but_not_quite's Journal

Oh, the irony (and delicious pie)
Jul 30 2008 15:28

I find this whole recovery process far too ironic. I went out to eat today, and was really proud of myself for letting (nearly) all thoughts of calories and such go. When it came to dessert, I was a little more nervous. The restaurant's specialty is pie. I haven't had pie for so many months. It used to terrify me.

I'm still nervous now. I debate back and forth, and my supportive mother bears with me. She would be ecstatic to see me eat a piece of pie. This is so twisted. How many people can say that their mom would be thrilled and proud to see them eat a large, chocolatey slice of pie? A teenage American should hungrily lust after pie. I really wish I could. Hopefully someday I can have a slice of pie in moderation without a second thought. Not today. But I decide it'll be worth it. I've improved vastly with post-eating guilt.

Ogling all the pies, I carefully select one. I choose Peanut Butter Silk pie. It is brought to me, and it is the most beautiful pie I have ever seen. Three layers: the bottom is a chocolatey brownie fudgy concoction. The middle is caramelly peanut butter, and the top is whipped chocolate mousse. This is all topped with shreds of semisweet chocolate. It is amazing. I eat the whole thing very slowly, taking breaks. It takes me nearly an hour to finish it all. From a normal person's point of view, it was not all that big, but I feel like I have just finished one of those eating contests where the competitors eat scores of slices of pie and try not to vomit. I am so sugar-sick, a wonderful, horrible kind of sick.

I have enjoyed my pie, but it will probably be another good few months before I eat more. I waddle off, my belly full with pie. These words are ones I would never have put together in reference to myself a year ago: "belly full" and "pie" were both obviously ridiculous together. Pie? To eat? Right. Pie used to be for staring at with a drool-filled mouth. But I have my belly full with pie.

Ha. I deserve it. I totter off, waiting for the sugar headache to subside. I am very proud of my pie-eating. It was a big accomplishment. How ironic.