jessiemccrory's Journal

:)

Dec 10 2009 07:04

i ended yesterday at 1850, pumped 14 oz of milk. this morning i weighed 145. love the immediate drop of eating healthier :). not that i expect that rate of decrease to continue. (but it would be kind of nice)

DH woke up yesterday with a swollen hot knee that hurt. he was barely hobbeling around. he called the Dr, but instead of seeing him, he has a phone appointment. this is the 2nd or 3rd phone appointment he has been given when he calls with an issue. i have never had a phone appointment, and i don't see how they can diagnos well without seeing their patient. he says if his symptoms continue after 3 days, they may make an appointment to see him.

at any rate, if his knee is still painful and swolen today, i think that will put the kabosh on going to the work party tonight. i am a little disapointed. this one sounded like more fun than most. oh well.

right direction

Dec 09 2009 08:39

this morning i nursed D at 5:45. Yesterday i ate 1500 calories and ended up pumping 12 oz. I was plenty full. i didn't go to the gym or judo. one of these days i won't feel like i am still getting over something. :)

This morning i weighed 148. the right direction at least :)

and i lost the key to the lactation room here at work. it is one thing when i loose my own keys, but far more irritating when i loose others' keys.

pumped 7.5 oz at 10:45

calories in, milk out

Dec 08 2009 10:50

yesterday i fed my son at 4:30, and pumped 8 oz at 9:30 and 6 more at 2:00. i ate 1500 calories and didn't work out. i did drink 12+16+32 oz liquid... that is 60 oz while i was at work.

Today i nursed at 6:00, pumped 6 oz at 10:00, and just started my first liquid for the day. i will catch up on my drinking, plan to eat about the same (my goal is 1800-2000 calories) i plan to go to the gym this evening, possibly after i nurse my son. i am logging to hopefully track how much milk i am producing so i won't be unnessessarily worried about milk.

no more excuses

Dec 07 2009 07:44

no more uncounted leftovers, no more hanging around at home with available snacks and fridge, hubbie is cooking and counting, and here i go :)

today, if i eat what i brought and nothing else, i will leave work with 1080 cals under my belt. which leaves me with 800-1000 cals for dinner. we'll start with 1800-2000 as a goal for the month of December, and see how i do. i am paranoid about loosing my milk. but i am also gaining weight the way i have been going. this morning 150. so i am using that as a starting point and trying to let go of having seen 143 (for a couple weeks) between the birth and now. my goal is 130. 130 is good. 125 is better, but 130 is very good, and i belive my clothes will fit again. and 125 is HARD to mainatain, but 130 was a pretty stable place for me.

i also have a tentitive workout schedual. Tuesday either Gym or Judo, Thursday Gym, Friday Gym, and optional Saturday Gym or Judo,

and now i head into the holiday season...

leftovers

Dec 01 2009 13:27

i am almost done with thanksgiving leftovers. i love leftovers. but they are almost impossible to count. especially when someone else made them, or i didn't figure out the cals/serving when i first made them. but there is about a cup of sweet potatoes left, a serving of butter nut squash soup, and a turkey leg left. so that is the end of that excuse.

since i am not logging, i am trying tomake smart choices. right now i am eating popcorn cause i am still hungery. if that dosen't fill me i will have soup.

I am back to work, and that will be good for my eating... less temptation and more planning in my choices. I am also paranoid about loosing my milk. yesterday he drank 14 oz at the babysitter. i pumped about the same amount. but i felt like a deflated water balloon. i was worried he wasn't getting enough to eat when i nursed him in the evening. but he slept from 9:30-5:am, so he couldn't have been hungry. so far i have 8zo that i have pumped today, and i will go pump again in about a half an hour.

and they screwed up my data collection project while i was on leave. we are now behind 3 months. i will just suck it up and keep on trucking. at least it will keep my mind busy.

back again!

Nov 23 2009 06:36

shortly after my last entry, a small fire actually started inside my computer while i was playing bejeweled. so i couldn't log for a while. last year around this time, i could go with out logging for a bit with out it being a big problem because i was so used to it, i counted reasonably well in my head and was used to eating reasonable amounts anyway. i n the last couple weeks, i think i have officially gone up to about 150 (3 lb gain)so clearly i really need this to help me retrain my body and my head.

update on me. i have been going to the gym once or twice a week with the assistance of my teenage niece who is happy to watch the kids for an hour or so after school a couple days a week for $4 an hour. i really like it, but we still haven't gotten super consistent with it.

M wants to go back to judo... I think we will try this tuesday. i think i can swing tuesdays at judo... monday and wednesday at the gym, and maybe judo on saturday too... i dont' know though, as i have to go back to work in a week or two.

work is expecting me back the monday after thanks giving. DH's work looks like they will keep him till DEc3rd, so i am contemplating being sick my first week... I think i will talk to my manager about it tomorow... i still have vacation, but i also have a big project due January 1 that i am a bit anxious about. i set up data collection before i left, and i heard there was some snags, and i am hoping i have enough valid data when i get back for the report. but regardless, it will take quite a bit of sifting and sorting because i couldnt finish the data collection modlel before i left, so the data they have for me is raw and no one will understand it ... i hope it is labled correctly...

other than that project i don't want to go back to work. i am greatfull i have a job, and i like my job, but i am dreading not being home with my kids. i really love this. oh well.

why i count calories

Oct 19 2009 03:57

i know i have covered this before, this is a reminder to myself. counting calories is still important. it makes me feel saner and in more control of my eating and able to reflect on my choices more objectively.

i didn't count most of this week. wednesday, thursday and half of friday were given over to a bad headache that never quite made it to migrane, but was close. and my responce to i think i am less than healthy (sick, tired, headache, whatever) was predictible... i ate. i have a belief that there is some food that will cure what ails me... whether it is a headache or a sore throat...or even an upset stomach. and i go through the day trying different food cures. which never includes just not eating.so that is what i did. saturday i don't remember. i didn't think about food... amazing. sunday, i felt like i ate a TON!!! and yet, when i tried to confess my dietary sins to my husband, it didn't come out as horriffic as i thought. not that 6 funsized snickers and several oreos, two lunches and a cream based cassarol for dinner made for a light day, but had i been counting, i a) probably would have limited the snickers and oreos more successfully and b) would have eased up on my self more... even if i did still choose to have both lunches.

so it seems obvious right? i should just count till i feel like a competent eater again. or i like my body again. ( i liked my body fine on saturday, and even sunday morning, but by sunday evening, i was convinced i was huge, flabby and gross... still 146 lbs... holding steady there) but here is the crux... i limited myself before to 1250+ my exercise. it worked well for me. i exercised plenty, lost weight, got fit, stabilized (for 3 months) i am nusring, i am afraid of loosing my milk supply (not that it is in any danger... really) i am NOT exercising, i have lost a lot of muscle, i tell myself i just want to monitor myself, but i find myself either limiting my calories and ending around 1500, with fear that i will dry up, or giving up counting because the goal of under 2000 cals is scary.

i think i sound way more messed up than normal because it is 4am and i have been awake since 2 because i can't sleep.

so here is the goal: count monday-wednesday this week. under 2000 cals each day. over 1500 cals each day. at least 30 mins of excercize... wii or walking or (gasp) the gym all three days. thursday-saturday forget about food (disneyland) and fresh start on sunday

i want to feel sane (to have what i feel matches what is happening). i want to feel comfortable with my food choices. i want to love my body.

it's raining, he's not snoring

Oct 13 2009 09:20

so, i counted Friday...Saturday i made cookies. and ate them Saturday, Sunday and yesterday. and just feel icky now. because we had leftovers i didn't want to waste, i had macaroni casserole several times over the weekend... at 400 cals a serving. and this morning i was back to pecans and chocolate chips for breakfast. and i don't feel good about that. i will get back on track with the rest of the day. soup for lunch, roast chicken for dinner with sweet potatoes, carrots and squash. and water to drink. plenty of water.

in other news, we got a ton done this weekend. we are having our first winter storm today, so in preparation, we cleaned out the garage yesterday so i could park the truck in it to take the girl to school in the morning with out venturing out. that also included installing the closet shelving and sorting out the last 5 boxes i hadn't unpacked. and the baby slept through most of that. upside, tons done. down side, back to very little baby daddy bonding. i think i held him all weekend that he was awake.

and until a couple minutes ago, it looked like i was going to spend the day holding him... each time i put him down, he woke up. but now he is snoozing in his bouncer... so i will get something done.

less than 2000 cals...

plenty of water

pump

20-30 min on wii fit

sweep/mop/vaccume

figure out overlapping weekend plans

pay bills

iud

Oct 09 2009 15:04

1602 cals yesterday, still counting today. yay me! i am counting, and working on making reasonable choices, but i am not restricting.

today, DH is home, which is nice. we finished the shelf i am making for M for Christmas. I just need to attach it to the mosaic, and grout it. i hope she likes it :)

he took me to my DR appt to get my IUD put back in. really uncomfortable procedure that. in the 30 minutes he was alone with the baby in the waiting room, baby went from a bit figgety, to fussy, to daddy taking him out to the car to wait for me in frustration. as soon as i was in the car, he fell asleep. he has been asleep since. wow! that is 4.5 hours. maybe i should wake him up and feed him.

anyway, while he was sleeping, we stopped at taco bell for lunch on the way home. i haven't had TB for a while... it was yummy! and i think my cals will still be reasonable today. i think i think :)

two days in a row

Oct 08 2009 08:44

i promised my family macaroni and cheese casserole for dinner tonight, so i am going to try to eat light, filling foods today. i noticed in recent journals i was referring to myself as "being good" or "bad" depending on my perceived eating. and that was on days when i wasn't counting, so it was just my perception (which can be warped) i am going to try to be more conscious of that. that is actually one of the main reasons i count calories. because my emotional state warps my perception of how much i have eaten, and i guilt myself needlessly.

one of the things i am worrying about just now is losing my milk supply by cutting calories. so far, i don't think i have affected it much, although i forgot to drink much the last few days and found myself very dehydrated last night. and i haven't been pumping in the morning to create an excess to freeze for when i go to Disneyland in a couple weeks. perhaps because of that, i have been less engorged in the morning. but i already have about 80 oz in the freezer. but i have no idea how much he drinks. i only know that he is chunky and happy and has plenty of wet/poopy diapers and sleeps ok. but that doesn't tell me how far 80 oz of stored breast-milk will go. but i assume DH will be ok for 2 .5 days. and yes, i will pump while i am down there.

yesterday, 1980 cals, 146lbs

on the to do list for today... count calories. get a few groceries ( more spaghetti squash! and Marinara sauce, and crisco (for pie), maybe tofu noodles, and i need to make sure i have macaroni) lunch will be mushrooms and onions and a chicken sausage MMMMMM. i also plan to to to a fabric store to get stuff to finish M's tinkerbell costume and work on that, finish the chair in her room, vacuum, dishes, and bills... that should keep me busy most of the day