kmk33's Journal

Flu

Nov 04 2009 12:53

Ugh. I've been attacked by the flu. Most certainly one of the hazards of my job is the constant interaction with delightful young people who carry the nasty germs of whatever illness is in vogue. Usually I fair pretty well, but I think the stress of the last several months made me more vulnerable than usual.

For the first time in my career, I've missed three days of work and will miss a fourth. I don't think I've ever missed that much over the course of a year. Ugh.

Good news: My fever has been low with the virus mostly attacking my lungs. This is considered a light case and will still immunize me when harder viral attacks come later in the year.

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Oct 10 2009 10:05

I can't believe I've been in the classroom for a month! There's a lot to celebrate about the transition. One reason I decided to make the move was because the admistrative team in the new building has an amazing reputation for instructional leadership and the teachers that I know who work there are eager to continue improving their craft in the classroom. I've been very hungry for this. Of course, you never know for sure until you're there. HOORAY - it's true! It's true!

In the first week of school, before students are back, teachers spend most of their paid time in meetings. For us, this is usually pretty frustrating because there is so much to be done in classrooms - setting up the physical space, arranging materials that are personalized to students, researching students (writing teachers often pass along student work from their previous year), and of course lesson plans! For the first time in my career I felt like these meetings were valuable, focused on improving student learning through effective teaching, and not a waste of my time. Of course - there was still all of the other work to be done, but I didn't resent the amount of volunteer time.

The team of LA / SS teachers that I'm working with are, for the most part, like minded in their approach toward learning and teaching. Yesterday, for the first time, we were able to spend the day together to get some planning done. Three of us are new to the school so we're still getting to know each other.

One of the odd things about teaching is how little teachers interact with each other. We're each alone in our classrooms with students, so establishing relationships with colleagues can be tricky. Because of how spread out we are in a large building, I'm lucky if I see my team-mates twice in a week as we pass each other in the hall.

Having a full day together was a luxury and it was such a great day! We accomplished a lot in terms of planning, each bringing different expertise to the table AND a shared excitement to share materials, resources, and project ideas with each other. Best of all - we really get along. We went to lunch and were able to hold a conversation pretty easily that had little to do with work. There was a lot of laughter and joking and it just felt really comfortable. Our conversations around teaching confirmed that we're all there because we think teaching is important, not because we can take summers off.

Another reason I wanted to make the change to this school was the opportunity to work with older students. Having worked with sixth graders for so long, I was a little nervous that I'd forgotten how to work with older students. All of the worst images of 13 year olds crowded my mind as I waited for school to start - ahhh, insecurity.

It turns out that I remembered correctly - I LOVE EIGHTH GRADERS! Not only are these students well prepared by the teachers they've had before, they are ready to do more, learn more, and they are letting me push them in that direction. They have a great sense of humor, and many of them appreciate my sense of humor, which is nice. They can write and reflect and hold a conversation about a book. And they read books that interest me, which makes reading for work a lot more enjoyable. And I haven't had one student cry, roll on the floor, or staple their own finger - lol.

The most difficult thing about this change is missing my old community. Recently I went back to my old school, which is just a mile or two away. The strong sense of family and community hit me like a brick and I realized how many people I'm connected to there. Three of my closest friends who taught with me there also left, so I didn't think of it as a place I would miss as much. Students swarmed me, including some of the boys, giving me hugs and high fives. One girl saw me from down the hall and barrelled toward me - almost knocking me over with her hug. I knew I missed the kids, but I didn't think they'd miss me that much. It was wonderful!

A few parents were in the hallways and they hugged me, asked how things were going, gave me the update about their kiddos. It was so nice to be known, to be familiar - I feel a bit like an alien at my new school, even though I'm working hard to build relationships. It was nice, however, to be reminded that the phone calls, e-mails, conversations in hallways will pay off.

And, of course, other teachers. What's nice about the teacher connections is that we've made an effort to get together a few times in the past few months. Last night being one of reconnecting. Being steeped in community feels so good that it's hard to walk away. I realize how special those friendships are, how much has been invested in them, and how easy it is to be around each other.

It also makes me aware of how lonely I can feel right now: the new job, as well as it's going, still means that I'm in the phase of making friends, not having them. At home, my sweetie is needing to be focused on himself and his parents, and while we're making efforts to stay connected, it is different. It's hard to watch him struggle and hurt and not be able to help.

So, I guess it's a week of mixed emotions and powerful reminders.

I'm grateful for good friends, and good friends in the making.

What I learned teaching PE this week.

Sep 20 2009 08:38

This semester I'm teaching PE to middle school students. It's a new experience for me - we're short staffed in the PE department and a bunch of us LA / SS teachers are taking on one section of PE. While there is more to be written about the humor of my teaching PE class, this week I had an experience that reminded me what a truely powerful and enigmatic tool the scale is.

Part of the curriculum is to weigh each student. It was a very enlightening experience. As each student stepped on the scale, and this was done one-on-one, not in front of other students, they had one thing in common. Each was insecure and wondered if what they weighed was okay. This was true across a wide variety of body types.

It was a pretty powerful experience. One I wished more of us could have, because weight is so private and so personal - and that makes it secret and secrets feed insecurities.

I'm excited and nervous about the opportunity to work with students in this manner - nervous mostly because the athletes are looking for sports and I will be learning the sports this semester. The excitement is because I am so interested in fitness and nutrition as components of physical education, and I believe so strongly that knowledge is power - especially in the realm of our physical health.

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Sep 02 2009 22:49

So far so good! The return to work has been better than I thought. While there has been "the question" I've learned a few things: 1) when I respond with "It's been busy," and then re-direct the question to the asker, they grab the cue and go with it. 2) Those who knew the summer started out with issues have gently inquired and it's been nice to know they care and remember; AND I've been good about not dwelling too long on the details.

There are still challenges and I'm still more emotionally fragile than I'm comfortable with, but I haven't broken down into tears and I'm feeling more in control of my emotions each day.

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Aug 24 2009 19:05

I earned my trophy! My HRM has an exercise program option and when I complete 75% or more of my weekly goals I earn a trophy. The last time I earned one was the week I bought the moniter, at the beginning of the summer. This little animation on my watch feels great because it symbolizes more than working out, it means I beat my emotions!

Today I also enjoyed the long walk home from my new school. It's about a mile and half further away from my old school. The bus actually stops right in front of the building! My feet hurt and my spirits feel great.

Accomplished a lot today - tried to get pics up, but couldn't figure out the url for a photo on my pc. Argh. I'll just say that the last of the horrible purple has been eliminated!!

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Aug 20 2009 09:55

It's been so long since I wrote a journal entry it is hard to know where to start.

As summer comes to an end and I am seeing more folks from my work-life I am discovering a deep dread of the very polite question, "How was your summer? Did you do anything fun?" My insides turn and churn and my tear ducts open and threaten to let loose on the poor, unsuspecting, kind person who just asked a very reasonable question. Still, I want to either pour my guts out and collapse into a puddle on the linoleum or punch something. Neither of these seems fair to the speaker.

It's been a summer of enormous change, of life and death, of beginnings and endings. The sun brought with it multiple ambulance rides, long nights in the ER holding the hands of loved ones through their horror, fear, confusion, anger, contriteness, and courage. We've been the parents of his parents as they have quickly, violently, and simultaneously lost their independence never to regain it. They've each defied death more than once in the past months. We've all cried and cried and cried.

It's so much to bear - the well being of others.

Last Monday his dad had another "close call," it seems such a trite term now. Recovery has been slow, but it is happening. He asks every day about when he can go back to his apartment. Everyday we say the same cruel truth, "Dad, you need more care than you can get in the apartment. You can't go back to the apartment. Do you remember, we've talked about this?" I understand better now what my parents meant when they would say, "This hurts us more than it hurts you."

I spent a few days with mom shortly after this. We flew to visit family. Her mom is sick - Alzheimer's, too - and my dad's dad is sick - his body is failing him, his mind is faltering. I was not sure I could handle more, but the experience was good. There was a lot of time with aunts and uncles and cousins and their children. It was a joy to eat breakfast with my mom and her mom each day. Her mom was doing better - new meds - when we left. I got to see her as herself. I sobbed when I hugged my grandfather good-bye. Tears are falling as I type this now.

The thing that sticks with me the most is the sense of belonging. Not belonging, as in I belong to this family - I think I always know that. Belonging, as in there are others who speak the language of nursing care, and doctors visits, and confused scared parents, and DPoA, and frustration and love and loneliness. For those few days there was community. And then it was gone. And the loneliness - which is so absurd since everyone gets old, dies - but it is still lonely and painful and hard - the loneliness just grabbed hold with a ferocity.

And now school is starting. A new school, new teachers, new room that was going to be my fun project and has turned into a nightmarish thing I have to do, new students, new classes...new. And I am not ready. I am not ready to be strong and firm and funny and well prepared and emotionally stable.

I am scared.

Scared that I'll just start balling in class. Scared that as I write with my students all I'll have to talk about is death and sickness and struggles.

And then the tears dry up for a moment. I know I'll manage. I know I'll find other topics for writing, and that will be good for me and them. There are friends, wonderful friends. And there are a few family members who can help - of course they are elderly, too, so we're careful in what we ask and how often. There are wonderful care-givers where they are now and there's an incredible sense of security that comes with that. And there's John. We hold each other up quite well.

The fear ebbs, for now. Back to work: cancel their cable, have a visit, take a long, long walk, and maybe meet a friend for lunch. Hug my husband. Be hugged.

It feels good to write.

Edit: caught a few more spelling / punctuation errors...I'm sure there are more...

Day 1

Jun 28 2009 19:17

Today I started over. I went for a long walk that felt great. I counted calories for the first time in over a month. And I've made a plan to get back on track. My goal is to lose ten pounds between now and Sept. 10th. That will put me at about 120lbs, and I'm intending it to be a muscular 120.

To meet my goal I will have an average deficit of 400 calories each day. One long walk on a mostly flat surface and pace of 4 miles per hour will burn that 400 calories. I've got several routes I can take from my apartment and this should be a minimum burn for a walk that is between 60 and 90 minutes.

I'm also planning to restart NROLFW. I loved it the first time around and I'd like to go through it faster this time. I know my body better now and I can add weights to my daily walk, and on non-weight days I can increase pace and add hills. I'm excited to take advantage of the summer weather for this! I know this coming week is full with classroom and family related activities and appointments so I will start back on the weights next Monday.

The benefit of summer for me is that any work I do is strictly volunteer. And, while I have some major renovations to do in my new classroom and some reading I want to do to help me prepare for the new curriculum, I can decide my hours. This not only helps me make time for exercise, it also helps me make better meal and snack choices.

I have created a pretty simple excel spread sheet where I can calculate my daily deficit and project my weight loss trend. I'll be ordering my new heart rate monitor at the first of july - my old one is dying and I've wanted to upgrade for a while. And I'm back on this web site. These are some good steps.

As far as life's curve balls are concerned, all I want to say publicly is that my in-laws are elderly and it's a dramatic understatement to say that they have made several poor decisions related to their health. The past week will have life long implications further jeopardizing their independence, assuming they will be able to leave the hospital / skilled nursing facility.

John is doing better, and this was really tested with the latest emergencies involving his folks. Our spirits are much improved, but I anticipate this will be a roller coaster we continue to ride. I know several NROLFW ladies have had aging and ill parents and I'll be soliciting your wisdom. I'm wondering if anyone has experience with this and the added element of CS religious beliefs (in-laws, not us)?

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May 26 2009 17:43

I haven't intended to avoid CC, but last week that's pretty much what happened. Not great on food, bad-bad-bad on exercise. It's frustrating because the previous week was so good. I notice that my efforts tend to go in waves, and these days the waves have been shorter.

On the other hand, spring and summer are usually my worst for diet and fitness. In comparison to the past several years I'm doing much better overall. I think I'll need to find a new workout though, the NROL strength workouts are ABCD, instead of AB, which means when I'm out for a week, it takes another week to really work the fourth muscle set.

I did enjoy a nice five day weekend, though! Thursday I went to visit the school where I'll be working next year - it was a great opportunity to familiarize myself with the school culture and re-orient myself to the older kids. It was a fantastic visit and I'm even more excited about the chance now.

Friday and Saturday were mostly spent at the movies. The Seattle International Film Festival opened and we had access to a pass through my husband's work. Saw some classics on the big screen: The Adventures of Robin Hood, and Sunset Boulevard. They were beautiful prints and lively audiences, which is fun. We saw a Kevin Spacey flick called "Shrink," which I less-than-fondly refer to as "Stank." Great performance, way too tidy/happy ending for the characters we were introduced to. Ahhh, Hollywood loves a sappy ending.

I had two favorites: "Nurse. Fighter. Boy," which was a lovely story about family and where the film maker, who is also the writer, and actors were able to create the sentiment from the sincerity of their work. It was beautiful. My other favorite, which John hated, was "Beket," which is another interpretation of "Waiting for Godot," complete with techno music and bad dancing. It was weird! It was out-there! It was fun!

I'm hoping we'll have more access to the pass and more films!

Edit: Spelling

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May 17 2009 16:32

Sunshine has come to Seattle! I'm excited to continue enjoying a few walks home from work this week. The walk is about 5 miles, a good portion of which is up hill. I wore my heart rate monitor and discovered I burned about 600 calories on the hour and a half walk, which feels like a bonus because the walk itself is so beautiful. I noticed that vibrant orange California poppies have started populating the untended bits of sidewalk. To me, these are the calling card of summer.

I had a pretty good week in terms of workouts: three weight lifting days, and two days with long walks - one was coming home from work. Actually, I discovered I overdid it a bit. Thursday was deadlift day, and I followed that with the intense uphill hike home. My lower back is less than happy with my, although it's not super cranky. Then, Saturday, my sweetie wanted to walk downtown...normally I'd have declined knowing that my body was tired, but he never wants to walk and exercise is so good for him, so I went. I still feel pretty good and I'm certainly taking it easy today.

My food story is not as good, but it's not horrible either. Grocery shopping was quite limited because of the expense of the car repair, so I didn't have as many well balanced days. I've slacked off of counting calories. I have continued to pay close attention to portion size and I'm eating mostly whole foods.

Today, I went grocery shopping. With an empty fridge, this was quite the endeavor! I hit Trader Joe's, which is becoming my go to stop for their greek yogurt and cheap large bags of nuts. I discovered that their frozen fruit and veggies are ridiculously cheap compared to my regular grocery store option.

I'm still loving my Gourmet Nutrition cook book and decided to try a few new recipes that are more seasonal (can I repeat how happy I am to see the sun!). I cooked up a chicken "taco" salad that was incredible and the second portion will be my lunch tomorrow. Our fish monger had in some beautiful copper river sockeye salmon, which was the same price as the fresh king salmon. I asked him for "two portions" and he cut me a pound. I clarified that I just needed 8 ounces. He was adamant that 8oz per person was a portion because that's what you'd get in a restaurant...I thanked him for the smaller piece with a smile. I think I'll ask John to fix the Salmon and maybe a blueberry sauce. I'll have to think about a side, I've got options - which is nice!

Our district announced layoffs this week. They were less than well handled. We've been told for months that we'll be avoiding layoffs altogether. On Tuesday 5% of our workforce, 170 or so teachers, were told their contracts will not be renewed. They were "served" with hand delivery of the layoff notice during the school day. I think we all understand this has to happen given the state budget, but it's hard to see excellent teachers let go because of the union's criteria. Our school originally was told we'd lose four teachers, but there was a mistake in HR and we're losing three instead.

Of the 5 teachers on my team this year, only one is returning next year: two of us are leaving by choice, one was transferred to a different grade, one was cut. I think what angers me the most is that the teacher who is losing her job is amazing, has worked to build our team and program into something strong from the moment she was hired, and of course, she's a close friend. There's another teacher, who teaches mime, yes MIME, during the writing class and decided to teach a science unit for his reading class. Even the students wonder why they are doing something different than their peers in our classes. He's employed. grrrrr. We also lost the teacher we hired to fill one of the expected reading / writing positions. On Friday she was hired, on Tuesday she was told her contract with the district could not be renewed.

I read a letter written to teachers in a neighboring district by their superintendent. The tone was so different from what we received: sad, personal, and empathetic. She spoke to the loss of school communities who will be disrupted, programs that will be dismantled, individuals who have invested in buildings and families and communities who will likely not be able to return to their position because it will filled by someone with greater seniority, even if that teacher is able to be re-hired eventually.

These are the things that teachers feel, not greed, and not immunity from the economic chaos, which seems to be the opinion of the loud voices who comment on the news sites. That's an odd thing about teaching too, everything is so public, and everyone has an opinion about education. Many friends have lost their jobs due to layoffs and companies closing, but none have been the target of ugly rants in public forums written by people who have never met them or been in their place of work.

That said, our parent community is amazing. And I feel optimistic that when the teachers who were cut tell their students and families next week, that there will be an outpouring of support, shared frustration, and kindness.

I guess I had a lot to say today, and I wonder if that's why I haven't written in a while? I've been processing all of this and the mixed emotions of my excitement as I clean out filing cabinets getting ready for my transition next year, being struck by the thought of my friends going through the exact same motion, but feeling kicked in the gut. About how excited I am to start somewhere new, and realizing that they've lost valued colleagues and others are joining them because they had to if they wanted to continue teaching in Seattle - their own building having been closed. Bitter sweet.

Blue skies are calling, my sunburn needs a new application of aloe, and I have some cooking to do.

I got it!!!

May 05 2009 18:51

I got the job!!!