ladykelien's Journal

Sold my Soul to the Devil tonight
Aug 08 2008 02:22

My family and I have been doing without a car big enough to hold all of us.  We need at least an 8 passanger van.  The car my husband has been driving, is dieing a slow miserable death.  The transmission and engine are both going out at the same time. 

So at the suggestion of my mother I called my cousin the car sales man.  My cousin that hated me when we were kids.  My cousin who got her such a good deal on a car she couldn't help sing his praises.  My cousin who imbezzeled 100,000 dollars from a bank at the age of 16 and didn't get caught even after he spent all the money.  No he turned himself in.  Ultimatly it helped the bank protect itself better so he became a hero who just got a slap on the wrist.  Did I mention we never got along?

So I call him on of last week and leave a message.  He doesn't call me back.  I call him again on Tuesday and this time he answers the phone.  He says sure Ill see what I can do about getting you a car.   Tells me his assistant will call me the next day.  I hear nothing until Saturday night.

Now I know our credit sucks.  And I know my cousin pulled a lot of strings to get me a sweet deal.  But, I also know he was counting on the tella check system not being willing to back a post dated check from us.  So when they don't he doesn't discuss it with my husband.  Instead he calls me. 

He wants my fathers 410.  The 410 that had been my fathers 10th birthday present.  The 410 that was given to my son on his 10th birthday.  My cousin gives me some song and dance about how the gun had belonged to our grandfather and how he had gotten a black eye shooting it with grandpa when he was four.  He wants the gun.  Not for a loan but for keeps.  He will give it back to alex in his will when he dies. 

So here I am on the spot and I can't talk to my husband about it.  I have to decide now.  My son says its okay with him so we agree.  Then when  I talk to my  mother, which was unfortunatly after I had already agreed,  She threw a total shit fit. 

Apparently, when she was in the hospital when I was like 4.  My dad was hard up for cash and didn't want to ask my grandfather for it. (My mothers father)  So he went to uncle Jim and asked him for a loan using the gun as collateral.  He paid the gun off but Uncle Jim refused to give it to him.  Thats how patrick got to shoot the gun in the first place.   It was my fathers birthday present.  It never belonged to my grandfather.  

The only reason my dad got it back was that, my uncle got sick and my aunt needed the money.  The gun was so important to my father.  He wanted my son to have it so badly, that he bought it back for twice what the origional loan was for.  So he in essance paid off that loan three times.  

Now  here I am between a rock and a hard place, in need of a car and he pulls this shit counting that I won't know the history of the gun.  He was right.  So now tomorrow my husband has to take that gun back to the people who stole it from my father.  I have to trust that, the lieing sack of shit that never liked me will keep his word, and my son will have to do without his inheritance from my father for the next 50 years or so. 

I feel like an idiot.  Its like I had to bury daddy all over again.  What 30 year old man thinks its okay to ask for something that belongs to an 11 year old boy.  A 30 year old man whose grandfather didn't die until he was in his 80's, took from an 11 year old boy who lost his grandfather when his grandfather was only 55.  Patrick has plenty of memories with our Grandfather.   My son only has a very small handful with my father.  It makes me sick, that I did this.  But, there was no way out.   Before I could call Bear and tell him don't agree don't sign the papers, Ive changed my mind, It was done and the deal was set in stone.  There isn't a damm thing I can do about it either. 

But, I can tell you this.  If my son doesn't get that gun back when my cousin dies,  I will follow him into the next life and make him more miserable than he can ever imagine.  Ill reincarnate as his mother and make my aunt look like a saint. Or, I will reincarnate as his child, and make his life a living hell.  Or Ill reincarnate as his wife, and cheat on him every chance I get. 

The next time, I get the feeling something is going to cost me more than I want to give, Im going to listen to my own gut instead of everyone else and say fuck it there are other ways to do things.

Finally
Aug 06 2008 09:53

I finally broke through the 184 mark.  Sure I only got down to 183.8   But, that first number says 183  LOL  Now if I could just say that hubby was doing as well. 

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Aug 01 2008 10:32

On Tuesday, I weighed 184.2  Today I weigh 187.0   The Flippin scale is moving in the wrong direction and its really starting to tick me off.  I walked 2.25 miles  yesterday in less than an hour.  Nearly killed me but I did it.  Hubby was with me and that man has some long legs.  I have to take two steps to his every one but I managed to keep up with him.

I haven't been eating horribly.  I haven't been counting calories quite as closely as I should be.  But, Im eating basicly the same things I was when I was losing weight, so I couldn't be going over by that much if at all.

Im hoping its water weight.  Im hoping that if I fill up a bunch of these bottles with water and get them near freezing, then drink the heck out of them, Ill be able to lose what Ive gained.  But, damm if this isn't annoying. 

Its one thing to have the flu during the summer but you shouldn't have to watch the scale moving up either.

Im just a Hippy Dolly Parton
Jul 16 2008 10:24

I know Ive said that my whole life. But, this is getting sad. I mean really. Dr. Oz says that for a woman a waist size of 32 1/2 inches or lower is good for heart health.  When I started this diet  I weighed 193 lbs  My measurements were 42 1/2, 33 1/2,  42 1/2 With a BMI of 33.6  Now, Im 187 lbs.  My measurements are 41, 31 1/2, 41 3/4  and my BMI is like 31.7 I think.   

I have a near perfect hour glass figure.  I realize I did when I was a teenager but after having 6 kids you would think it would be unheard of.   What Im finding funny about the whole thing, is the smaller my waist gets the more like Dolly Parton I feel.  

My question is, how can I qualify as severly overweight and still have a healthy waist size?  Oh I know.  Boobs are all fat and a few glans.  LOL 

At least at 35 bone loss has yet to be a problem and Im not retaining to much water.  I just have to figure out how to target burn the fat which I know I can't.   Yadah Yadah Yadah.   So, I either try to get back down to the 38 26 38 measurements I had pre-baby or accept that based upon the new studies, my risk of dieing like daddy are gone with the wind and the rest doesn't really matter.

I think Ill try for my pre-baby days.  LOL

One Goal Down
Jul 07 2008 22:27

Well, now that I have quit doing tarot readings, I don't know what Im going to do with it, but I finally achieved the appex of the tarot world.   I am a Certified Tarot Grand Master.   I have worked nearly 10 years for that.  I finished it.  Now its time to find something else to do.  But, hey if I can take ten years of my life to get a certificate Ill  never use then I can take a year to lose 60 lbs right?

I hate pain
Jun 24 2008 11:52

I threw my back out again.  My spine has this lovely lean to the left from just below the start of my shoulder to the bottom of my shoulder.  And of course its leaning toward my bad shoulder.  The pressure is horrible.  I broke down and took one of the Vicodin I had left from an absessed tooth.  It was the only way I could sleep last night.  But, I only have one left so I have to pick when I use it carefully.

Hubby says its not that far out of place.  That its no where near my shoulder and the mucsle is causing it to feel like its all the way over there to me.  He thinks I pulled it.   So now my ownly thought is well crap.  Heat makes it feel better.  I don't know what cold will do.  Cold usually makes me hurt worse but its better for a pulled muscle than heat.  actually I think your suppose to alternate the two.   Either way it had better clear up soon.   I have less than a month to get my house completely clean so that my mom and sister will come baby sit overnight for my anniversary.   

The worst part is with as bad as it hurts, I do not feel like exercising at all.  I just hope I can keep losing weight by watching my calorie intake or Im screwed.

Well thats finaly over
Jun 23 2008 01:11

My mother in law finally went home.  Lucky for both hubby and myself, our diet didn't get to far off course.  My food blog is suffering because, Im not cooking like I was before, so I really don't have any new recipes to add to it.  I may change that tomorrow though.  I haven't added my Gingerbread loaf recipe yet and I may make that tomorrow.    I need a slightly sweet treat to reward myself for not losing my mind this weekend.

At our weigh in Yesterday,  Bear weighted in at 309 which means he lost 6 lbs and I weighed in at 190.  Im counting it as a 4 lbs loss even though I started out at 193 because I got up to 194 before I actually really lost anything. 

I actually did a bit of jogging today.  I saw someone posting about the couch to 5k program and thought what the heck, whats the worst that can happen?  I can give myself a black eye?   I probably will too. 

My back actually felt better for a while, then we went to wally world and I turned to look at something as we were pulling in the parking lot and heard my hip pop.  Now my back is killing me again.  Oh to find a decent caropractor that doesn't live 4 hours away.

I don't get people
Jun 16 2008 08:51

Okay this website is suppose to be for helping people lose weight or maintain weight for those of us who have a hard time not gaining the weight back once we lose it.  So wtf is with all these children, on here talking about low blood pressure and weighing next to nothing and being afraid they are going to gain weight? 

Seriously someone needs to post an article or something on the symptoms of being to skinny and eating disorders.  Because 112 lbs at 18 and 5 foot 4 is too damm skinny.  If your so skinny you have stopped having your period your in serious trouble.  Why when I see these kinds of posts on the forum does no one say something to this children that is more direct?   If you have to depend on your mother to take you to the doctor, your not at least 30 lbs over weight based upon the newest Insurance company's recommended weight scale and not that one from the 1940's  then you are to young to be on here much less on a diet.  

There are children with serious weight problems.  I understand that.  My youngest daughter is one of them.  But, at the age of 7 she is too young to put on a diet.  So instead, everyone weighs at my house so that I can keep a record of  their growth in the baby books and I can make sure that she isn't gaining weight as she gets taller.   That will take care of her weight problems. 

But, my daughter is neither  here or there.  The problem is that these mothers deserve to be shot for not teaching their children proper body image and  proper health care.   Its not the media.  I don't care what people say.  The only way its the media is if mom lets herself be directed by whats "In Fashion" and has the same body image issues as her daughter.  It passes on mother to child.   Im overweight, I know that.  I remember being a size 6.  I don't ever want to be a size 6 again.  At 120 lbs I would be a size eight because I have hips.  You know those things women need to walk, have babies, be women.  I have boobs too.  Nothing wrong with that.  I was made to have a 38, 24, 38 figure.   Im built like Dolly Parton when I weigh what Im suppose to.   I don't look bad now.  I still get whistled at.   I can't go for a ride some guy doesn't stop and ask me if I need a lift, and Im 35. 

Im doing pretty well for myself.  But, my father died of heart desease at the age of 55.  His weight played a huge deal in that.  I don't want heart desease.  I don't want diabeites.   I don't want to end up like my father and his parents, and syblings.   So, Im trying to lose weight.  But, I have a little weight to lose.  These teenagers with their twiggy bodies and lack of body image need serious help and they aren't going to find it here.   They aren't going to find it here because no one bothers to point it out to them.   Its sad.  Its very sad.  Its so sad in fact it makes me want to stay the way I am, just so girls like that can have someone to look at and say, dang maybe a bit of weight isn't so bad after all. 

Not fair
Jun 16 2008 06:01

Okay, I got started on this diet, because hubby needed to lose weight and badly.  My father died of heart desease in January and my husbands father has had like 5 heart attacks.  Bears grandfather, and great grandfather both died of heart desease.  He had an accident at work that sent him to an eye doctor who finally got him on a scale.   He came home with a scale and made me get on it.   Then decided we were going on a diet.  I had to figure out how to make it work. 

Its become a competition to see who can lose the most weight.  He has lost about 8 lbs in the last two weeks and I had lost 3.  We were doing the competition based upon percentage of weight lost not total.  So the one who lost the greatest percentage of their own body weight in a month won.  It was the fairest way we could do it because I knew he would beat me otherwise.

I got on the scale this morning and I gained weight.  Im almost a pound over my starting weight.  I know why. Its because I should be starting in the next few days.   I pretty much cycle with the full moon and it will be full in about 2 days.  

I haven't dieted since I was a teenager and then it wasn't so much a diet as it was stop eating and walk 5 miles a day.  Im not as young as I use to be.  I have to eat and I can't be away from the house long enough to walk 5 miles.  So I have  had to switch to other types of exercise and for the first time, Im actually weighing myself on a weekly bases.   So this has become very frustrating for me.   Will I weight less when my cycle is over than I did before I put the weight back on?   Or am I basicly having to start all over again?  There are only two weeks left in this little competition and thanks to being a woman, Im now not even close. 

So whats the point in dieting if your just going to put the weight back on?  I got up to 194 lbs because I refused to yo yo diet.  But, I also refuse to develop heart desease and type 2 diabetes.  I am happy Bear is doing so well, but for me so far this is for the birds.