kpearson's Journal

I'm watching this television program called "Bulging Brides" and there is this really adorable Bride to be who wants to cut down her dress size and get healthier over all before her big day. Now. I'm looking at her thinking. "She's pretty small as it is. I'm around her size." So they take her measurements...she's 42-40-42 (or something around there). My measurements are 34-27-37. Why can't I see what my actual size is? I was freaking out so much in Maine (I'm on a vacation for a week in Maryland right now) thinking I had gained sooo much weight since I haven't been riding my bike all around like I was when I was living in Austin. I only gained about 4 pounds (And this could be high considering I weighed myself in the middle of the day and on very little sleep). But regardless I'll tone up and that'll come right off once I start running/biking around Portland. There's a part of me that knows I'm a small lady. I eat healthy. I'm pretty hyper and usually really active. Why can't I see it when I look in the mirror?

Does anyone have any tips on seeing your body for what it really is? Does anyone else struggle with this?

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The most amazing thing happened to me yesterday/today. I recieved a text message from my Mother with the name and telephone number of a Maryland man visiting Maine who had found my wallet. I didn't know my wallet was missing! But I searched and searched to find that indeed I was minus one wallet which enclosed contained all of my credit cards, a large sum of a money and most  of my forms of identification.

I called the man and he explained how he was driving down Route 130 here in Maine and saw the car infront of him run over my wallet. It spued the contents of my wallet over the road and into the ditches. He and his son got out of the car picked up the pieces of my wallet and with the information inside, tracked me down!

I picked up the wallet from him this morning and thanked him profusely. What kindness! Most people these days would not have gone to such trouble. I was overwhelmed. I still am. He gave me his card and I will definitely be sending him and his family a gift of some kind. I'm thinking a Mexi-Cali Blues gift certificate. I work there and their gift certificates never expire. So the next time he is in Maine I hope they can use it. (Kind of funny that they are ALSO from Maryland). I figure with a lovely card and a note expressing how grateful I am for their kindness is the least I could do. I gave him one of my cds as well. I hope thats enough and that if anything, I can express how very very thankful I am to his kindness.

I have a new respect for Marylanders and a bit of pride to go along with it. I hope that I would help someone out the way they helped me. 

I like that we stick together.

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I've been so excited about all of the new gluten-free products springing up in stores all around the country by LARGE commercial companies such as: General Mills, Betty Crocker and many many more. To people who have Celiac's or any type of a food allergy (even though CD isn't an allergy) you understand how hard and how EXPENSIVE it can be to enjoy a few simple pleasures in your everyday. Such as cereals. You would think that cereal would be a safe bet, just find a rice cereal. WRONG. A lot of cereals, including rice and corn based, add "Barley Malt" to give the cereal a little extra sweetness. Well CHEX has taken a bold leap in makin their, RICE CHECK and CORN CHEX gluten free! I wish you could have seen my face when I walked down the cereal isle in Hannaford to see "GLUTEN FREE" in large bold print letters on a their cereal boxes. I took a large "GASP" in and squeezed Luke's hand super tightly. I was so excited I could have screamed. (i let out a tiny one actually hehe).

But CHEX is not the ONLY company meeting the needs of the ever growing celiacs disease population. BETTY CROCKER has introduced this summer their line of gluten free baking MIXES.

Now these things may not seem like a big deal if you don't typically shop in health food stores, or buy gluten free items but the cost and more importantly the AMOUNT of food you can get for your buck is MUCH less. I can make food go for a pretty long time. I'm only 5'4 and about 120 pounds. But Luke (My practically perfect, allergy free, garbage disposal) pretty much gets DOUBLE the amount of food for the same price that I pay.

But the part that makes me the most excited is that I can clip coupons for my food. I can get the mainstream bargains on the products I love and save more money to splurge on small items every once in awhile, like Gluten Free Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream, not an everyday necessity I would say.

It's just good news!

I hope one day Gluten Free is just accessible and easy as being a vegetarian is these days.

Kudos to Chex and Betty Crocker, you'll be receiving my money shortly.

 

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I've been doing really well lately! Really sticking to a 1400-1500 calorie schedule. I've been eating fresh fruits. Fresh vegetables. Protein and drinking water. I also have not been denying myself delicous things like Ice cream, but I am eating it in moderation. Instead of eating bowl after bowl.

I also have found its making me think a lot less about food and I'm getting a ton more done in the day! When I was over eating food was all I could think about. Now I'm writing journals (Ah hum!) I'm writing songs. I'm completing crochet projects. I'm doing really well. 

It also seems like the rest of my family is doing fantastic. My brother just finished 2nd in a 5k he ran 2 weeks ago (first race ever and he was 2nd! 22 mins! I'm so proud of him). My mother was able to run again for the first time in about 10 years! I'm so proud of her too. She's a soldier. She's beaten chronic lyme disease losing weight and feeling fantastic. My sister is getting tiny tiny! She's lost 30 pounds, she's about 135 I believe. AMAZING.

Now we just have to get my Dad on board and we'll be one sassy hot little family.

Plus Luke and I have been doing floor exercises in the morning. He's adorable and I love him. I've always wanted to be with someone who cared about their health and body like I do. Guh, he's practically perfect.

I'm getting a tad bit hungry at the moment so I'm going to end this journal here. Eat my apple and bumblebar (gluten free energy bars...look them up. they're delish.)

Happy counting. Happy Eating. Happy Days.

 

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So its day two of my newly found "focus". I did really well yesterday. I didn't starve myself and I ate good healthy vegetables and fruits.

My breakfast was eggs/green tea.

Lunch was green tea and chips (this should have been more...i know...i brought a bounty of fruit for today).

Pre dinner was a couple of sea salt and vinegar chips (i'm on my period...don't blame me haha)

Dinner was two corn tacos with cheese/peppers/onion/lettuc/tomato and a side of baked beans.

Desert was a moxie float haha a little one. like two tablespoons of icecream with a dash of moxie. It was actually really delicious.

I also had a cup of (naturally) caffeine free chai tea with one teaspoon of sugar and almond milk.

I'm happy. I definitely don't feel starved and I feel like I'm eating the right amount for my body.

I'll tally up my total today just to make sure I'm not under my calorie needs.

Today went off with a bang. Corn Chex are NOW GLUTEN FREE! So I had a bowl of corn chex with vanilla rice milk and a banana on top. Delicious.

Lunch will be a banana and an apple. Both large pieces of fruit. That should be alright yes? Oh and a cup of green tea.

So. I'm on my period. So I don't dare weight myself. I have no idea what size I am either because you know how you can just gain an inch without even blinking. So I'll measure after the period is done. I'm excited to have that time frame to eat well. It'll be about a week so thats a healthy measuring time.

Alright. I'm off to work!

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alright. so. i've always heard that myth of what happens to you once you get "comfortable" in a relationship. I love my boyfriend. He's my favorite. Of anyone. But lately we've had too much ice cream time and too little bike riding trips (for me). My clothes still fit me and I realize I am still a healthy size for my body but I need to get my eating habits back into check. If I haven't worked out. I shouldn't really be indulging myself in 2 bowls of ice cream. yikes! I shouldn't really be indulging myself THAT much anyway.

I know that I've gotten a tad bigger, nothing to write home about but I just want to kick the habit before it becomes something to speak of! I asked my boyfriend to be just blunt and honest with me if I've gotten any bigger since Austin and he said "a little. you're still tiny but not as small as you were in Austin" but then he says "But you're still f***(&(^% hot. everybody thinks so"

I admit. I had a moment of crazy in my head. I had a blank stare on my face for a few minutes. Plotting my ultra extreme dieting plan to end all dieting plans.

But I snapped out of it. And realized how I've fallen a bit off the healthy wagon.

It's more about realizing I've gotten lazy with my eating habits and way toooo generous with some not so needed items such as: nachos, ice cream, brownies, pie, ... etc.

Part of the issue I've had is that Luke's Mom is a fantastic cook and very focused on food. Plus she's been really excited about making me gluten free foods such as pies, cakes, breads etc. I tend to have a hard time in environments where everything is focused around food. It sparks my anorexia like you would not believe... but in a strange way. It makes me eat more! I figure if I'm freaking out about the food but...I'm eating it. I can't be anorexic right? wrong. so wrong. I've come to terms that its something that probably will always lurk in the background but I've grown strong enough to overcome it and not let it control me.

I do not believe in denying myself anything. That would make me bonkers but I need to get some portions back into control.

So this morning I ate eggs, protein. check! I have switched from tea to coffee so I had a lovely warm travel mug full of green tea, a little sugar for the sweetness and a dash of vanilla almond milk.

I am planning on having healthy things through my workday, hopefully getting an apple in there. And then planning a delicious mexican inspired dinner with corn tortillas, lots of fresh veggies like peppers, lettuce, jalapenos, tomatoes, and getting that protein pumping with some frijoles nigros! (black beans).

I'm logging off for the day but you'll be hearing from me more than in the past as I get my head back around to eating the right way.

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into TOWN!

Let me explain:

So I'm currently living in Maine for a few months in a house for free. Where my boyfriend/bandmate and I are booking our next tour to Portland Oregon. Writing new material, learning new songs and playing shows in the North East. My boyfriend used to be a bike messenger in NYC. He's pretty good at this whole riding bikes thing. Its actually part of the reason we got together. (I emailed him for bicycle purchasing advice while I was living in LA after not talking to eachother for a very long time). So we've been in Maine for 1 month and my prior bike riding terrain has been flat...very flat...LA and Austin, TX (Austin has some hills, one in general that I conquered... eventually). Well Maine is NOTHING BUT HILLS. I described it to Luke as "relentless" It really has a ton of hills and just constant peeks and valleys and inclines its tough. I am riding a single speed (which I love) but it makes it slightly more difficult not being able to downshift.

This about catches us up. Now to the RIDE

Luke rides his bike into town to work every shift he has. It's 20 miles round trip. Its hilly. It's tough. I've only made the trip two other times and the second time I went into town with Luke was brutal. I called my Mom and cried. I was so discouraged. BUT I've been riding since. It's been about 2 weeks and my legs are stronger. So I thought today I would give it another shot. I'm currently sitting in the cafe where Luke works with a seriously sweaty butt and a messenger bag on the floor. I'm proud of myself.

Very proud of myself and I can feel more muscles blooming. Huzzah!

 

 

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Seriously. I do.

Its becoming unnatural.

After a few trips to bike shops looking at new road bikes I decided that I really did infact want an older road bike that needed a new home and perhaps some tlc. well. It got both. New seat, new handlebar grips (which i'm trying to figure out a way to make yellow). New water bottle cage. I love her. She's amazing. I'm a little worried about the wheels and I may need to replace them. Perhaps I'll get blue ones (gigity gigity gigity gigity).

We took our first late night ride last night which is why I think i'm gushing. It was so beautiful. Even for it being in LA. Just riding in the dark (with lights of course) and hearing crickets and feeling the night time summer air.

I am trying to figure out how to dress a bit more sassy on my bike. I've never been into wearing exercise clothes any other place than a gym. Perhaps its the Melanie Daniels in me (see: Hitchcock "The Birds") Plus, I want it to be super functional. I want it to for the most part, replace my car. I told my friend even though she lives 5 miles away from me, I am never driving my car to her house again. I dont wanna be lookin' a hot mess everytime we hang out.

My goal....... figuring out how to make a pencil skirt work. Can't sidesaddle really. I'll keep you posted.

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HI!

I'm back! And ready to go!

I haven't been on calorie-count in ages so If you have messaged me or left a comment I am sorry for being a terrible person and not responding but no worries. I will now.

So great things have happened recently. Like. I GOT A BIKE! I love my Bike, I named her Chelsea after the Elvis Costello Song "I dont want to go To Chelsea" mainly because its cute and mainly because Elvis Costello is my hero.

Can you tell that I love her? She's a blue single speed road bike with a blue chain to match. I just did a 10 mile bike ride today with my friend Jess and it was terrific. Ive been terrified to ride along the streets here because people have no idea what to do with cyclists but I'm curently typing this journal out so obviously I made it home safely and soundly. I love this bike. It's going to save me on gas, tone up my body and keep me active happy and loving the person that I am.

Music is going really well. The album will be done in September and then I'm out set to go on tour. Who's coming with me? Ali? Oh and go to www.myspace.com/bearkatmusic (if ya wanna hear some tunes!) Ok my lovies speaking of tour. I need to email some venues.

Goodnight You're all dolls and I've missed you.

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I'm house sitting for my sister and still patiently waiting to get out to the west coast.

I had an mri of my ankle not to long ago because it was still swelling and hurting but these last few days its been great. So i ran on it yesterday, probably not the most intelligent move of my life but it feels fine! and running felt great. although i looked like a flapping chicken who was being strangled by this thing we call heat. my asthma has come back, and i could not breathe. There was a man in a brace running faster than me. I almost wanted to cheer him on "go pops!" but i'll get it back. i'll get my running back.

I'm reading a great book right now that I would recommend. "No one belongs here more than you" by Miranda July. I hope i got that title right. I've been calling it my own wrong title for weeks now. no wonder i could never find it. i should learn how to read and retain before I try tackling bookstores again.

ok. that's all. i'm in a goofy mood and my muscles are sore. i like it

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