heylaurel's Journal

Finally

Jul 11 2009 13:31

So, lost 3.5 lbs. I wish it was more but I'm definitely feeling thinner, which is nice. Crazy how 3 days of eating healthy and eating obsessively healthy can make me feel like a million bucks even though I probably don't look any different. Hopefully I can lose another 2 lbs before I leave for Virginia, then I'll weigh 145. That's still 4 more lbs than my lowest but at least I won't look a lot fatter to Aditi.

Tomorrow is running day! I'm really hungry right now. I MUST stay motivated and not eat a lot today, or any day before Thursday.

Back on Track

Jul 06 2009 21:36

Today went wonderfully. I love how I feel when I've had an amazing day diet wise, when I've eaten my calorie goal and exercised vigorously. I honestly can't wait to wake up tomorrow morning and feel thinner. I need to remember this feeling. Less than a week and a half till my visit with Aditi. I won't be thin by then but hopefully I will FEEL thinner. Still afriad to weigh myself though. I don't want to be discouraged. Maybe I'll wait till Wednesday or Thursday so I know there will be a little difference to motivate me.

Home

Jul 05 2009 20:09

So, didn't weigh myself this morning. I seriously chickened out. I also lost it a bit today and ate a lot. I got it together a little bit and ate a small dinner and tried to drink a lot of water. However, I still ate almost 3 thousand calories which is totally unacceptable. Especially when I'm not exercising. I think I might try and do the bike just so I don't feel so terrible when I wake up tomorrow morning, ugh. I fucking hate this. I'm going to be so miserable when I go visit Aditi just because I feel so fat and ugly.

I think I'm going to weigh myself on Wednesday assuming I go to bathroom on Tuesday. Then I can see how much I lose in a week. This is getting out of control.

Lake George!

Jul 04 2009 12:55

So yesterday was rough. We went to the Grist Mill for my father/grandfather's birthday and the food was tempting and delicious. I ordered sashimi tuna with asian slaw, probably not healthy but not as terrible as the crab-stuffed-salmon over cream sauce and fettucine that I wanted. I had a piece of carrot cake also, but again not as terrible as eating my sister's and cousin's slice in addition to my own, which I very much wanted to do.

I am feeling motivated but heavy also. Molly told me that Melissa lost 20 lbs! She only weighed about 140 to begin with and is 5'8", so she was very thin. Now Molly is worried about her own weight too. It makes me feel awful because these tall, skinny, beautiful girls are so focused on getting even thinner, ugh.

Confession: I am so sick and tired of having Grandpa tell me how beautiful I am. Correction: I am so sick and tied of having Grandpa tell me how beautiful he THINKS I am. It's hard to hear over and over again when I feel so fat and and I know he would say it even if I looked awful, so it's meaningless.

Weighing myself tomorrow because my grandpa has a real scale, not a digital one. I'm nervous. Bah!

First Day [kind of...]

Jul 02 2009 16:13

So today is the first day that I'm using this website. I feel a little pathetic but empowered at the same time. I always do this, I binge one afternoon and then feel terrible about myself so I plan out a new diet to start the next morning. It usually lasts about two days before the process starts all over again. However, this online food diary really worked for me when I was at school so I'm giving it another try. This time, I'm taking it seriously. I filled in my goals, joined groups, and even made a profile. Maybe that will help, who knows.

I'm very upset because I am going to see Aditi in Virginia in 2 WEEKS, ugh. I miss her and want to see her but hopefully I'll be feeling a lot slimmer by the time I get there, I hate seeing people when I feel like this. And it isn't just me this time, I know I gained weight because my clothes are much tighter. It's really time I get a hold of myself.

This weekend I am going to Lake George to visit my grandfather. I really need to stick to my diet and use this website to log my foods. I should also try to get some exercise and I MUST workout on Sunday since I won't be doing vigorous gym work tomorrow or Saturday. Here goes!

I can't believe I actually just wrote this. However, some people say it helps and I'm willing to try anything at this point.