kizzichan's Journal

*sighs*
Oct 20 2008 21:04

Well it's been interesting.  TTOM just ended and I was hoping I'd be less bloated, but I look and feel fatter at the end than I did when I started.  I dunno.  Melissa says I look so much skinnier but I have a hard time believing it when I have to see myself every day.  She is really a good friend.  Also, because I was feeling discouraged about not losing any weight since I started CC, she told me that she once plateaued for 2 1/2 months while on Weight Watchers, and then finally began to lose.  She said my body needs to get used to what I am doing... that's probably true.  I just felt my ED mindset coming back today, is all.  I just... thought about would it really be SO bad to cut back on my calories, but when I'm only eating 13-1400, it really would be bad to drop below 1200 again.  I just am so discouraged again.  Oh well.  Shikata nai.

I guess there are other things on my mind.  Andrew and I talked the other day.  Essentially, he told me that he has had feelings for me for ages, which I never knew... and that now he believes that he's only hitting on girls at college because they're girls.  He said he likes them, but the problem is, he doesn't like them as much as me.  I told him that must just be how well he knows me vs. them, because what else was I supposed to say?  It's impractical even for a second - Philly's a long way from Illinois, after all.  I can't give up that place, it would break my heart again - I miss my family so much when I am away from Philly.  But I do like Andrew, I just think I like him as a friend, I dunno.  I don't want a relationship, I know that much.  Not right NOW, I mean.  Maybe someday.  I don't want to mess up his life, though - I know he is really taking this turn of events seriously.

I got my Japanese midterm back today and I got a 97.2, which was a dance-fest.  I know I should have gotten a 98 because something I did was right when the directions were unclear, but I didn't see the point in going to argue about one point on a test that was already an A.  :)  But that was good.  I am on my way to achieving my ultimate dream.  AND, I taught Meg a word yesterday.  We were both laughing over that, because she's taking the JLPT Level 1 and I'd be lucky to pass 4, yet I remembered a word she didn't.  Haha!

N... I have to eat more today - I got back to my WiiFit training and did a bunch of strength but I only ended up eating around 1100 cals.  THAT wasn't intentional.  I just couldn't hit 1200, I really did shove food down my throat.  Maybe in a few hours I'll get hungry (grimace).

On the plus side, my hair looks fabulous.

STUPID culture exam tomorrow.  *sobs*  I hope I do well, I hope, I hope, I hope!!!!

*~Rizu~*