flowergirl21's Journal

OMFG

Jun 25 2009 13:55

I just came back to calorie counting after being off for a few...well....weeks. :( I haven't done horriblly, basically maintained, but still. I need to LOSE, not maintain.

And so, on my 2nd day of counting again...it's a co-workers b-day. And I was in charge of bringing in the goodies. I should have known better than to bring in stuff I LOVE!! Mmm...doughnuts...I've already had 1-1/2...

And so, since I'm trying to be good, I am keeping track...and at 2pm, I'm pretty much at my limit for the day. WTF was I thinking??? Granted, we have kickball tonight, which will help burn off some, but....still....just not enough.

I feel like a loser. I feel like a quitter. I feel disappointed and ashamed. But I'm not going to eat away those feelings. I'm going to feel them damnit. And we'll see where it gets me.

70 days - Can I do it???

Apr 01 2009 11:17

wow - i just did the math...i have 70 days til my b-day. and I am nowhere close to where i want to be!!! I want to lose 20lbs by then...which equals out to be about 2lbs/week, or a lil over 1/4lb/day.

This makes me so nervous! I don't know if I can do it!! I really want to but... Ugh! Maybe I should post and see if the others around here can give me some motivation...

i feel like a fat cow

Mar 10 2009 20:37

seriously, i do - how did i EVER eat like this before and be okay with it?? today i'm just out of it; i feel like i'm part of life, but not really...almost like an out of body experience. i remember feeling like this often before i got on my anti-depressants, and i HATE it!! i'm not sure if it's the time change or what, but i just want it to be over.

and so, what did i do? i asked for comfort food tonight - i asked kassie to make a huge vat of spaghetti and meatballs and then we made cheese bread. plus a glass of wine. oh - and don't forget the girlscout cookies. i'm almost ashamed of myself for everything i ate... and it didn't really even help my mood, which sucks. i thought it might but kinda knew that it wouldn't. so here i sit with my big ass belly feeling much too full, my lungs feeling full and making me want to grab my inhaler, and the weather making me not want to go anywhere (not to mention it's too late anyway). and i feel fat. i haven't felt fat for quite some time. well, i've felt fat, because DUH i am. but it's different. i usually feel pretty good, but now it's just fat.

i really should have known better. and maybe this is just part of the journey...knowing better and actually acting on it. the only good thing i can think may come out of this is maybe i raised my metabolism by eating so much and haven't really lately. maybe. one can hope. at least i don't have to weigh in tomorrow.

but, either way, just 15 more minutes, and i think i'm heading to bed - really early, only 9, but still. and once i'm in bed, i can just go to sleep and let my body work on everything i just fed (er, overfed) it.

grumble grumble grumble

Mar 02 2009 20:38

sometimes exercise really annoys the hell out of me!! typically lately when we go to the Y, i ride the bike. and it burns a great amount of calories! tonight I decided to walk on the treadmill instead. granted, it was at an incline of 3 (maybe 3.5?) and i definitely felt it in my butt, but then when i got home and logged it, it was only a lil over 100 calories!! did i really just sweat and leave home just to burn a lil over 100 cals? ugh! that feels like it wasn't even worth the effort.

plus, when i came home to log it, the only thing that cc had for walking uphill was "walking uphill, 3.5mph" okay 1st of all, it doesn't say the grade and 2nd, why doesn't it give different mph?? i would have pretty much been running had i been doing 3.5mph!

i'm hoping that writing about it will help me get the annoyance out of my system. cuz i don't like being crabby and annoyed. and neither does the hunny or roomie.

Sick

Feb 17 2009 17:46

I am so fucking sick of being sick!! it started slow and then just collapsed upon me! cough, chest tightness, super stuffy nose...UGH!! and, of course, when I'm like this, I seem to consume more calories than any other day...I don't really feel like I'm eating more - maybe it's just that I'm drinking more high calorie fluids...or feel like eating foods that are worse for me (ice cream, pudding, etc)... I dunno, but either way, it SUCKS. I know this is life and i know that throughout my life I am going to go up and down on the scale and up and down in healthiness, but damnit!! why when I'm trying to LOSE?? I'm nervous to step on the scale...especially since I'm not working out right now (ha! working out when I can't breathe? yeah, let's not go there) and want to eat and eat and eat... life sucks sometimes.

bouncing around

Feb 09 2009 08:53

argh!!! i'm so sick of my weight bouncing around like this!! check this out:

2/9 215.2

2/5 214.2

2/2 215.4

1/30 215.4

1/27 213.6

1/26 215.4

1/22 213.2

1/19 215.2

1/15 214.6

1/12 214.6

1/8 214.8

So that means in a month I've put ON a half pound!! wtf?? I've been doing sooo good, I just don't get it!! Maybe I haven't had the greatest deficit, but there's still a deficit there, and I've really started to ramp up my working out... ugh! I just don't get it!!

hmm....

Feb 03 2009 09:34

so igor's post got me thinking about shorter goals. granted, yes, i put in smaller goals - like losing 5 lbs instead of looking at the fact that i need to lose like 85!! But he mentioned to put it into monthly goals...and maybe even weekly goals...so maybe that will help me! Or at least help me envision where I could be. So here's the breakdown:

Lose: 85 lbs (down to 130)

85/12(months) = 7.1 lbs/month

7.1/4(weeks) = 1.775 lbs/week

One pound = 3500 calories.

I need a monthly deficit of 24500 (approximately), a weekly of 6125, and a daily of 875.

Interesting... I think that's totally doable! Tough, but doable. Ya know, for hating math as much as I do, I love the way these numbers work out!!

Weight

Jan 27 2009 10:48

okay, so I know I shouldn't have recorded my weight today since I did yesterday and I will again on Thursday, but I just couldn't resist. yesterday I was at 215 something, but now I'm down to 213 something, and I know that one is much more accurate than yesterday so I just wanted to record it... Is it good? Is it bad? Meh - whatever. It's just something I wanted to do to capture what is really going on... We'll see what Thursday brings now!

I hate winter!!!

Jan 14 2009 10:00

OMG it is so freaking cold out!! A high of -5 Fahrenheit?? please no!!! And when it gets this cold, I crave (and eat) so many carbs. And today being bagel day doesn't help - especially since it's Panera instead of Einsteins - I can't resist! I already ate a cinnamon crunch...now I'm on to a dutch apple & raisin... I've eaten like 900 calories already and it's only 10! Looks like it's definitely going to be "one of those days".

Worst part, when it's so cold out, I hate having to go back out and going to the gym (but there's no way in HELL I'm going in the morning!!). I really hope the roomies drag me out there tonight...cuz it'd just be so easy to curl up on the couch and not do a damn thing.

Week 16 Weigh-In

Jan 13 2009 13:47

Does anyone ever get sick of their weight bouncing around? Ugh - I'm so annoyed by it!! I was down really well last week, and then this week I'm up. Up like a pound and a half!! I dunno what to think or do or anything. I guess I just really need to bump my exercise back up or something... And I just realized that I'm not going to make my 145lb goal for my b-day...cuz that would mean I'd have to lose like 7lbs/wk and that's 1) not healthy and 2) not happening!! This just makes me sad...

BW: 220.4

Weigh-in: 214.6

Total Loss: 5.8

To go to 2/14: 214.6

To Go to 6/9: 69.6