garnet77's Journal

it's 3a.m. I must be lonely

Dec 18 2009 04:20

Actually, it's 4a.m., 4:20 to be precise. I'm just waking up when usually I am just going to bed.

Shhh... life is going well right now. Of course, in my mind, that means something terrible is going to happen. We usually get a few months of good before >>KA BOOM<< but it's going SO well that I expect it to all go up in smoke that much sooner.

Now, my husband has had a LOT of jobs since I've known him and he had a few before I met him...he used to build cars (Volvos), fix cars, managed a gas station or two, worked in a call center, worked as a cleaner/floor guy, delivered pizzas (which was what he was doing when I met him), delivered newspapers, delivered batteries and he was even a milkman for a while (that was before I met him). Ever since he was a kid he had wanted to fix cars so he went to CC and became an automotive technician, he was a front end specialist and he became one of the best. Then his shoulder got totally screwed up. I don't think it helped when he was in a car accident (while delivering the batteries) cause that messed his neck up. His arms would go numb if they were above his head for too long. Anyway, he worked at a call center and became one of the best resolutions guys.. he'd get the crankiest customers, calm em down and not give everything away for free and they'd still go away happy.. so my point is.. he has done many things and he always becomes awesome at doing them. I should go and edit this cause there are so many details that aren't really needed but it's 4 in the morning, I can't be bothered, sorry. Anyway. Jobs have always come and gone with high frequency, sometimes it's him, sometimes it's them. We had started thinking about him following dreams so he'd be working somewhere that he was happy. He'd always wanted to be an EMT, looked into that, cost lots of money we didn't have. I suggested going back to school to be an accountant like my cousin had done, he loves numbers and it awesome with them. Also more money than we had. So months went by, he was working as a supervisor at a cleaning company and they were complete dicks, screwed him out of better jobs a couple of times, didn't give him the hours they'd promised him.. I think I can fairly say it was that job that landed us in debt. During the course of looking for a new job while working there he met a guy who was looking for an owner/operator of a cleaning company but H passed that up, he was just there to see about another job. A few weeks later he thought of it again and decided to look into it. I think of it as sort of a franchise. You subcontract for them, their name goes on the shirt (but you can put your own company name on it too), you get the contract they give you. Well, they had a small store (grocery) available (I think all new owner operators start with small stores) and H decided to take it. It is a one man job, he goes in at 2 and is home by 7:30 a.m. He cleans the store, waxes and buffs the floors and makes it purty. At the end of the month they take out machine rental and maintenance fees and whatever supplies he's ordered come out and he gets the rest. They've also been throwing other jobs his way, just a few, for other stores. Their owner operators don't wanna do it so they call H and of course he'll do it. We went to Windsor to clean thick, nasty dust from some overhead beam-type things ($411 for one nights work!!). And since he has his own company now he's also been subcontracting for a guy he knows just doing floors. Floors are his favourite part, stripping, waxing, buffing, burnishing, and he is awesome at them. I never knew how important people think it is to have shiny floors. So it's been almost two months of that and I have to say, DAMN, that was a good idea. They're trying to get him into a bigger store now, the 'flag ship', but they have to go through legal to get the guy who is in there now out. A bigger store means more money and employees. He's happy being his own boss (yeah, he still has to answer to someone if the store isn't up to snuff but so far so good), we've got enough money coming in now that we should be floating in a few short months, Christmas didn't help, I could have paid more bills but decided they waited this long, they can wait another month and just gave some, not all. We owe my mom some money and our arrangement is to pay per month, I paid her triple this month so she'd have a better Christmas too. She lost her wallet with $350 in it, her Christmas money, about two weeks ago and she was devastated. Because starting the business didn't really cost us any money we had to wait two months to get paid which will be the end of december. H was able to get half of his pay early cause he is a new owner so we were able to get some things for Christmas. I am not exactly in the holiday spirit.. well, I am in MY holiday spirit, cranky and raising my voice often for no good reason. But I am looking forward to Christmas morning. We had decided that if we could afford it we would finally get Ben the Nintendo DS he has been craving since last Christmas. I had told him maybe for his birthday but it came and went with no DS. He's mentioned it a few times but I keep telling him no, no, no. He's also asked for Bakugans, these stupid little balls that pop open and 'battle' each other, he is big time into the show, holding the two he has managed to keep and going through the actions with the show. I told him no, no, no to those as well cause he is a little too into them, sometimes throwing them across the room in his excitement! I asked him what he wanted us to buy him for Christmas and he asked for a new Didj game. Didj is a leapster product for kids his age, educational, but they haven't made any new games and the ones they have aren't suitable for him, geometry and fractions and division. I want him to have a decent handle on them at school first. So what did we do? Got him a completely non-educational, mind numbing DSi. The DSi is the newer version of a DS, takes pics and plays music. The difference in the price was worth it. Got him two games, one a racing game from the clearance rack and one a damn Bakugan game complete with a Bakugan! So yeah, though I kept saying no, no, no, the plan was to get it for him all along, if possible. It became possible. We got him a few accessories for it and that is pretty much all he is going to get. Santa got him the Hot Wheels monster trucks he asked him for and a couple new Hot Wheels. We're going to have to get him a lil memory card so he can play music, I played with it a little, set it up and put on every parental control it has. I am going to use this thing as much as he does. We're going to have to lay down some strict ground rules. After the excitement of getting the DSi he is going to feel the frustration of getting the DSi :) I guess I have rambled enough, I should put away the Christmas card stuff I left out from last night. I should have used a few more paragraphs, huh.

Have a great day everybody :)

Dec 10 2009 18:22

crap, had an entry.

in short, food bad, life good.. well, better, getting closer to good every day.

♥ ***HUGS*** ♥

Nov 10 2009 12:29

dammit, weighed today at my moms, 214.. i was kinda hoping it's be higher to kick me in the butt and punish me for the past week. :/ umm, yay, I guess?

Nov 09 2009 18:44

so it's been about a week of crap eating, totally off schedule, huge amounts of fats and cals so that drop I had cause of the flu is going to have disappeared. I just hope it hasn't gone beyond.. Who knows? I did have a few sane moments when I thought, hmm, that was a terrible meal, I won't eat another one today .. I just ate it the next day. :/ Last night when I spoke to H I made it very clear he wasn't to buy any more crap food. It was bad enough with the halloween candy, which, thankfully wasn't too much, but still more than advisable, but he bought chips and dip and ice cream sandwiches. No, I didn't have to eat them, but of course I did. Haven't had any regular exercise since the flu hit either. I made the choice to walk home a few times instead of calling for a ride but it's only a 10 minute walk. Haven't been right in the head for a few days and a lot of that has to do with H being completely gone. I hate that he is gone so much but I hate that I can't be more supportive about him being gone. He's got two jobs, as usual, but they're different ones now. Job #1 is now 6 pm to 2 am.. I guess he is the supervisor there, there was some dispute, he was, oops, I was wrong, you're not, okay, you are. And he's started his own small business which is a cleaning company, he goes in and makes floors beautiful. It's a sort of franchise type thing. They give him a store (in this case a grocery store) and he pays for the chemicals and the rental of the equipment from this company and he gets the rest. From there he can branch out and find other contracts. It doesn't cost anything to start it up but it takes a while to see the pay off. So anyway, he works that job directly after the other one til about 7-7:30. I think once we get a cell phone and I can call him whenever the hell I want or need to I will be a lil happier. I'm not good with change. I want to be happy that he has this lil business of his with plans to make it a lil bigger in the new year but I miss the ever loving fuck out of him. I haven't slept in the same bed with him for over a week except for a couple of naps and then he is too tired to even roll over and crush me with his arm let alone anything else. Once he has everything running along and he's getting an income he's going to hire a dude he knows to work the weekends so he'll have weekends for us at least. I think we need to get bus passes. Anyway, so not happy in the head. Hoping once I am good and on track and into the new schedule everything will sort itself out. I've been a pretty good girl today, no extra snacking and I ate at every meal time. Supper is almost ready, I am hoping to avoid snacking afterwards even though I should have some cals left over. I didn't log but I know which meals fit and so far today they do. Tomorrow is the remembrance day assembly at school. I dunno why but my folks are coming. My dad has always come but I guess Mom and Cassie are coming along too. I will go to school in time for the assembly and I'm going to leave with my folks and get the bus with them to their place to visit. I spent this morning helping David put up the decorations in the gym that the classes made. Unfortunately not all classes made something and the ones that did almost all made doves and decorated 'peace' bubble words. today i'm proud of me for walking home and eating 3 meals on schedule.

Nov 03 2009 16:12

visiting my mom today, jumped on the scale. 213. holy crap. 6/7 lbs down cause of the flu! now to get back to eating right so it'll stay down! still no interest in eating but what can ya do? more importantly is getting the meals in 4-6 hours apart cause I've completely lost track of that. argh.

edited to add, cause I was bored and lonely and home alone (well, Ben was asleep) and lonely...

�

Monday I was getting ready for school and we're listening to the radio on tv when they call up the winner who qualified for a trip to�Jamaica. It was my freaking COUSIN that my mom babysit for, Cassies mom, Julie. You may remember her as the chick I told you about who suddenly flaked on her hubby, went away with another man, came home, then left said hubby? The DJ asks her if she knows who she is going to take.. she says the other man. And then to make it all just so much worse, she calls him her husband on live radio. I so hope that her ACTUAL husband or any of his friends were not listening.�

Today I was at my moms and she was busy so I answered the phone. It was the husband calling to say he'd be a little late picking up Cassie. When he found out it was me he then spent the next 20 minutes telling me all about what was going on (according to him). It was Awkward with a capital A.

Tomorrow we have parent teacher interviews. I can hardly wait. I need to know what my kid is doing in class cause he doesn't tell us. "I don't know" are his favourite words. He went to a birthday party, he had fun cause THAT much he told me, I had to wait til she facebooked her pictures to see all the cool stuff they did! *sigh* kids! :)

flu, flu, fever, fever, puking

Oct 30 2009 21:21

Ben is still sick. His fever was high enough that H made us take him to the flu assessment place. Of course they told him it was just a regular flu/bad cold. He was worried that he'd brought it home from work. So we got home, doped ourselves up and fell asleep on the couch. When I woke up Ben was finally cool to the touch so I shuffled him off to bed. Now I can have my turn at being miserable. I've got a regular ol flu too. It was a bitch at school cause every bone ACHED something fierce. Susan, two of her daughters and a friend of theirs were there to help. Problem was one of the daughters brought her new born baby and Sharon, the friend, wasn't allowed to do much. So all morning they were basically fussing over the kid. Then at noon the girls go out to get lunch and pick up another kid! The OTHER daughters kid who is only 12 days younger than the other. So more time spent fawning over and showing off the kids. Thank gawd Kendra was there to help out. My eating was absolute crap, totally ate 3 cookies covered with icing and garlic cheese sticks. Never got to the pizza cause we went to the Forum for the flu assessment. Guess there was a bright side. H is bring Popsicles home though and I plan to have a couple. I'm hungry but nauseous. Didn't even eat during my allotted time. Can't be perfect all of the time, tomorrow will be better.

Here is hoping everyone is feeling well. Have a great weekend.

Oct 29 2009 15:18

My poor lil monkey is worn out. He looks terrible, all doped out of his head, but he hasn't had any medicine. He's tired and achy but luckily no fever.

I got roped in to helping with the book fair. Today we set up the french side of the library and tomorrow the english books will arrive. The woman in charge, Susan, pressed two of her kids into service. They're adults but you wouldn't know it to listen to them. Holy crap. Bicker, bicker, bicker! OMG. Hopefully one of em will stay home tomorrow.

Going to count all the heavy lifting and walking back and forth as my exercise today. Too tired and achy to ride or do a vid.

I never told you guys.. the wiring in my head is all better for now! I haven't been on the anti-depression meds for quite a few months now and I still don't want to break things. Doc had told me that if I go on em again it'd be for at least a year and if I went off and had to go back on again it'd be forever. I wouldn't be surprised if I had to go back on em some day, but at least now I know, this is the reason I want to punch you in the throat and throw things at your head, and I can fix that. :)

Guess that's it, going to go lay down with Ben for a while.

baby are you down, down, down, down, down..

Oct 27 2009 17:10

I had a very productive day today :) Went to school, forced myself but I'm glad I did. I stayed up too late so I didn't want to get up, then in the shower the hot water was running out and I was hoping it would so I'd have an excuse to stay home :) A lame excuse but still :)

So I get to school, of course Ben's teacher has nothing for me. His grade primary teacher wasn't there so I went across the hall to another primary teacher who has often said she wished she had a helper. She had a lil work for me but I stretched it out. Helped out David. Escorted some chick down to the other end of the school, nearly lost my jeans. Manon suggested I check with Erin so I did. I told her that anything tedious that she had been dreading doing, I was her girl. So I spent the rest of the morning and lunch hour cutting out circles with the alphabet in em (a matching upper to lower case letters game) and gluing em to construction paper :)

I decided I'd had enough by the time I finished that, my neck was getting sore and I was getting hungry. I'd only managed to grab a handi-snack for breakfast :/ we'd run out of milk and the thought of toast was... blegh. I'd have preferred to just not eat. Anyway. I figured I'd walk home since it was a nice day and that way H could sleep a lil longer. I even went all the way up the hill instead of cutting around :) After school we went to Shubie and did a loop, dunno how long we were actually walking but somewhere between 30 and 50 minutes. Add my ten minute walk home and I think I am good for today. I can nap on the sofa when Ben is in bed instead of being a dancing queen fool. I put the tae bo vid on last night and put my own tunes on so I was just following along with the movements and didn't have to listen to dear old Billy. I think that's why my neck is a lil sore though, from being bent double and trying to keep track of what Billy was doing :)

It's weird cause this time around I am exercising, last time I never really committed to the exercise. Last time, though it started off about being healthier, it quickly turned into just being about weight loss. This time it's still about being healthier. I stopped keeping track, but I know I am doing at the very least 20 minutes a day (although I don't think I actually ever stopped at 20) 5 days a week. Between walking, the bike and the vids I am hoping it'll stay interesting over the winter. I've completely slacked off on the strengthening shit though, boring as hell. I'll have to think of something some day soon though. Hrm.

I should go back and delete some of those excess sentences but.. nah.

to poke or not to poke

Oct 27 2009 01:05

So tonight all over my FB feed there were friends trying to decide, or whom had already decided, about the H1N1 flu shot.

I myself hadn't really decided though at my last doctors appointment he said he recommended it and told us that he'd be getting one.

We are supposed to get it cause we are 'high risk'.

Tonight I came across this post in the forums and I read all 123 (at the time) posts. Someone made the point that...

"You .. take your chances everyday when you walk out your front door. How much do you trust the guy in the car in front of you are behind you that he's a decent, responsible driver?..."

Which makes sense to me but, when I get in the car, I wear a seatbelt to be a little bit safer, so if I am in an accident, I may not be injured as badly. Could still die, but at least I did what I could.

The OPs main point seemed to be get it for everyone elses protection if not (or, as well as) your own.

Now, I didn't read up on the vaccine, I don't intend to, it's approved and it's not up to me to question it, I don't have a bunch of letters after my name. My doc recommends it cause I'm 'high risk'. Well, okay, but .. meh. But by me getting the vaccine I can help stop the spread of the infection. I won't get it and take it to school, or to my mom & dad who are 60 with heart issues, or to Cassie who also had her own heart issue.

So yeah, all of that together, convinces me.. I will get the shot, but I won't be mad if you don't :) Just stay the hell away from my momma & my baby!

Oct 26 2009 12:54

home from school again today.. :/ haven't gone much this year. I plan, tentatively, to go tomorrow but I dunno how much they'll have for me, Bens teacher is going to be a student teacher so.. Could have gone today but Mondays are one of the two days of the week where H is home during the day and not asleep. Wednesday is the school assembly and Bens class is performing so I can't miss that, even my parents are coming and bringing Cassie.

He is gone now to meet with Albert, a guy he worked for before at a different place, to discuss a job. Right before he left he got a call from the call center he applied at and they want him (pending background check) for November 9. His background isn't spic and span however :/ Once upon a time he had a job from a neighborhood guy delivering call girls to their destination.. until the police put an end to that and he got fined for communicating with a prostitute.. there might be a different term for it, legally, but I can't remember it :) It was a million years ago and when most people see it they laugh but we can't count on everyone to think it's funny. This Albert guy was one of the ones who'd thought it was amusing back in the day so hopefully that won't be a factor today. They're both completely different job, both full time, only medical at one, but just enough more money at the other to make up for not having medical. They're both nighttime work but slightly different hours. I dunno which one to hope for. Either one right now since he so despises where he is. I can hardly wait for everything to be settled.

Anyway.

I'm coming up on "you have to eat NOW" but I still don't feel like it, guess I'll be choking down lunch today. Don't really want anything but I guess I am a lil hungry. Still getting my meals in on time and staying within my cals so, yay me. I keep thinking about what some might call a 'cheat day/meal', but I haven't managed to convince myself it's a good idea. Half of me wants to order a gigantor pizza and eat as much as I want and half of me wants to get a regular one and eat sensibly. Either way, I still get the pizza, right? Do I plan a binge to avoid having an unwanted one? Huh.

So the other night H & I did the dance fitness vids I found on youtube with the jesus guy (he doesn't preach or anything but you can tell he prolly does in other vids). I thought I was uncoordinated! So he didn't like that very much but we tried it, did a lil free style dancing at the end which was fun. But he mentioned taebo as something he could do. So last night I lined up 4 taebo vids which were harder to do physically but the moves weren't as difficult. We only actually did three, H wanted to be done so we stopped, half an hour was good enough.. he thought we were going to take a night off... HA! I was thinking about just putting on tunes and dancing tonight, throw in some moves from the videos.

So I'm off to watch Dexter online.. if it wasn't for the game show network I would almost consider cancelling cable! Have a great day everybody!