ksylvan's Friends

Boosting her self-esteem was what prompted Cellotlhicks to lose weight. Along the way, she learned many things about the importance of mental discipline. After losing 35 lbs she not only looks better, she feels better as well!

She contacted us through our Share Your Story feature, and provided the following answers to our questionnaire.

1. What made you decide to lose weight this time?

I have struggled with the same 50 lbs or so since I was about 13. A few years back I managed to lose those 50 lbs and was in excellent shape. I taught fitness, had a six pack and wore a size 2-4. A depressing summer, and a more sedentary life in grad school coupled with bad food choices caused me to put on 49 lbs from my low weight. I hated feeling like a failure. I was very low on myself and I am sure I was making things miserable for those around me. I decided to turn it over to God, prayed about it, and stumbled upon this site a few days later. I knew right away that tracking my food was exactly what I needed. Exercise was not my problem as much as food was.

2. What other "diets" (programs, products, plans, or services) had you tried in the past?

I grew up in Tae Kwon Do (received my black belt at 14), and was in ROTC in high school. I credit those two things with giving me lots of discipline and a high tolerance for exercise. In the past when I did lose weight, it was through eating less and moving more, but I never had tools to track it.

3. What changes did you make to your usual diet, activity, lifestyle, and attitude?

My attitude was number one. I had to realize that the guilt, low self esteem and self sabotage were taking deep root and affecting my daily choices. That beating myself down was not producing weight loss. I never called myself fat again after starting this. I put my energy into coming up with different plans and goals, and got excited about them. I would set goals, like 3 days of weights and walk 20 miles this week, and would reward myself when I did that.

4. How did Calorie Count help you to lose weight?

The supportive community has given me a wealth of knowledge. I love my friends here. they are almost better than my real life ones. Writing in my journals has been therapeutic, and reading them over helps me to see how far I have come.  The analysis and other tools have helped me to learn to make much better food choices.

5. What was most challenging about losing weight?

In the beginning, I was shocked at what I was eating, and had to spend lots of time reviewing my choices and reading labels. That has become more second nature now. Also, I hurt my hip and knee, so I have not run in while. I really miss that. Aside from weights and occasionally the elliptical, I can only walk.

6. How long did it take you to see results?

I did not weigh in for a month. Instead of focusing on results right away, I wanted to focus on my mindset and habits, and not allow the scale to control my mood. But I did lose 8 lbs when I weighed myself later, and about 1 month after that I had lost 20 lbs and was halfway to my goal. I'd say that was the moment.

7. When did you realize that you were a success?

There have been many different moments where I have been proud of myself. For example, earlier this week I did 125 push ups (military style, some diamonds). I felt the same way when I was able to lose weight and not get off course even though I was in pain. Not reverting to over-eating again and being able to fit back into old clothes makes me proud as well.  I also realized I had not called myself fat in months, or felt guilty for eating less than perfect food here and there.

8. How do you prevent relapse?

When I start to think that I can pig out, I have to remind myself, that food is not just meant for enjoyment and that all the work I have put in can be reversed. Also, I want to continue logging, until I get the hang of intuitive eating (I do this weekends currently).

9. How has your life changed now that you've lost weight?

My confidence in all areas of life has soared. I know how to forgive myself and love myself for deeper reasons. I no longer have as much knee pain. I feel strong, and love the way I look.

10. What five tips do you have for other dieters?

• Know that forgiving yourself and focusing on your goals instead of your failures gives you more power.
• Often, there are other things we have let fall to the wayside along with our weight. Occupy yourself with getting other things back
  on track too so that it does not consume all your thoughts.
• Don't worry about how long it will take. The time will pass by
  either way. Spend it productively.
• Do not try to cheat your body. It will beat you at your own game. Don't eat less than what you need to be healthy.
• Give what you want to receive. The more people you cheer up, the
  more people you give kind advice to - the more people you will have in
  your corner.

Have noticed other J entries like this and thought it was a fabulous idea!

Dear Secret Santa,

I like candles, and pretty stationary.  I like anything that comes in pink.  I like books.  I like scarves. Chocolate.  Workout-related stuff. Makeup.  Animals (but my husband would probably be upset if you sent me a new pet).

Hope this helps!

Just got back from parent-teacher interviews with 5 of Dear's teachers. He got C's and D's on his report card. Every teacher said that either his mind is in the clouds or he's reading when he should be participating in class.

This is good pie. The base is Oreo cookie crumbs/margarine, then a layer of melted chocolate mixed with sweetened condensed milk. Next layer is coarsely crumbled Fudgeos. Then a layer of milk chocolate pudding, mixed with a cup of melted PB, a package of cream cheese, and a cup of whip cream. The works is topped with fluffy mounds of whip cream.

There's one piece left, and the way I felt when I got home, I was going to eat the whole thing. Instead I limited myself to 1 piece.

I shouldn't have had any, since my cals will be higher today due to date night fare.

And while I know  that "if food isn't the problem, food isn't the solution", boy, do I feel better after eating that pie! yes I do.

I was listening to 89x on my way in this morning.  The were talking about married couples who have an agreement that if one person gains weight, the other is free to leave the marriage.

YOU SHALLOW SONSABITCHES.

Marriage is a sacred arrangement between man and woman.  It's supposed to be forever, not until "oh I don't really feel attracted to you anymore".

I'm so angry I forgot what I wanted to say.

Ok, I'm back.  Alright.  When you love someone, you love them. That's it.  You marry them for their beauty of spirit, not of form.

We're all gonna get old. Can't help that.  But the mind and the heart is ageless, and that is what you are supposed to be in love with.  To say to someone, hey you're fat and I'm going to leave you? Well. I don't think you were in love in the first place.  Maybe you don't know what love is, maybe you're incapable of feeling it.

Do I wish K would take a little bit better care of himself? You bet your sweet ass I do.  I want to grow old with him and die on the same day as him.  But would I leave him just because he's rockin' a belly?  HELLS NO. 

Early in our relationship, I was very unhappy with the way I looked.  K sat down with me one day and tried to explain, in his sweet and fumbling way.  "Hon, before I met you I would only look at girls who looked like underwear models.  You don't look like that.  But you're the most beautiful woman in the world to me, and I don't care if you're heavy."  OMG HEARTS ALL OVER THE PLACE.

The other day hub and I were talking, and I mentioned about something I'd like to have. He said to write it on my wish list. I've long forgotten what it was that I said I wanted, but there are a few things that I wouldn't mind having;

• earrings- the silver pair or these are nice too
• rook piercing
• laptop
• tattoo (as an aside, tell me this isn't totally hot! not that I'm gonna, but I so could!)
• maybe some books, like from Nelson DeMille or Terry Pratchett
• wouldn't mind having a cell phone, but it's doubtful. Besides, I don't really need one.

Not much on the list, but expensive :/  My parents don't yet know it, but they'll either be getting me a laptop or tattoo & piercing.

First of all, thanks for all the well wishes.  It does lift my spirits to hear from everybody.

Update:  I am having one of the worst days ever.  First of all, the shock this morning did its work and I'm back in regular heart rythym but feeling totally drained and exhausted.  Then, pulling out of the parking lot at the medical office building I hit a post with my passenger side view mirror, which broke and swung into the side window and shattered it.  Did I mention it's raining?  So, I pulled into my local Tires Plus, knowing they don't do body work but to ask them to just seal it up with plastic so the rain doesn't come in.  I am very short on ready cash and my credit card is close to the limit so I don't know how I'm going to get this fixed.  I don't know how I could have been so stupid and inattentive - I didn't even see the post, which was tilted out into the lane anyway.  Poor Bubba had to be locked into the bathroom until the exterminator finished.  I put him in there before I went out with his food, litter tray and blanket.  He really cried to get out, poor guy.  Now I'm home and you probably won't hear from me the rest of the day. 

This will be a short one for today.   I've been feeling poorly with all kinds of heart irregularities for the past month.  I saw the doc yesterday and had my defibrillator checked and some settings updated.  He changed my meds and put me back on something that worked in the past (Amiodarone) and I was to take the first dose this morning.  At 6:00 am my defibrillator delivered a shock, waking me up with a yell.  It's an upsetting thing to have happen, but I have to say that at this moment I feel better than I have in weeks.  I'm back in regular rythym I guess.  I'll go in to the office when it opens to be checked out.  I'm actually glad it happened.  By the way - that stuff about it feeling like a kick in the chest are not true.  It feels like an electrical shock - just what it is.  The pain is momentary and minimal.  Makes you jump and let out a yelp, but it's over in less than a second.  Wierd feeling.

Anyhow - Gale will be here at 8 to clean.  I've showered and am ready to get dressed.  Then it's off to see the doc at 9.  Who knows about the rest of the day.  I'll find a way to notify everyone if I have to go to  the hospital, but it's unlikely that will happen.

I hope to be back with an update around noon.  Love you all! 

Total Calories Burned  1510
Total Calories Eaten    1220
Deficit  290

I would have a 450 calorie deficit but I am going to have a protein shake tonight instead of my usual 60 calorie snack :)
I haven't had a protein shake in a long time and now that I am doing INSANITY I think I could use it after the workouts.  I am not sure how I used to do it.
I built the protein shake into my 1200 calorie diet and to do that now, I would have to cut all my snacks out.
I tried to go back in my food logs to when I was doing that, but I can't go back that far now.
When did that change? I used to be able to go back to when I started in 2007!

For me though, 290 is a pretty decent deficit.

Anyway, have a super night.

egg salad sandwich - 390
broccoli soup - 160
OJ - 160
Soup - 240
cafe mocha - 270
=====
1220 cals so far

Weight has been between 138 and 139 all week. Looks like I've gained a bit of non-water weight. However, it is pre-totm, so, who knows. All I know is it's time to stop snacking and over-eating. And the food I eat must be healthy. Chips, buttery popcorn and fatty starbucks beverages are out!

I think I'll make a nice sign for my fridge telling me to go away, with alternatives to snacking. Too often I find myself munching without even having thought about getting the food.

1220 calories. If I can stop there, I'll be so happy. I definitely feel full after the big serving of thick tomato red pepper soup, and although the 270 calories on a sexy caffeinated starbuck beverage probably weren't the healthiest spent, it gave me a great happy sugar caffeine boost for the term presentation in uncoventional computing - which went pretty well. :)

Slow cooker

Hub bought us one last year at Christmastime. This morning I got it out of the box for the first time.

Last minute meals consisting of chicken nuggets, hot dogs and KD were bugging me, so I just threw out the question yesterday to my coworkers "does anyone here use a crockpot?". Turns out, the answer was a resounding "YES!". Everybody. I asked them what exactly you can make in it, and how, and they all started plowing me with recipe ideas.

This morning I put some pork chops, veggies, cream of chicken soup, pepper and seasonings in it and let it do it's thing.

Smells good :) Excited to see how it tastes.

Shred

I have done level 2 for the past 2 nights. The first night I thought I was going to keel right over. The second night was a teensy bit better, but I did the modified movements for some of the moves, such as the plank-jacks and the double jump rope.

Weighed myself this morning and the scale is my friend. Today. I'm only one choco binge fest away from it not being my friend though, so I'm trying to keep it under control.

I'll be donning my bikini the end of this month for an evening of swimming with the youth group. Call me vain or whatever you like, but I don't fancy the idea of having my lower belly stick out further than my boobs when I'm swimming with a bunch of 12-17 year olds. For that matter, I don't fancy donning a suit in front of any age group, if I don't feel like I'm rocking it. (I'll have a t-shirt on over top anyways, but y'all know what it looks like to have a shirt cling like a second skin to a pudgy belly...it almost looks worse than seeing the bare skin!)

Wood

Yeah.

Still not in.

Supposed to finish it today. I'm sure I have motivation in me somewhere, just got to find it. And if I can't find it, I'll have to just suck it up and do it anyways.

RCAC

Royal Canadian Air Cadets. That's what sonnyboi is in. He and his friend were part of the Remembrance Day ceremony at our local Cenotaph this morning. He took it very seriously, no casual walking, always walking in the cadet way. His friend was a little less enthused...she was nervous and I think felt a teensy bit embarrassed about the way they are supposed to march, so hers was toned down a lot.

It led to a conversation when we got home between hub and I. What if Dear wants to join the Air Force when he's grown? He mentioned it the other day, I said nothing to encourage or discourage, just listened.

Can you imagine how very scary it must be to send off a son (or husband or father or brother etc) to be deployed? Just thinking of it causes an unpleasant feeling in the depths of my being. Just typing about it is causing me to feel very nervous, jittery, and nail-bitey.

Is it really any more hazardous to ones health though, than say, being a civilian truck driver or an electrician? No, my logical self says. But the side of me that says "military = greater chance of death in the line of duty" takes over and turns me into a mess of jello on my insides when I think about the possibility of my child walking down that path.

I'm sure like any kid, he'll want to be a dozen different things as a grown up before he settles on something (and look at all of those who never settle on something!), so I'm trying to just not dwell on it. After all, he's only yet 12.

But, my baby...in uniform...

*takes deep calming breaths*

:S