christina_burke's Journal

Decision Making.
Nov 08 2009 14:15

Hello everyone.

My name is Christina, I'm 21 (almost 22) years old and I am overweight. Why else would I be here? I have been overweight for about three years, but in my own eyes I have been overweight my whole life. Even when I was 145 lbs I thought I was fat. Now, I can't even believe that I thought that of myself, espeically with the weight that I've been up to.

Last summer I weighed in at 210 lbs. I'm 5"6'.  That is the highest I have ever seen the scale go.  I always have known that I need to lose weight. I would say i'm going to lose weight, stick with it for a week and then fall off the train again. A couple of weeks ago, on October 27th, I made the change for real.  The Sunday before that, an old ex bf of mine from high school invited me to go to a Flogging Molly show with him. I had tried on EVERYTHING in my closet. I wanted to look good. I felt disgusting in everything that I tried on. I ended up going in my sweats and a sweatshirt. It's the only thing that I feel good in right now.

Luckily someone pointed me in the direction of this site. I have tried using sparkpeople.com before and it's not as easy to use as this site. Calorie Count gives me direction and REALLY helps out a lot with counting my calories and my activity. It tells me what I want to know, like when i'm expected to reach my goal. AND it gives me a reasonable goal to reach based on a healthy BMI. The goal CC gives me is 141 lbs. I would honestly be happy with 160, BUT i'm sure once I get there I will push for it.

Since i've started on October 27th, I have gone from 200 lbs to 194 (the lowest that i've seen in years!) I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw that 194. BUT, I get discouraged so easily. I feel bad and I feel like I'm failing when I don't see the number on the scale go down. I expect results too quickly and I am smart enough to know that it is unrealistic to lose weight so fast. I feel bad for even eating close to my daily recommended calories. But I try hard to eat healthy and enough to get to the 1300 calories daily. I used to eat just over 2000 calories a day. And now when I eat 1300 calories it's too much. But I know that it's not. I just want success so bad! And not seeing results on the scale right away is so frustrating. BUT IT TAKES TIME. I have to keep telling myself that.

LOSING WEIGHT, IS WORTH THE WAIT. IF YOU PUT YOUR HEART AND SOUL INTO IT, YOU HEART AND SOUL WITH SHINE THROUGH. YOUR OUTSIDE WILL MATCH YOUR INSIDE, AND YOUR SMILE WILL BE TRUE.

I have to keep reminding myself that EVERYDAY. Yesterday was such a bad day for me. Throughout the day I made awesome choices with my food, but for some reason at night I just wanted to eat. I had about 5 fudgscicles. I was so frustrated with myself. But I have to overcome it and keep going and keep motivated. By the end of November, realistically, I want to see the 189 on the scale. In my mind I'm telling myself that I want to see 185. I am going to keep pushing myself and I am going to incorporate more exercise into my days. Today I am doing laundry and cleaning the house. And I find it amazing how many activities Calorie Count has in its activity log. I can even put my laundry folding in there!

With winter coming it is going to be hard to get exercise outside. I still walk to and from the bus stop before and after school. And I've been playing my wii fit a lot lately. I know that it's not SUBSTANTIAL exercise but at least I am still moving my body instead of sitting on my ass all the time.

My meals now, consist of tuna, which is a good, healthy, lean meat, lots of frozen fruit (it's hard to keep fresh fruit in my house), yogurt, whole wheat bread and pastas, whole wheat rice, oatmeal, soy milk, no fat mayo, and lots of veggies and eggs. I find it easier to keep to a boring diet so that I don't stray away from the good foods that are good for me that I like to eat. And I love the foods that I'm eating and am ok with eating them for the rest of my life! Every now and then I will add a bit of variety for a treat but this is really working for me right now.

I just need to stick with it. Getting discouraged easily makes this so much harder. My boyfriend is so supportive and I thank him for it. I can't expect to lose 20lbs in a month.

For motivation, I look to success videos on youtube. They are amazing and I suggest that everyone go take a look for yourselves.

That is all from me today.

-Christina B.