cruebug2002's Friends

 HOW DID I GET SO FAT (AGAIN?)

OK, I've learned a valuable lesson. If you bust your butt counting calories and dieting for a year, and lose a whole pile of weight .... and then take a year off from eating properly and calorie counting .... you gain all that lost weight back, and then some. <insert colorful expletive here>

That, unfortunately, is pretty much the sucky truth. Darn Darn Darn Darn.

If I could figure out a way to smack myself upside my head with a big wet smelly dead fish, I'd do so. Not that it would change anything, but I certainly deserve to be soundly fish-thwacked and head-slapped.

So, please forgive me ... I've been a crappy role model and a crappy mentor and a crappy moderator and a crappy dieter. crap crap crap crap. And I am slowly working on forgiving myself, and I hope that you all can forgive me.

So ... what's my plan? Gird my loins and sit through what will no doubt be an impressive lecture from my doctor next Monday Morning (Dec 7) ... who will be quick to point out that my diabetes is now, once again, totally out of control. (sigh) And can I say that I've got a lot more loins to gird these days? And then I need to get back in the saddle and try again. (Hmmm ... do they even make ginormous saddles for backsliders like me?)

I am going to the grocery store to buy healthy stuff. Yep, that means vegetables and lean proteins.

And I'm going to start logging my food and counting my calories.

And I'm going to do my best to tackle this hill, once again. Lord willing, it will stick this time.

crap.

Did some walking today to get out of this slump.

Breakfast was toast and OJ

Lunch was a whopper Jr. a few fries and ice tea no sweetner

Dinner having ham and bean and I had a salad.  Not sure where I am calorie wise, because I haven't entered it.  Snacks tonight will be Sweet and Salty Trail mix and airpop popcorn.

Thats pretty much it.

Take care and God Bless All

It's getting to that part of the semester where I have to go, because there is only two weeks left, but I oh so don't want to.

It doesn't help that it is only 30 degrees here, so all I want to do is crawl into bed with hot chocolate (with mini marshmallows!)

I ate about 2,000 calories yesterday but I was REALLY full this morning so I just had coffee with cream. It's about 1pm and I just had a pretty good lunch. I picked up Morningstar tomato basil pizza burger patties and they are REALLY good if you eat em right. I throw em on the grill long enough to get hot, then I put it on 1/2 a toasted english muffin with 1 slice of cheese and some tomato basil marinara. It is REALLY tasty and I am stuffed afterwards. All for about 350 ish calories. I also had a 90 cal granola bar for some sweet.

I need to go to the gym today last night I didn't because I went to work for a couple of hours and I was tired and grumpy. >:( so I went to bed really early. But I will def. go to the gym tonight.

Finals in 2 weeks. EEEEEeeeeeeeeeee!

Didn't weigh today so I'm still going by 131 :)

Edit to add: Worked out today. Did 30 min on the stair stepper (whew!) 20 min on the elliptical. Lifted arms/abs.

Ate a little over 1500 calories. 125 coming soooooooooon! HW time!

As I get older, can't help but think time goes so much faster than it once did.  Seems like only yesterday I was looking forward to seeing Haley's Comet in 1985.  And soon it will be 2010.  Wow, can hardly believe I have made it this far.  Never did I imagine I'd make it this far.  When you are 500+ pounds in your 20's, a person really doesn't expect to make it to 50. 

But 50 I'm gonna be.  And it truly is some sort of miracle I have made it this far.  Maybe the reason is so my dad would have someone to take care of him, or maybe it's just dumb luck of the draw.  I don't know why I have been given this chance, but the best thing to do is live a good and happy life. 

Of course it's going to continue to be a fight.  But at least I have something worth fighting for.  A real life, being a real person.  And a fight it will be.  Yesterday I hurt so bad I just wanted to stay in bed.  So what did I do, I headed up to the Y, and did a 1600+ cal workout. 

I guess for me right now, and to be honest there is no guessing about it, I have to bring the eating back in line with the workouts.  That is where I am not following through on the plan.  Everything has to go in the log.  It's time to get fanatical again.  watching every bite, everything I have to drink that has any cals.  It must go in the log!!  The part of the battle where I am the weakest.  That's why I have to make this the new focul point of my plan.  I think I got the workout thing down.  But that's only part of the equation.  The food must be logged!!!

Then there is my business.  I have to stay the course so I will be ready for all the work this spring.  Much to be done, and so little time.  Gotta start working harder yet!!  Still want to see that 300 pound mark!!

So stupid me hasn't logged any of my foods for about 2 weeks.  I figured I'd be alright, it's not like I have many food choices anyway.  Well, I be a darned!  I gained 5 pounds.  What's weird is that it was my birthday and I made myself a gluten free, egg free, milk free cake, but I only ate 1 piece.  It just wasn't appealing to me.  So I didn't think I ate very much, but I must have because I've gained weight.  I can feel it in my stomach!  Oh dread!

Back on the logging wagon this morning.  Fingers crossed, wish me luck!

Love to all.

Today I weighed at 131.6!!! My hard work and night binge-resisting is paying off and it is only motivating me to be MORE well-behaved :o)

I was good all Thanksgiving and I all weekend and I actually LOST! Almost there, 125 here I come!!!!!!

Restating my goals:
-Go to the gym everyday except the days that I work (so about 4 days a week)!
-Drink in moderation, try to hold off until the weekends.
-No late-night eating!
-Only eat when hungry: steer fairly clear of sweets, fried foods, etc...

Have a great week everyone :) It is going to be a great one! I can't wait to be back in the 120's! I love feeling healthy again!

I was thinking about how I got up to 140 in the first place, and it hit me. Last semester, ALL semester I was eating a lot of packaged foods (nutter butter bites like everday 400 cal worth :/) I was binge eating a lot of peanut butter and granola and high cal foods. I was also drinking every night of the week (probably up to 1200 extra calories).

I know so much about weight gain and calories and health that I don't know why I DIDNT think I was going to put on weight. It was such a surprise to me to see my abs dissappear and its like I blamed it on someone else when the whole time I was the one putting crap into my body, and sure enough time led my body to reflect that image.

I want to reflect a new image: health and discipline.

Had a good breakfast of 1 cup egg whites sprinkled with mexican style grated cheese and mixed with salsa! Accompanied by probably too much coffee creamer :) and 1 slice of whole grain toast!

Last night I cooked salmon for the first time by myself. WOOPS I totally overcooked it, but ate it anyway. Maybe I will try again tonight for round 2! Or else I will be making ravioli that are going to be going bad soon! Veggie steamers from the freezer into the microwave are the best invention ever! I feel like I'm at home again and my dad is cooking me good steamed veggies!

Edit: I did a weigh-in 262.2 (not normal conditions) which means I actually had a loss.

My DS is now back at college for two weeks then his semester ends.  One last semester and he is on his way into the workforce.  The actual working world of adulthood.  Hard to believe he is an adult and hard for me to imagine that I am that old.

Now on the weight front, I haven't weighed in.  I missed Saturday because we had no meeting. I already ate today and feel cold and under the weather.  I think I have been slowly getting sick and that is why the complaints lately.  It just hasn't latched on.

I had a granola bar for breakfast and a glass of milk.  That's pretty much it.

Take care and God Bless.

I'm back up two lbs after my wonderful dehydrated weight!!! hehe, but not long I will be there while I AM hydrated!

I've been doing really awesome the past couple of days with not over-eating. Last night when I was about to go to bed (which is the worst part of the day eating-wise for me) I REALLY wanted to eat some food and I knew it would turn into a binge so instead I forced myself to just GO TO SLEEP. I am REALLY happy now, and I hope that the next time I feel this way I will think about how I feel NOW and I'll stop. I know that the weight is going to come off in no time and I will once again be able to bare my cut abs! Woo!

CW: 134
LW:119
GW:125

Lets go lets go lets go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Goal for this week:
-GYM at least 4 times this week, but shoot for 5-6
-Eat good! Portioned meals and don't binge
-Don't drink unless it is the weekend! And try not to drunk eat on the weekend(which I usually don't have a problem with!)
-Be productive!

LOL.

It has been a good day today even with the news from the vet, (Read my previous entry about that if you are interested).  The day started off well, great blood sugars and well rested. Off to the vet we went, and then more CC for me.

I made a ham stew for lunch today and had one last turkey salad sandwich.  The stew has ham, french cut green beans, onions and red potatoes in it.  The candian steak seasoning is what really makes it.

The weather was good so I woke DH from a nap on the recliner to help with raking the leaves.  I haven't done yard work in a long time, but for some reason, I was motivated to do it and was able to do alot more than normal.  Sure, my shoulder hurt for a little bit but I took a break and it calmed down. So breaks is what I need for this body until I get the muscles in working order.  This weight loss journey has been a long one and I am up to the chore.  I am looking at the end result of where I want to be and just can't wait until that time comes, whenever it will be.  My husband is anxious for me to be tiny again.

I think at times he is not as proud of me as he should be. Then other times, I feel the unconditional love. Does that make sense to anyone?  Have you ever felt that way about your spouse?  I know I get comments from my father all the time and my mother has nothing to say  except  she shouldn't talk because she is bigger than she should be also. Of course, she is 74 years old and doesn't have as many health issues as I have.  There are times when I really resent my genes and more times I am thankful I have the parents GOD intended for me to have.  I get unconditional love there and always have. No matter what!

I missed during this holiday season not playing our normal games, from Thanksgiving to New Years we play Yahtzee, Monopoly, Sorry, and Life but that hasn't happened so far.

Now for the news about my husband work prospects.  He has been connecting with some of his previous co-workers through the internet and there may be some job possibilities he may be contacted about. He has already put a bug in this one fellas ear that he is out looking.  But the circumstance about that is he told my husband that they are having to make a decision about a person they are considering letting go soon.  He said this is the only way he could hire my husband. My DH is not happy about that circumstance so he is waiting for them to call him instead of him calling them.  I don't agree with that but . . . maybe he knows this guy better than I do afterall he worked with him 15 years.  Wish us luck. 

That is all for this evening. I have been on calorie count for the better part of the day today. At one point I commented on a forum about a person who has an ED and was so proud that her parents were happy that she is eating good and gaining weight. A comment upset me so I replied. After reading the persons profile, it indicated they have mental issues, so that explains the condensending manner this person comments all the time.  It is a shame this is mirrored into another persons life.

I too have a mental disorder also,which may be seen at times by my post that are less than cheery, but I do my best not to affect anyone and remain cordial.  There is no sense in projecting a negative attitude for someone who is trying to seek help,in my opinion.

Sorry for a little of this and that in this post. If anything you got to know me a little better and my life as it stands on this journey. From doing yardwork, family life, foods, goals and medical issues I contend with.  Thanks for reading and take care and God Bless.

So I've been eating VERY well, although I got a bit drunk last night at the bars. So this morning I weighed at 132 down from 135. I know it is dehydration, but I'm counting it anyway! hehe!