carmenxox's Friends

Well I guess that it is good that I weighed 130 the day before my big . which means maybe I'll weigh down even less after! Anywho, my boyfriend is still talking to me, but I don't know if we're going to stay together.

Starlit your right, I was having some doubts but after everything and thinkin I really do want to be with him. I had class with Chase and didn't even find him attractive yesterday! So hopefully my boyfriend doesn't dump me lol.

I took work off today. I'm mentally exhausted. I need to go to the gym and go buy a book to make me feel better :)

Thats all for now. Not really counting calories.

Today...

Breakfast: muesli and yoghurt, 2 bananas, papaya

Snacks: 3 mangosteen, banana, cheese and tomato omelette

Lunch: chicken, corn and vege curry

Snacks: bar of dark chocolate, banana

Dinner: sweet potato, vege and thyme frittata

Snacks: bowl of yoghurt, glass of chocolate milk.

OK, I did go ott on the bananas today... can't believe I managed 4 in one day! But I fell asleep last night thinking about them and woke up this morning with banana on the brain. Oh well, at least they are healthy. And I got loads of calcium in today too.

I am about 15 weeks pregnant now and have put on 7 lbs. This last week I have suddenly put on 3lbs. I'm not sure how that works and I wonder if it's water or real weight. Yes, I have been eating plenty, but I was eating plenty before too and not gaining much of anything. That said, this week my bump has just exploded. It's gone from "just there" to "mini bump" to "bump with bells on". I don't seem to have gained anywhere else just yet but I am certainly sporting a baby bulge that's becoming problematic to hide.

I wish I was in a country where I could show off my bump, but I'm so worried about people's reactions here. So far I have only had comments from strangers "Where's your wedding ring?" (pointing at my bump) and "These girls never know who the father is," (from someone else). Gee thanks. This country is modern and liberal on the surface but it doesn't take much to find a conservative moral undercurrent that still thinks pregnancy outside of marriage is shameful. I am lucky that most of the hotel staff are lovely, but I can't help but wonder what their reactions will be.

Last night I received an email from my mother, addressed to both my sister and I, asking us to write to each other and sort everything out. I emailed my sister today. I didn't apologise but I was as diplomatic as I could be, given how strongly I feel. Now I'm waiting for her reply, a little nervously. If she ignores me like last time, I'll be annoyed again. But if she does reply and is still really angry, I'll be upset. I just need to remember that this is really about her, not me... I need to react calmly so that this whole saga can hopefully wash over.

http://www.youtube.com/v/nqhTCalNRnE

Let me know what you think, I need all the constructive criticism I can get!

I was really bad last night.

Ready? Don't judge me please.

I went out with my girlfriend P and we got drunk! My boyfriend went to play poker so he didn't come. Me and P end up going to my friend Ry's house and I end up making out with Ry.

I felt so terrible, but that's all we did- make out. He also grabbed me and gave me a hickey on my neck. FML. So anyway, I felt so bad and it is so out of character for me that I went and I told my boyfriend what happened. Absolutely crushed him. He isn't dumping me though, he just doesn't trust me and he is really hurt. I think I did the right thing by telling him, I just hope that I don't lose him because I am an idiot.

Anyway, I guess I know what I want now. And it is my boyfriend!

Onto a happier note: I'm sort of trying to forget all of that.

I weighed at 130 today, new number I haven't seen in a while. I'm feeling really good and thin. I've been crying all day and so I'm skipping the gym but I don't care because I couldnt even eat until about 5:30pm because I was so stressed out. I'm going to go over to my friends house and hang out so I don't have to sit here alone and think about what a bad girlfriend I am. I have to redeem myself. I hope that he can forgive and forget. :(

5lbs to go. Woooo!

So I met up with Patrick last night for lattes and studying, I got a non-fat, no whip gingerbread latte thinking it was max 100-150 cals.  Nope, 220.  WTF?!  Its really not that big of a deal, I worked out pretty hard yesterday and was still at 1700-1800ish total with the latte, but I can't beleive how many cals those things have!  So not worth it, I'll stick with reg coffee and tea thanks.  Study date went.. ok.  I remember why I stopped talking to him now, he kind of talks a lot, lol.  He was super sweet though and walked me all the way to my car way out of his way on the other side of the park.  When we were texting before we met up I told him I was just leaving the gym and would be there in like 45 min.  When he saw me he said, wow, you just got out of the gym?!  You are like a ninja at looking good, lol.  He asked me to go to the movies on friday and I said yes.. I don't want to go out drinking friday anyways so I need something low key to do.  

Working on my paper today and cleaning/doing chores to get ready for Chris's visit, who is now coming up sat instead of sunday.  That will be better anyways we can go out and do something fun sat night after I make dinner.  Thinking of doing lox, light cream cheese and crackers as an app, shrimp and spinach risotto with asparagus on the side for dinner and maybe making a loaf of gingerbread with ice cream or something for dessert.  Oh and copious amounts of wine, obviously, haha.  What do you think?  This will be the biggest cheat meal I've had in a while.  

136 again today, feeling/looking good :)

Yesterday was a good day!  I had my last lunch at the firm and said bye to everyone.  (Had a greek salad with dressing on the side and green tea, win!).  Also went out for drinks after class, stuck to my two glasses of wine.  I had extra reason to celebrate because I found out I passed the MPRE yesterday, which isn't really THAT big of a deal, it just means no I can sit for the bar exam.  The test was easy (ethics exam) but at least that is out of the way.  All together I had about 1700 cals including the wine, and didn't workout since I was busy from 7am-9:30pm.  

Today need to make major moves on my paper, hit the gym HARD!  Going tonight to study with a friends from suffolk law that I kind of used to date but haven't talked to in a while.  He is cute so that should be fun.  We used to go get peppermint lattes.. he posted on facebook yesterday that he was drinking a peppermint latte, and not to make fun of him because a ridic good-looking blonde introduced him to them, haha.  I sent him a text and said we should grab one today so we are :) 

136 this morning, I haven't weighed in in a while!  Honestly that is about exactly what I expected.  I think my body looks really great.  I am not trying to lose anymore right now per se.  At my absolute lowest I was 129 and I don't really think I looked different from what I look like now.  I wore my smallest pair of skinny jeans last night and they were a little loose, so... what more do I want?  haha.  I guess I would just like to be a little more cut eventually.  I am just focusing on being healthy and good to my body.  I haven't binged since T-giving week so I am happy about that.  I feel so healthy lately! :)

Today...

Breakfast: muesli, yoghurt, 2 bananas

Snack: cheese and tomato omelette

Lunch: 2 roast chicken sandwiches with tomato, lettuce, cucumber and mayo

Snacks: 4 mandarins, bowl of strawberry yoghurt

Dinner: big bowl of Korean braised beef noodle soup with rice noodles and veges

Snacks: 2 pieces of Malay kuih; 2 apples, 2 kiwifruit

Argh!! Wrote a big entry already and then my internet crashed, so this entry will be shorter.

A friend gave us some Malay sweets called kuih (pronounced kway) today so I have been sampling those. Sadly they are just not for me. They are heavy and doughy but at the same time wobbly like they are made with gelatine. They are also very delicately flavoured, so delicately that to my untrained palate they just taste bland! Mac likes them though, so luckily we have someone here to finish them up.

I think my favourite was the pink kuih, which was made of tapioca pearls... I think I liked it because unlike the others it was sweet. Crazy colour though! Anyway they are quite unique so I have a few pictures to show you.

had a very low-energy weekend... after going going going for 4 days last weekend with bf and girls (omg we had such a good time in galveston and austin) it was nice to just chill.

i did leave my cave to do my in-store shopping - finish up kellis stocking, etc... i hung a strand of lights - woohoo! that one light strand pretty much sums up my holiday spirit... wrapped everything that needed wrapping. a huge order from omaha steaks for dad, bro, and bf and im done. yay. not doing a tree - yay squared!

lost another lb. so im at 143.6 now.sigh... at least it wont take long to get my muscles back once i get back to lifting. i ran out of the anti-inflammatory meds my ortho guy gave me for my lower back thing (my broken scottie dog) and i can feel it.  soooooo i guess i will continue with no workouts for another... month? i bought NROL for women and plan to work that program. thought about starting back on some low-impact cardio. idk. cant seem to get myself to the pool either. sigh...

i need to clean the squid i got in galveston. ummm this will be interesting ha! freaky lil creatures.... once i harvest the ink maybe i will do a squid ink tat if i get bored. and then i will make squidwort cake or something. cuttlefish and octopi are soooo intelligent, makes me wonder about squid. maybe they are just awaiting their chance to take over the world. in the meantime, i will cook them and eat them. mwahaha

For Amy

As you can see there is a cardboard door to open for each of the days of December leading up to Christmas. Inside the door is usually another little painting, but you can sometimes get ones with chocolates inside instead.

This weekend has been really good so far as far as eating and workout out.  I haven't gone out at all, just been relaxing at home and getting work done on my papers.  I haven't drank and have eaten really well and worked out pretty hard.  I'm so proud of myself!  I haven't had a good weekend in a long time, I feel and look really good I think.  :)  Going to the gym later this afternoon for another hard workout.

So.. Chris is coming next weekend, def going to cook dinner the first night he is here, need a menu!!!!  I'm def thinking some sort of fish or shrimp dish, lots of veggies.. something for dessert too.. hmm will have to think about this over the next week.

Tomorrow is my last day of work and class!  lunch with the firm and drinks with prof dowden.  Lunch shouldn't be bad, ill just get a greek or ceasar salad, its my standard for lunches.  Drinks I am limiting to two glasses of wine.  I haven't drank in over a week so I deserve it.  Taking tomorrow off from working out, its been 8 days in a row now so tomorrow will be a good rest/semi-cheat day.

I know lots of us were looking to have a good food/workout weekend so I hope you all did! :)