duke3522's Journal

The First Day Of The Month

Dec 01 2009 13:40

As I get older, can't help but think time goes so much faster than it once did. Seems like only yesterday I was looking forward to seeing Haley's Comet in 1985. And soon it will be 2010. Wow, can hardly believe I have made it this far. Never did I imagine I'd make it this far. When you are 500+ pounds in your 20's, a person really doesn't expect to make it to 50.

But 50 I'm gonna be. And it truly is some sort of miracle I have made it this far. Maybe the reason is so my dad would have someone to take care of him, or maybe it's just dumb luck of the draw. I don't know why I have been given this chance, but the best thing to do is live a good and happy life.

Of course it's going to continue to be a fight. But at least I have something worth fighting for. A real life, being a real person. And a fight it will be. Yesterday I hurt so bad I just wanted to stay in bed. So what did I do, I headed up to the Y, and did a 1600+ cal workout.

I guess for me right now, and to be honest there is no guessing about it, I have to bring the eating back in line with the workouts. That is where I am not following through on the plan. Everything has to go in the log. It's time to get fanatical again. watching every bite, everything I have to drink that has any cals. It must go in the log!! The part of the battle where I am the weakest. That's why I have to make this the new focul point of my plan. I think I got the workout thing down. But that's only part of the equation. The food must be logged!!!

Then there is my business. I have to stay the course so I will be ready for all the work this spring. Much to be done, and so little time. Gotta start working harder yet!! Still want to see that 300 pound mark!!

Black Friday

Nov 27 2009 07:05

For me personally, this is a a pretty good day. Lori and Rick are going to her family for dinner, and my cousin, Donny, is going to watch my dad while I play in a special poker tour. at the VFW. It will do them both some good to hang out together.

My afternoon is gonna be busy. The poker tour I am playing in is going to be a straight freeze out tournament, with knock out chips, and a best hand pot. At $60, and with just 44 players, it should be some pretty tough competition. And with $40 a player going to the prize pot, a damn sweet prize pot.

But my cards have been running very bad, and with them my play lately. I think the run of poor cards has frustrated me to the point where I have picked up a lot of bad habits I use to exploit, in the others that play there.

You see a lot of bad play in those damn re-buy tournaments, while they can get back in people will gamble like crazy. But once ya blow your chips today, there ain't no getting back in. So the donks should be gone pretty quick.

As to the greenhouses, we are ready to put on plastic. Simply waiting for a couple of days of low wind to get that job done. The place is excellent, and making it work is up to me. Not only as a form of income, but also as a way to employ a few people, help the community, and stay on the cutting edge the local food movement.

I know some people ask what difference does it make where my green peppers come from. The most basic answer I have is that supporting local food production not only means eating fresher, healthier food. But there is also a national security aspect.

If, for some reason, the trucks can't cross the country, areas with local food supply will be much better prepared for whatever type of national emergancy stopped the trucks rolling. It's simply a matter of common sense.

People need to learn to grow their own food again. One of the reasons our nation didn't completely melt down during the Great Depression, was because most everyone still knew how to grow a garden, and how to save the seed for the next season. This knowledge helped to feed a the people in a time when their government, and financial institutions, had failed them completely.

But saving the world has to wait. Got to get the place off the ground this year. And I am promising myself to turn my obsessive nature toward making this business something I will be able to look back on with pride on that day I go to join the Gods.

We all fight our battles in different way. And this one is mine!!

Have a great Black Friday everyone!!

Thanksgiving

Nov 22 2009 17:14

Already tired of it! The day's not even here, and I want my relatives the hel out of here. And they are going completly nuts over the food, and I just don't see any reason for it all. I'm just gonna fix a few things, and they want something else, they can make it, or bring it.

My mind is in shambles right now. Acting like a child when there is serious work to be done. But tomorrow is a new day, and the plan is to put the plastic on the small greenhouse. I'm pretty scared by all this. I know I got the time and talent, but can I keep it together mentally to make this thing work.

Its nuts, but if I don't really try, that means no one can say I failed, I just didn't try. I know, I too wonder why the state of Indiana lets me walk around loose either. Afraid to fail, afraid to succeed. If that ain't nuts, WTF is?

Gotta show some faith here. Some faith in my God's, that if I am industrious and hard working I will succeed. Some faith in the community to support my efforts, and some faith in myself. The last one is damn near impossible.

My mind is scrambbled by the hopelessness of it all. I am awash in sadness, and I simply don't know what to do about it. Nothing to do but keep on keeping on I guess.

But what happens when I fall apart next spring? Ah well. Maybe best just to sell the place now, and move to somewhere I can't do any damage.

I'm never going to get past this. Where's death when ya need it.

Hard At It

Nov 09 2009 11:19

Dad is doing very well. He only spent two days in the regular hospital, and is now in the Acute Rehab Unit. He's doing great because he decided to go along with the program, so he is working hard to be in good shape when he comes home Friday.

The reason dad is in the hospital is because he was unable to move his right knee a week ago Saturday, and on that Sunday the doc took 20cc of water off that right knee. And that made him feel better right away. But the hospital folk thought he would benifit from some time in the ARU. They are getting him up and walking again, and working on his other skills.

Also, I have seen a marked improvement in his attitude. He is working hard, and wants to get back home ASAP. So I'm pretty pleased with that.

As for me, I'm doing pretty good. Had a touch of the flu last week, but I am much better. I did miss Friday's workout, but just couldn't bring myself to do it, and I didn't want to spread my illness around.

I also have an appointment with my Doc on Wedneday. Don't think I'm going to see a lose on his scale, but I feel very fit right now, and after I go see my dad, it's off to the Y for a heavy workout. Today I push weights. So I'll be putting the hurts to my legs. But it's all good. Be back later this afternoon.

Welcome To November

Nov 04 2009 13:52

Had the flu last week. Dad's in the hospital, but doing ok. Heading out to the Y. Life is going pretty good, except I can't lose a damn pound!! Ah well, still all good.

Been Awhile, But Got Some Time Today

Oct 29 2009 12:51

Because of the damn wind that has chosen today to blow in. Can't spray paint in this, so the painting has to wait until a better day. Should have been on it yesterday. Just so much to do.

So this afternoon I am going to Wal Mart, then I need to get dad cleaned up. Then a late dinner with my friend K, then to our fav place for drinks and dancing. Well, she dances anyway. I like to hang out with the DJ and watch. Just not much for dancing, but I keep thinking I should start. What's the worst that can happen?

This week has pretty much involved trying to get the greenhouses done. So on Monday Rick and I painted eight 4x8 sheets of T-11 siding, and both ends of the big house, with 2 coats of Killz 2 primer. What a mess. I had to use a Brick & Block roller head, and it throw paint everywhere. So I was pretty much covered with primer from head to toe. And yes, pics are coming on Facebook. I had to shower for almost an hour to even begin to get the stuff off. And I still have a few white specs here and there :).

So I'm not quit gonna make my Halloween goal of having the plastic on the greenhouses, but that's ok. It's coming together so much better than I ever imagined it would. Because of my construction manager, the place is going to be a garden center, instead of a greenhouse thrown up in the backyard. We have water, power, the whole thing. It's gonna be great!!

As for my workouts? Well, I'm taking the week off. It had been a long time since I had lifted, and Monday I really put it to myself rolling all that paint. So Tuesday I was so sore. Rolling paint uses a lot of muscles I must not use during workouts. It took the whole day to work the stiffness out. But, according to the activity list, rolling paint really burns up those cals. And I was at it for at least 4 hours.

The eating is going OK. I'm not having a problem staying within my cal limits, but I am having some nutrition issues. Averaging about a B- over the last couple of weeks. I have got to learn that taking the time to prep good food no matter how much time it takes. One of those times to be selfish I guess.

Speaking of being selfish, I have a pretty big issue right now. I feel like I live in a nursing home anymore. And it sucks!! Lori helps with dad, but leaves most of the heavy lifting to me as always. And next spring I am really going to have a tough time trying to run a business if Lori simply refuses to pitch in some more. All she has to do is sit here and keep an eye on him, but she is making more and more noise about how I should be sitting right here beside her. Doing nothing but watching moronic TV.

But it is kinda funny that she is bitching so much about staying with dad. Because back when she was hiding out in her room she expected me to sit here and do nothing but wait on her. But now with dad here, she seems to only want to record what Rick and I do to take care of dad, and then she complains if neither one of us is here and she has to walk him to the bathroom, etc.

Well, dad is waking up, and I need to give him a pain pill, and tell him I'm gonna give him a bath when I get back from Wal Mart. That way he knows the bath is coming, he hates it, and he'll be awake.

Hope everyone has a Great Day!!

Duke of Indiana

Strawberry Smoothie

Oct 19 2009 18:08

Sitting here enjoying my after workout protein shake. My legs feel like jello, and my muscles are pretty sore. An excellent workout all the way around. And the nice little weight drop I had was an excellent way to wrap things up.

Tomorrow we are going to get on painting the greenhouse, and I can't believe how much good paint has went up in price. But I'm going to use the good stuff. Why put cheap paint on an excellent looking greenhouse. But $45 a gallon is still a bit shocking.

We are going to have a few really nice days here, so it's time to get both houses under plastic, and then take a few days off. Then we can take our time finishing up the details. Such as the windows, the wiring for the exhaust fan, and installing the landscapers cloth as flooring.

Well, time to head out to play poker. And I tell ya, Duke needs the money!!! LOL

Duke of Indiana

Week Two Of Weights

Oct 19 2009 13:16

It's a pretty nice day here, except I'm not going to get to enjoy much of it. Had to take Lori to have a procedure to have her stomach checked. And it took quit some time this morning. So I have yet to get to the Y and do my thing. Just had something to eat, so I have to wait a little while.

Looks like we are finally have a couple of days to get the greenhouse ends painted, then we can get the plastic on. I just want to get the damn thing done so I can just think about what I'm going to be growing for awhile. I think dad could use a break from all the stuff going on as well.

At the Y today I start the second week of my new weights program. It should be very interesting. Going to lift pretty heavy this afternoon, so I'm sure I'll be hurting pretty good by the time I get done. Along with a short cardio, stretching, and water walking, it should really burn up some cals and get the motor running.

Got to get on the scale today too. Have no idea what it's going to say. Just hope it goes well. My clothing continues to fit better, and I am about as fit as I have ever been. Just want to get the scale moving down again. Simply gotta keep doing the right thing until I see good results.

Ya know though, I am still an awful lucky guy. Having weighed somewhere between 650 and 700 pounds, I have completed alot in the last couple of years. Just have to keep active, and keep logging my food.

Time to get back at it!!

Duke of Indiana

An Excellent Fall Day

Oct 17 2009 11:34

All the sun a person can want, but a bit on the chilly side. With a northern breeze that cuts a bit. But tomorrow the forcast is for almost no wind, so it will be time to paint the greenhouse endwalls.

We are going to use a sprayer to do the painting, hoping to get it all done tomorrow. Two coats of primer, along with two coats of paint. I think we can get it all done in a day. Then we can think about getting the plastic on, and do the wiring and such under cover. And the rest of the week will be devoted to getting the fan, doors, and windows made and installed. This is the fine weather we have been waiting on. Time to get the job done.

Dad is doing a bit better. Finally got him to start taking a pain med on a regular basis. Much better than waiting until he hurts bad enough to ask, and he simply gets arond better if he has had his pain meds.

As for me, I went out Thursday nite with a female friend of mine for dinner. Then we went to our hangout, and ran into a friend of her's having a birthday party. So we joined in the fun, and had an excellent time. A very nice evening.

But then yesterday morning I saw bad news on the scale. 433!! I know I'm holding water, and lifting weights again for the first time in awhile. So getting the scale to move down is pretty tough.

I also think that the Adderal may be having a side effect that isn't helping. The stuff is simply killing my appitite. Only 1700 cals yesterday. Not a good thing at all. But it's kinda tough to make myself eat when I'm simply not hungery.

This is just a reminder that I need to be watching my plan all the time. Collecting all the information I can, and then being able to adjust to ever changing conditions. Reminds me of the plan I keep for the business. Always changing, but always keeping my goals in mind.

Better get things moving! Have an excellent day everyone!!

Duke of Indiana

What To Do About Dad

Oct 15 2009 12:40

Around here, over the last couple of weeks, the weather has been very tough on knees, hips, etc. I hurt, my sister hurts, everyone hurts. You know, that cold, wet weather with a breeze that cuts like a knife.

And, of course, dad has been hurting too. But his response is simply to give up. Like last nite, he was trying to clean up his extension seat on the john. Then I guess one of his knees gave out. But Rick got into the bathroom in time to gently lower him to the floor. So he's not hurt, just really upset.

Then, when I get down stairs, Rick and I pick him up to get him on his walker, but he simply refused to straighten out his legs to even try and stand. So we got a stool, picked him up, and set him up. Then we turn the stool to where we could pick him up and put him in the wheelchair. Then we take him to his bedroom, and Rick and I go to pick him up to put him in the bed. And as we are lifting him, he gets a death grip on the arms of the wheelchair. While yelling at us how he can't get any higher.

So we sat him back in the wheelchair and told him not to grab hold of the chair. He then rants on about how he didn't have a hold of the chair. So I made him fold his arms, and we were able to get him in the bed.

I guess my main problem is that he seems to have given up. And in giving up he seems to be going out of his way to make things more difficult. I have him working out 3 times a week. And it seems to me he has plenty of strength. I just don't think he has had much experience with pain, and it's freaking him out.

So I told him last night that he needs to take his pain med on a regular basis. His response was to tell me he can't live the rest of his life taking pain meds. I told him that was BS, and that I couldn't do nothing without the pain meds.

So I'm not sure what to do. Someone needs to walk with him for awhile, and keep him working out. But if he decideds he isn't gonna walk anymore, what can I do but take him to the ER. Just not sure what's gonna happen. He goes into a nursing home, I got big problems. But if he's not gonna walk, that's where he has to go.

I know damn well he has it in him to get back on his feet. Up to him and what he wants.

Know one thing. I'm gonna take the bouncer job that's been offered to me several times. Part of the agreement is that I get a shot a bar tending down the road. Hate bouncing again, but I can't turn the money down.

It comes to this, if dad goes into a home I am going to have a tougher time getting things going. But I am going to give it my best shot no matter what happens.

Time to keep on keeping on!!

Duke of Indiana