lene_deer's Journal

First and Worst
Nov 08 2009 09:25

Feeling very miserable. Been gaining weight steadily despite controlling diet. Been quite sick for the last little while (something viral) so very little energy to move even out of bed in the morning. This lead to a reduction of physical activity. At this point cannot physically exercise more than a moderate walk. From experience I know that it not enough for me to lose weight. However that doesn't explain the gain anyhow. Next week heading to the doctor to discuss some blood test results as well as my strange symptoms that basically point to depression or other mood disorder like anxiety.  The feeling of hopelessness basically got to a point where I can't even do dishes or laundry anymore without exerting an insane amount of will power. I've been managing to work more or less productively however I have just burst crying several time so I do think that whatever this is has gone on long enough. My hubby is very supportive. He has been helping out a lot, however he is under more pressure professionally than I am so it is a bit unfair to him.

I can't believe that last year when I married him, I was 25 lbs lighter. I've basically hit rock bottom emotionally. This totally sucks. Going to explore a few various weight loss options. At least it will distract me from the tears.