clairebear87's Journal

It's an obsession
Apr 01 2009 21:20

Im back again! :( Hello!

First time I lost about 50lbs was supper pleased with myself, but not by the way I lost it. (the second time I lasted a week, lol) I got so OBSESSED with calories I would freak out if I was one over my 1300 limit (sometimes I went mental if I went over 1200, it made me nervous). I weighed everything down to ketchup and herbs and spices on my scales. If I had a bad day, foe the next two I would eat noting but soup. I found old day planners covered in what I'd eaten and tallys etc. I enjoy the organisation of it, I like lists and I think that's why I'm finding hard to not be like this! I weighed myself everyday, and freaked if I put on 1/8th of a pound. I am and was in no way underweight (at the time I was 203 down to 154, now im back up to 190), and have no issues with food normally. Just last week I was stuffing 4 choc bars into my mouth not even looking at the cals. But I realise I have to lose weight again, I just don't want to do it the way I was before. I'm starting to go back to the strict eating. Im finding myself freaking out about the cals in fruit musili and I need to know how to stop this!

*sigh* I guess my organisation obsession is just going to stick around. Pity it can't kick in when I need to tidy my house.