foffles's Journal
Living arrangement decissions... O.oOct 30 2009 11:21
So... I'm currently a 21 year old college student living at home. I love my family and appriciate all they've done for me, but I've been thinking... when's the best time to move out?
Options I've been concidering:
- Right now... well, not literally this second, but in a week. Dumb idea... but with everything that's going on, it's tempting...
- At the end of the year - I should have some money saved up by then and I can get a loan to cover the rest.
- 2-4 weeks before graduation - I'd love to celebrate my birthday in my own (well, me and my boyfriend's own) place. That would be the best present ever.
- Immediately after graduation - like the next day/within a week. I should have a job, as my current job has hinted at hiring me on full time when I graduate. And with the fact that I'm a female in a male dominated field, will have 2 years experience in my field, am going to graduate with a ~3.5 GPA, and will have a BS over a BA, I should be able to find something.
- A couple months after graduation - probably the 'smartest' choice so that I can save up for a bit right after school, get the whole financial security thing going for me before I move out... and my parents are actually encouraging this option.
So, why don't I go with the smart option and save up for a bit before I move out? Well, for one thing, I'm in love. Yes, I know, being 21 years old and thinking I've found the love of my life is naive, but I know that we just fit together. And I'd really like to see how things work with us living together. And my parents are getting a bit overbearing (I'm the only kid 'in the nest' - my younger sister moved out a year and a half go) and trying to restrict my time with him. I know that it's mostly because they love me and want to spend more time with me, but I only see him for a few hours on the weekend as it is. Another reason for wanting to move in together - we could be perfectly happy now, but realize we're crud together when it's just the 2 of us together for long periods of time.
Another thing - my house rules are a bit extreme. I have a 7:30 curfew on week nights... yes, a 21 year old college senior with a 7:30 curfew. On the weekends, it used to be midnight, but they've given in a little on that one - mostly because I never got in at midnight. I get that my parents go to bed early and that I have to be quiet because the dog (my mom's dog >.>) is loud when she is woken up, but... ugh. Luckily, my dad seems to agree that my mom can go a bit overboard and knows that I want some kind of social life outsode them and has helped get me a little more leaway...
I'm not a rambunctious kid... I'm generally well mannered, say my pleases and thank yous, donate money to needy causes... I'm a good girl.
But, I'm also a college student. And I want to feel like an actual college student! I want to live out my college years while I still have some left (only 8 months til I'm out of college). I know it's probably selfish... but I don't generally do alot for myself, and this is something I really want.
My mom also told me that we would talk about me moving into the dorms my junior year... yeah, never happened. She doesn't even like the idea of me moving out when I graduate. We're constantly getting into little fights now, usually about nothing. And I don't want things to get as bad between us as they got between my sister and my mom before my sister left. Sure, things have gotten better between them, but it's not the same anymore.
My mom's also gotten into the habit of trying to guilt me. Stuff like "we just paid $$$ for your tuition". The problem is, I've been guilt-tripped so many times, it only makes me angry, not feeling guilty.
She also likes to point out that she 'controls' me. She has literally said "I control you". That's generally what makes me angreest about this whole thing. I already have control issues... and seriously, wouldn't it make you want to leave if someone told you they control you?
There was also the agreement when I started college that as long as I continued to qualify for my scholorship (if I stay above a 3.0, the school pays about 1/3 my college), I would not need to get a job. Then I had to get a job. Then I had to get a better job and pay for my books and stuff. I don't really mind paying, it's just that she still tries the guilting and everything else on top of this...
I guess I just don't want to be a 22 year old college graduate with a 7:30 curfew that never got to 'live it up' in college because she was at home when everyone else was having fun...
... but I don't want to be an unappriciative brat either. I really do love my parents. And I do appriciate that they've gotten me through college without loans.
What to do...
All I can say is . . . WOW. I moved away from home at 17 years old. Can't remember my mom ever hindering me in any way then . . . let alone at 21! You're a legal adult, it's your choice. I understand not wanting to make waves, but mom has to let go at some point. A year later I moved in with my husband . . . I married him at 22. My daughter is 17 right now, she'll graduate highschool early. (After 2nd quarter this year.) We've already begun renovations on the basement to give her more privacy when she turns 18. She has a job, is taking college prereq. courses and will enroll next fall. Her curfew on weeknights is 10:30 right now, and I only enforce that because she's a bear to get up in the morning, but for the most part, she handles herself well. We've already discussed that I'll pay her tuition as long as she provides good grades. As far as her schedule . . . once she turns 18, that will be her decision. She'll pay rent, and of course I'll expect a phone call if she intends to be out all night (so I don't worry), but other than that . . . it will be her responsibility to manage her own affairs. I guess I just can't imagine telling her she has to be in at 7:30 let alone expecting her to pay it any mind at all. I will always be here for her whatever she might need, but in a year's time she'll be living her own life. I'm quite proud that I've raised a capable and independent woman and I'm excited to see what she'll become. Hope everything works out for you. :) |
We put 2 girls through college, some of which they each lived at home. I cannot imagine a 7:30 curfew. You're an adult for crissakes. Plus, were like: Ok you'll get a job and move out, right? lol Now, when I was a kid, my parents were always saying "As long as you live here, you live by these rules" Which I basically have no problem with, but I left at 17. 7:30 is just crazy. IMO. Ignore her guilt trips, they are not fair. I don't think I would stick around long.
Good luck. |
my choice would be to move out as of January, gives you a little time to look for a nice place that you can afford. Independence is the best feeling!!! Good luck! Your parents will still love you, they too had to make that decision at one time or another! It is just hard for some moms to let go...it will be fine for you both. I wish you all the best |
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