future214's Journal

getting back on track
Dec 01 2009 08:04

I hate that you cant copy and paste what you have eaten here.

I just added all of what I am going to eat today into my food log. About 1474 Calories. Yesterday I had a good eating day and then BF come shome with a leftover chocolate pecan pie slice. His sister is an excellent baker-this has pecans/dark chocolate and jack daniels in it. My God it is heavenly.

Have had him on South Beach phase 1 for 2 weeks b4 Thanksgiving. He lost 8-9 lbs. I was pretty much lollowing it too and was down to 141. Now up to 144.4. I have lost this 4-5 lbs about a dozen times since getting down to 145 in early summer. I am probably supposed to be 145-it is where I go when I dont think about eating too much. Too bad I cant be happy with it:-(

I was out with my 80 year old Nana and we went to Friendlys and she guiltlessly enjoyed her happy ending sundae. She is my height and about 145-150. Sometimes I find myself wishing I was at a point where I wasn't so damn vain. But I want to get in a Bikini for our trip to Cancun in March!

Anyhoo-guess I am back and counting again. Sometimes I get exhausted by it all!

Away for a long while
Oct 29 2009 20:14

Wow-I have not posted in a long time.

My BFs mom died fairly unexpectedly this week. It has not been a year and a half since he lost his dad. Feel badly for him. Been a tough week.

We are getting along great btw. Something has changed in me where I am not as sex focused over the last few months. Really hope it is just natural and not because I am getting old! Anyway it has really helped and I am starting to think that maybe it was a 'show me you love me thing' (although it really felt pretty physical!). Guess I am doing a lot better and feeling more secure and better about myself too. Well, all I know is I just love him like crazy and we are very comfy with each other. Going away next weekend-we have such fun together and we havent had much time lately so that will be good.

My father gave me 'the Secret' audio cd for my bday and I have been listening to it nonstop. I think there can be a bit too much negativity here for me at times and I tried a break. It is in keeping with my often times feeling that I put too much focus on food. I think listening to it and being grateful for what I have has helped me in alot of ways. Audio books are amazing! I drive so much it is such a great use of my time-I am going to get more.

Work: great -keep your fingers crossed they extend this tax credit for first time buyers-it has SO helped the real estate biz. This (.) close to bagging other job-HATE the ppwk and bureacracy-but need the haelth insurance and have become pretty dependent on automatic deposit. Guess I need to have a little faith in the universe that my hard work would result in its own kind of auto deposit:-) Trying not to do anything rash. Want to have at least 3 months expenses put away before.

Weight: I have creeped up to 145-6. It is amazing how uncomfortable a few pounds will make me. At 142 I am great. I am doing South Beach-I am completely certain that I have carb and sugar issues. I have discovered this only about 4 times in my life already:-p Figure if I really follow this program I should be able to tell which of the higher carb items are good for me and which are not. (ie;make me eat like a maniac and never feel full)

It has only been 3 days and I already have less 'bloat' feel and feel satisfied. I do have a sreaming headache though. I really cannot stand the beached whale feel and I am trying to come to terms with why I let that happen now and again. I also think 140 average is going to be just fine for me. Not going to worry about 135 anymore.

My son has been making me nuts. He still has no motivation for school and it is incredibly frustrating. I am a broken record and he is so not hearing me. I am going to try real hard to release it. No one was on my case and I found my own mojo. We have a very good relationship and I want to preserve that. He knows my position.

Thats about it for now:-)

Made it to 40
Oct 07 2009 07:39

So I have been away from CC for a bit. My 40 th came and went. It was nice but anticlimatic. I am not 135 -still 142. Its ok with me for now.

I have been very busy and less preoccupied with food. I am happy. Content. My son is struggling with school and being a teen in a pretty big way and at times I feel pretty confused and helpless. But he is kind and respectful, so I am blessed. The BF and I are really great and I am working hard at Real estate, starting to set aside enough cash to feel comfortable enough to dump the other job someday soon.

I have been pretty tired lately and trying to let myself grab some extra sleep if I can.

There has not been much time for my New Rules workouts and I miss that but on the other hand I am in need of more rest I know. I am supposed to be in Stage 3. I decided yesterday that I am going to do an hour of strength training 2x a week using the exercises from the book. I have been saying I don't have time to do the whole long workout-and then not getting anything in. Some is better than none.

Not counting/logging=eating less?
Sep 25 2009 07:45

Think this is what is happening.  I am conscious of how many calories are in a meal, but I am eating when I am hungry and not thinking about logging or macros or whatever.

Makes me less food focused. I still weigh each day and I am averaging 142. My body seems to be very happy here. My clothes feel looser than they did a month ago at this weight which is weird. And people have made comments. I am going to stick with this for a while.

Will write more later!

141.8
Sep 18 2009 07:34

Big deal. keep going up and down a little-normal I guess. Would be perfectly happy if that happened BELOW the 140 mark.

Have had no time to log-doing fairly well counting though -got a good weight workout in late wed night-nice to feel sore again. Doing it again on Sat or Sunday-have to get it done min of 2x a week. Been craaaaazy busy-ridin the wave.

Will work all weekend:-( Tonight though-my BF and I are going on a music cruise with my Real Estate firm. He surprised me by saying he would take day off-so that should be nice.

Feeling down about my 15yo and his lack of interest in school. I am always harping. It is tiresome and ineffective. Last nite before I went to meet the teachers I asked him where he sees himself. "In LA, trying to get a record deal, working any kind of job to pay the bills".

Maybe I will go sleep on his futon. Never been to LA.

Oh well-off to another crazy day!

Crash and Burn
Sep 14 2009 23:20

I thought I was tired before. Don't remember the weekend. Worked it all-running my butt of for Real estate right now (dont I really wish I were running it off....) Everyone out trying to get tax credit before it expires. Ride the wave that is what I have to do.

Other job is suffering. If they don't catch on it will be amazing. I have only managed to do weights 1x a week for last 3 weeks. Know it is not good. Been managing to do an hour of cardio 3x a week with friend. 

No idea what weight is-got my period early this month as a surprise this am-feeling bloated and mooey. Have had a soy latte each afternoon just to keep going. Don't think I will get on scale tomorrow either.

Really haven't been eating too badly-just no time for logging. I turn 40 in two weeks and still really want to be under 140 if possible. I just want a cushion for when I have a week like this. It is so discouraging to go back to near halfway where I started out just due to salt, pms or a bad meal. Sometimes I wish I started out heavier to begin with?

I have to go to bed.

Promises to me
Sep 10 2009 08:20

Remember how I said that I would get up at 5am, drive to the gym and do spin before I had to pick my son up for school on the days he is with his dad?

Well I did. And no spin! After a 40 min drive! Guess doesnt satrt til next week So I did some other cardio machines and got my son to school with time to spare and no stress.

Another promise I am making completely unrelated to ex or diet: I will never have less than 1500 bucks in my savings account. Huge for me.

I have a very promising appt tonight where I am hopefully going to list a cute  and very sellable house and write an offer on one of my listings for this cute young couple who want to raise their kids on this little farm I have for sale.

If I get it I am going to stop at Target and buy myself this bright trench coat that I saw a few days  ago and have not been able to stop thinking about. 40 bucks. Me thinks-purple.

If Obama gets healthcare passed I may consider quitting my other job.

What the
Sep 09 2009 13:39

Idk-I didn't exercise for 4 days and was not starved. I weighed 142 each day and even ate a fried dough and had some beers over the wknd.

Last night I do my new rules workout and ate normal. (Although I did have some rice pilaf that I know was salty).

(BTW-think I got that push press thing right-I was exaggerating my elbow position it seems....?)

Today I weigh 143.8 and am ferociously hungry. Grrrrrr.

Sometimes I think it is better to not work out.

Guess what else I did last night

142 for 3 days straight
Sep 08 2009 13:16

Survived the holiday weekend. I don't think I went over maint except for maybe yesterday. Had my annual fried dough.

Will write more later.

141.2
Sep 04 2009 10:18

Not too shabby -didn't weigh last 2 days -surprised. Today it is 1 month til I turn 40. I won't get to 135 but I am determined to get safely below 140 and I know that is realistic. Just have to be mindful over the weekend. If we go to a fair I will have half a fried dough, though!

Still discontent. Have not reallly had chance to talk w bf anymore. He would rather act as if of course than talk about it.

Some of this is just my restless nature too. Just unclear as to how much. Have always ben tough and when things get too bad or hard I change it up and take some sort of action. I had it set in my mind that I would need to hang out with things staus quo for another year or so til the job was over and then be able to see how he is without this burden. But now all of that is up in the air and its like I can't see the shore again.

Well, hopefully we have a good weekend. I will need to put on my happy face and try. I have caught up a bit on sleep last two days and cleaned and organized.

Have a good long weekend!