garnet77's Journal

Nov 09 2009 18:44

so it's been about a week of crap eating, totally off schedule, huge amounts of fats and cals so that drop I had cause of the flu is going to have disappeared. I just hope it hasn't gone beyond.. Who knows? I did have a few sane moments when I thought, hmm, that was a terrible meal, I won't eat another one today .. I just ate it the next day. :/ Last night when I spoke to H I made it very clear he wasn't to buy any more crap food. It was bad enough with the halloween candy, which, thankfully wasn't too much, but still more than advisable, but he bought chips and dip and ice cream sandwiches. No, I didn't have to eat them, but of course I did. Haven't had any regular exercise since the flu hit either. I made the choice to walk home a few times instead of calling for a ride but it's only a 10 minute walk. Haven't been right in the head for a few days and a lot of that has to do with H being completely gone. I hate that he is gone so much but I hate that I can't be more supportive about him being gone. He's got two jobs, as usual, but they're different ones now. Job #1 is now 6 pm to 2 am.. I guess he is the supervisor there, there was some dispute, he was, oops, I was wrong, you're not, okay, you are. And he's started his own small business which is a cleaning company, he goes in and makes floors beautiful. It's a sort of franchise type thing. They give him a store (in this case a grocery store) and he pays for the chemicals and the rental of the equipment from this company and he gets the rest. From there he can branch out and find other contracts. It doesn't cost anything to start it up but it takes a while to see the pay off. So anyway, he works that job directly after the other one til about 7-7:30. I think once we get a cell phone and I can call him whenever the hell I want or need to I will be a lil happier. I'm not good with change. I want to be happy that he has this lil business of his with plans to make it a lil bigger in the new year but I miss the ever loving fuck out of him. I haven't slept in the same bed with him for over a week except for a couple of naps and then he is too tired to even roll over and crush me with his arm let alone anything else. Once he has everything running along and he's getting an income he's going to hire a dude he knows to work the weekends so he'll have weekends for us at least. I think we need to get bus passes. Anyway, so not happy in the head. Hoping once I am good and on track and into the new schedule everything will sort itself out. I've been a pretty good girl today, no extra snacking and I ate at every meal time. Supper is almost ready, I am hoping to avoid snacking afterwards even though I should have some cals left over. I didn't log but I know which meals fit and so far today they do. Tomorrow is the remembrance day assembly at school. I dunno why but my folks are coming. My dad has always come but I guess Mom and Cassie are coming along too. I will go to school in time for the assembly and I'm going to leave with my folks and get the bus with them to their place to visit. I spent this morning helping David put up the decorations in the gym that the classes made. Unfortunately not all classes made something and the ones that did almost all made doves and decorated 'peace' bubble words. today i'm proud of me for walking home and eating 3 meals on schedule.