change_in_sc's Journal

Yikes, that is tough....I hate giving relationship advice but I do know that you should do what makes you happy.  I know this from experience.  I was miserable in my relationship with Troy's dad and stuck it out for 11 years only to still be miserable at that point. I always thought that he would change and it would get better...that he might actually start enjoying the things I enjoyed...but nope...never happened.  In my recent relationship I was extremely happy in the begining...until we moved in together and I found out what type of person he really was.  So this time I didn't wait another 10 years to see if that would change, I did what I needed to do to be happy, I made him move out.  Now, I'm happy!  Life is to short to sit and wait on someone else to figure out what they want. 

I guess I feel that if you don't go you will always wonder what you are missing.  If your boyfriend now doesn't want to talk marriage and that is something you are ready for then maybe you should re-evaluate your relationship with him.  Maybe going will make him realize what he is missing.....I know both my exes are now regretting things but it is to little to late for them!

Wow. lol.

First off...I will share my dating mantra with you. But first, the background on it...I have a relative who is old an unmarried....the reason for that (I believe) is that she spent a lot of time chasing around an unavailable guy. It was a prime time for her to get married. Now she is old and alone.

Anyways, my thing is, I know I want to get married and have a beautiful family one day. I am in now hurry, or desperate, BUT, I think that a lot of women screw up their options because they are clinging to Mr. Wrong. SO. If I see that after a MAX of 1.5-2 years, that the possibilities are limited, I will open myself up to other alternatives. I don't want to be 29 in a dead end relationship. Would rather be 29 and single, with options around.

So my advice is to not waste too much time trying to conform your boyfriend into someone who wants to get married. It might hurt now, but if you tell him that you want to keep your options open, 1 of 2 things will happen:

A. He will get on his game, or

B. You will be able to get sparks flying elsewhere that can turn into what you desire. You deserve it

Wow, I will be praying for ya.

The interesting thing is that my last bf was a loser. He was even taking me further away from God. I knew I needed to drop him.

Anyways, this guy came along who was cute, saved, had a masters, condo and good job. I really think that him showing interst (though it did not go far) is what snapped me outta things. I mighta still been with loser, and not the current guy.

Taryn~  I like the way you worded that...exactly what I was thinking as well! 

I would also rather be 29 and single with options than 29 in a dead end relationship.

Betsy~

I love the #2 and #3, I have all to often spoiled men and got nothing in return....now I want to be the spoiled one!  I would still be giving as well, I'm just tired of being the only one putting forth effort.  It should be mutual! 

I think it is great that you are going to go visit SB, as you said, he may not be the "one" but if your bf doesn't share your interest in marriage and this is what you truly want then maybe SB is better suited for you.  You never know...I do believe that everything happens for a reason.  I def learned from my experiences and that was worth it to me!

First husband resembles my EXACT relationship with ex-hubby... I thought staying even though I was miserable was the right thing to do - even though I was not getting anything I needed out of it.  Eventually unhappiness got the better of him and he wound up leaving for another woman - I was more angry that he did it first than that he did it at all.

Man I dated right before I met Vic was similar - wanted to be in a relationship but seemed unable to make any kind of commitment.  He seemed to be happy dating, and not taking anything further.  After 2 years of happily DATING I broke it off - he was unwilling to move forward in ANY WAY - he dated the girl before me for 6 YEARS (CAN'T IMAGINE).

Anyways, the girl he dated after me had moved in after a year, and they were married the following year.  And Vic and I were engaged in 3 months. 

I take that to mean - WHEN YOU KNOW - YOU DON'T NEED TO TAKE ANY TIME TO SEE WHERE IT'S GOING... YOU KNOW.

My mantra is 2 years - after 2 years a man has shown you all you need to know to make a decision on where something is going. And hopefully you have shown him ALL nee needs to see to make a decision on where something is going.  If there is no discussion or planning - it's time to move on.

Sounds like your mantra will work out best for YOU!

Once again I agree with what Taryn said....it took another young, cute, successful guy hitting on me for me to realize that I was in a doomed relationship.  I never dated this guy...probably should have, LOL, but we are still friends.  I just realized by talking to him that he treated me the way I deserved to be treated and we were just friends.  If a friend gives me more respect than a bf, there is a problem! 

I also agree with diva~when you know....you know...I haven't found that yet but I have given myself the opportunity to do so!

Ahhh, yet another reason....motivation....if nothing else it is motivating you to stay on top of your game   GO BETSY!!!!!