jaefuma's Journal

Well...That was depressing.
Nov 28 2009 17:57

I went out with friends today. For some god awful reason the mall and not the library was the place we decided to meet.

I have never been more depressed and sad then I was walking through the stores with them. When the hell did we start going to clothing stores!? We used to go to book stores and tea stores and game stores...now we're going to f**king Macy's? Of course they're all a size 2, so I felt like a huge giant around all of them, wading through clothes that won't ever fit me, even when I get to my goal weight. Hello! I'm 6ft tall! I'm never going to be a "junior."

I saw a pair of gloves I wanted and, surprise, surprise, my hands were too big for them. It sucked, because one of my friends came up and asked, "shopping for gloves?" and I had to admit that me and my fat ass hands couldn't fit into anything.

Boy, don't I feel great?

I spit out some crap about not liking to drive in the dark and got the hell out of there. I don't think I'll be going to the mall for a long, long, long, long time, let alone going out with friends. When did we become so different? It was really the worse outing ever and I regret going.

Glad they're doing well though.

P.S. Found out that I'm a 100% emotional eater. :) i actually ate before I went out so I wouldn't gorge myself. Ended up having waffle fries, two cookies (Big, huge, toll house cookies. Fabulous), I'm on my second slice of something called a "chocolate loaf," and I also had chicken and such with my healthy choice (before said chocolate loaf). I'm in the 2,300 now. I'm hoping all the walking I did today balances this out. I'm going to try to stop eating now and just get some sleep.

And Here Comes Thanksgiving...
Nov 24 2009 11:37

Well, it's not really that big of a deal for me, because it's just going to me my grandmother, aunt, and I, so it's not like we're having some sort of feast. I even know what we're having. :D

Cornish hen (tasty little buggers), potato salad, candied yams (I think), and some sort of green vegetable. I think cabage.

So, not nearly as bad as what some people are going to be fighting. The only thing is, that'll leave me gymless for Thrusday, Friday, Satruday, and Sunday. ;.; I'll probably just figure out some home things to do and walk and such, but still, it's a stinky, stinky situation.

Lost another pound. I know it's only been five days, but I'm usually a Tuesday weigher anyway.

Well, holidays are coming up, and that means all my friends and I will be home for Christmas and so forth. I would be really, really, really happy if I was able to see them after I hit the big 100. I mean, for most of them, the last time they saw me, I was 349+!!!! If I came back at ~249, I'd still be fat, but they'd have to notice something. :0 Even the people that saw me during the summer only saw me at -75/76, so that's some difference...Right?

8 pounds to go...fingers crossed. <3

Women Suck At Sharing A Gym
Nov 20 2009 18:37

Well, no, that's not true, but in my school, most of the females are really bad at being in the gym with other people. D:

My first pet peeve: They pull out their yoga mats out infront of the weights. Like, RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM. And will just lie down and start doing crap while I have to WALK OVER them to get my weights. And they still don't move! I might actually go over to the "boy's side" with the mirrors and crap because at least they don't spread eagle infront of the weights.  <.< Oh, and then they LEAVE THE MATS THERE.

My second pet peeve: They could not put a weight back if it killed them. They scatter the 5/10 pounds weights all over the place and just leave them there! I don't need those weights, but I hate tripping and nearly killing myself because they can't pick up and weight from one station to the other...REALLY? IS IT THAT HARD!?!?!?

My third pet peeve: They can't keep their eyes in their sockets. I get it, I'm fat. >.< If they can walk around half naked (I'm sreious. Tiny, tiny shorts, panty flashing, boobs literally hanging out...like, 20% of the girls dress this way. It's quite shameful if you ask me, but that's more of an opinion than a peeve) I can walk around in sweats and lift weight/do cardio.

That is my annoyance with the gym. <.< Believe me, some of the men have their issues, especially the "performers." The ones that just lift god awful heavy weight and obviously shouldn't be lifting them to begin with? They get all red and veins start popping...I was with my trainer when we saw someone working out like that. She nudged me and said, "You're not supposed to look like that when you lift...just saying." Oh, and they strut. College boys are silly. College kids in general are silly. We're all just a bunch of kids, but in the gym, they're the kings and queens of silliness.

Maybe they haven't figured out that they're not actually "grown up" yet?

Hit The 90lb Mark
Nov 19 2009 11:09

I think.

I worked out before this weigh in(I didn't realize I'd have any free time, so lay off). 259 popped up on the scale. I know the most it can change is...like, 1, two pounds, and last week I was 266, so, regardless I've lost SOMETHING. I'm keeping it in there. <.<

Well, 90 poounds gone, 10 away from 100. Have to say, thought I'd look a little different, just throwing it out there. :) But, I do have a lot left to lose. I have to keep moving (and studying. OH. MY. GOD. SO MANY TESTS AND ASSIGNMENTS!)

96 to go it seems. My goodness, less than 100 to lose...I can join another group. :) When I hit 100, I'm going to but myself a large pillow pet, and I'm going to love it and name it "Hyaku" (Japanese for 100 (I'm studying it in college. <.< ) )

Well, back to work. <3

Well, this weekend went to the dogs.
Nov 14 2009 17:05

Two Words : Cheesecake Factory

It's not the end of the world, though I do feel a little guilty since I've had pizza and hot chocolate this week as well. But, once I'm done being sick and I shake all of this off, I'll get right back on the horse and that'll be that.

Hell, this might even help me "zig zag" or...something.

Well, I'm sick...again.
Nov 13 2009 11:27

I mean, sick sick. Coughing, burning chest, runny eyes, runny nose, no sleep, just moaning and groaning...And I have been eating like a MONSTER. Now, I don't think I've gone over my calorie count by much, but I've been eating pizza(not as much as I got sicker), hot chocolate, high sodium noddle soups, ice cream (actually helps my chest, so it's not THAT outrageous).

Well, when I get sick, I eat. <.< I'm a little embarrassed about the next time i go to my nutritionist, because she's going to think I've gone off the deep end. Of course, since, it's all in my chest and respiratory, no working about (which, in my weakened state is a god send. )

I'm not too upset though. The illness with pass, the lack of motivation will pass, and I'll get right back on it. I'll get over this...but I really just want some sleep. D:

Ready to call it quits
Nov 10 2009 11:26

Well, not really. But I'm very disappointed and frustrated. My weight has been going back and forth between 266 and 264 for some time and the nurse/doctor/whatever is positive that this is a true plateau and...well, it's getting to be a bit depressing. I've been working super hard with the personal trainer as well as watching what I eat, and it's gotten worse and worse. It's one of those "why bother" moments.  God, it just sucks. :/

And, when I met with the nutritionist, the very foods that helped me from not calling it a "diet" are the foods that she's suggesting I get rid of (low fat ice cream, take out once in awhile, etc.) Now it's like, "I can't even eat the food I enjoy anymore and not lose weight?"

For months and months, I was losing fine. Since last April, 85 pounds gone, and now it just won't move and it's giving me a headache.

I guess it's good buy normalcy, hello rabbit diet.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Nov 03 2009 11:42

Warning: This is nothing by a rant

I go get weighed in this morning and...264...Really...Really!? Last week, I was 266, so this might be a little confusing to some, but the week before that, I was 264. When I went to 266, I tried to tell myself that it was that I was weight lifting, that is was my period, and that it would go away again...It's not leaving. OH. MY. GOD. This new personal trainer is leaving me tired and breathless and I don't even get a pound for it? ONE POUND? THIS IS SO ANNOYING!

They started doing measurements and it is making it SO much worse. They're all over the place (the numbers, no the people) and I'm up one week, down the other, and it's frustrating and a little depressing. No more! I'm going to ask them to just stop it, because I nearly left in tears today. Since Arizona, weight has not been going my way at all. It's NOVEMBER. I just want to hit 100. Is that really too much to ask?

I'll admit something, I may not be eating enough (no, it's not 1200). I eat around 2300, because the nutritionist doesn't see any reason for me to go up, even though this site, the child's site, and G.I. Jane say other wise, but I just feel weird having to show her a close to 2800 calorie intake (My workouts last about an hour, maybe hour and a half).

I just don't want to be obese in Japan. Spring 2011...Ugh. I'm so not motivated (did my workout, but it was torture).

In sadder news, my friend's mother passed away last week, so this just isn't a good time for anyone. I'll be keeping her in my thoughts, I hope you all do the same.

Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day
Oct 27 2009 20:04

Well, it's not all that, but it's not the best weigh in I had. I "gained" two pounds. I did a whole lot of weight lifting yesterday, and I'm on my period, so I'm trying to tell myself that I didn't gain two pounds. (Birthday...eh, I don't believe it did anything). However, I am annoyed at my weight loss in general. I mean, since I got back from vacation, I've lost maybe 10 pounds, maybe. It's been almost three, four months. I'M SO ANNOYED! I've been working out hard, and now I have to deal with this? What the hell went wrong? I really wanted to reach 100 by my birthday (20 pounds didn't seem like a lot to ask for in three months...at the time anyway), now I'll be luck if I see it before 2010, and, I'm not going to lie, I'm going to be really, really upset if that's the case.

Plus, I'm on my period, so I'm generally emotional. My teacher keeps giving me B's on my assignments without telling me why (I guess he likes to see me pull my hair out), my body is sore, and I have cramps, and my weight loss has slowed to a crawl.

I just want to sleep. ;.;

P.S. Sherlock Holmes is a very, very good story. ._.

Happy Birthday To Me~
Oct 20 2009 12:23

Turning the big 1-9 today. And I lost two pounds. :)

Well, I'm going totally crazy today with food. I had a muffin (or breakfast cake) and coco for breakfast. Having pizza and candy for lunch, my favorite type of fish, potatoes and cabbage for dinner, and a nice piece of cake for dessert. :D

I logged everything in, and it's only 1900-ish calories, not that I would of cared. It's my birthday, so if it was 3500+, that would of been my count. ^^

Yay Birthdays.