kajikit's Journal

Update - going nowhere

Nov 05 2009 13:14

I exercised regularly for one week and got hurt... when I was swimming I pulled a muscle in my chest wall and it's been excruciating for a fair bit of the time. I haven't been able to walk further than a couple of blocks since then, and every time I think I'm healed enough to get physical I reinjure my chest and go back to square one. I've been trying to watch what I eat but I've gained another pound... 220 now and not proud of it.

Starting over and THIS is what I get?

Oct 19 2009 08:41

In the last week I went swimming twice, walked once, and worked three hours at the library juggling shelves (getting up and down and up and down off the stool has to count for something!) What did I achieve? I pulled the muscles at the side of my ribcage somehow (probably in my first swim) and the pain got worse and worse all week long until I couldn't do ANYTHING on the weekend. I would have thought just walking would be fine but I can't take a deep breath so my walk made it hurt a lot more. It's a lot better now... but the three pounds that I shed during the week has already reappeared just from doing nothing for two days.

This is so freaking FRUSTRATING!!!!!!

But you know what's really disgusting? The weather's turned cold here over the weekend so I'm wearing jeans today... I knew the size 16s that I'd worked my way down to wouldn't fit me so I tried on my 18s. Nope. I'm wearing a size 20 and it's not exactly comfortably around my waist either. I could easily hate myself for this...

NO MORE CAKE!!!!!!!

Warning - this is what happens when you don't diet and exercise!

Oct 15 2009 09:18

This year I have had a slow but steady weight gain of about 2 pounds a month... the highest weight I tipped a few weeks ago was 219. I tried to do better and started walking and exercising a little more and I'm back to 216 today but it is not good.

I just got out the tape measure from morbid curiosity... my bust is 44, my waist is 40 and my stomach and hips are 46 inches. None of my smallest clothes fit me any more, and I had to buy larger ones again. And it's entirely my own fault because I quit doing the hard work that it takes to achieve and maintain weight loss. So take heed - it's not enough to 'think' you're doing okay... you have to actually do it!

I was going to look back at my last recorded measurements and see how much fatter I've actually gotten but while I say here and there 'I've gained an inch' I never actually wrote the cold hard numbers down! So I don't know... but it can't be pretty.

Holding steady I guess...

Jul 10 2009 14:58

I had a ton of sodium (and don't try to kid myself, junk food) and a week ago the scale topped 209 and I had a fit! So I cut right back and went back to doing what I need to do... and dropped four pounds in two days. Of course it was just water weight but it's an improvement. Alas the three days since then haven't seen its budging. I'd really really like to get back to 200... at this point even 202 would look good to me! But under 205 would be a start. 205.6 this morning and holding...

A friend gave me a bag of clothes last week that are too big for her... they're a mixed bunch of 16s, 18s and a few 1x items. A few of them fit me really nicely, but most are 'I could wear this if I didn't need to breathe'. If I can get back to 200 they'd all fit.

Lost interest

Jun 27 2009 12:09

I was back to 206lbs yesterday. I don't know WHAT I weigh today but we went to Sweet Tomatoes for lunch yesterday so I'm sure it's more just from all the salt. I haven't exercised in days... I tried my hardest for a few weeks and I couldn't manage to budge those extra five pounds, and I just don't care enough about it any more.

Not losing any weight :(

Jun 10 2009 10:01

I'm getting frustrated... the scale dropped back to 204lbs and there it's stayed all week. And yesterday I not only walked to the shops and went shopping and ran halfway home because it was about to pour rain, then I did the Walk Away The Pounds two mile walk after dinner! I was SURE I'd see that scale move in the right direction again this morning but nope... I must be eating too much. :(

So far, so good...

Jun 04 2009 22:53

Yesterday after I finished beating myself up, I decided to try to fix it... so I ate my cereal and went out shopping for the day instead of sitting around at home. Five hours of exercise (and a few groceries) later I was home again for a late lunch...
Today I went out with my husband and I went to Ikea and then we had Subway for lunch because the Ikea cafe was jam-packed... the Subway was a lot healthier! I had a 6 inch veggie delite sub with vinegar and no cheese... then I had scrambled eggs/egg-whites with veggies for dinner. And after dinner I went for a walk.

Goal one is to exercise EVERY DAY. No excuses.
Goal two is to eat right and to stick to my 1200 calories unless I do a TON of exercise and need more. That means three meals and a couple of healthy snacks and skip the junk food.
And Goal three is to drink a ton of water every day.

My diet is a disaster. And I know it...

Jun 03 2009 07:59

I haven't been looking after myself... I haven't been exercising. I haven't been counting calories. I haven't been making good food choices. I've been eating whatever I feel like, whenever the fancy strikes me. And for the last month I just plain haven't been caring... The results are inevitable and ugly. It's my own stupid fault... but I hate myself for being so weak. Less than two months after the last time I picked myself up off the floor and started over I'm back where I started. Sure I could put some of the blame on pre-menstrual weight-gain (I'm two pounds heavier than I was yesterday) but the large part of the fault is mine. If it was just water-retention it would go away again at some point in my cycle, and the overall trend is UP. 207.8 pounds of big fat lazy blubber. I thought I was doing well last night in going to bed hungry and resisting the urge to snack yet again (I'd eaten more than enough already!) but obviously I wasn't doing nearly well enough.

This is my wakeup call (again). I have to do something (again). And this time I have to stick to it for long enough for it to actually work! It doesn't matter what my mood does... food is not meant to be comfort. Food is not meant to be for fun. Making, preparing, and eating food is not meant to be an activity to fill in your empty days. Food is meant to be FUEL.And that means I have to be ruthless with myself (again). No more eating out under any circumstances. No more dessert. No more baking. No more bread. And LOG EVERYTHING. It does no good to eat a bowl of cereal for breakfast and feel virtuous about that if you're going to randomly snack on everything in sight for the rest of the day.

It doesn't matter if my knees hurt. It doesn't matter if the rain is coming down outside in bucketloads. It doesn't matter what the neighbours think of the noise. I've hardly moved my rear end since the rainy season started three weeks ago. And that's just not good enough. I HAVE TO EXERCISE EVERY DAY! If it's really too wet for me to get outside to do it, I'll just have to exercise indoors whether I 'feel like it' or not.

My life is full of excuses... I'm too tired. It's too wet. My knees/feet/ankles/head/whatever hurts too much. Too much exercise will hurt my knees. I have to do X today. I did it yesterday. It's going to rain again. It's too hot. It's too humid. There's somebody else in the pool already. I'll do it later. I'll do it tomorrow. I don't have time now. I'm premenstrual. It's my TOTM. I have a headache. And on and on and on, with the end result that I haven't gotten off my big fat lazy rear to do anything active all month. IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!

I know everything that I need to do to make this work... so why can't I make myself care about it any more?

Blerghy

May 08 2009 10:20

There's one benefit to feeling lousy... I haven't been eating much this week! I haven't been exercising either, which kind of sucks, because I haven't felt up to it, but my weight is slowly dropping anyway. I'm down to 201 today and HOPING that I'll see 200 in the next few days. I just wish my hormones would settle down so that I'd feel better. It's not any fun to have your head pound every time you start to move around. No, it's not my blood-pressure, it's just hormones. I tend to get hormone-related migraines around my TOTM, especially if I eat chocolate. Only this month I got one just because! I haven't even LOOKED at a chocolate bar for a week!

Back to my diet, NO EXCUSES

May 04 2009 08:08

203.6 today... I was craving chocolate and sugar yesterday and I ate way too much of it. Today it's back to my diet, no excuses and no exceptions.