kankan213's Journal

I refuse...

Dec 11 2009 14:26

To weigh myself today. I am SO bloated I can see it and feel it and I have the intense sharp pain in my abdomen. ARG! I'm not going to be able to eat again until about 11 p.m. though so many running around work on an empty-ish stomach will make my bloat go away.

Anyway, it's Friday.

That's all I've got.

that time

Dec 10 2009 12:24

Well I guess that it is good that I weighed 130 the day before my big . which means maybe I'll weigh down even less after! Anywho, my boyfriend is still talking to me, but I don't know if we're going to stay together.

Starlit your right, I was having some doubts but after everything and thinkin I really do want to be with him. I had class with Chase and didn't even find him attractive yesterday! So hopefully my boyfriend doesn't dump me lol.

I took work off today. I'm mentally exhausted. I need to go to the gym and go buy a book to make me feel better :)

Thats all for now. Not really counting calories.

New numba!

Dec 09 2009 17:35

I was really bad last night.

Ready? Don't judge me please.

I went out with my girlfriend P and we got drunk! My boyfriend went to play poker so he didn't come. Me and P end up going to my friend Ry's house and I end up making out with Ry.

I felt so terrible, but that's all we did- make out. He also grabbed me and gave me a hickey on my neck. FML. So anyway, I felt so bad and it is so out of character for me that I went and I told my boyfriend what happened. Absolutely crushed him. He isn't dumping me though, he just doesn't trust me and he is really hurt. I think I did the right thing by telling him, I just hope that I don't lose him because I am an idiot.

Anyway, I guess I know what I want now. And it is my boyfriend!

Onto a happier note: I'm sort of trying to forget all of that.

I weighed at 130 today, new number I haven't seen in a while. I'm feeling really good and thin. I've been crying all day and so I'm skipping the gym but I don't care because I couldnt even eat until about 5:30pm because I was so stressed out. I'm going to go over to my friends house and hang out so I don't have to sit here alone and think about what a bad girlfriend I am. I have to redeem myself. I hope that he can forgive and forget. :(

5lbs to go. Woooo!

"Not Pregnant"

Dec 04 2009 08:57

I knew I wasn't, but I took a test this morning anyway after a few birth control issues a month ago and not seeing my period. Very relieved- took it mostly for piece of mind! Anyway last night I went out and I was incredibly grumpy so about 20 minutes into being out I went home (minus boyfriend- I left him there) I weighed down a little more 133, not my dehydrated weight of 131 yet- but soon!

I didn't workout last night but I worked which is walking around for 7 hours or so- good enough! I ate pretty decently. I probably won't work out today either because I have to go to school after my internship (that I am at now) then I have to go to work right after school and I won't be off until around 11 p.m. and I WANT to go out!

I've been super grumpy lately and I'm not sure if it is just stress or PMS or what but I need to snap out of it! Lol. Hopefully I make some money tonight as I am running out!!!!!

I will try to eat VERY WELL today, but I am going to need a lot of caffeine. :) Have a great Friday everyone!!!!

Blog! http://kankan213.blogspot.com/

Dec 02 2009 22:13

Everyone check out my blog :)

http://kankan213.blogspot.com/

Follow me, I will learn to be really entertaining!

Backup. DANG!

Dec 02 2009 10:05

II didn't want to weigh again but I'm back up (presumably due to water retention...arg!) 133. Not bad though. Although after all my calories were done last night I had some chips & salsa and red wine.

Weird though- 2 glasses of red wine and I could harldly see straight lol!

Anyway- plan on being a little bit more restrictive today (mainly because of the wine last night) and aiming for a REAL good workout (even though it's snowing outside :( )

I have a prsentation to give in 1 hour so I am kind of practicing- I am such an extemporaneous speaker that I usually don't practice I just talk lol but I need to do well!

I need to be more productive today also, last night I sat around for like 4 hours lol.

Plan for today: school until 2:50
                          interview for paying marketing/event planning job 3:15
                          Gym after that so probably 4:30 ish until 6:00
                          Cook a good dinner after workout- probably pasta/veggies
                          Work on studying for finals (TWO WEEKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
                          Go to sleep very early so that I can get up early!

I did bad today on eating, but it is okay because I worked out really hard (I did the stair stepper for almost an hour, and elliptical for 20 minutes) but I had some candy (I have been doing really good not eating it and this will not throw me off track I will continue to be good!) and I ate a bunch of chips. Chips and stuff make me mad because it is so unfulfilling and calorie laden. Lesson learned. Will do better tomorrow :)

Class...ZZZ

Dec 01 2009 13:00

It's getting to that part of the semester where I have to go, because there is only two weeks left, but I oh so don't want to.

It doesn't help that it is only 30 degrees here, so all I want to do is crawl into bed with hot chocolate (with mini marshmallows!)

I ate about 2,000 calories yesterday but I was REALLY full this morning so I just had coffee with cream. It's about 1pm and I just had a pretty good lunch. I picked up Morningstar tomato basil pizza burger patties and they are REALLY good if you eat em right. I throw em on the grill long enough to get hot, then I put it on 1/2 a toasted english muffin with 1 slice of cheese and some tomato basil marinara. It is REALLY tasty and I am stuffed afterwards. All for about 350 ish calories. I also had a 90 cal granola bar for some sweet.

I need to go to the gym today last night I didn't because I went to work for a couple of hours and I was tired and grumpy. >:( so I went to bed really early. But I will def. go to the gym tonight.

Finals in 2 weeks. EEEEEeeeeeeeeeee!

Didn't weigh today so I'm still going by 131 :)

Edit to add: Worked out today. Did 30 min on the stair stepper (whew!) 20 min on the elliptical. Lifted arms/abs.

Ate a little over 1500 calories. 125 coming soooooooooon! HW time!

Making some SERIOUS progress!

Nov 30 2009 08:10

Today I weighed at 131.6!!! My hard work and night binge-resisting is paying off and it is only motivating me to be MORE well-behaved :o)

I was good all Thanksgiving and I all weekend and I actually LOST! Almost there, 125 here I come!!!!!!

Restating my goals:
-Go to the gym everyday except the days that I work (so about 4 days a week)!
-Drink in moderation, try to hold off until the weekends.
-No late-night eating!
-Only eat when hungry: steer fairly clear of sweets, fried foods, etc...

Have a great week everyone :) It is going to be a great one! I can't wait to be back in the 120's! I love feeling healthy again!

I was thinking about how I got up to 140 in the first place, and it hit me. Last semester, ALL semester I was eating a lot of packaged foods (nutter butter bites like everday 400 cal worth :/) I was binge eating a lot of peanut butter and granola and high cal foods. I was also drinking every night of the week (probably up to 1200 extra calories).

I know so much about weight gain and calories and health that I don't know why I DIDNT think I was going to put on weight. It was such a surprise to me to see my abs dissappear and its like I blamed it on someone else when the whole time I was the one putting crap into my body, and sure enough time led my body to reflect that image.

I want to reflect a new image: health and discipline.

Had a good breakfast of 1 cup egg whites sprinkled with mexican style grated cheese and mixed with salsa! Accompanied by probably too much coffee creamer :) and 1 slice of whole grain toast!

Last night I cooked salmon for the first time by myself. WOOPS I totally overcooked it, but ate it anyway. Maybe I will try again tonight for round 2! Or else I will be making ravioli that are going to be going bad soon! Veggie steamers from the freezer into the microwave are the best invention ever! I feel like I'm at home again and my dad is cooking me good steamed veggies!

Man I hate rehydration!

Nov 29 2009 12:38

I'm back up two lbs after my wonderful dehydrated weight!!! hehe, but not long I will be there while I AM hydrated!

I've been doing really awesome the past couple of days with not over-eating. Last night when I was about to go to bed (which is the worst part of the day eating-wise for me) I REALLY wanted to eat some food and I knew it would turn into a binge so instead I forced myself to just GO TO SLEEP. I am REALLY happy now, and I hope that the next time I feel this way I will think about how I feel NOW and I'll stop. I know that the weight is going to come off in no time and I will once again be able to bare my cut abs! Woo!

CW: 134
LW:119
GW:125

Lets go lets go lets go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Goal for this week:
-GYM at least 4 times this week, but shoot for 5-6
-Eat good! Portioned meals and don't binge
-Don't drink unless it is the weekend! And try not to drunk eat on the weekend(which I usually don't have a problem with!)
-Be productive!

Ahhh dehydration

Nov 28 2009 12:53

So I've been eating VERY well, although I got a bit drunk last night at the bars. So this morning I weighed at 132 down from 135. I know it is dehydration, but I'm counting it anyway! hehe!