight and we gave each other really long back rubs. We had almost an hour of just us. He opened a gift he'd received, we talked, we gave back rubs. It was nice. It's so nice to have time with him when the kids aren't interrupting, though I love them and they are so cute (Evie wants to dance - she says "DANCE!" and starts shaking her bottom - she's 20 months old).
I finished one of my projects today and I also wrote a paper. Now, I just have two exams to take, but if I take both of them this week then it puts me ahead of schedule.
I had a nutritionally awful day yesterday, but I basically made myself eat and eat because I was being a gosh awful mom and I think it was because I had three days in a row under 1,500. I do notice that my mood sours, even if I'm not hungry. I don't really know what to do with myself. I don't know what to eat to maintain. I run 35 miles per week and try to walk a mile a day. Yet somehow I still feel like if I WERE to eat 2,500 it would be a really bingey day.
My brain is just messed up. Perhaps overloaded. I've considered a three day water fast to reset my system but I just lack the courage I guess. The holidays are coming and, save for Thanksgiving, they don't make me want to pig out. Being around family and having the kids there actually keeps me from snacking. Its kind of weird.
My friend is running a marathon soon... I'm jealous. But I would just fall apart if I tried to train for one now. My legs have been so tired for so long.
I would love a romantic getaway. Oh, well, just 18 years...
Aw your family sounds so cute! Reading about you and your husband, makes me wish for a non-traveling hubby! Good for you for relishing those moments and allowing yourself to sit, be calm, and be loved. About how much you need to maintain - heck, even I wonder sometimes. I won't say the obvious "you should be eating more than 1500" because I know you know that. As to exactly how much, it will take some playing around, and perhaps some days where you fell "bingey" I am afraid - until you gather enough data to see if your intake is matching up to your burn. Good for you for having your own, homemade romantic getaway in the middle of the week :) That's the stuff life's made of. Treasure those moments!
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I think you haven't done a water fast not because you lack the courage but because you know it wouldn't be healthy. Hang in there Bethany. You still have work to do in recovery but you are such a strong and spirited woman and you have a great family to support you. The story of your little daughter "dancing" was so adorable! |
im not gonna lecture you about eating more . i just hope you can work through this in your head and do what needs to be done. hang on in there my sweet how i wish i could make things easier for you h xxx |
cc31, meryl, and helen, thank you:-) thanks for reading my verbal slop! Meryl, the idea of the water fast is actually just because i'm interested in the benefits of detoxification, though I hear you have to do 10 or so days to really feel that and I... I can't do that. I guess I'm not cut out to be Buddha himself, you know? |
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