firefly030406's Journal

Constant Battle
Mar 26 2008 09:01

I seem to be constantly going back and forth about my desire to lose weight.  The scale is stuck at 147 for probably the last year now and I'm wondering if I'm just going to have to accept this place where I am and know that's where I'll stay.  At 5'6", it's not overweight, but at the same time, I have this desire to be about 15 pounds lighter.  I know it's probably just vanity, and I wonder if I'll ever be able to reach that goal and then stay there.  It seems like my body and my mind are at this 147 pound wall.  I lose a couple pounds and then I convince myself I don't need to lose any or reason with myself the many excuses why I should be happy right where I am.  But, I look in the mirror and although I don't want perfection, I would like to see a slimmer me.  Maybe this is just me and I have to deal with it - it's not so bad, and I'd be content to be this way for the remainder of my life.  But, I wonder, is it possible to move past this wall, never to return?  Can I attain a new set point and adapt my lifestyle in a reasonable way to maintain that new place, without any crazy methods - drastic diet reductions or crazy hours at the gym?  Is it possible with a few alterations that can be adopted for life-long maintenance?  What is it that's keeping me at this wall?  Do I think I don't deserve it or that I wouldn't be able to handle the new responsibility of it all?  Hmmm...maybe something for me to think more deeply about...