etoille3091's Journal

my fisrt journal entry
Oct 02 2007 16:20

i dont know if any one will read this and i guess i really dont care. me writing it out and seeing the words on the screen will cement the idea in my head that today right now this moment i have changed. no more hot pockets no more seconds no more takeaway. im not doing this for any one else any more wich is why it will work. by may of 2008 i will be 41 lbs smaller. i am 5'9 and 190 lbs. i have crossed in to 200 but quickly freaked out and my eating disorder kicked in. this is what im afraid of. i fear the scale so much i know that i must take control back and i can no longer sit idely by and watch myself balloon (seemingly overnight) to a weight that i have never been. i have never been small at my best i weighed 155 and that was 3 years ago.

hoping is gone for me i realize now i cant ever hope to be skinny.... i have to make it happen.