earthsong_13's Journal

My support system sucks... so what?!?
Nov 12 2009 10:39

Some people have a very good support base, but others (like me) have been surrounded by overweight to morbidly obese individuals their whole lives.  I truly don't think that I have hung out with more than three people in the healthy BMI category in well over a year.  All of the individuals I spend time with have certain mindsets that I can't seem to break through.  Because I am thinner than they are, I'm being consistently told that I don't need to lose weight, or that they would love to be like me (body-wise).  I understand that their perspectives on a healthy weight may have become skewed over time, and I try to forgive them for that, but I also get angry when I start to feel defensive about wanting to lose weight.

This is an example from a conversation with my sister that I had recently.  I'm talking about how upset that I am that I've regained so much of my lost weight, and referring to 2002 when I lost 45 pounds.  I explained that the reason that I was so upset is because even after all that hard work, I still had 10-15 pounds to lose, and now it was much more because I've regained some.  My sister (to put this in perspective, she has a BMI of 40.2) thinks back to that time and says that there's no way I still need to lose 10-15 pounds at that point, because I must have been around 130 pounds and all our friends were commenting that I looked so skinny they were afraid that I was getting sick or developing an eating disorder. 

This was an honest conversation, and here are the honest facts.  In 2002 I focused very carefully on losing weight, but still allowed myself one "slip up" day every week.  I lost 45 pounds over a span of four months (yes, I know that's fast and probably one reason why I gained back some of it - you very critical individuals out there).  I was very proud of myself and exercised a LOT!  I was simply trying to get down to the very top of the chart for healthy weight (BMI 24.9 - for me 145).  I went from 200 down to 155.  There's the skewed part for you.  My friends thought I was down to 130 and looked like I was sickly when in actuality, I was still 10 pounds overweight. 

I know there are lots of people out there who are simply surrounded by people like this.  They aren't intentionally (at least, not consciously) making the decision to sabotage you, but they truly don't have a realistic view of what healthy is.  Some are subconsciously trying to protect themselves from the embarrassment of going out for a night on the town with a "skinny friend" that they don't want to be compared with.  This makes things hard on those of us who are trying to lose weight (notice I say "trying to lose weight" and NOT "trying to be healthy".  That's a rant for another day).

I don't want to abandon my group of friends simply to hang out with thinner people who have a correct outlook on healthy.  Especially since I don't seem to have anything in common with them.  I don't like to exercise, and my idea of fun is sitting on the couch playing a video game for 8 hours a day.  I'm a "gamer geek".  Video games, tabletop games (think Dungeons and Dragons), and card games (Think Magic: the gathering, not poker).  My friends get together and have Battlestar Gallactica and Lord of the Rings marathons, and every get together is centered around food. 

I love my friends, and have had most of them since at least high school.  Some people actually suggest that we do give them up for our own sakes, but I feel that it's stupid and cruel and would never make you happy.  "I finally reached my goal of being thin, but I no longer have the friends that have been with me for years".  Really?  Does that actually make ANYONE happy?  I will work on my own willpower and diet in spite of them, and instead of worrying that they will have a bad influence on me, I'm going to keep hanging out with them and hope that I will eventually have a positive influence on them. :-)

Anyone else feel that way?