jessiemccrory's Journal

why i count calories

Oct 19 2009 03:57

i know i have covered this before, this is a reminder to myself. counting calories is still important. it makes me feel saner and in more control of my eating and able to reflect on my choices more objectively.

i didn't count most of this week. wednesday, thursday and half of friday were given over to a bad headache that never quite made it to migrane, but was close. and my responce to i think i am less than healthy (sick, tired, headache, whatever) was predictible... i ate. i have a belief that there is some food that will cure what ails me... whether it is a headache or a sore throat...or even an upset stomach. and i go through the day trying different food cures. which never includes just not eating.so that is what i did. saturday i don't remember. i didn't think about food... amazing. sunday, i felt like i ate a TON!!! and yet, when i tried to confess my dietary sins to my husband, it didn't come out as horriffic as i thought. not that 6 funsized snickers and several oreos, two lunches and a cream based cassarol for dinner made for a light day, but had i been counting, i a) probably would have limited the snickers and oreos more successfully and b) would have eased up on my self more... even if i did still choose to have both lunches.

so it seems obvious right? i should just count till i feel like a competent eater again. or i like my body again. ( i liked my body fine on saturday, and even sunday morning, but by sunday evening, i was convinced i was huge, flabby and gross... still 146 lbs... holding steady there) but here is the crux... i limited myself before to 1250+ my exercise. it worked well for me. i exercised plenty, lost weight, got fit, stabilized (for 3 months) i am nusring, i am afraid of loosing my milk supply (not that it is in any danger... really) i am NOT exercising, i have lost a lot of muscle, i tell myself i just want to monitor myself, but i find myself either limiting my calories and ending around 1500, with fear that i will dry up, or giving up counting because the goal of under 2000 cals is scary.

i think i sound way more messed up than normal because it is 4am and i have been awake since 2 because i can't sleep.

so here is the goal: count monday-wednesday this week. under 2000 cals each day. over 1500 cals each day. at least 30 mins of excercize... wii or walking or (gasp) the gym all three days. thursday-saturday forget about food (disneyland) and fresh start on sunday

i want to feel sane (to have what i feel matches what is happening). i want to feel comfortable with my food choices. i want to love my body.

it's raining, he's not snoring

Oct 13 2009 09:20

so, i counted Friday...Saturday i made cookies. and ate them Saturday, Sunday and yesterday. and just feel icky now. because we had leftovers i didn't want to waste, i had macaroni casserole several times over the weekend... at 400 cals a serving. and this morning i was back to pecans and chocolate chips for breakfast. and i don't feel good about that. i will get back on track with the rest of the day. soup for lunch, roast chicken for dinner with sweet potatoes, carrots and squash. and water to drink. plenty of water.

in other news, we got a ton done this weekend. we are having our first winter storm today, so in preparation, we cleaned out the garage yesterday so i could park the truck in it to take the girl to school in the morning with out venturing out. that also included installing the closet shelving and sorting out the last 5 boxes i hadn't unpacked. and the baby slept through most of that. upside, tons done. down side, back to very little baby daddy bonding. i think i held him all weekend that he was awake.

and until a couple minutes ago, it looked like i was going to spend the day holding him... each time i put him down, he woke up. but now he is snoozing in his bouncer... so i will get something done.

less than 2000 cals...

plenty of water

pump

20-30 min on wii fit

sweep/mop/vaccume

figure out overlapping weekend plans

pay bills

iud

Oct 09 2009 15:04

1602 cals yesterday, still counting today. yay me! i am counting, and working on making reasonable choices, but i am not restricting.

today, DH is home, which is nice. we finished the shelf i am making for M for Christmas. I just need to attach it to the mosaic, and grout it. i hope she likes it :)

he took me to my DR appt to get my IUD put back in. really uncomfortable procedure that. in the 30 minutes he was alone with the baby in the waiting room, baby went from a bit figgety, to fussy, to daddy taking him out to the car to wait for me in frustration. as soon as i was in the car, he fell asleep. he has been asleep since. wow! that is 4.5 hours. maybe i should wake him up and feed him.

anyway, while he was sleeping, we stopped at taco bell for lunch on the way home. i haven't had TB for a while... it was yummy! and i think my cals will still be reasonable today. i think i think :)

two days in a row

Oct 08 2009 08:44

i promised my family macaroni and cheese casserole for dinner tonight, so i am going to try to eat light, filling foods today. i noticed in recent journals i was referring to myself as "being good" or "bad" depending on my perceived eating. and that was on days when i wasn't counting, so it was just my perception (which can be warped) i am going to try to be more conscious of that. that is actually one of the main reasons i count calories. because my emotional state warps my perception of how much i have eaten, and i guilt myself needlessly.

one of the things i am worrying about just now is losing my milk supply by cutting calories. so far, i don't think i have affected it much, although i forgot to drink much the last few days and found myself very dehydrated last night. and i haven't been pumping in the morning to create an excess to freeze for when i go to Disneyland in a couple weeks. perhaps because of that, i have been less engorged in the morning. but i already have about 80 oz in the freezer. but i have no idea how much he drinks. i only know that he is chunky and happy and has plenty of wet/poopy diapers and sleeps ok. but that doesn't tell me how far 80 oz of stored breast-milk will go. but i assume DH will be ok for 2 .5 days. and yes, i will pump while i am down there.

yesterday, 1980 cals, 146lbs

on the to do list for today... count calories. get a few groceries ( more spaghetti squash! and Marinara sauce, and crisco (for pie), maybe tofu noodles, and i need to make sure i have macaroni) lunch will be mushrooms and onions and a chicken sausage MMMMMM. i also plan to to to a fabric store to get stuff to finish M's tinkerbell costume and work on that, finish the chair in her room, vacuum, dishes, and bills... that should keep me busy most of the day

good morning

Oct 07 2009 07:48

so, for the last few days i have been pretty good about eating, but not logging... but this morning i started off with trail mix... so i think it is a good day to log.

yesterday, i stayed super busy, so i had no time for dangerous snacking. dinner was salmon, brown rice, orange slices and a salad with shrimp.

monday i went to a girlfriend's house for the day while the truck got fixed. i told her i wasn't logging for the day (intending to mean that i was going to be good with out being anal about it) and i would eat whatever we decided was appropriate... she interpreted that to mean i wanted a cheat day. but even for a cheat day, it wasn't really bad... i don't think. anyway, we had a FABULOUS visit. she is homeschooling both her kids, and her husband has gone back to collage, so they were all home, apparently enjoying me distracting them from their daily scholastics. she made the BEST homemade pizza i have ever had. she is so very domestic, it is kind of inspiring... i want to be like that... but only sometimes

Today: sweep. mop. make bread, ravioli for dinner, light foods the rest of the day... salad, veggies, soup... seed and water the back yard, paint M's chair and reupholster. that should be plenty :) oh, and work on M's Christmas present!

new day

Oct 03 2009 08:22

your responses in my journal yesterday helped. and the day got better too. DH made an effort to hold the baby more, and was smiling by the end of the day. we'll see what happens when i go to the theater with my neice this sunday.

today we are going hiking and to have a picknick. i am excited :) i probably won't be able to count very precicely... we'll see

yesterday was 1350 cals, no excercize, and i had a nightmare that my milk had dried up and i had blood coming out of my nipples. but David slept from 9:00 to 2:45 this morning, and then till 6am. that was nice. and while i am not engorged, i still have milk a plenty. my goal is 1500-1800 cals if i don't excercize, and more if i do, so maybe 2000 or so today... and plenty of water :)

frustration

Oct 02 2009 11:18

so, i just got back from my ob check up. i think this is the third time i have left the baby in his daddy's care... and i think the other 2 times he had our 8 year old daughter with him. i came home after being gone about 2 hours to a screaming baby and very frustrated husband. i am very sad and worried about this. let see...

i am home with the baby all day. i nurse him, hold him, and put him down when he is sleeping. i probably hold him at least 4 out of the 10 hours DH is at work... unless i am running errands, then he is in his car seat. maybe i am holding him too much. when DH gets home, he is hungry dirty and exhausted. he showers while i finish dinner, Baby sleeping or in bouncer or in sister's arms. she is also pretty good at soothing him. we eat, and get ready for bed, possibly watch a movie while i hold him and he falls asleep. DH is tired, so he only holds him for 30 or so minutes... gives him right back to me when he gets fussy... which is usually when he is ready for his last feeding.

i am tired of hearing from DH that our baby is harder to deal with than his sister was, or that he is just fussy and that is the end of that. i think he is cute and sweet and cuddely. and he was DH's idea anyway. HE was the one who did all the convincing and pleading over the last 5 years that we should have another baby. i want to cry

yesterday i ate 2350 calories. and i am hungry and not excercizing.

I'm Back!

Oct 01 2009 02:47

ok, and i am going to log, and journal, and be back. that is my plan. for the last week, i have been counting in my head sort of. i need to start controlling m portions and snacking. and the only reason i like getting on is the journals, so i will endulge mself there.

updates... i any of my old friends are watching.

i moved... we bought a 4 bed 2 bath house and moved in. i love it. we did a ton of work up front, and now are plesantly occupied on weekends with continuing projects

i gave birth a month and 9 days ago to a 6lb 1 oz boy!!!! i am absolutly in love with him and spend most of my day cuddling or feeding him. he is pretty good at sleeping though, so i can get up and get stuff done in 2.5 hour bursts about 3 dimes a day. and he only gets up 2-3 times a night... tonight i just couldn't get back to sleep after he woke up.

my high weight with the pregnancy was 166lbs. i have been waffeling around 150 for the last 2 weeks or so. i am a bit shy of the scale, but i want to see progress. i would like to lose another 20 lbs by the time i have to go back o work ( and fit into my work clothes) in december right now i am back in size 12-14.

I am not going to the gym because they don't take under 6 month olds in the day care. i haven't been back to judo... i don't really know how to work a 3 hour work out in the evening... DH is already so tired from work, i don't want to leave him with the baby too

i am overwhelmed with things i want to do right now, which is what is keeping me up tonight i think. here is my list (starting with what i am doing pretty well:

cuddle baby

Take care of daughter (make lunch, do hair, take to school, pick up, help with HW, read/ spend time with, take to gymnastics on thursdays)

Spend time with husband (haven't gotten back to reguar married activities yet, which also could be why i am awake)

Art projects (working on some... when baby sleeps)

House projects (same as art projects, both dependent on $)

Time with friends (spotty...)

Game (have been once... didn't work perfectly, but had a good time... takes 6-8 hours every other Saturday evening, daughter and baby come with)

Judo (haven't been, starting to miss it, available daily in the evening, 2 hours +2 30 minute commutes per class. can take daughter Tuesdays and Thursdays)

Gym (haven't been REALLY MISS IT)

Girl Scouts (don't miss it... but i think my daughter does. feeling guilty)

Also feeling guilty about money, but i just checked and we are doing fine. i don't understand how that can be... i feel like i have been spending money like there is no tomorrow and the morgage is more than rent was and SDI is less than my regular pay. but i will be grateful that we appear to still be in the black.

:)

Apr 08 2009 07:09

well, i haven't been logging, but i have been counting in my head till dinner time, and mostly makeing what feel like reasonable choices there. i have been way less sick, infact i feel almost normal except i don't fit into my clothes. i have been wobbeling between 145 and 140 for the past 3 weeks. today 141. I haven't been to the gym in several weeks, and haven't even been walking on my breaks. i really miss my walking buddy. we were going to go to lunch today, but he got assigned to travel at the last minute so will be out of town. I brought a lunch and will be between 700 and 900 cals by the time i get home.

looking at houses has sucked up all of our "free" or at least flexible time. i think i have had more fast food in the last few weeks driving around looking at houses than i usually have in a month. i think if i checked this will be getting expensive. we have put in one offer, and we'll see. i think a couple of the homes we are looking at tonight are also really good contenders.

:)

Apr 08 2009 07:09