ka2007's Friends

Today was my endocrinologist appointment and, as expected, my blood sugar control has definitely been less than good. In June my A1c was 6.8, and now it's up to 7.5. Well, I am not surprised -- illness and being less careful about eating will do that every time. Anyway, I'm back on track with a healthy eating plan, and I now know exactly what I weigh (EEEEK!) Anyway, I return in four months and my doctor has set a specific weight loss goal for me by then ... so I will do my darndest to meet that goal.

BREAKFAST

• one cup of Fiber One cereal
• one cup of unsweetened vanilla Almond Breeze
• one slice of toasted Flax Seed sprouted bread
• one-half cup of low fat cottage cheese

LUNCH

• Trader Joe's spicy ranchero egg white salad
• one blueberry fiber cake
• three slices of lean turkey
• one cup of grape tomatoes
• two servings of cabbage 

DINNER

• one Flatbread
• lean ham (to make a sammy on the Flatbread!) 
• two servings of fresh broccoli
• one corn on the cob
• three servings of zucchini in tomato sauce
• one half cup of low fat cottage cheese 

SNACKS

• six hardboiled egg whites
• two cups of radishes
• one medium, peeled cucumber, sliced (with spritz)
• five slices of fat free turkey bologna
• one-half serving (25 sticks) of Trader Joe's Veggie Sticks

TOTALS FOR THE DAY

• TOTAL CALORIES: 1558
• TOTAL NET CARBS: 139
• GRAMS OF FIBER: 77
• VEGGIE/FRUIT SERVINGS: 12

Stayed over in Van until this morning and took the early ferry back, which means getting up at 5 AND staying at wrok late as I don't get in until nearly 10. It's gonna be a looooong day. Heck, a long week.

I went to SB to get a boost of caffeine, decided to try something new and got an espresso truffle with an extra shot, came back to the office and looked it up....300 freakin calories. They told me it was made with non-fat milk. Liars!!!! Or, if it is, that non-fat milk is mixed with ground up truffles or something. Yikes. The most annoying thing is, yes it's yummy, but it tastes pretty much exactly like the mocha I make at home for just 95 calories. Doh.

The weekend was nice, too short though. I went to the gym on Sat while J was at work, did 35 minutes on the elliptical for 550 cals, woo hoo! I am pretty sure I really am burning that much too, as my heart rate is between 160-170 nearly the whole time. A heart rate monitor would be nice though. Then to the weight room, did much the same as last week but it was a little easier and I am much less sore in the aftermath...still a bit sore but not dying. Sunday we went to my sister's place for dinner, I played with my nephew and he cried when I had to leave. Aw. He's just 3 but really tall and solid, like a little linebacker. I was picking him up and turning him upside-down and rolling him onto the floor, of course he wanted to do it over and over and I figured good exercise, but now my back is a bit sore lol....he really is getting too big for that. But what a cutie! He keeps mentioning the purple cement mixer. I can't wait to be the one to give one to him! He knows they don't make purple ones, but just likes the idea because he loves purple and loves cement mixers. So I am going to be the hero when I produce one...hopefully I can get paint that sticks!

As usual, calories were good during the week and bad on the weekend, though pretty good yesterday....I'll see what the scale says tomorrow morning. I am ok being on hold right now....I can get back into losing mode when I feel ready. But I need to keep a close eye on the scale to make sure I don't creep up. If I can keep it around 235, I figure i am doing alright. I look forward to breaking the 200 barrier, and feel a bit giddy about someday being in the 170s or 160s, maybe even 150. I like to watch x-weighted and saw a girl last week who went down to 150, looked about my height, and was pretty sold-looking, had good muscle-tone....and she was perfect as far as I am concerned, perfect. Kind of same body as cellophane star....which is really my ideal. I don't want to be wispy, heck I never could be, I am a big-boned solid Ukranian girl. I was thinking about it, about my vision of myself and what is realistic. I've always been quite strong, even as a teenager when I was thin, even when I don't work out, I am just blessed with strong muscles and a solid foundation. Like Joel, but the girl version. I want to embrace my shape and my strengths, and my strength is actually a strength I have hehe. I may never be the toned 150ish I think is perfect, I mean my tummy will likely never be visibly toned without surgical intervention and my thighs will always be huge (they were even when I was 9)....but I can be a version of that, as toned and strong as I can be, my ideal version of myself, if that makes sense. Rambling now, but those are the thoughts I have been sorting through lately, thinking about what a "healthy body" means to me and what do I really want to achieve and what is really within my grasp with some work. When I was a teenager, I was always wishing to be what I wasn't...uber-thin, skinny-thighed, small butt, flat stomach oh flat stomach above all else. There was a time I got down to about 135 lbs when I was 16, and I STILL didn't have the shape I wanted. I still hated myself, thought I was fat and disgusting. I can't believe it now. What did I see when I looked in the mirror? Clearly not the beautiful young girl with strong legs and lovely soft curves. I would kill to look like that girl. She was pretty silly though lol....I am glad I am much wiser now.

Just realized I am in week 100 of my plan. Wow. 100 weeks since I changed my life. That's a long time...coming up on my 2 year anniversary. I thought I'd be much further along by now, but at the same time never really believed I would be even as far as I am. So I feel both accomplished and a little depressed....but it should not matter how long it takes to reach my goal weight, it's the journey that counts.

Monday again!  Why is it that everyone dreads Mondays, I am sure it's because we have to go back to work/school or our normal routine, but to be quite honest, I enjoy Mondays.  It's almost like a fresh start, a new beginning & the ability to get back into your normal routine.

This weekend was amazing!  I stayed home most of the weekend working really hard in the house, trying to get things organized & stuff for the holidays, and just in general.  My house is pretty much spotless, with the exception of my bathroom.  I rearranged my house - moved my bedroom furniture & then moved my home office to the other side of the house, ran the cable internet connection & drilled a whole in the floor, amoung other odds and ends.  Such a breathe of fresh air not having my office in my bedroom anymore. 

I went grocery shopping yesterday & got all my healthy food items & I am ready to get my weight back under control & where I need to be.  I feel very sluggish & know that I will not let this conquer me.  I have done it all before & I am taking control again! 

I have also done a whole lot of thinking about the Billy situation this weekend and I have come to a sensible conclusion about a lot of it.  I cannot change the past, I cannot continue to let the past hold me back from the future.  I will file for no contest divorce due to costs & file for full custody (with visitation) and child support.  This is the route I will go.  If he dares to fight me on the boys, things will get ugly, I refuse to accept anything less than what the boys deserve.

As far as the other child is concerned - truth is no matter what way I look at it, he is my children's brother.  This was not his choice, nor did he choose his name.  Therefore, I will not hold it against him for being brought into this world the way he was.  He technically is not named after my deceased grandfather, he is named after my son (which is wrong in my opinion), who IS named after my grandfather.  Again something that isn't his fault.  So basically what it comes down to, is that I will support my children and allow them to love their brother just as they do each other.  I wouldn't want it any other way.  I will talk about him in a very positive manner & I have even went as far as putting his name on their Christmas shopping list. 

What are your thoughts and opinions on this???

Please don't miss understand what I am saying, I do not agree with any of what has happened, in anyway shape or form but I cannot change the past nor let it bring me down any longer.  For this reason, I will try and accept it and make the best of it for my children's sake. 

Well I must get back to work before I write a book...

BREAKFAST

• one cup of Fiber One cereal
• one cup of unsweetened vanilla Almond Breeze
• one slice of toasted Flax Seed sprouted bread
• one-half cup of low fat cottage cheese

LUNCH

• Trader Joe's spicy ranchero egg white salad
• one blueberry fiber cake
• two slices fat free cheese
• two servings salad mix
• Walden Farms calorie free dressing (salad)
• one can Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup

DINNER

• two slices toasted Flax seed bread
• two slices fat free cheese
• two grilled ostrich burger patties (2 open face ostrich cheeseburgers)
• two and a half servings of fresh green beans
• four servings of fresh grilled mushrooms

SNACKS

• six hardboiled egg whites
• two cups of radishes
• one medium, peeled cucumber, sliced (with spritz)
• five slices of fat free turkey bologna

TOTALS FOR THE DAY

• TOTAL CALORIES: 1450
• TOTAL NET CARBS: 122
• GRAMS OF FIBER: 65
• VEGGIE/FRUIT SERVINGS: 11.5

NOTE:  I didn't log or menu plan yesterday (Friday) because I knew we were going out to dinner. At the restaurant, my wonderful DH and I split 2 entrees: steak salad and grilled swordfish with potatoes and veggies. I know I did fine, carbwise, because my blood sugar was low later in the evening so I got to have 25 carbs of toast. Anyway, we've decided that it's ok for me to not stress over trying to log on days when we plan to eat out, so that's why there's no menu from Friday.

BREAKFAST

• one cup of Fiber One cereal
• one cup of unsweetened vanilla Almond Breeze
• one slice of toasted Flax Seed sprouted bread
• one-half cup of low fat cottage cheese

LUNCH

• Trader Joe's spicy ranchero egg white salad
• three servings of fresh spinach
• three servings of fresh zucchini
• one blueberry fiber cake
• One piece flatbread with three slices of lean turkey and one slice FF cheese

DINNER

• one can of Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup
• extra roast chicken (added to the soup)
• one ear of corn on the cob
• two servings of bagged salad mix
• one-half large sweet red pepper
• Walden Farms calorie free balsamic vinaigrette (salad)

SNACKS

• six hardboiled egg whites
• two cups of radishes
• one medium, peeled cucumber, sliced (with spritz)
• five slices of fat free turkey bologna

TOTALS FOR THE DAY

• TOTAL CALORIES: 1541
• TOTAL NET CARBS: 125
• GRAMS OF FIBER: 72
• VEGGIE/FRUIT SERVINGS: 11

It has been an age since I have been able to blog.   For some reason cc has not worked but today it is!!!  Things have been going. 

I did gain a little weight over Thankgiving, but only a pound, and I will be damned if i let it stay!  Things are going really well here.  We have the entire house decorated for Christmas, and I made 11 dozen cookies today!  I only ate 1/2 of one though so no worries.   :)

I went to go see New Moon earlier this week for Peanut's birthday.  It was really really amazing!  I loved it.  I cannot wait for June now so I can see Eclipse.  I really reccommend it to anyone wo has not seen it yet!

Bill and I are watching Badder Santa righ tnow.  It is a really really weird movie.   I am not sure if I like it yet.

There is nothing that interesting going on right now, but I wanted to update while cc is not giving me a hard time!

:)

Yay for Fridays! Yay for this one being here!!

I am in an especially good mood because I talked to Joel last night and he is not only going to come here next weekend so we can both go to the Festivus party, he is also going to bring his car. That means stocking up on heavy/ bulky grocery items, tp, kitty litter, maybe a little space heater for my freezingcold cubicle, the list goes on...AND he can bring over all the stuff i have accumulated at his place, like the sale chciken broth litres my sister bought for me, the large Calphalon frying pan I bought at the outlet, a big bag of quinoa from Costco, and more...so yeah it will be good. And maybe we can go for a drive to see all the pretty xmas lights...I am excited! A party AND a car next weekend!

In preparation for the Feats of Strength, I challenged my coworkers to arm wrestle lol.....I need some practice! I kicked M's ass, as I knew I would, but T. beat me on the right arm, not without a struggle though. And then I beat her at left, as I am left-handed. I hope they do left at the party. T looks quite strong and says she can beat some men at it.....so I think I did pretty good...in competition shape!

And I have decided to make biscotti to hand out as xmas presents to people at work. I work with a bunch of community corrections people on certain projects that I coordinate, and I really like the POs I work with...so I am going to make up a bunch of biscotti and send them through inter-office mail. Plus some for people in my office too. I chose that because it's a hardier kind of treat that will withstand the travel, not get stale quickly, and is low-fat. This project is rather ambitious though.....there are 9 offices and prisons to send to, and like 8 or 9 people that will be around the office next week. If I wait until the following week it will be a ghost town....so I might do that lol...anyway we'll see how much of that gets done. I'll call it Project Biscotti.

I head to the mainland at 3 today, just 4 more hours to go. Cold is almost all gone, weekend ahead and a great next weekend to plan, biscotti to make, cement mixer to paint purple, and sunshine in the forecast. Life is good!

Thank goodness it's Friday - what a week this has turned out to be.  It seemed to be the longest short week ever!!!!

Thank you for the words of wisdom yesterday.  It makes perfect sense - I eat a peanut butter cup - I run or jumping jacks, seriously I would eventually get tired or realize that the peanut butter cups just isn't worth the jumping jacks.

I know that ultimately I am going to have to spend the money to get a divorce, it's just so frustrating to have to almost waste the money on something like that, when I am not in the wrong.  I wish he would just divorce me already, but the thing is he continues to tell his father that he is moving to Pittsburgh & we will be back together in January - what a liar, first why would I even consider getting back together with him?  Second, what about your girlfriend, does she know?  lol

Oh well.... I guess I better get back to work.  Thanks for listening to me once again. 

And most importantly, I need to get things stable for the boys' sake, as much as I am a victim, I am a victim in the voluntarily, they were brought into this and deserve to have so much better in life.  Even if all the money I receive for child support goes into their college fund, they deserve every penny. 

Have a great weekend.

I have a "Love-Hate" relationship with zucchini. I know, I know, I problaby shouldn't anthropomorphize my vegetables, but I do (if, for no other reason, than to have the chance to write anthropomorphize!) Anyway, I had some fresh zucchini for lunch with some garlic, chili and lime sprinkled on top, and it really wasn't all THAT bad. Anyway, what I love about it is the fact that it's very healthy -- lots of vitamins, good fiber, very good for you, and low calorie. And it can be reasonably priced, as fresh veggies go, even in the winter. But what I hate about zucchini is that it's just sort of THERE. It doesn't really have much happy flavor by itself, and it's hard to get excited about eating a whole bunch of it (unless it's been sauteed in oil or butter or has melted cheese on it!) Anyway, my lunchtime zucchini today was fine, thanks to the garlic, the chili, and the lime -- you'd hardly know it was zucchini I was eating, LOL!

Anyway, "Operation Eat More Veggies" is proceeding nicely at Casa Mollymouser.

Uh oh. I manage to sit on McIntosh this morning in the process of sitting on my bed to put my shoes on. We hadn't made the bed yet, so I didn't notice that small cat-shaped lump under the covers. Oops. He complained loudly (and I think I just partially sat on him), but still! Too much cat-induced excitement too early in the morning. Sorry, Mac ... maybe you could sleep on top of the covers like the rest of the kitties?

I've been meal planning and pondering dinner ... tonight will be corned beef and cabbage with the last of the acorn squash. Oh, and some puffed Kamut cereal for dessert! (Kamut is this nifty high protein grain, by the way!) Yes, I'm weird ... but I do like cereal for dessert sometimes.

I didn't rake leaves yet, today .... the gardeners are coming tomorrow and I was thinking, "what's the point?" Hmm... maybe I will go out front and SHAKE the trees so more leaves fall for THEM to pick up?

On the road to recovery, yay! I ~almost~ biked to work today but in the end decided not to push my luck. I compromised and brought my gym shoes in case I want to walk home. I walked about halfway home yesterday before wearing out. I am feeling SO sedentary with all this laying about business. I hope to feel well enough to hit the gym on Saturday while Joel is at work. I have just over a week to cram in some muscle-building before Festivus! You see, next week my friend S. is having a Festivus party to which I am invited. That's right, I am going to ANOTHER party, look at me Miss Social Butterfly. Apparently Joel and I were such a huge hit at her last one that we now have made it onto The List, hehe. People like me, they really like me! Anyhoo I have been looking forward to Festivus since I was invited and it's almost here. I have been doing a lot of smack-talking about totally clobbering everyone in the Feats of Strength, aka arm wrestling. I know I can take down lots of the women there, they are all little frail girly -girls muah haha....but S. may pose a challenge, as she has been doing pee-pushups a lot longer than me (she's the one who gave me the idea). And I have no one to practice on...Joel is so far beyond me in strength that it's no contest at all, which is totally unfair since I am working at it and he does NOTHING. His legs look like runners' legs but he hasn't run since freakin high school. Funny. Anyway I don't think it would go over very well if I challenged my coworkers to arm wrestle, so I guess I will be going in cold. I am really excited about Festivus! The women (and some of the men!) in this crowd are real fashionistas though, I need a great outfit and since I have sworn off shopping for a whole year to pay my taxes (OMG), I have to find this fabulous outfit from my closet. Eeps. Also I said I would bring something, so am trying to come up with something that is a perfect balance of party-friendly, yummy, and shockingly low-cal considering how delicious it is. Sweet or savoury? What to make?? I dunno.

Today I did something silly. Well actually I did it on Monday and realized it today. When I went grocery shopping I bought some canned soup. What the heck was I thinking? It was on sale and looked good, it was a new line of Primo soups, I got Sicilian Meatball and Chicken Pomodoro. I brought half a can of the meatball one for lunch today. Ick. Well not exactly ick, more like ho hum. Nothing like MY soups, I can make something WAY tastier and preservative-free and better calorie bang per buck, so why did I buy them? Momentary lapse in judgement. I hate wasting food, but I am so not eating the rest. I refuse! Hopefully we'll have a food drive at work I can donate them to. Must remember: do NOT buy canned soup no matter how good it looks.

I asked my sisters to make me up a stocking for xmas, since my parents are already gone and they are the ones who usually make them up for us (yeah it's sad, I am 38 and still get a stocking, I didn't know it mattered but I realize now I really still WANT one). One said no problem, the other said it's too late because they leave soon too. So we'll see. This weekend will likely be the last time I see either of them before xmas. I could ask Joel, but I think it would just stress him out, presents kind of make him freak out a bit. He hates giving them, he hates receiving them even more. To him a perfect xmas would be present-free. And it's not because he's cheap, he buys me stuff all the time (though less so now that we are both trying to avoid bankrupcy), he just hates the pressure of trying to come up with the right gift and feeling inadequate for not spending enough money etc.

And speaking of gifts. Joel's roommate approached me again with the ipod plan. He was going to get J a new ipod for his b-day last July, I was a bit put out because A. it's an expensive gift that will make Joel feel bad and B. it would be replacing the ipod I got him last year that is still perfectly functional, just has smaller storage. Well he never got it, but wants to get it for xmas now, and asked me about it to make sure I wasn't getting that. Um no. I said bluntly "no it's much too expensive". But then I felt bad for making him uncomfortable and said "I've been thinking about getting him the Beatles box set, cuz I know he really wants it, but it's also pretty expensive so if I get anything that much it will be the box set". I really do want to get J the box set, but it's nearly $250. I can force that into my budget because I am not buying for anyone else this year, except my nephew and he won't cost too much. I am getting a cement mixer and painting it purple, because that's what he wants, he's mentioned it to me several times including in a dictated email he sent from his dad's iphone (he's 3, so that was incredibly cute. I believe the subject line was Airplane, for no particular reason OH SO CUTE). I am wandering off track here....my point is, I am unsure if I should get J the box set he wants. I don't want to make him feel bad that I spent that much money on him, especially compounding K's also expensive ipod gift. I want to get it for him, but not sure he'd want me to. And I certainly don't want to make him feel bad for not spending as much on me. So I am stuck. I have no other brilliant ideas of what to get him. Well, if I don't get him it, at least I won't be subjected to all that Beatles-listening. I am not keen on them.