jedwardedens's Journal

Getting Sober
Nov 10 2009 12:57

Another day keeping myself from drinking...and therefore gaining weight by making dumb choices. Such as getting drive-thru fast food from two separate restaurants just because I think I need to have something to eat.

More than anything I just want to lose the weight, but have been drinking for so long its become habitual and I feel I need it every day. Addiction.

During the day I'm good, I count my calories, eat healthy and stay active, exercising every day. At least on the days where I haven't had something to drink. Then I never exercise and somehow justify to myself that I don't need to eat healthy...or "I'll start tomorrow".

My lady likes to drink too, so it's doubly hard to say no when both of us bend so easily to the other's wishes. When I don't want to drink, she does and when I want to drink, she doesn't. But we cave in to each other.

When I wake up with a hangover, I always dedicate my day to getting sober...but once I start feeling better in the middle of the day, my brain starts whispering things to me. "Let's have a drink tonight!" "Everything is much more fun when we're drunk!"

I just wish I could get over the initial hump of getting sober, because I've been there before and lost lots of weight. I currently (well as of yesterday morning's weigh in) weigh 403 lbs and have a large body type and am 6' 3" tall.

Every time I tell someone I'm that weight, they say I don't look that heavy. But that's not really encouragement to stay sober and straight with a healthy lifestyle. I'm not sure how to try and motivate myself. My mom and I are even trying to compete for who loses more, but we're not sure what to compete for yet.

I'm hoping I can get my head to listen.